


The Crimson Bloom

by Rykeral



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Post S4 Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 143,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23728945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rykeral/pseuds/Rykeral
Summary: Alfred Lord Tennyson said it best, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ but love had its sacrifices, and Lena Luthor’s love was going to kill her.ORThe Hanahaki Disease AUOrIt takes nearly dying for Lena Luthor to admit her love for Kara Danvers, and it takes seeing Lena dying for Kara to realise that she doesnt want to live in a world without Lena knowing she feels the same way.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 788
Kudos: 1502





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic in August 2019 after reading a Hanahaki Disease fic in another fandom. I wasn't familiar with any in the SG Universe, so thought I'd give it a shot and put my own spin on it. I have since learnt that there are a few floating around, but I haven't read them yet as I didn't want to spoil my vision. 
> 
> Hope everyone is coping with Covid 19, shout out to all Essential Workers, (myself included ;) ya'll are doing a great job!

PROLOGUE

Less than half of American’s have an active will, it was normal. 

Normal.

Normal was getting up at half six, going to the gym and then getting ready for work. Normal was dropping the kids off and fighting morning traffic. Normal was coming home at five and getting dinner ready. Normal was climbing into bed before nine. Normal was some passable sex before sleep. Normal was doing it again, and again, and again, the same thing every single day for the rest of their lives.

Lena Luthor was not normal. She got up at five, spent half an hour on the treadmill and spent fifteen minutes doing some yoga. A quick shower and a change into the outfit she had chosen the night before, and then she’d grab a coffee and be at work by six thirty.

Sometimes her day would consist of paperwork, all fucking day. Other days she’d be needing a drink by nine because her board drove her crazy, or she’d go out to wine and dine investors. And on the rare occasion, though it was now becoming uncommon rather than rare, someone would try to kill her.

If she was lucky, she’d be at home by eight and would prepare a simple meal before reading the days final reports before bed. She’d choose the mornings outfit and then retire. Her bed was usually empty, and she’d work alone, sometimes into the early morning, before sleeping. Then she’d try to do the same the next day. But life rarely went the way you intended.

Lena Luthor was not normal. And how she died wouldn’t be normal, she knew this. It was why she had her will sorted and had had one since she was of age. She could die at any moment, and had almost died at many a moment, too many if she were to be honest. She didn’t have life insurance because no one would take her, not that she had anyone to give her life insurance too and had more money as a Luthor than entire generations combined, but it was the principal of it. She had so many attempts on her life that no company was willing to sign her. How sad was that.

Still, her vast tech empire had to go somewhere, and she had designed who, what, and where her fortunes and companies went to. In the event of her death several charities and hospitals would be contacted by her solicitors, and a few close friends would find themselves never needing to work again, nor would their children or their grandchildren.

So, she had a will, and she knew she’d die, probably sooner rather than later, but she was content with that. What she didn’t expect was to know it was coming. What she didn’t plan for was to count the days as one would til Christmas. Lena Luthor hadn’t intended to die, but in less than six months she would… unless she went under the knife and participated in a never-seen-before surgery that would also probably kill her and was so invasive that none of the doctors she spoke too were willing to do it. Only one, a former med student of National City University, agreed to do the surgery before it became too late.

Alfred Lord Tennyson said it best, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ but love had its sacrifices, and Lena Luthor’s love was going to kill her.

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx

CHAPTER ONE

Kara Danvers is Supergirl. It was funny how so few words could turn someone’s world upside down, inside out and back to front. For some it was, ‘Will you marry me?’, others ‘Congratulations! It’s a boy/girl!’ and for others still, it was, ‘I’m sorry to inform you.’ Language was something so wonderful and complex and capable of both wonderous and vicious things.

Lena loved languages, and she was very proficient in many of them, but there wasn’t much left of them now, no words to convey the depth of what she was feeling, and so she stared blankly into her nearly empty bottle of whisky and wondered what she had done in a past life to deserve the cards she’d been dealt in this one. She had probably been a terrible person, it was clear. Karmic retribution had finally caught up with her, not that she believed in such things. An idle thought crossed her mind and then exited, a wisp of smoke, there a moment and gone the next. If she didn’t believe in things like karma, then could she still fall prey to the powers of the universe?

She shook the thought off immediately and tilted the bottle to her lips. It dangled in her fingers, the glass cool to the touch and she tilted her head back with the ease of a professional. At the back of her mind she heard Lex’s voice mocking her, and she squeezed her eyes shut and tilted it further, savouring the burn as it warmed her on the inside.

There was something to be said for generational alcoholism, though she had yet to outdrink her brother. At first she had thought his ability to drink their fathers strongest scotch had been genetic, Lionel having been known for being able to handle his liquor, but she suspected that was also because he was such a heavily built man, but upon assuming the Luthor-Corp throne she had realised the secret. Their father’s decanter had two sides, one held the finest scotch, and the other held iced tea. That was right. Lionel was able to drink the board, investors and rivals under the table, without flinching, because he was cheating.

But that wasn’t to say that Lionel couldn’t drink. He absolutely could. When it came down to it Lionel would be the last one standing or sitting…slouching… over the bar while his companions were passed out on the benches. It was a matter of pride, Luthor pride.

Lex could do the same, and Lena had a lot of practice when she finally left home and boarding school. It had been Jack’s fault, really. He would drag her out to clubs and bars until the cold and imposing Luthor mask slipped away and revealed the young woman beneath it. Loving Jack had set her free, as free as she had ever been up until then, and then Lex had challenged a god and lost, and hundreds had died. Lena Luthor had returned, the walls came back up and she had returned to her castle to assume the Luthor Corp throne.

There hadn’t been time for processing, and her childhood habit of taking her emotions and shoving them down and away, holding them away from her body as though she had been forced to carry something disgusting, had come back in full force, if it had ever left in the first place. During her time with Jack she hadn’t needed her boxes, hadn’t needed to swallow, _force_ , the emotions and feelings associated with whatever was causing her distress, usually her mother, or Lex, down into her belly.

It was probably what had started her eating disorder, that along with her mother buying her clothes several sizes too small and telling her a ‘girl her age should fit it perfectly’ which meant Lena would starve herself until she fit it, if only for her mother to look at her with nonchalance instead of disproval.

Lena was well accustomed to forcing her feelings down, swallowing them and slamming the lids on each of her boxes. Compartmentalising and forcing her feelings into little boxes until she was prepared to deal with them wasn’t healthy, but it was better than dealing with them, she’d never learnt how as she’d never had the opportunity. Luthor’s didn’t go to therapy and they didn’t need help. Other people came to them for help and they offered it as the devil would, a favour for a favour, to be collected whenever they decided.

She probably had enough boxes to compete with Amazon’s warehouses, but it wasn’t something to be proud of. Unfortunately, she didn’t trust anyone enough to open them with her, and she certainly didn’t have the courage to do it alone, so closed they remained, padlocked and chained, never to be seen again. Never to be felt again.

The box that contained everything ‘Lex’ was overflowing. On her bad days she liked to think of it as a dumpster, rotten and oozing to the core, straining at the seams. Maybe there was biohazard lines of tape all around it, warning passers-by that this was dangerous and bad for your health. Do not approach! Do not examine. Just… carry on and forget you ever saw it.

On her better days she didn’t even glance at it, gave it barely a thought. Recently those days had been good, usually filled with one specific person… who also had a giant box full of emotion, though up until twenty-four hours ago the feelings had been warm and bubbly and safe. Now though it was as though someone had taken a can of gasoline to a birthday cake and had set the entire apartment ablaze.

The box labelled ‘Kara’ was a cacophony of fire, molten and raw and blistering everything it encountered. Kara was like that, she was a whirlwind of nature, almost like the sun, lighting everything she touched or even glanced upon, setting them afire, flame without heat. Light. Kara was light. Always smiling. Always happy. Always willing to help. She was goodness personified while Lena was…. Not. Lena was…. Lena lived under a miniature raincloud; it was called Luthor. It kept people at a distance and Lena remained under its influence wherever she went.

She was cold and commanding and untouchable, she had to be. She was Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp and its subsidiaries, owner of CatCo. But she wasn’t just Lena Luthor, she was also Lena, and Kara had been the first person since Jack to look at her and truly see her. Or at least Lena had thought she had. Turns out Kara saw more than Lena had anticipated.

A silent snarl split Lena’s lips and she slammed the bottle she’d been nursing down onto the corner table with more force than necessary and the sound echoed sharply in the silent apartment with the crack of a gunshot.

She stared at it a moment before letting out a sigh and leaning back into the couch.

Her ceiling needed a clean, she mused as she spied a few errant drops of fly poo and she made a mental note to have someone go over the entire apartment.

There was a dull thudding in her head, a pressure that told her she should have gone to bed hours ago, but the allure of whisky and the oblivion of drinking until she passed out had been too strong for her to ignore. It wasn’t every day you killed your brother. It also wasn’t every day that your brother turned your life upside down, inside out, and back to front with his dying words.

Trust Lex to go out like that. Tearing her down as he always had. It wasn’t hard though, she really left herself open for it.

She had trusted Kara, trusted her openly and fully and she had been a fool. A desperate, pathetic fool. Kara and her friends had played her with the precision of a grandmaster, and Lena, ever the puppet, had danced to their tune. To Supergirl’s tune. Because Kara was Supergirl. Supergirl was Kara.

Lena rose to her feet and snagged the empty bottle as she straightened. It took her a moment to steady herself and the room tilted a bit as she righted herself.

She followed the open plan of her living room past the kitchen where she deposited the bottle in the sink to be delt with in the morning and then down the hall to her bedroom. Her fingertips trailed along the empty walls, guiding her but prepared to steady her if she fell and she had a moments reproach for her past self, stupid to drink so much. But then Lena always was a foolish girl.

The voice accompanying that thought was her mothers, or maybe it was Lex’s, she wasn’t sure. It was hard to tell, and she didn’t want to focus on it, but perhaps she should. Perhaps she should drown herself in those thoughts, let her mother and brother’s voices smother her and drag her into feeling nothing, the cold silence and oppression that lay below the ocean’s surface. She deserved it. Because she was so stupid as to look at Kara and see what Supergirl wanted her to see, someone who wanted to be her friend, someone who occasionally needed help, someone who needed Lena to protect her, someone who wanted Lena for Lena, and not for the Luthor influence.

She had been a fool, a fly in a spider’s web. Kara had come to her, Lena rationalised in a moment of clarity as the open curtains of her bedroom cast faint light over her duvet cover. Kara had come to Lena and had…. Wormed… her way into Lena’s life. Showing up when Lena turned, offering a friendly smile, a kind gesture, a warm hand. Kara had pursued Lena relentlessly, she realised as she turned her covers back and clambered onto the bed. She’d change her clothing in the morning, or-a glance at the clock told her it would be later in the morning- and she’d deal with her make-up then.

Her pillow was soft and fluffy, cradling her head and she huffed as she turned around and pulled the covers over her.

When Kara had called Lena had come running, like a dog… like a little _bitch_. She had kept Lena interested, following her, eager for a kind word or a soft hand, and Lena, stupid and foolish and childish Lena had bathed in it like the desperate and pathetic soul she was.

Tears burnt furiously at her eyes and she blinked them away, gritting her teeth and twisting her hands into her covers. She wouldn’t give Kara that, she couldn’t, even if she was the only one who would know it.

Supergirl had known who Lena was before she’d come to town, Lena saw that now. Supergirl had carefully reached out a hand disguised as friendship in the age-old anecdote of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer. And that’s what they were, Lena realised, and she was tired and drunk, and she’d murdered her brother, and she was so tired of fighting that a tear crept out beneath her lids. With the release of the first a flood came and she cried silently, the full body shuddering of someone who was accustomed to crying alone, to carrying the weight of the world silently, least the world see and tear the fragile soul beneath the mask to shreds. It was how she had always cried, when tears finally came, soundless sobs that shook her frame until she was exhausted.

Kara had never cared about her, not genuinely at least. Every action had been to keep Lena close, to keep an eye on her, to keep Lena complicit in the façade of their ‘friendship’ while Supergirl and her allies made sure Lena wasn’t about to turn into her brother. It was painfully clear now, she realised as she tried her hardest to cry through her water-resistant mascara, Kara had used her. She had used her name, her influence, her mind, and then had the nerve to question her, to call her a ‘Luthor’ when Lena had told her things she had told no one else, things about Supergirl and how Lena was wary of her and her kind. She had told Kara all those things, but she had also told Supergirl those things, she had revealed things she never would have otherwise, and Kara had taken that information and used it to manipulate her.

She had James break into L-Corp when she was worried Lena could make Kryptonite, it was telling that her first thought had been that Lena would use it as a weapon, instead of the defensive nature of containing a fucking World Killer. The DEO had kryptonite, Alex had a Kryptonite sword, and yet the only person Kara had a problem having it was Lena. Lena Luthor. It only solidified what Lena was finally beginning to see. That Kara had never wanted to be Lena’s friend, that nothing between them from Kara’s side had been true or honest, especially as they’d known each other for years now.

She wondered if Kara would have ever told her the truth, if she was ever going to tell her the truth, and she also wondered what she would do if she did.

Angrily she rubbed at her eyes, feeling the heat and grit behind them and she pressed the palm of her hands into them until she saw stars and then she let them flop to her side, staring blankly into the emptiness of her room.

Kara was Supergirl.

Supergirl could never and would never trust Lena. Luthor’s and Super’s just didn’t mix, they were meant to be enemies.

She let out a snort of laughter. If only Lex were still alive, if only she hadn’t killed him, he was the only person to understand the betrayal of loving and then losing your best friend to that fucking S- because she saw the truth now. She saw Clark as she now saw Kara. It was painfully obvious, and she could have cursed herself for her blindness.

It would have given them something to bond over, she thought mutinously into the darkness and the little voice in the back of her head wondered if maybe it would make him love her, if she had fallen into the same shadow he had, that he could drag her out from under the great silhouette the ‘S’ cast and into the light. They could do it together. Save the world, because she understood now, understood how the ‘S’ had driven him mad with rage and grief because she could feel it too.

Kara Danvers, if that was even her name, had used Lena the same way Clark had used Lex, only Lena knew the truth now, and she wasn’t about to make Lex’s mistakes. Going to war with a Super was suicidal, and while Lena wanted them to hurt, wanted Kara to feel even one iota of the humiliation and rage Lena was feeling, she needed to be more careful. It was in their nature to be believed, and no one would be on Lena’s side if she were to go to war with Supergirl.

No, if she wanted to hurt Kara then she would have to hurt Kara, and not Supergirl. Lena would be ruined if anyone found out she’d turned on Supergirl, never mind that Supergirl had been playing her from the beginning.

That such behaviour went against what she had thought she knew of Kara’s nature occurred to her, but as she drowned willingly in her own mistakes and the demons of her past, she paid that small voice no mind. Because if Kara had actually cared about her, she would have told her the truth.

Exhaustion crept on her and pounced, and she turned into her pillow. Could she really fight Kara? Part of her knew she couldn’t, but the other part that was hurting, aching, screaming, _breaking_ , yearned for someone else to feel the same, ached for the cause of her agony to share in it.

She was so tired, of everything. All of it. The only person who had been honest with her, for all their relationship, was still Lex. Still, her psychopathic brother who had tried to kill her and had abused her, had been the only person who had been honest with her.

Kara had said she was on Lena’s side, that she would always be on Lena’s side, but actions spoke louder than words, and Kara’s actions had been silence.

A tickle caught at the back of her throat and she cleared it, she’d cried too much tonight. She needed to sleep, and when she woke up, she’d figure out what she was going to do, and find a way to do what Lena did best; pick up the pieces of her shattered life and move on. The painful part was, that it was never her own actions that ruined her life. No, it was the actions of the people she gave her heart to that ruined her.


	2. Chapter 2

The day of the funeral of Lex Luthor was magnificent, one spoken of in poetry and punctuated with children in parks and beaches, with sunbathing and gathering with friends. The Metropolis Cemetery was silent and sombre in the way that all places that remembered death were, even as the leaves of the trees rustled. If your hearing was beyond human, you’d be able to hear a few people sobbing over silent headstones or choking on words over a coffin down the end of the loop that ran along the inside of the grounds.

The funeral of Lex Luthor was a subdued and reserved affair, with only two attendees and a distant member of staff who was keeping an eye on the proceedings.

The Luthor family had a crypt in Metropolis’ oldest graveyard and today it was being opened again for the first time since Lionel had passed, and it was for his eldest child. His youngest was in attendance, as was his wife, and Lex’s empty coffin would be left opposite his father, and when Lillian joined him, his wife would go next to him, and then his daughter would be placed next to her brother, if she were to follow in tradition. Seven generations of Luthor’s rested in the crypt, a little shy of two dozen Luthor ancestors and their partners rested all together.

Lena had been here twice, once when she was a girl, maybe six or seven, and it had been for Lionel’s brother’s funeral, and the second had been for her father. The funeral had taken place in the cemetery’s private function lounges, and hundreds of people had attended, but only family and close friends, less than a dozen, had followed Lionel to his final resting place.

Lena had hated the place when she was young, and her feelings on it hadn’t grown any since her father had died, but she was thankful at least, that it was only her and Lillian today, though last time Lex had held her as she had cried, and she had felt safe in that moment.

His empty coffin was black; of course, in a three-tier design with golden accents because, ‘gold, Ace, we Luthor’s won’t accept anything less.’ Memory was a funny thing, Lena considered as she slowly followed her mother into the crypt.

Objectively it was a beautiful piece of architecture, designed nearly two centuries ago and it was nearing capacity. If one merely pretended it belonged to old dead people centuries ago the building was quite beautiful. Especially with the leaves of the great Oak that guarded it scattering the ground. It had hedges on both sides of steps leading towards the entrance which had two columns guarding it before a heavily set black door. It was triangular in shape, like a child’s drawing of a house, only more rectangular, and it had a glass window above the door, set into the stone.

Each of the bricks were carefully maintained and no moss or weeds were permitted to grow in or around it, and Lena spared a moment of surprise that there were leaves laid before her, almost like flowers before a dais, before she shook the thought off. Unlike many old crypts built at the time, this one was absent of a cross because Luthor’s had no god, only faith in themselves. Still, tradition was hard to break, and they had enjoyed the status their wealth and privilege afforded them to have a beautiful crypt in the centre of the cemetery.

A Luthor in years gone had outfitted the building with rudimentary lights and Lena cast a glance at the dim light as she entered the crypt and walked down the steps and into the building, placing her glasses on her head. She wouldn’t need them where she was going, even if she was inviting her mother to comment on her sobriety. Still, she didn’t need to be sober to say goodbye to her brother, she was only here because it was expected of her…. and because a google search told her that acceptance was part of grief and going to the funeral would help. Of course she couldn’t exactly google ‘what to do when you murder your psychopathic half-brother who tried to kill you, abused, manipulated and used you, and now you can’t sleep without drinking yourself unconscious.’ She was sure the FBI watching her activity, or trying to, would find that an interesting question.

It was cold inside the crypt, not wet though, nor musty, but the air was stale, and Lena faltered as she passed the place in the wall her father occupied before hastening after her mother. They had a stone table of all things in the middle of a circular room, and it had fascinated Lena when she was younger, now though she just rolled her eyes. Of course, her family’s crypt would look like something out of a fantasy film.

Lillian was already there. As was the coffin that held Lex.

Lillian was appropriately sombre in black, as was Lena, if only to delay her mother’s chastening for another time.

Her mother was silently staring at the coffin and Lena went to stand beside her, lost in her own thoughts.

She had known what she was doing when she had gone to that hide-out in the mountain, taking their fathers revolver with her. She had known what she had intended when she slid bullets into the cylinder, and she had known what she was doing when she had pulled the trigger. She had murdered her brother, for the good of all the world, for the universe, but still. She had been the one to kill Lex Luthor. Part of her knew he’d be proud of it, in a way. The only one fitting to beat him, to finally beat him, had been a Luthor. And he had been proud of her, in his final moments, he had. Still, her conviction had been a surprise for the both of them. She had known what she had needed to do, and was willing to do what was necessary, in theory. Facing him down had been tough, he was her brother, even though he had tried to kill her and had manipulated, abused, and used her for nearly two decades, grooming was a hard cast to escape.

But she hadn’t killed him for herself, she didn’t know if she would have been able to, even now. But for others? For innocents? For innocents Lena was willing to cross that line, even if she was the only one who knew it.

She was still grieving the loss of innocence there. She’d never taken a life before, not so directly, not with intent of it. There was legal jargon for it, she was sure, but it was a bit difficult to concentrate at the moment, her heart was screaming, and she couldn’t focus. Her board had basically forced her to ‘take a few days to grieve’ her brothers’ loss, as though Lex Luthor being gone was a bad thing. Still, while she would love to dive back into her work, she knew she was emotionally compromised and her attempt at packing all of it into her overflowing boxes was proving to be unsuccessful.

She couldn’t move past Lex’s death for some reason and she should probably unpack all of it, she should probably talk to someone about it, but Luthor’s didn’t talk to people about their problems, they didn’t have problems by definition. They solved them. And it wasn’t as though Lena had a line of people willing to talk to her and actually care…. And it wasn’t as though she could trust anyone in her life anyway. Her mother had kept her in the dark about Kara, as had all of Kara’s friends, who Lena had thought at least liked her enough not to lie to her, and she didn’t want to start thinking about Kara just yet.

“A Kryptonian finally managed it,” Lillian said, breaking the stillness and though her voice was quiet Lena flinched at the suddenness of it. “They finally managed to kill your brother.”

“Oh please,” Lena scoffed, “I’m surprised you aren’t thanking them, considering he was planning matricide.”

Lillian was above rolling her eyes, but Lena heard it in her tone all the same. “Nonsense. I am his mother, as I am yours.”

“So, what,” Lena sneered, “You think this is gonna convince me that all aliens are bad, and we need a mother-daughter team up to save the world? Save it mother. I’m not going to help you.”

Lillian let out a long sigh, one Lena was painfully familiar with and it straightened her spine and curled her shoulders defensively in reflex.

“I still don’t believe aliens belong on earth but there are more important things.”

She fell quiet for a moment and Lena’s stomach twirled unpleasantly, waiting for the ‘but’ that would usually follow such a statement. Her mother was always several steps ahead of everyone around her, and her devotion to her beliefs was zealot like, so Lena expected something along the lines of ‘we need to remove their powers or give humans their powers’ to follow. When her mother remained silent Lena tore her eyes off their distorted reflections on Lex’s coffin to glance at her mother.

Lillian’s jaw was tense enough to cut glass, and her body stiff with restrained grief, though it wasn’t showing on her face.

Her mother was looking better now she was out of prison and in her own clothes with sunlight and make-up and Lena wondered how long it would last, if she would be arrested again and carted off to prison again. But, she considered, that Lex and Baker had probably made some sort of deal and Lillian had probably been cleared of all charges.

“I know we’ve had our differences, Lena, but we are all we’ve got left.” Her mother didn’t look at her, and it was in a tone akin to discussing business, but that was how her mother spoke to her, distantly, coldly.

Lena looked back at the coffin and let the bitterness in her heart twist her lips. “I don’t trust you.”

In their distorted reflection she could see her mother turn to look at her, almost with surprise, but her mother didn’t get surprised.

“I’m sensing some hostility,” Lillian replied and she removed hands from her pockets and walked slowly up to the coffin and placed a hand on it, right where Lex’s heart would be, if he had one, and if he were in the coffin. “Don’t project your grief onto me, Lena.”

“My grief- “Lena cut herself off quickly and pressed her lips together least she tell her mother the truth.

“My grief,” she repeated, lips forming the words as she turned her head into her shoulder to swallow the emotion bubbling in her chest. “My brother died a long time ago and a monster was left in his place.”

Lena took one last look at the coffin, eerily quiet in the faint light coming in through the high windows above them, and by the dull lights pinned to the ceiling, before spinning.

Her brothers empty coffin would be placed into the place opposite their father, and then she would go next to him when she died, if she wanted it. Lillian would be opposite her next to Lionel, and then the crypt would be sealed and be silent until they passed from memory.

Maybe one day some explorer or lucky expeditions would stumble upon a lair in the mountain and wonder at the clearly murdered body there. DNA testing and records on the hardware there would reveal who it was who rested alone in the mountain, and maybe they would speculate who had killed Lex Luthor. She wondered briefly if Kara would still be alive then, and realised she would be, then she wondered if Kara would even care that it had been Lena, or if it had been something she had expected all along, for Lena to go ‘Luthor’ and kill someone.

“Goodbye, Lex,” Lena said and blinked harshly, turning away from the coffin and all it represented.

“Mother,” she acknowledged, as was polite, as she began to walk through the crypt, passing by her ancestors until she passed by her father. The lettering on his memorial was elegant, the words simple, ‘Lionel Luthor, 1961- 2009.’ All Luthor memorials had the same, just a name and their birth year and death year. There were no loving mentions, no family left behind to mourn them. It was emotionless. Cold. Lex would fit in here. ‘Lex Luthor, 1984-2019.’

“Lena,” her mother’s quick footsteps clicked harshly on the stone floor and Lena had a brief, childish wish for her mother’s heels to get stuck between the stones and for her to fall before she dismissed the notion.

Ignoring her mother, she moved quickly up the steps and lowered her glasses onto her head to better fight off the daylight. It wouldn’t do her well to mention she was a little hungover and she was sure her mother had noticed it, but she at least had the decency not to mention it, a surprise for her. But maybe she was mellowing out after burying her son.

“Lena,” her mother called again as Lena emerged into the light and into sudden shouts and flashing of lights and cameras.

She was glad she had her glasses on and she took a moment to cast a glance back at her mother before trying to find a way out from between the masses of people.

She wasn’t sure how the paparazzi had known she was here, but had her money on the cemetery staff, though would later find out some had been staking out the plot after news of Lex’s death so that they could get their photos.

A flash of thought came to mind and she nearly laughed at the thought, but it wasn’t a funny one.

In years not long ago, villagers would surround the homes of suspected witches and demand their head, usually literally but sometimes their life could be exchanged by burning at the stake.

The paparazzi and reporters that had surrounded the crypt had cameras, recording cameras, and microphones instead of pitchforks, flaming torches and knives.

They were shouting at her, and honestly if she had some sort of power she would have used it, and in that moment, trapped on all sides like a rabbit in a hunt, she could see the appeal in her brother altering himself. She was struck with the sudden need to get away and could feel the anxiety curling in her belly and spreading through her body in a wave of nausea.

Her mother was behind her and she knew how Lillian would look facing the cameras, head held high, gaze measured and straight, imperious curl to her lips, but Lena wasn’t that kind of Luthor, she just wanted to get away.

Her mother came to stand next to her, body posture just how Lena had imagined and she could forgive herself for her moment of weakness in curling slightly in behind her mother, hoping that for once in her life her mother would protect her when she needed it.

Lillian sneered at the paparazzi and was opening her mouth, likely to gift them with some scathing comment, when there was a gush of wind, the snap of a cape, and the thud of boots hitting the ground.

Supergirl was here, and she was between the two Luthor’s and the paparazzi. And she wasn’t happy, if her posture was anything to say. Her arms were folded before her defensively and her back was ramrod straight, and her words, when they came, were not like her usual tone, they were cutting and clear in their command.

“This is harassment. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Lena was sure her surprise was caught on camera, before she quickly put her mask back in its place as the paparazzi, naturally, didn’t pay Supergirl’s order any mind and kept yelling all sorts of questions, shoving cameras at the Kryptonian as well as the Luthor’s.

To her credit Supergirl kept her cool, and repeated her request but added, ‘the police are already on their way to disperse you.’

When her words garnered no action she turned around to face Lena and Lillian, and Lena looked away so that Kara couldn’t met her eyes, but she still saw the worried and earnest way she was looking at her and her hands balled into fists inside her coat. She had no right to treat her like she cared.

“The police will be here soon to escort you to your vehicles,” she reassured them, straightening proudly. “I won’t let them get to you. Just… maybe go back inside?”

“Supergirl,” Lillian sneered at the hero, who partially reoiled at the venom in her voice, “come to parade yourself in front of the mother of the man you killed?”

Lena glanced at her mother, anything to avoid looking at Ka-Supergirl who’s posture had softened at the accusation and Lena knew her eyes would be appropriately mournful at the loss.

“I didn’t kill Lex,” she shook her head, golden hair falling about her face in a way that was unnaturally perfect, just like the light that was setting her afire from her very cells. “I tried to save him. He fell to his death.”

“Oh, I know how my son died, “Lillian nearly spat. Lena froze and lifted her eyes to stare at her mother. Did she know? Did she know that Lena had-? Her mother was always mindful of eyes and ears on her, so her words were low as she continued, and Lena felt the tension in her shoulders lessen slightly. “I know you let him fall to his death.”

Still, Lena suspected that some of the microphones would pick up their confrontation and run it but at least it wasn’t the headline ‘Lena Luthor kills brother,’ or something of the sort.

In the distance Lena could see the promised police already dashing through the cemetery and wondered if Supergirl had informed them of the confrontation, or if they had already known before Kara had flown from National City. Still, they had managed to get here quickly so Lena was suspicious. On any other day she’d examine it properly and solve the problem, but right now she just wanted her private jet, her fully stocked liquor cabinet, and her bed.

Kara was already shaking her head before her mother finished speaking, denial quick on her tongue. “Lex let go,” she corrected, voice twisting as though she were desperate to be believed. “He said he’d rather die. There was nothing I could do.”

“A likely story,” her mother scoffed, and Lena glanced at her mother as the police began to force their way through the throngs of people and to the front, forming a barrier so that the trio could walk out unhindered.

“Mother. She didn’t kill Lex.”

Lillian met her eyes for a moment, and they were searching, clear surprise at the surety in her tone before they narrowed in suspicion. Lena met her mother’s gaze head on before turning and walking quickly through the police officers. A few cameras were shoved under and over their arms and Lena avoided them with the ease of someone long practiced in her art.

She could hear Lillian come after her, taking a moment to thank the officers for their presence, and Lena could see her car and hastened her step.

“Miss Luthor!”

Lena ignored Kara and kept walking, lengthening her stride until she was very nearly power walking across the grass to her car.

“Miss Luthor, wait!”

She was nearly at her car, and clicked it unlocked, when Kara addressed her again, “Lena!”

Her spine lengthened in reflex, and she knew the cameras were on her, but she didn’t particularly care.

“I don’t want to speak to you right now, Supergirl,” she said, still not looking at Kara and she opened her car and got into it. As she closed the door, she could see the surprise and hurt on Kara’s features before her brow smoothened into understanding, and her smile was small and tilted as she nodded.

“Okay. I’ll see you back home. Safe flight.”

Lena didn’t hear the words, tinted, sound-proof, bullet-proof windows were marvellous, but she read the words on her friends’ lips and turned away.

The radio was playing, some song she’d never heard of, but she turned it up as loud as she dared and then indicated out of the park. If some stupid paparazzi got in her way, well, she hoped she’d run over his foot.

Besides, Kara was there, it was doubtful she’d let them get hurt if she could manage it. Not to mention that a group of police officers would be able to testify that Lena had indicated, slowly moved forward, and then beeped for them to get out of the way and stop surrounding the car.

Her drive to the airport was something she did on autopilot. She checked her mirrors, indicated, kept to the speed limit, but she didn’t remember anything of the drive. Her jet was already waiting for her, positioned by airport staff and she thanked them as she boarded and slid into the driver’s seat to command the jet down the runway. While it was autopilot, if did need human interaction to speak to the command towers and Lena hadn’t quiet built a computer system to answer for her but it was on her ever expanding ‘to-do’ list.

Soon she was in the air and angling towards National City and she moved down the back of the plane and snatched her half-finished bottle of whisky and another before going to her bed. She had used a glass on the trip here, sitting at the window and sipping every time she saw a cloud, or really whenever she felt like she was going to cry and needed to do something else, but forwent it on the return trip. She’d drink from the bottle today. She had a few blissful hours to herself and to her thoughts, and she was going to enjoy them by getting shitfaced drunk and then going home to her lonely apartment and drinking some more before falling into bed. Such was her lot in life. Alone. Lonely. Drunk off her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An additional chapter on account of it being ANZAC Day <3


	3. Chapter 3

Naturally she wasn’t left alone for very long. Shortly after she was dropped off to her apartment there was a persistent knock at her door, light and swift and familiar. Kara.

Lena let out a groan and looked at her nearly finished bottle of whiskey. She wasn’t drunk enough to deal with Kara right now, and she didn’t know how she felt about her just yet.

Lifting the bottle to peer at it a little closer, the room was spinning and was a little blurry if she was being honest, she wondered if she could pretend she wasn’t home and then remembered, Kara could see through the walls. In fact she was probably staring at her right now.

The knocking came again, slightly firmer as its owner got impatient and then Kara’s voice came floating through the door.

“Lena? I know you’re there…. Please let me in….. I brought food.”

She could picture the crinkle on Kara’s brow, the way she’d lift the food even though Lena couldn’t see it and she knew that Kara wasn’t about to give up, she was relentless like that. Usually Lena had admired the trait, and encouraged it, because usually it was for her, or for something she agreed with Kara doing, but not right now. Still, if she got up she could finish the bottle and grab a new one.

Decision made she pushed herself to her feet, uncurling her legs from under her and she stumbled over to the kitchen. The marble was cool on her feet and she savoured it a moment as she stood over the sink and kept herself steady as she drunk two fingers worth from the bottle.

Leaving the now empty bottle on the bench she wandered into the scullery and got another bottle, hearing Kara knock again as she realised Lena wasn’t coming to her but was instead getting more booze.

The knocking was getting louder, as was the pounding in her head, and she blinked a little before making her way to the door and letting Kara in.

The moment she opened the door Kara was holding her, food forgotten on the floor as she held Lena in place and hugged her tightly. For a moment Lena allowed herself weakness in letting go, in sinking into the embrace that felt so real and genuine.

“I was worried about you,” Kara said, mostly into her hair and Lena said nothing, just clutched the bottle between them as though it could protect her from Kara.

When Lena made no move to respond Kara pulled away and her eyes were soft and warm and earnest, the crinkle was present as she looked down at Lena, keeping her hands on Lena’s arms as though not touching Lena would leave Lena to float away from her.

“You never said… I could have been with you for the.. for the funeral,” she adjusted her glasses, finally releasing Lena and it was as though she could finally think past the warm hands on her arms. “I wanted to support you. You didn’t have to go alone.”

Kara darted forward to hold her again, and Lena let it happen, standing limply in her doorway while Kara hugged her.

“I brought Big Belly Burger, are you hungry?” Kara could always be counted on for carrying on a conversation, and now was no different. At Lena’s lack of response Kara added, “If you aren’t I can eat it all. Or! I can set you some aside for later! No, wait,” she frowned before nodding a little. “Reheated chips taste like dirt. I can go and get you something else!”

On autopilot Lena tilted her body in silent invitation into the quiet apartment and whirlwind Kara came in.

Lena locked the door behind her in reflex as Kara chattered away in the kitchen. “Did you want a burger? Or some fries? Get in quick!”

Her perfume lingered in the hallway and Lena silently followed its trail to where Kara had gotten two plates out and was piling her burger and fries onto one. Lena leant against the wall. The room was tilting and she clearly needed to hold it upright.

Why was Kara here? If she was making sure Lena wasn’t about to go all Luthor on Supergirl for supposedly letting Lex die, then why was she here? Was she really invested in the whole façade? Did the DEO really think Lena was playing them? What could they possibly want from her now? What did they think she were capable of?

“Lena?”

Kara must have asked her something, or maybe she was finally realising the silence between them was heavy with things left unsaid, rather than companionable as it often was while they worked together.

“Are- are you okay?” Kara clearly regretted the question the moment she asked it because she frowned at herself. “No, of course you aren’t okay. Sorry. That was a stupid question.”

“Why are you here?” Lena asked, frowning even though it hurt and trying to unscrew her bottle cap.

Kara’s face was usually so expressive. It showed what she was feeling. When she was happy or sad, when she was stressed or worried, her face told it all, and now it was confused so Lena repeated the question.

“Why are you here?”

“What do you mean, why? Of course I’m here. You’re my friend and I care about you. You need me.”

Anger, as swift as a summer storm boiled over in her stomach and rose to spread veins through her chest and blood, burning like fire and she unleased it with a shout.

“Stop!”

Her voice was harsh in the apartment and she could see Kara was taken aback but it was coming out now, years of pain and betrayal and regret flooded her and spilt from her lips faster than her brain could keep up. There was no stopping it now, the dam had been opened and all Lena could do was hang along for the ride, and it was going to be rough.

“Just stop pretending you care about me!”

“What?! Lena?!” Kara was clearly not following so Lena elaborated for her, dropping her voice and speaking in precise and concise language so she would understand. She was actually quite proud of how clear she was, considering she had been drunk for hours now and been a mixture of drunk and hungover for the three days since Lex had died.

“Stop pretending you care about me. The façade is over. Just… leave me alone.”

“Lena! What are you talking about?!” Kara’s food was abandoned on the bench and it struck Lena just how invested she was in the whole lie. Kara never left food. Ever.

She was getting closer to, arms held out and eyes searching, crinkle present above soft features carefully confused.

She really was a remarkable actress, though Lena hadn’t bothered to look, and that was on her.

“Don’t!” Lena tried to curl into the wall behind her and ended up stumbling backwards as there was no wall behind her.

Kara’s hands came up and froze at the venom in her voice, blue eyes a swirl of pained confusion but she made no move to come closer.

“Don’t touch me, Kara, if that is even your real name.”

Kara’s confusion was a mouthed ‘what’ but Lena didn’t let her get any further.

She straightened to her full height, the best she was able to with the room spinning and with no heals.

“Get out of here, Kara. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

Lena!” And usually the distress in Kara’s voice would make her stiffen, make her lip curl and her Luthor resolve harden, ready to destroy who or whatever had hurt Kara in such a way. Now though she was too drunk, on fifty-year old whisky and pain, to care.

“Was it all a game to you? Get close to me and keep an eye on me? Make sure I don’t go Luthor,” she spat venomously, though had a feeling the picture was lost as she needed to steady herself against the wall she’d stumbled back into, “on you?”

“Well congratulations! You got what you wanted! A murderer! I’m right here!” She said and pushed off the wall only to stumble and fall against it. She kept her weight braced on it as Kara inched closer, hands out ready to support her but she thrust her arms out, hands close together as though they were bound.

“Lena what are you talking about! Kill who?”

“I did it. I killed Lex! Go on, arrest me! Its what you’ve been waiting for, isn’t it?”

Kara froze, eyes going wide and Lena didn’t, couldn’t stop now she’d started. The ire in her blood was burning into pain, molten and hot and she let it out, let it rush through her body and consume her.

“You’ve pretended to be my friend for years, Kara, and now you’ve finally got me. So throw me in jail and toss away the key.”

“Lena, you’re not making sense! Please, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Lena snorted, undignified and took her hands back. Holding them was getting heavy, and really she didn’t have to offer herself to Kara, she could just take her and there was nothing she could do about it.

The thought of it, of how she had given everything to Kara ripped through her blood and replaced the pain, and Lena wondered if that was how it was going to be now, rage replacing agony replacing rage in an endless cycle until Lena was consumed by it.

“Don’t you Kara?” Lena asked quietly, rage shifting into the dangerous Luthor rage, the cool and cold rage, the scary rage. “Or should I call you Supergirl?”

In the silence that followed Lena could only hear her heartbeat, in her chest and in her head, each pulse the banging of a war drum, and she knew Kara could hear it to.

“Lex told me, you know,” Lena sneered, trying to maintain a semblance of control, trying to be anything other than the drunk mess she was. “As he died. I killed him for you, to protect you, and he died. He told me about you, about James, about your friends.” She paused. “My mother. My fucking mother, Kara.”

“Lena,” Kara’s whisper was pained, a plea if Lena could hear it, but she couldn’t. Though she could see Kara’s pain evident on her face, screaming where her words were failing, she ignored that too.

“I’m tired Supergirl. So just…” a thought occurred to her. Kara had basically killed Lex, hadn’t she? Or at least she thought she had, if her words to Lillian were anything to go by. She had let him fall to his death after a fight, but Kara was Supergirl, and Supergirl could catch a bullet for fucks sake. She could have caught Lex if she had wanted to.

But, Lena thought in a resounding moment of clarity, Kara hadn’t. She hadn’t caught Lex because she hadn’t wanted to. She had wanted him to die and so she had let it happen. She had basically killed him.

“Kill me,” Lena finished and Kara recoiled from her, eyes going wide in horror.

“What?!” She nearly screeched but Lena was liking the idea now.

She could never move out from under her brothers shadow, she could see it now. National City was supposed to be a fresh start, and then a Super had appeared there and Lena had no choice but to continue the move. Then Supergirl had come to Lena, so had Kara, with a hand offered in friendship and Lena, pathetic and trusting and desperate Lena had taken it and walking willingly into a prison of her own making. She had people watching her every move, reporting back to Supergirl. She told Supergirl things, personal things, reasons why she was wary of the Kryptonian’s, she told her about Lex. She revealed she could make Kryptonite and had to deal with the fall-out from that with, not only her ally in Supergirl, but her so-called best friend Kara. She’d dated Kara’s ex, she’d trusted him. She had trusted them all while they had just used her. Just like Lex. At least Lex could admit it. He, at least, was honest to her, had always been honest with her even if it had hurt.

“You thought you’d killed Lex, you were capable of it,” Lena reasoned, glancing between Kara’s eyes, “you can kill me too.”

It would be fitting, an end to their tale, and Lena wouldn’t have to be around to shoulder the Luthor burden again, to carry on with the weight of the world on her shoulders without support. She didn’t want to be Atlas anymore, especially now she knew what it was like to have support even if it had been false. It would be better if she just… wasn’t here.

“I’m not going to kill you!” Kara had found her voice, and her anger, for her eyes were blazing and she’d taken a step forward, posture changing into a stance Lena hadn’t been able to recognise in the past, but she could now. She’d seen it when Kara was facing Edge, or when she was with Lena and Mercy, it was Supergirl standing in Lena’s apartment, not Kara Danvers, even though she was wearing Kara Danvers’ outfit.

She was so stupid, so willing to ignore what was in front of her for any semblance of affection. Lex was right, she was pathetic.

“Why not? And don’t tell me its because you care about me, we both know that’s a lie.”

“Lena! That’s not true!” Kara took a step towards her and Lena flinched into the wall.

While she knew that, logically Kara wouldn’t hurt her, she also knew that Kara was Supergirl, and that she and Supergirl had their differences and while they had worked together, they weren’t as close as Kara and Lena. But Lena also now knew that Kara was Supergirl, and Supergirl hadn’t always treated her very well, and yet Lena had stayed. She had stuck around to help, offering it freely amongst suspicion and without expecting any returns. That it had been Kara to treat her in such a way stung, more than stung, it was agonising, but it showed her true colours, how she truly felt about Lena.

The truth would set you free, or something of the sort.

“I’m not going to hurt you let alone kill you!”

“But you have,” Lena corrected, an astounding amount of patience in her voice, as though she were chastising a toddler. “You’ve lied to me every day since we met. You’ve used me since the first time we met. Just end it, Kara. I’m tired.”

Now, she wasn’t suicidal, she never had been, apart from one or two nights alone when she’d slept about five hours a week for three weeks straight as she tried to keep Luthor Corp from sinking. The revolver in her study had started to look very friendly, and she had thought about it, just as she had thought about the fall from her balcony or about a permanent holiday in some foreign country where she could disappear and leave the world to its fate. It was only natural, passing thoughts, usually when she was stressed, depressed, and in need of rest.

Back then she’d been too stubborn to let go, too determined to drag Luthor Corp out of Lex’s shadow and into the light again, it was to honour her father. But now she saw the truth. Everyone in her life lied to her and used her and abused her. The only common denominator was her. Lena. She deserved it, and she’d never be able to leave, that much was obvious. Kara could find her anywhere, wherever she fled, so why bother trying? She didn’t particularly want to live out the rest of her days in a box with three meals a day and an hour of exercise if she was lucky, and, well, she wasn’t particularly interested in hurting anyone to get herself into that box. A mental institution wouldn’t challenge her and she’s pretty sure she’d lose her mind, which was clearly her only asset to the world, so that was a waste. What was left for her but to just end it, all of it?

It was the alcohol and agony talking of course, and decades of trauma, but drunk words were sober thoughts, or so the saying went. Kara was clearly taking her seriously, if the way her brows were creased and her hands had curled into claws at her sides.

“Lena, you’re drunk,” Kara said and her voice was surprisingly measured for Lena dropping a few truth bombs on her, but she was Kryptonian so Lena guessed it didn’t count.

“You aren’t thinking straight. Please just-“ Kara hesitated and Lena could see her throwing her mind around looking for the words.

“I’d like you to leave,” Lena said suddenly, feeling the nausea clawing at her belly rising and she did not want to vomit in front of Supergirl, in fact she was being so candid and open because she was highly intoxicated, later she’d berate herself, but now she just wanted to be alone. Like she always was.

“Don’t ever come back,” Lena managed to straighten off the wall and stumble a little past Kara into the kitchen. She still had her bottle and the cap was imprinted on her palms with how tightly she’d been holding it. She hadn’t even been aware of it but now her palm stun as the blood flow returned.

“Lena,” Kara began from behind her and Lena spun, sending the room reeling and she had to clutch at the bench for support. Kara’s faces swam before her, and her concern was evident in how she stretched out her hand, still determined to maintain the façade of affection and Lena was over it.

“Get the fuck out Kara!”

She punctuated her shout by throwing the bottle at one of Kara’s blurry faces and the Kara on the left stepped to the side to catch the bottle before it shattered and there was pain on Kara’s face and Lena was vicious with it. Good. She deserved to hurt. Someone did. Lena had never done anything to deserve the pain the world offloaded on her, and it was nice to see karma dishing out punishment on those who had earnt it.

“Ill…. Come and talk to you later. When you aren’t drunk…. We need to talk…. I…. I love you… you’re my best friend….. I….. didn’t mean to hurt you. Please know that.”

Kara slowly sat the bottle down on the bench and she was silent as she picked up her food, moving at a human pace as though to delay the inevitable.

“Throw yourself off the balcony,” Lena muttered as she walked away from Kara, away from the tatters of their friendship, and to her cold and lonely bed. She’d cry herself to sleep, or maybe vomit a bit of her alcohol up, her body was protesting her lack of nutrition the past few days that was for sure, but Kara was nothing to her. Supergirl was nothing to her. She was just Lena. Lena no friends. Lena no family. Lena, murderer. It was what she deserved.

Kara hadn’t even tried very hard to convince her, and part of Lena was disappointed. Kara had put so much effort into maintaining their ‘friendship’ that Lena would have thought that she’d try a bit harder to convince her that she actually cared about her. Clearly it was all a lie. Well, cut her off completely then, make a clean break.

A sharp, stabbing feeling struck her in the chest and she placed her hand over it to soothe it but it was an invisible pain, one born for her heart and not her flesh. Stupid feelings.

There was a tickle in her throat, annoying and she harshly cleared it a few times, trying to rid herself of the feeling, and when that failed she stumbled to her vanity for a drink.

The water was cool and comforting as it slid down her throat though it did nothing to soothe the ache and she took a few more gulps.

Drinking something other than three-hundred dollar a bottle whisky was calming her body and she was able to think a little, though her mind was still cloudy. Did she really ask Kara to kill her? Groaning she leant her head against the cool marble of her vanity and moved her face around on it, letting it cool her cheek.

The tickle in her throat intensified and she growled lowly, trying to clear it that way. She wasn’t successful and she breathed harshly onto the cool marble, feeling the heat of her breath fan across her face slightly.

She had lived without Kara once, she could do it again. It wasn’t as though she had sunk into Kara’s web, willing leapt into the warmth of her embrace and the comfort of her presence. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t come to rely on Kara’s kind smile, her gentle touch, her unwavering support. It wasn’t as though she’d fallen for her; for her smile, her kindness, her generosity, her belief in fairness and her laugh. It wasn’t as though Lena Luthor had fallen in love with Kara Danvers, who was also Supergirl, who was also some entire other being that she hadn’t even shared a piece of with Lena. It wasn’t as though she had lied and used and manipulated Lena since she’d first forced herself into Lena’s life.

The pain in her chest intensified and a sob broke free from her lips, tears slipping from between her lids.

She had cried a lot over Kara, but it seemed she still had more to give and the thought would have made her laugh if she had the breath for it.

Her coughing fit was sudden and sharp, body jerking upright, cheek slightly sticking to the vanity, as her body was wracked with tremors.

Part of her was confused by the abrupt attack and she could feel herself choking on… something… as she coughed and coughed until it felt like she was trying to hack up her lungs.

The noises weren’t fit for polite company but she was alone, so she made as much noise as she needed to as she choked up and then spat out a…. petal?

What the fuck?!

She stared down at the

In bemused horror. Had… she… had she just…. Coughed that up?

It was wet with saliva and she rubbed it off, still utterly lost and lifted it up to the light to examine it later. Her brain was awakening with the new puzzle and she could almost feel the neurons firing or trying to fire amongst the haze of whisky and Lena knew she’d drunk a lot but she didn’t think she’d drunk enough to hallucinate. Maybe she’d hit her limit?

She rubbed her throat with her other hand, aware that the ache had passed as though it had never happened, and she stared at the petal.

It was yellow, bright and golden, and it reminded her a bit of a shell, little indents along its line, and she knew instantly what it was. Usually it would be clumped together with other petals, small waves along the edges, almost making a mess of the entire flower, but it somehow suited.

She’d purposely avoided the mirror and her reflection, wondering what monster she’d see in it if she did, now she looked at her reflection in the hope that she wouldn’t see a flower petal held gently between her index and middle finger.

The universe, as always, was not on her side.

Sticking up between her black nail polished fingers was the yellow carnation petal.

What. The. Fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its late. It was my birthday and then I started a rewatch of FMA:B and now I can't stop reading Royai fics. I'm gonna have to write one (or more) damn it ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Science had always soothed her. It was her escape when the world didn’t make sense, when her boxes failed her, when people failed her. Science was always there, with rules that didn’t change, with boundaries she was aware of and could stay inside (or outside of, depending on how bold she was feeling) and it was safe. She usually knew exactly what she was doing, or if it was something new, she had parameters so she could predict what the outcome was going to be.

She enjoyed science and she was good at it. Better than good, she was one of the best to ever have been. She pushed the limit of what was possible and what was not, it was something she had always excelled at. Now, though, science was failing her.

Two weeks. Two fucking weeks she’d been coughing up petals and she had nothing. There was nothing in any of the medical journals she had read, and she had gone back _centuries_ , nothing in any modern obscure medicine publications, and nothing in her old medical textbooks. Nothing. Nothing until she, wondering what she had to lose, Googled ‘coughing up flowers.’ Low and behold, there it was.

The Hanahaki Disese.

The death by unrequited love.

It was the second result for fucks sake, and she wondered how she’d never heard of it before, before realising that of course she wouldn’t have. It was fictional. Fake. Not real. So there was no fucking way she was coughing up flowers because she was in love with someone who would never love her back because it was impossible.

There had to be some other plausible explanation for why she was coughing up petals, other than the answer that presented itself with every Google search. It was Hanahaki or nothing. Maybe it was an alien disease or something she had contracted from one. It wouldn’t surprise her, an off-worlder hearing about her family’s reputation and deciding to even the score a little. That, at least, would be something she could get her head around, not….. this…..

She cast a glance at the latest petal she had coughed up. This one was white, slender and long, and it had taken a fair bit of snooping online to find out what it was. It was a chrysanthemum. A Google search had revealed it meant grief. Which was sort of fitting, she guessed, and she was surprised she hadn’t recognised it, seeing as many of Lionel’s Asian business partners had sent them to his funeral.

And maybe that was it, she was grieving for a relationship lost.

She and Kara had spoken once since Lena had drunk far too much and it had not been a pleasant conversation for anyone involved.

Kara had been….. Kara about it, or had at least pretended to be the Kara Lena had thought she knew, about it. She had been apologetic and sorry and placing all the blame on herself, which was entirely accurate, and she had started to cry when she confessed. That had been hard, and Lena tried not to think about it because it hurt her too. Seeing Kara hurting, even though she deserved it, had made Lena want to forgive her instantly and take her into her arms and keep her safe. But Lena was tired of being the one who was always getting hurt, who offered her heart freely and had people rip it from her chest and stomp on it, tearing it to pieces and then wondering why Lena had so many problems.

It wasn’t fair.

She could still remember every word that Kara had said, could see her expressions and hear the tremor in her voice as she started to break from the pain of her confession. It was as though it had been imprinted on Lena’s brain, in her soul, for all of time.

Kara had come to her as Kara the morning after. She had waited outside, not daring to venture inside once she let Lena know she was there, and she had Gatorade and food, ready to help her with her hangover. Lena had curled into her covers and stayed there until the aching in her chest faded, but like all pain it had felt like it never would.

The headache had faded in time, but the ache in her chest had turned into a constant reminder of how she’d fallen in love with Kara.

She had gotten used to it now, to how her body would strain and tremble as she coughed up the petals, how she’d hack and splutter until she finally spat them out into her palms. They were increasing in regularity now, several times a day and she was thankful she didn’t need much sleep to function because leaning over the side of her bed to hack up her lungs at three in the morning wasn’t particularly fun.

Jess had followed her instructions to buy out flowers every day with some confusion, but Lena’s office was filled with fresh flowers every morning. They were always different ones. Always. A way for Lena to try and conceal the occasional errant petal.

Clearly, she would imply, the petal, which bears no resemblance to any of the flowers in her office today, was from yesterdays bunch and it was nothing to worry about. Nothing to see, nothing to investigate. Maybe she was paranoid, but that didn’t mean people weren’t out to get her.

Still, she had known the cause of them soon after stumbling across the fictional disease on Google, had known who the source of her death sentence was. The irony wasn’t lost on her.

She hadn’t known what was wrong with her when she and Kara spoke, or rather Kara spoke, finally making up for all of those years when she should have spoken. It had…. Been hard. She had avoided Kara, and all of Kara’s friends, because they weren’t her friends, clearly, and had blocked them from her cell, email, and even her office.

Her security knew something had happened, for her to cut those people out of her life so completely, but they’d never guess the reason, and Lena wasn’t about to tell.

Eventually they had to have a conversation, and Lena had dressed herself to the nines, clutching the tatters of her Luthor armour to herself to defend herself for the conversation that followed.

She had merely sent Kara an email, after days of no contact, and told her to meet her at L-Corp at a certain time.

Kara had replied saying she’d be there, as well as thanking her for giving her the opportunity to explain and to apologise but Lena had deleted that message as soon as it had come through.

She was moderating her drinking, after her disastrous reveal with Kara. Showing Kara her hand because she was drunk, in pain, and hopelessly smitten with the reporter had been foolish, so she was more aware of her limits now, but before Kara showed up, at precisely twelve twenty-three (though L-Corp cameras had caught her pacing a lot before she entered the building) for their half noon meeting, Lena had drunk two fingers worth of her top shelf whiskey to get herself ready. She had poured herself another glass while she waited and had nursed it absently while she waited for Kara to come in

Lena had an incredible mind, one of the best to ever exist, and likely would ever exist, and as such she was able to predict outcomes of scenarios and alter her actions accordingly. It had served her well in the past, but with Kara she had always been on the other foot, constantly surprised and left feeling a little confused, but it had been so refreshing she hadn’t questioned it beyond putting it down to Kara.

Perhaps she should have looked at her friend a little closer, but hindsight was 20/20.

Kara was wearing pants and flat shoes with a black and white plaid shirt, and her hair was up. She looked the furthest from her alter-ego as possible, and as she meekly peered around the corner of Lena’s door and hesitantly stepped into the room Lena wanted to scream at her. She was clearly trying to put Lena at ease, to keep her mind from making connections to what they both knew was the truth.

Her footsteps were light and hesitant as she approached Lena’s desk and Lena sipped at her whiskey and watched her approach. Kara’s entire demeaner, from the way she shuffled warily across the floor, to how she shakily extended a hand to pull out the chair in front of Lena’s desk, the way she worried her lip with her teeth, how she sat, rigid straight on the edge of the seat and toyed with her bag between her fingers, reminded Lena of a lion cub. The apex predators were bold and daring when they were confident, when they held the cards and the power, but when they were startled they would flee, run straight back to what they knew.

The fact that Kara was the most powerful being on Earth, and was clearly worried about Lena; either about upsetting her for what she may do, or about their conversation, which could lead to what Lena might do, like out Kara to the world, did stroke her ego, but it wasn’t accompanied by a thrill of pleasure, instead Lena felt a little sick.

“Hi,” Kara had said meekly and Lena took another sip of her drink, not taking her eyes off of Kara.

Now she knew the truth, and had accepted it along with her own blindness, it was easy to see.

Kara had always had a strength to her, a steel, for lack of a better word. She was willing to fight for what she believed in, no matter the cost, which was the self-righteousness of the Super’s, and seeing it now, and in her best friend, made her lip curl. Lena had thought Kara’s naive belief that people were good and would help each other when it came down to it had drawn her in. The Luthor’s believed you achieved something through hard work and practice, and no short amount of skill. Going it alone had been her motto growing up, she had always been alone and only had herself to depend on. It had lead her to great success, but also to a great deal of loneliness. Being the smartest person was hard, but being the smartest, youngest, and the wealthiest had made boarding school a minefield.

Plus at the time her classmates had been going through their hormonal stages, Lena was still pre-teen. They didn’t want to include a child in their discussions about boys, or girls, and alcohol and all of those things that rich, spoilt brats boasted with their peers. So Lena had a slightly jaded look on the world.

She believed people would be good if it wasn’t detrimental to themselves. Kara believed they’d do so anyway. It had been a fundamental difference in their thinking, but Lena had been drawn to Kara all the same, wondering how someone could have so much faith in people she had never met. It was obvious now.

Faith. Truth. Justice. They were the mottos of the Super’s and with the reminder of how unSuper Kara had been with her, made her fingers tighten on the glass.

The action roused Kara.

They had been silent for a long while, Lena; upright in her pencil skirt and blouse with her hair up in a tight bun and severe lipstick, ready for a fight. Kara had fidgeted on the chair, and toyed with her fingers until she had blurted it out.

“I should have told you so long ago, I know that.. but I just kept making excuses because you’ve been hurt so many times and I convinced myself that I was protecting you.”

Lena…..had not prepared for this scenario. Truthfully she had believed the facts; that Kara had lied to her for years about her identity to keep her in the dark while she kept Lena close and kept an eye on her and her actions, while using Lena’s wealth, influence and brain to further her own ends. Having Kara admit to being wrong, to trying to protect Lena in a round-about-way was so typically Kara, but also made her angry.

She had given everything to their friendship, and Kara had held back. What made it worse was that everyone around her knew the truth, and they didn’t tell Kara to trust Lena (or if they had then Kara hadn’t listened to them, Lena wasn’t sure which one was worse) and kept her in the dark. She felt so stupid and betrayed and every time she even thought of them all; the game-nights, the drinking, the talks, the relationship with James… it all left a vile taste in her mouth.

She took another sip of whiskey to drown the taste.

“… and then one day you were so angry with me, with- with Supergirl but you still loved Kara. And I just kept thinking if I could be Kara, just Kara, that I could keep you as a friend.”

Lena had seen many people break in her life time, sometimes in the mirror, once with her mother when Lex was arrested, and with many of her opponents in the corporate world. She was good at it. Tearing people down, as long as they deserved it, as long as they had brought her ire on themselves, and watching them crack under the pressure, see the stress and anxiety consume them until they drowned under loss and pain.

Watching Kara break was painful. Seeing the most powerful being on the planet vibrate with such strength in her pain until she started to shatter, little fissures forming over her soul and parting until they became cracks.

She couldn’t tear her eyes off Kara, was certain they were wide and unseeing as she absorbed all that Kara was saying.

“ I was selfish and scared and I didn’t want to lose you so I kept pretending and I never stopped.”

Kara was crying now, voice stumbling over words she was desperate to get out, pleading for Lena to hear what she was saying, begging her to understand that it hadn’t been out of malice, it had been out of love. Misguided though it was, and hurtful, she hadn’t wanted to join the list of people who had let Lena down, especially when Lena had come to depend on her so heavily, and vice versa.

“And every time I kept my secret from you I wasn’t protecting you I was hurting you,” Kara made no move to wipe away the tears, she only leant forward in her chair, perched on the edge, trying to get as close to Lena as she could. “Just like everyone else and I am so, so sorry. I am so sorry.”

Kara was sniffling, breathing unevenly trying to compose herself. It reminded her of funerals, and it struck Lena that it was sort of like a funeral, Kara was saying the final words over their friendship. Even if they came back from this, and Lena was doubtful, they’d never be the same. What they’d had, had been ruined, and Lena had, like all her life, nothing to do with it.

“Please say something.”

At least Kara had seen her errors and was acknowledging them, and Lena knew, in her logical mind, that what Kara was saying made sense. She had kept secrets to protect people, while furthering her own goals it had to be noted, but she had kept them all the same. She didn’t begrudge Kara that. It was her secret to tell, and she’d had to hide it her entire life. Lena was no stranger to the dangers aliens could be in, especially as she had worked with Supergirl… with Kara…. In the past and had seen up close what she had to deal with. Though she had people try to kill her on account of her blood and relations so she was less sympathetic to those who faced a prejudice because of their appearance or country or planet of origin.

She had to deal with all nasty shades of humanity, but that didn’t make her less empathetic. That being said, Kara had always had the power in their friendship, and she was the only one who knew it.

The moment Kara had decided Lena could be trusted with her secret, that was the moment she had ruined everything. Because she had decided to keep Lena in the dark, trusting her completely, but still making the decision for her and Lena hated that.

“Lena.” The way that Kara had spoken her name then had been broken, pleading, desperate and the tears were real, so was the heartbreak.

Kara was placing her cards on the table, making herself vulnerable and she was the Girl of Steel. Seeing this… submission… from someone so powerful and strong and… It was hard compartmentalising something she felt so strongly about, and her box of Kara was already in turmoil, so Lena just accepted what Kara was telling her. It was one of the easiest things she had ever done, and she was so tired.

Kara didn’t have it in her to be cruel in such a way, and Lena may have been blind to her friends true identity, but she wasn’t blind to Kara’s nature. It was what had drawn her to Kara in the first place. Kara had a light in her, and she shone it others instead, it was her power, Kara’s power, not the Kryptonian in her, just… her.

Her throat was tickling again and she cleared it harshly a few times, but knew that she was rapidly running out of time.

She quickly to a sip of whisky and grimaced at the burn. She could almost feel it hit the flower petal and bubbling around it before dropping past it and carrying on.

“I…” she paused, trying to find the words and Kara swallowed harshly, eyes turning light and so full of hope that Lena almost didn’t speak the truth, but…. She had always been honest in their friendship, and she wasn’t about to stop now, especially as the truth hurt, Lena knew that very well, and part of her still wanted Kara to hurt for what she had put Lena through.

“…understand your reasons,” she said clearly, calmly, using every minute of Luthor training she’d been forced to learn quickly. Emotionless. Untouchable. Never mind the flower trying to strangle her from the inside. She needed to move this along, get Kara out of here. Now.

Kara perked up slightly and her entire body seemed to wait for what was next, likely with hope, but Lena wasn’t the bringer of hope, that was Kara. Supergirl.

“But I can’t forgive you.”

She knew well the cliché of a light leaving a dead persons eyes, but she’d never seen it in person, and she’d never seen someone’s inner light just go out, like the flick of a switch, but without the fading glow that lingered in the bulb. This was instantaneous.

Lena spoke quickly, assuredly, as though she were rejecting a business proposal and not tearing out her own heart at _ruining_ Kara so completely.

She could see her friend, see the way the weight of the world finally seemed too much for her, the way her eyes lowered and her shoulders slumped and she looked so defeated that Lena had a momentary urge to take her words back, to take that pain and keep Kara away from the world that had hurt her so, but Lena wasn’t the one at fault here. Kara was.

Kara Danvers shattered, and it was all her own fault.

“You must have trusted me at some point,” Lena began and tried to keep her breathing shallow as the tickle in her throat intensified into a burn. “If it is all real as you’ve said. The moment you knew I could be trusted is the moment you ruined us…. You chose to keep me in the dark knowing it would hurt me the longer you waited. You let me tell you things, tell you things I would never have told Supergirl, and you used it against me. You came to be as two different people, with vastly different relationships to me, and kept up the illusion. That,” she emphasised with a growl that wasn’t entirely under her control and she could feel her airway restricting in that tell-tale sign of a hacking fit approaching.

Kara needed to leave, and she needed to leave now!

“Is when you started to willingly hurt me.”

“Lena.”

Lena had always liked how Kara spoke her name, and there were different ways she said it. There was the genuine one, happy and surprised but pleased to see her; there was the Lena, when she learnt some fact about Lena’s messed up childhood, the tone that told her she was there and she wasn’t going anywhere; the Lena that heralded an eye roll, when Lena was teasing herself over her heritage or her Luthor genes; the Lena, the soft one, the one spoken over a bottle of wine when Lena was sleepy and soft. This Lena was something else. Nothing short of a whine, a pained howl restrained between lips pressed so tightly together that Lena was a little worried.

“No, Kara,” Lena shook her head sadly, feeling her eyes sting but she blinked them back. Kara deserved this.

“I’d like you to leave now,” she said and glanced from her former friend and back to her computer in a clear dismissal.

She could feel the strain in her chest as she fought against the cough and she wanted Kara gone when that happened.

From the corner of her eye she saw Kara wipe her eyes and nod, gather her belongings slowing and trudge towards the door, defeat lining her posture.

Lena caught the way her breath escaped her in a choked sob and bit down on her lip.

This was Kara’s fault, and she would reap what she’d sown.

The moment the door shut Lena was coughing, choking up the petal, and her lungs burned as her body strained with the attempt and she hacked and spluttered.

She could hold her breath, she could hold her breath quite well, she’d gotten used to it in recent weeks, but there was something different about being unable to breathe that set of mild tendrils of panic in her body, and she inhaled sharply, desperate for air only to choke on it.

Eventually she felt the tickle of petals at her throat and with a few more coughs and splutters she was able to spit it out onto her hand.

Closing her eyes she wiped them on her sleeve, trying to clear the water that’d come from her coughing, and then she glanced down at the petal in her hand and froze.

It was, objectively, a beautiful petal- an anemone if she recalled her hurried memorisation of ‘The Language of Flowers’ was correct. Perfectly formed, as photogenic as something airbrushed and altered, almost unnaturally perfect, as though someone had taken every perfect flower and combined their angles into one, erasing the little imperfections until perfection was all that remained. That, and little splattering’s of red. Blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday all! Thanks for the comments and Kudos!


	5. Chapter 5

When her door opened in the middle of the day Lena was a little surprised. Typically her security vetted anyone who gained access to the building and then they had to bypass Jess, yet she didn’t have an appointment, and Lena had increased her security so people couldn’t just come barging in on her.

Though in all honesty she had expected a confrontation from one of Supergirl’s allies, she just had not expected it would be Alex, or maybe she had, and maybe she was dreading it.

“Unless you have a warrant, get out of my office,” Lena said dryly, casting her eyes over Alex to confirm the intruder’s identity, before going back to her computer.

The agent was in casual clothing, aviators tucked into her shirt with jeans and a leather jacket over a faded t-shirt. She was also carrying a paper bag with grease-stains on it and Lena knew instantly there was something deep-fried and greasy inside that she wanted and wanted badly.

“I’m here as a friend, Lena,” Alex protested, walking towards her and Lena lifted her gaze from her latest medical journal and shut the cover.

“Are you?” She could have meant, are you a friend? Or are you here as a friend, either one was unlikely, and she was hesitant to engage with Kara’s sister. With Supergirl’s sister, sister to the woman who had been lying to and using her since day one. It was made all the more apparent that Lena was never part of the group, because of course Alex worked at the DEO with her alien sister, of course James knew, of course the alien Brainy knew, of course Nia, the superhero, knew. But Lena Luthor, the human who had helped them since day one, did not know.

Alex rolled her eyes and then lifted the paper-bag. “I brought Big Belly Burger. I thought you could use a friend.”

“You aren’t my friend, Alex, you’ve made that very clear. I’d like you to leave,” she held Alex’s eyes for a long moment, seeing the agent rise to the challenge in them before scoffing and helping herself to the seat in front of Lena’s desk.

A low wind fanned at the ire that simmered in her gut, flaring it red and she slowly stiffened, eyes narrowing and turned the full power of her glare on her former friend.

“Get out. Or I’ll call security.”

Alex gave an infuriating smirk as she placed the bag on Lena’s desk, shifting some of her paperwork to the side to make room. “I’m sure I could take them.” She probably could, and Lena made a mental note to see who else she could hire…. Maybe some off-worlders? She would have asked Alex to ask around for her, but she wasn’t feeling like owing them anything.

“Alex,” Lena bit out in warning, partially rising to her feet and Alex paid her no mind as she unfolded some serviettes.

“You’re pissed,” she said and started to doll out the burgers and fries. It smelt delicious and her stomach grumbled in approval, and Alex smirked. “I get it, but don’t get angry at the wrong person. I’m not here for Ka- “she cut herself off and held herself still, glancing up at Lena.

“Look,” Alex looked a little sheepish as she straightened and for the first time since she had entered, she looked a little anxious.

“I know I tend to get caught up in my relationship and it’s something I’m trying to work on. I know that you know- and I don’t want to talk about it if you don’t want to!” She added in a hurry, eyes wide and earnest.

“But I just thought you could use a friend. I know you were…her friend first, but I still think you’re one of mine soo….” she trailed off awkwardly and rolled her fingers together before jamming them into her jean pockets. “If you really want me to go I will.”

Lena hesitated. The food was smelling delicious and her stomach reminder her, quite loudly, that it needed to eat but…. But Alex had participated in her violation too. Yes, it had been Kara that had started it, but Alex had supported her, and so had James and Brainy and Nia and J’onn. They had actively kept her in the dark, for years. To admit it was not painful, that it wasn’t a betrayal of the highest order was…. But…. Alex had come to her and…. well, she was probably going to die. And wasn’t it her burden to trust, and trust whole-heartedly, only for it to backfire on her, only to give her heart to the next kind smile?

“We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. I have been wanting your opinion on the new comms prototype.” And Alex was not the best with feelings, even less accomplished at it than Kara, and the fact that she was avoiding the subject, and her participation in it, was completely in character for the agent. Clearly she wasn’t willing to fess up to what she had done, to how she had helped betray Lena so badly, but maybe it was because she didn’t think she had betrayed her, or maybe it was because she didn’t want to think about it.

Lena considered things a moment, trying to place Alex’s arrival here with what she knew, or at least thought she knew.

Alex was firmly on Kara’s side, and had been likely since she had first come into her life, and part of her was jealous, so jealous, because Alex was clearly a great elder sibling and Lena’s had abused her. Alex was awesome, and a kind of badass. She and Lena had gotten along quite well, and she’d considered the eldest Danvers a friend before she’d learnt the truth about Kara.

Had Alex chosen to not reach out, and Lena was still a little sceptical about her intentions, how could she not, Lena wouldn’t have given her the time of day. Still…..

“You haven’t brought an NDA, or brought J’onn to erase my memory,” she said clearly, leaning back slightly in her seat and eyeing Alex properly. “Why is that?”

Alex’s answer was pivotal. If she answered in any way that Lena didn’t like, then she would be cut off, completely, and Lena would try to pick up the pieces of her life now it was absent of her friends. But really, they were Kara’s friends, on Supergirl’s team, so Lena wasn’t that surprised, hurt, but not surprised.

“I trust you,” Alex said simply. And wasn’t that just a punch to the face. Alex Danvers, sister to Supergirl, trusted her, Lena Luthor…. What a hypocritical piece of shit! She trusted her now that she knew, now that the power was in Lena’s court, now that the decision of trusting her with the secret had already been made. Lena would have laughed if she weren’t so mad.

“I know that that sounds…. But I do trust you…. I would have kept Kara awa- “she cut herself off with a click of her teeth and a grimace.

Trust. What a complicated word, for a complicated world. Lena would have taken those words, the intent behind them, weeks ago, if not years, and been warmed by them, now though they tasted like bile.

Lena had an unfortunate habit of giving her heart to people who took it, crushed it, and then tromped it into the ground. She still gave it away though, and it was killing her, literally, but Alex didn’t know that.

“If you wanted to hurt Supergirl you could have,” Alex gave a little shrug, but her gaze was strong and powerful. “You’ve never shown any intention to do so, even when she hasn’t been fair to you, and I don’t think you will. Besides, I didn’t think you’d sign one anyway.”

“I was going to,” Lena cut across the end of Alex’s words, surprising herself and she waited for the fallout from her confession.

And she was going to, she was going to ruin Kara Danvers, which would hurt Supergirl, only Lena couldn’t let the world know that it was Lena Luthor hurting Supergirl because of her image, but Lena could hurt her former best friend. A line or two about journalistic duplicity and the press would gobble it up- how Kara Danvers, cousin to Clark Kent, notorious buddy of Superman, had gotten her to spy on Lena, to get the scoop. Kara would be ruined, even if no one would believe it.

A word here or there, and Kara would lose her job- and really, all Lena would have to do was threaten an expose and Kara would have no choice. In fact, she should fire them both, her and James. The only problem with James would be him bringing up their unwise relationship, but she had far more dirt on Mr Olsen than she did with Kara Danvers, and there was evidence to support her firing of him. She briefly flirted with the idea before Alex’s long sigh brough her out of her musings.

Alex had her lips pressed together in a semblance of a smile. She looked pained instead and it certainly wasn’t Alex’s best look.

“I know she hurt you, but it wasn’t intentional, and when you’re ready to talk about it, about how I went from an only child to the sister of an alien teenager, I’m ready to talk. But,” she said, and she offered Lena a greasy burger box teasingly. “Until then, these are getting cold.”

“That’s it?” Surely it couldn’t be that easy. Lena had confessed to wanting to hurt Kara, to hurt Supergirl, and she was still struggling with the distinction in her mind, but she had said that to Alex. Alex who was always on Kara’s side, who was now with Lena and offering her food.

As much as she’d like to believe that Alex was here for genuine reasons, and she wanted to believe it, she found it difficult. Alex was in Kara’s corner first and foremost, and Lena was a threat to Kara, whether they were going to admit that or not. Especially now that she had been betrayed in the worst possible way. Beaten animals often lashed out, and Lena was in a corner.

“You’re my friend too,” Alex shrugged simply, and her smile was small and hopeful. “And since Kara is doing, well, not fine,” she winced seeing something on Lena’s expression tell her that mentioning Kara wasn’t doing all that well with their parting was a bad idea she quickly added, “but you know. I know you aren’t going to hurt her. So,” she had selected a fry, and it was hanging a little limply between her fingers, “fry?”

Lena hesitated, glancing between Alex and her metaphorical olive branch.

She liked Alex, and they had bonded over their mutual fondness for Kara and with science, but Alex had been part of her betrayal and part of her was reluctant to let that go. Still, there was one more question she needed answered.

“Did you ever tell Kara to tell me the truth?”

Alex popped the chip into her mouth and nodded slowly, letting out a sigh and she looked away a moment.

“Her entire earth life she’s had to hide,” Alex began, and Lena’s spine tightened. She didn’t want to hear Alex talk about poor innocent Kara who had no choice, she wasn’t ready to let go of her anger yet. “And I helped her. I encouraged her.”

Alex looked back at Lena. “I was on that plane and that was the only reason she exposed herself to the world. And looking back on it now,” Alex was explaining and shaking her head helplessly. “I would have rather died than even risk her revealing herself. I was so mad. And scared.”

That caught Lena’s attention. Alex was fearless, or at least came across as such. Supergirl’s steadfast ally, though now Lena knew the reason for that devotion, and she was her own army, always reliable and ready to throw down for her people. Lena had considered herself one of them but knew that family came first when it came to divisions in a battlefield, or at least any other team than Lena’s. It was her lot in life though, to always be alone.

“I was so scared. In a few minutes she had erased what I spent half my life protecting, her identity, her alienness. If I had my way, no one would ever find out, and Supergirl would be a different person but she’s Kara…..”

Alex swallowed, an audible gulp.

“So, no. I didn’t tell her to tell you the truth, not until recently. And then it was too late, and I am sorry for that.”

Lena let silence punctuate her words while she thought and took mild satisfaction in seeing Alex squirm while she waited for Lena’s response.

Alex was one of the strongest people she knew, and for her to admit to being terrified made Lena take note. She wasn’t stupid, no matter how easily glasses, and a ponytail had tricked her, and she knew the risks Kara would face if her identity became public. Her super-identity was under assault for simply existing, so Lena wasn’t blind to what would happen to Kara if the people knew what kind of steel lay beneath those pastel cardigans and the rage behind her smile. It would make sense for Alex to tell her to never tell anyone who and what she was, because it would put her entire life at risk, and the lives of the people she cared about, her own brother and his minions were evidence of that.

“Alright.”

Letting go of her anger to Alex was easier than she had thought it would be. She wasn’t really mad at Alex, and it wouldn’t be fair of her to blame it on her anyway, though it was an option, but not one for Lena. She had borne the brunt of people’s fury and fear over Lex, and she wasn’t willing to be hypercritical enough to treat Alex the same. Though in time she and Alex would need to discuss just how betrayed Lena felt by them all.

“Okay?”

Lena gave a little nod and leant forward with a smile, plucking Alex’s next fry from her hands and taking a bite. She was good at forcing her feelings into boxes, so what did one more matter? She was still hurt and betrayed by Alex’s backing in Kara’s betrayal of her, but there was nothing she could do, and it was Kara’s fault at the end of the day.

“What flavour did you get me? I hope there’s some chocolate in there.”

It took a moment before Alex grinned at her, a slow, pleased smile. “Of course! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t come with chocolate?”

Lena knew that it probably wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d like, but she was willing to try.

Alex was still, at the end of the day, Kara’s over-protective big sister, and if it came down to it, she would pick Kara, which was expected, but still sucked. Still, Lena would try and move forward with Alex as her friend, and Agent Danvers as the woman who worked with Supergirl, and Alex Danvers, Kara’s sister. Maybe they could find an even ground, or at least avoid talking about Kara or Supergirl business until Lena was ready.

Part of her wanted to pretend that it had never happened, that Alex didn’t have a Kara-sized part of her life, but she also knew that wasn’t fair, even though it was hard. How do you pretend someone so important to you doesn’t exist? Lena didn’t want to make Alex feel like she needed to do that, pretend she wasn’t a big sister, but she also didn’t want to hear about Kara. That particular wound was still bleeding, and wasn’t showing any sign of stopping, not to mention the flower-shaped death taking residence in her lungs.

But that could be future Lena’s problem. For now, she was going to enjoy greasy food with a friend and talk science.

~*~

“You must have been, what, fifteen when Kara came to live with you.”

Lena’s comment had come out of the blue and Alex paused from where she was bent over Lena’s pool table.

They’d been having weekly catchups for nearly a month now, and Lena was thoroughly enjoying their time together. It was really nice having someone she could ‘geek-speak’ too and who kept up with most of what she was saying, plus Alex had access to the DEO and sometimes invited Lena in for a consult. An official consult, instead of a ‘Hey, we need your help and resources to save the world again and we won’t thank you and will treat you like a criminal the moment you turn your back. Okay?’

She was paid for her time, which she forwarded to a charity, and she was also thanked, which was a big improvement. The DEO had never trusted her, but they had used her quite happily, so it was nice to actually be thanked for her help, treated like a person rather than any potential enemy. It didn’t mean she wasn’t blind to the distrustful looks thrown her way, nor the agents hovering in the background whenever she worked, and it had taken her a single glance over the monitors code to know that her every key-stroke was recorded for later analysis. At least she had Alex with her, who’s glare tended to keep people at a distance.

It was how she was used to being treated, but she would have thought that after everything she had done, that a little trust could be offered. But she lingered beneath a looming shadow called Luthor, and her own light was never seen.

Kara was never present when she showed up, and Alex would usually escort her through the building, already starting to talk to her about the issue which would keep any disgruntled looks from getting near her, and Lena would lose herself in science. Science had always made sense to her, order in a chaotic world. The rules were clear, defined, and she knew exactly how to push the boundaries, and what the consequences of her pushing them would be.

Science had taken her attention from the ever-growing problem in her lungs, and the anger and pain in her heart.

It had been the longest she hadn’t spoken to Kara since the beginning of their friendship, and the hurt was slowly fading and leaving an ache in its place, an ache for her best friend. There was of course physical evidence of her feelings for Kara being more than platonic, but she was avoiding thinking on why she had the disease as she tried to find a way to solve it.

So far, she’d come up with nothing, and the scans she had done on her lungs weren’t promising. She was considering chemo or radiation therapy to kill the cells but was unsure as to the origin of the flowers and she didn’t want to trash her body if she could help it.

One of the fascinating things she had found with the petals, was that they were entirely her DNA. It would be a medical breakthrough, if she were ever to publicise the fact that her lungs were growing flowers, and they were all made of her DNA, rewritten into the exact replicas of real flowers. How it happened, Lena didn’t know, her disease took ‘How to Science 101’ and laughed in its face.

The scientist in her was fascinated, and she had even cut the petals to see what would happen, and they bled. Her own blood. It was impossible, but she was learning that impossible was now her daily life.

Jess thought she was low on vitamins and kept bringing her supplements, thinking the persistent cough she had was some sort of stubborn virus, and Lena was sure she’d start to wonder soon, if she wasn’t already.

It had taken a lot of getting used to, but she was thinking about Kara more and more, and well, who best to talk to rather than the source herself, than her big sister.

“Yeah,” Alex said, returning to her cue and squinting at the ball down its length. “It was hard at first, super hard.”

Lena leant against the pool table and lifted a brow, and Alex continued, perhaps sensing that this was a way she could breach the gap between Lena and Kara. Six weeks was a long time to go without speaking to your best friend, even if you weren’t happy with them.

“I hated it, hated her.”

“Now that is interesting,” Lena commented as Alex winced away from her terrible shot and Lena lined up her own play.

“I was an only child, the perfect daughter. I was smart and popular and good in school, and then along comes this perfect new special person who needs all this attention and guidance. She was better than me in every way. I resented her.”

Lena sunk her first ball and moved on to her second. “I find that hard to believe considering you’re- “

“Her biggest fan?” Alex interrupted with a wry smile and Lena ducked her head in acknowledgement.

“I wasn’t always. I didn’t understand back then,” Alex said, and she was partially leaning off her cue and gazing through the pool table.

“It took me a long time to warm up to her, especially when I had to guide her through school. She was so naïve. I had to protect her; it was my job. Suddenly my life revolved around this stranger who would scream at the pop-corn maker or rip the door handles off. It was hard.”

Lena was silent a moment, contemplative. She hadn’t really given much thought to Kara coming to earth and then assimilating to earth culture with no idea of the (many) language or social norms or history. She’d be helplessly lost and in need of Alex.

“Clark?”

Alex snorted and Lena tilted her head, straightening curiously. Did Alex not like Clark?

“He abandoned her with us. He didn’t see her, he forgot to call, he basically dropped her off with the first people he could think of and then kept his distance.” Alex’s features were twisted into a long-held fury.

“And the worst part is,” she continued, gesturing for Lena to take her next shot, “is that she never saw it. She worships him, and he doesn’t deserve it.”

Lena just missed her shot and stepped back to let Alex take position.

“It was hard,” Alex stated, leaning down and eyeing up her shot. “I suddenly had this new, weird sister and she’d do and say things that would embarrass me, and I’d have to laugh it off and keep the attention off her…. It was my life for a long time.”

“Is she why you joined the DEO?”

Alex shook her head, giving a little fist-pump of victory as she sunk her ball. “J’onn recruited me, as a favour to dad. He found me…. I wasn’t in a good place. I was…. Lost…. aimless…. he gave me a purpose and a way to make a difference. To help.”

“And then Kara carried a plane on her shoulders and changed the world,” Lena commented, but there was no malice in her words, just truth. And she had done a bit more research on Supergirl since she had learnt the truth. If the authorities were aware of it, she knew they would probably be panicking, but as nothing had come of it yet she assumed they didn’t know, or that Alex had kept them off her.

Lena was now intimately familiar with Kara’s first foray into Superheroing, and much of it was in need of criticism. The woman had improved, that much was certain, but there were still problems with her actions that Lena was hesitant to bring up with Alex, least she break the comfortable truce they had settled into.

Alex met her eyes a moment before nodding.

“She was always sad, always quiet, except when she was crying or screaming. She had-has-bad nightmares.”

“I know,” Lena said with a little nod, and she did. She had slept over with Kara a few times, and she knew that monsters stalked Kara’s dreams. At the time she had tried to comfort her friend, but Kara hadn’t wanted to hear it, hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the underlying issues that there was there, and Lena hadn’t been secure enough in their friendship to push. Perhaps she should have. Perhaps she would have stumbled across the truth sooner.

“She cries out in her sleep,” Lena lifted her shoulder in a shrug and bent over the table.

Alex was being surprisingly candid with her, especially considering they were discussing Kara, but maybe Alex was trying to get her to see things from Kara’s point of view, to try and bridge the fissure between them.

“She was kind though, always wanting to help, even when she didn’t understand the risks.”

Lena could see it, quite easily actually. Kara had the heart of someone who wanted to help, and she seemed to attract people who felt the same way; James, Winn, Nia, Brainy, they all seemed to want to help people using whatever means they had.

“Did she tell you about Kenny?” Alex enquired after a few more shots and Lena shook her head, unable to hide her curiosity.

Kara had skimmed over her childhood, to the point where when Lena had asked questions, she had known the answer to every single one of them. Questions she answered without hesitation, questions that were clearly doctored, because it was unlikely a woman in her mid-twenties would remember the name of the rabbit that lived in her kindergarten. The only way Kara would know the answer to all of those odd, mundane questions that Lena had asked, was if she had been trained to remember them, if the lie had been drilled into her. Lena hadn’t been prying for malicious reasons, she had just thirsted for any and all information on Kara, and she wanted to know it all.

Kara had been reluctant to share, which now made sense, and had always turned the question around to Lena and her childhood. Lena didn’t like to talk about her childhood, especially with people who she was close to, with people she didn’t want to know just how hard her childhood was, with the people she didn’t want to see her as damaged. She’d told Kara though. She’d told Kara everything. Even things that she didn’t want to share. Kara had pulled the confessions out of her, with her big blue eyes, earnest and supportive, and a kind and caring smile. Sometimes she had held Lena as she had talked about Lex, and sometimes she had to distance herself, body tense and fists clenched into claws at her side.

Her anger wasn’t at Lena, she would rush to assure her, wrapping her up in a hug in a display of strength that now made sense, and telling her that she was kind and brilliant and didn’t deserve how she had been treated. Lena had always melted, the fear that she had pushed Kara away with her traumatic childhood fading as Kara held her.

“No,” Lena shook her head, sipping her cider before picking up her que. “Who’s Kenny?”

“Kenny,” the name was said as a sigh and Alex shook her head slowly. “Kenny was a boy at school.”

Alex was quiet for a long while, long enough for Lena to consider lowering her pool-stick and going to comfort her before she finally started to speak.

“Mum and Dad made sure that Kara would never use her powers, reveal her identity,” Alex said slowly, brow furrowed as she gazed into the distance.

“Every time she did, something bad happened, someone got hurt. The first time it was me,” Alex gave a wry smile.

“Kara heard people in trouble and ran to help, using her powers. I got caught in the crossfire. Dad basically forced her to never use her powers again, and she was so scared and guilty that she agreed.”

Lena settled against the pool-table; game forgotten as she listened with increasing wonder at how strong Kara was for enduring what she had.

“But… she was magical,” Alex let out a shaky laugh, reminiscing her teenage self, jealous and in awe of her new sisters’ powers.

“We still tried them out though. One night,” Alex wet her lips and shook her head, but she was smiling as she did. “She convinced me to go flying, to see the stars like she did. Mum caught us as we snuck back in.”

The fond nostalgia faded from Alex’s face and Lena had a feeling she wasn’t going to like where the story went to next.

“And then the DEO came knocking, the old DEO,” Alex emphasised, familiar fire entering her eyes and it took Lena a moment to understand. “Under Hank Henshaw.”

“Ah.” Well, that had clearly not gone well for the Danvers family.

“Dad went with them to stop them taking Kara, and she… she knew she had been at fault, and the guilt nearly destroyed her again.”

Alex was idly rolling her pool stick between her fingers now, staring down at it.

“She didn’t use them again until Kenny. Kenny was a boy at school, he liked Kara. He was quiet and kind and he didn’t laugh at her or make jokes at her expense. He just… was. He accepted her for all of her. He was there for her when I wasn’t.”

Alex didn’t try to defend her teenage-selfs actions of abandoning her new sister, the orphan she hadn’t wanted, the reason her father had been ‘killed,’ and Lena could see that it killed Alex now, how she had treated Kara back then, when the incident should have brought them closer as a family.

“Kenny was killed,” Alex said, and Lena straightened in surprise, of course Kara would find trouble in Midvale.

“Kara thought it had been Jake, the quarterback, as he was always bulling Kenny, and Kara, but she marched right up to him and demanded to know what he had done to Kenny.”

In her mind Lena could picture a gangly blonde ramming her glasses on her nose and storming up towards a boy bigger and ‘stronger’ than her, and demanding answers. It both saddened and warmed her, picturing a young Kara, still lost and in pain, but still willing to fight for those who could not.

“We caught the guy eventually, and we grew closer, but Kara gave up on using her powers because of the dangers.”

Alex slowly lifted her gaze from her pool stick to look Lena in the eye. She wasn’t warning her, nor was she hinting at any blame, rather she was acknowledging a truth between the two of them when she said, “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what those dangers are.”

Lena could certainly list a few.

“She didn’t use her powers, or really use her powers, until the plane.”

“To save you.”

“To save me,” Alex agreed with a little nod. “I was so mad. So mad. She put herself in danger and it- “

“It’s what Kara does.”

“Yeah.” Alex was quiet a little while and Lena let them slip into comfortable silence, their pool game all but forgotten.

“I told her to keep that part of her a secret, hidden, for all of her life, to keep her safe, and to keep us safe. But her becoming Supergirl? She _found_ herself. I don’t know if you can relate- “

“I can,” Lena cut across the end of Alex’s words and she nodded once. “I understand that.”

“Being Supergirl freed her,” Alex explained, and while Lena would rather hear all of this from Kara, she wasn’t at that stage yet, and hearing it from Alex made it easy to take.

“But I still wanted her to keep her identity a secret, she had to. People, when they find out, they try to use it against her.”

Alex hesitated and there was a glimmer of fear in her eyes. “I was kidnapped a while back.”

Lena stiffened and took a partial step forward. She knew the threat was eliminated, Alex wouldn’t allow it, and neither would the DEO or J’onn, but still, she wanted to help.

“My life was held hostage against Kara, against Supergirl. I nearly died,” Alex said, and her gulp was obvious but forced down. Lena wondered if she had seen someone about that obvious trauma, and then decided not to mention it. Boxes. Besides, Alex wouldn’t like the reminder of her weakness, nor would she like it pointed out to her.

“It was…. It was what she was always afraid of. Someone would find out and use her loved ones against her, and you know Kara,” Alex said ducking her head, “when it comes to her family and friends…. There isn’t anything she wouldn’t do….”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Lena offered needlessly. When she had a problem with someone, she took it out on them or their business interests, she didn’t go after the people they cared about. Family wasn’t involved in business unless they were involved in business. There was something to be said for a code.

“I know that. But I am sorry I never told her to tell you, or at least I didn’t make it clear that it would be okay if she did. She hasn’t really had much choice in who she tells, she’s only told one person willingly, and that was Winn.”

Lena’s lip twitched. She knew Kara’s history with the DEO’s former IT agent and knew that the two had known each other for a few years before Kara had told him the secret.

“I don’t think she’d have told him if she hadn’t wanted someone to share it with,” Alex said and ran her fingers through her hair. “If I had been more supportive, happier for her, then maybe she wouldn’t have told him until later, if at all.”

“James- “

Alex snorted, her expression twisting into distaste. “He knew about Kara before he even set foot in National City.”

How? Lena wondered and then she realised.

“Clark.”

“Clark,” Alex’s features soured. “That wasn’t his secret to tell, but still.” Alex took a swig of her beer and then returned to the abandoned pool game.

“A lot less people know than you think,” Alex said as she lined up her shot.

“I know it doesn’t make it easier, but there are only a handful of people who are aware of who and what she is, and only three she has told of her own will, and each time there has been outside circumstances either forcing her hand, or guiding it.”

“Let me guess,” Lena said, rounding the table as Alex’s shot missed, “those forces were telling her not to tell me?” The tell-tale tickle at the back of her throat had her eyes automatically finding the toilet door.

“Sometimes,” Alex admitted, and it was nice to have honesty, even if it hurt. “But…. Sometimes I think she was closer to you because you didn’t know. She could just be…. Kara. Not Supergirl or the refuge from Krypton, just… Kara….”

Lena could appreciate that, but that still didn’t make it any better. “But she wasn’t ‘just Kara’ with me, Alex. She was Kara Danvers. She is an entirely different person, and I had no idea. Can you even imagine how that feels? To have your best friend lying to you about who they are, every single day? To tell them things that you wouldn’t dream of telling anyone else, only to find out that you’re telling the person you’re mad at the reason you’ve been hurt. I was vulnerable with her, Alex, and she was using that information, information I didn’t have, to manipulate me, and the outcome, to best suit her. She came to me as two different people, using one person and then the other to best get the outcome that suited her the best.”

The tickle in her throat was getting stronger, turning to an itch and Lena was aware of herself consciously changing her breathing in preparation for the pain that would follow the coughing fit.

Alex lifted her brows before wincing and ducking her head in silent acknowledgement. “I’m sorry.”

She wasn’t apologising, and had never apologised for Kara, rather she was sorry for the entire situation and sorry for the hurt Lena was feeling.

“I still think you should talk to her,” Alex said gently, and it was the first time she had actually brought up Kara, her sister, Supergirl, as a topic, rather than her own past with Kara.

“She really misses- “

Lena’s chest convulsed and she quickly lent her stick against the pool table. “Excuse me,” she bit out hurriedly and quickly walked, ran, towards the bathroom.

Kara. It was all about Kara, and hearing from Alex, who would know that Kara was missing her, made the ache in her chest worsen, though this time it was with longing and loss. She missed Kara too, fiercely, the way one missed something that was part of their daily routine, like a favourite pair of socks, a comforting jersey, a treasured coffee mug. It wasn’t obvious, not like the loss of, say, a limb, but it was a constant reminder. She would turn to reach for it, only to remember it wasn’t there, and then she’d feel sad and mad and sad again in a vicious circle.

It was almost as though Kara were gone, dead, the way that Lena would think of her at random moments in her day and make mental notes to share things with Kara. From the new puppy living two floors down in her apartment building, to the young teens holding hands, clearly out on a first date, to the new food she’d see in café’s and think Kara would like. Often she had to stop herself from instinctively turning to her phone to call her, to send her random animal videos on the internet, which was all Kara’s fault- Lena didn’t waste her time like that, but Kara did, and she liked to make Kara happy.

But Kara wasn’t there, she was out, away from Lena’s own little self-imposed bubble of solitude and pain, the hurt of everything wrapped around her like her own personal moat. Lena was in love with a ghost, and it was killing her. A fact made even more apparent by the petals clawing their way up from out of her lungs.

She was starting to cough as she hit the toilet door, and she was thankful for being so obscenely rich that her recess room (which had a pool table, Ping-Pong set, and movie theatre) had its own bar and toilet, and she burst through the door and made for the sink.

She could hear Alex’s confusion behind her but gave it no thought as her body strained for oxygen and even though she was now painfully familiar with the process, reverted to its primitive survival state and fought for air. She was basically living on Vicodin now, and was thankful for it, even though she could still feel the pain of every petal.

The vanity was cool beneath her hands as she hacked and spluttered over the bowl and she could feel her eyes watering. This one was hurting more than usual, and as she coughed the petal up she wondered if it was getting worse, if maybe the petal would grow into a full sized plant and that would be how she would die, asphyxiated by love.

So far her research had been null, only fictional stories on the internet, though they all seemed to have a similar thread to them; the victim would cough up flower petals until they died, or until their love was reciprocated, in the same romantic manner. Lena wasn’t looking forward to an entire flower, stem and leaves and all, growing in her lungs and killing her, but she had to admit it was poetic.

“Lena?” Alex enquired, voice tipped with worry and Lena registered the door opening behind her and lifted a hand and gestured Alex away.

“Get out!” Her order was less imperious as she dissolved into convulsions the moment she managed to strangle the words out, and Alex rushed over to her, voice alarmed.

It was at the back of her throat, pressing and squeezing and it felt like it was trying to tear its way through her flesh. She brought a hand to her neck, trying to soothe the ache as she heaved over the bowl, heart racing and body starting to desperately grasp at air that wasn’t coming.

“Lena!”

Cool hands grabbed at her and she had no choice but to allow them as she hunched over the vanity and wheezed and spat out the petals.

They were a different flower, she realised as she panted over the sink, staring down at the flower she’d just coughed up, and it was an actual flower this time, not just a pretty little petal that could fit on your thumb. No, this one could fit in your hand, hands, cupped together. How she had even manged to cough it up, let alone have it growing in her chest without killing her, Lena didn’t know.

It explained why her throat hurt so much, and she rubbed it trying to chase the lingering ache. Her entire body was sore, but her throat and mouth hurt the most.

“What the-?”

Alex’s bemused voice came from somewhere above her and Lena slowly reached down to touch the flower.

Like all of them, when she coughed them up, it had a few strings of saliva on it, but otherwise it was perfect.

“A camellia?”

Alex was still having trouble coming to terms with what she was seeing, and Lena was still getting her breath back so didn’t answer, instead she lifted it slowly and brought it to her eyes.

It was slightly bigger than her palm; pretty, rounded edges forming points in perfect petals that grew tighter and smaller the closer they got to the centre.

Camellia; the flower of longing.

This one was a light pink, like a snow-capped mountain dusted in early morning light, right when the night splits from black to pale ambers and golds and pinks. And it was splattered with blood, her blood, and she could see drops of it leaving streaks down the white vanity and towards the sink.

“Lena?” Alex’s voice was stern now, the wonder gone, and Lena slowly lifted her gaze up to the mirror.

She was looking pale from her coughing fit, her eyes red and glassy, and there was a bit of blood on her chin which she wiped away.

“Why the fuck are you coughing up flowers?” Agent Danvers was staring her down in the mirror, gaze sharp but with shadows of concern and Lena shook her head.

“Don’t worry about it, Alex.”

“Lena! You- “

“Alex!” She lifted her voice, sharp and commanding and Alex hesitated, though she had a feeling it had more to do with her request as a friend, rather than her tone.

“Let. It. Go.”

Alex was visibly conflicted, and Lena turned to face her, wanting to look into her eyes without the barrier of glass.

“Please,” a hint a whine entered her tone and, though Alex didn’t look very happy about it, she gave a little nod, brow furrowed.

“Okay.”

Relief loosened her shoulders and she let out a sigh, breathing finally back to normal, but her throat would be sore for a while still. “Thank you.”

Alex’s eyes were searching, and Lena knew that it was likely that Alex would not let it go, and she would likely get a phone call later, or worse, an actual visitor, but for now Alex was leaving it.

“I think it’s your turn,” Alex stepped back and opened the door and Lena smiled after her, pained and false.

“It is,” she agreed, and she gently tucked the flower into her pocket to be join her collection later as she followed Alex. Maybe the doctor would be able to help her, two minds were better than one, but Lena wasn’t really willing to have to explain why, let alone who, so she cast aside the thoughts of asking for help. Luthor’s didn’t ask, they demanded, and they never needed help. They would suffer in silence, and so she would die, not in silence because she’d be choking on her own love, but she’d die, there was nothing to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoy! Thanks for the Kudos and Comments, they make my day :D
> 
> Also, wasnt Katie looking like a fucking snack? Damn it woman! How can you be so pretty! And I think we will be getting more Katie content this weekend, I think she is a guest on some 'stay at home for Covid con' thingy. Fingers crossed.


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re a fucking idiot!” The whirlwind of Alex Danvers descended upon the sanctuary of her office and Lena glanced at the clock before deciding that yes, eight was early enough to drink.

Rising slowly, she walked over to the bar, tossing a casual, “Good morning to you, too, Alex,” over her shoulder.

“Don’t you ‘good morning’ me, Lena!” Alex demanded as she stormed further into the room and Lena waved Jess away and waited for the door to close before turning back to her whiskey.

Did she go for taste or did she go for alcoholic content? She believed in a healthy balance, so she poured two fingers worth of each into a glass and tipped it back, wincing at the combination.

“Is it not a good morning?” Lena enquired, being purposely obtuse and Alex slammed a file into her chest.

“Shut up,” Alex snarled, and she bent past Lena to grab her own glass and helped herself to Lena’s top-shelf whiskey with the ease of a pro. Lena merely lifted an amused brow as Alex tossed the first fingers worth back without wincing and then poured herself another, muttering about stupid, stubborn scientists.

Lena set her glass down at her desk and took a seat, leaving Alex at the bar and with the whiskey. The file was in one of those plastic folders, simple and not particularly professional, but from the looks of it, it had come from Alex’s private supply, and the thought warmed her briefly until she saw the title.

Hanahaki Disease.

“Alex,” she began and Alex stormed over to her, slamming the bottle of scotch on the table with a growl.

“Don’t you ‘Alex’ me, Lena Kieran Luthor,” she thundered and Lena winced. She really regretted the drunken truth or dare with Kara and the group, trust Kara to want to know what her middle name was.

“I Googled,” Alex continued, with the air of a suburban mum telling her neighbour some completely obviously true and accurate fact, and she finished her glass without batting an eye.

“You have Hanahaki Disease, as impossible as that is,” she added, almost to herself as she poured both her and Lena another glass.

“Alex, I don’t have-“

“Don’t,” Alex said sharply, features pinched. “Don’t lie to me, Lena.”

Lena inhaled, long and deep, relishing the stretch as the ache in her lungs had faded until her next coughing fit. She’d coughed up three more camellias since the night before, and she was growing tired of it, even though the bouquet on her desk was highly photogenic.

“Alright,” she released the air and Alex blinked.

“Alright?”

“Alright. I have the Hanahaki Disease.”

Alex sagged in her chair, the fight in her draining and she looked an old hand at it, slumping in her seat with a drink in her hand at eight eleven in the morning.

“Wow, okay.” Alex seemed at loss for what to say next, the fire in her fading in the face of Lena’s agreement. “So….. how?”

“I have no idea,” Lena murmured and it was nice to have someone to talk to about it, someone who clearly didn’t think she was crazy, or think that they themselves needed to be locked up on account of hallucinating.

“But you’re, like, actually coughing up flowers?”

“Yes,” Lena sipped at her own whisky, savouring the burn.

“How long?”

Lena lowered her glass, peering over the rim at Alex, who had straightened and was looking at her urgently. “How long do I have? Or how long has this been happening?”

“Both,” Alex’s reply was instant, though to be fair, one answer would present the other.

Lena let out a sigh, avoiding glancing down at the little date at the bottom of her computer screen. “Before Lex’s funeral.” Which was a month and a half ago, a little over six weeks.

Now, in her research she had determined that she had a limited time to live. The sources were mostly fanfiction and lore, but they all agreed that she had less than a year to live, and some even thought it was less than a month. It was nearly two months for Lena, so she was either going to drop dead at any moment, or she had a bit more time.

The time between the flowers was decreasing, and their size was increasing, as was the severity of her coughing fits and the time she needed to recover. All of the petals she choked up were splattered with blood now, when originally it had been the new flowers that brought blood with them. Now dots of her bright red life-force would glint eerily on the flowers, and it would have been beautiful if it didn’t meant she wasn’t inching closer to death.

From a very basic hypothetical timeline, she had determined she had about one-hundred and seven days, or a little over three and a half months until the buds in her chest blossomed into a flower that would choke her from the inside and kill her. So far she hadn’t found a way to avoid that particular outcome, and had put her affairs in order, confirming a few details on her already formed will.

She was still mad at Kara, but that didn’t mean she wanted any harm to come to her, and she wanted to make sure L-Corp, and all its resources, as well as Lena’s private research and resources, went to the right people. She had picked people from around the world, deserving leaders in their fields, inspiring young stars, people determined to do good with what little they had.

When Lena Luthor died, and she would die, her billions would be spread across the world and enrich the lives of millions of people and animals, as well as the environment. It would be her legacy, a pity she wouldn’t be around to see it. Still, beggars couldn’t be choosers, as the saying went.

“Jesus, Lena,” Alex let out a curse and swallowed her third, or was it forth? Glass of whiskey before pouring herself some more. She held the bottle out for Lena, but she shook her head, she didn’t need a refill, and she _was_ at work.

“Okay, so that gives you….” Alex trailed off while she did the math.

“I hope to see the new year in, but I doubt I’ll last long after that,” Lena offered and she took another sip of whisky. Screw it, she was the boss, and she was terminal, so fuck her naysayers.

Alex let out another mumbled curse, and the thought of her distress over her impending demise, made Lena’s chest warm. It was nice to have someone so firmly in her corner. Usually it was the other Danvers sister….

“Right, okay,” Alex ran her fingers through her short hair distractedly. “What information do you have? We could combine resources.”

Lena glanced at Alex before turning to her monitor and opening her private server. It took a ridiculously long and complicated password but soon she was pulling out an encrypted file and turning the screen to show Alex.

“Not much. From what I can gather, lore says the flowers can be removed, along with the feelings for the person.”

“And maybe their memory of the person,” Alex added and it was clear that Alex had done her research, likely during the night, if the bags under her eyes, now visible close up, were to tell.

“The surgery is well enough in theory, but in practice the lungs are…,” she trailed off delicately and caught Alex’s wince.

“Have you done scans?”

“Of course,” Lena replied smoothly, a little offended if she were to be honest. She was a scientist, of course she had tested every angle she could think of. Still, Alex was a doctor as well, and she was a second, brilliant mind to put to the task.

“Here,” Lena took the screen back and a few taps of her finger later and Alex was able to see the scans for herself.

She spent a good moment looking over the various scans, and it was as chilling as ever, seeing the outline of her death in her lungs. She’d wondered if that was what cancer patients had felt like at seeing their scans, and felt a moments of comradery- she had also immediately added an amendment to her will to donate more to the cancer foundation.

“I did every scan I could think of-“

“Alone?”

Lena shot Alex a look, lifting a brow and Alex ducked her head. “Right.” Of course Lena had done them alone, she wasn’t about to let anyone else know she was dying, and of a fictional disease of unrequited love.

“I’ve been working on developing a serum which will allow me to better pinpoint where the flowers start.”

“And?” Alex glanced at her, her narrowed gaze softening.

“I haven’t injected it yet, I was going to this evening. Would you-“

“Yes,” Alex answered instantly. “We can go to the DEO, if you like? Our resources are at your disposal.”

The thought warmed her, at being offered so much support without question and condition, still, she didn’t want to go to the DEO. People would talk and it increased the risk of her coming face to face with Kara, and she didn’t want that.

“I have my own facilities, but thank you.” She turned the screen back to face her, glancing at the scans of her lungs before exiting out of the image, mood souring. It was nice to reminded of her impending death sentence.

“We can go now,” Alex said and her hands were on the arm-rests, ready to launch her into battle. Alex was good like that, always ready to throw down for who and what she believed in.

“No,” Lena shook her head. “I have work to do.”

“Work can wait, Lena,” and there was Kara in Alex’s expression and tone and Lena hesitated.

“I’m going to die, Alex,” she said calmly and she’d had weeks to come to terms with it. “I can wait a few hours while I get work out the way.”

“It’ll be here when you get back,” Alex countered, and Lena felt a smile twist her lips.

Kara had said the same thing many a time, as well as adopting the folded arms and narrowed brows. Though she usually paired them with a devastatingly effective pout, while Alex just looked like she was telling her subordinate off. It wasn’t a feeling Lena was particularly used to, especially now with her mother out of her life. Lena didn’t like it very much, but as she’d seen Alex use the same look on Kara, her sister, someone she protected and cared for, and then direct it at herself made her chest warm.

“Yes, it will,” she agreed but made no move to go to her lab and run the tests. Defeated, Alex settled back into her chair with a sigh.

“Fine, but I’ll come over later to help you.”

“You don’t have-“

“I’ll be here at six,” her eyes narrowed. “On the dot.”

Lena allowed a smile to curl her lips. “Bring something healthy.”

Alex nodded, satisfied, and stood, draining the last of her glass.

“For what its worth, James is an idiot,” she said and missed Lena’s surprise as she was already turning to the liquor cabinet and replacing her glass and the bottle, now significantly emptier than it was before.

Lena would have thought that Alex, a lesbian herself, would have noticed Lena’s…. affection… for her sister, but considering she had been closeted for most of her life, and was the definition of a baby gay, she probably put their friendship down to exactly that. Friends. Any oddities could be passed off by Lena’s traumatised childhood and by Kara’s obliviousness to earth customs.

Still, Lena wasn’t about to correct Alex. No need to open that can of worms. She was still coming to terms with it herself.

“I’m not in the habit of forcing people to care about me, Alex. It is what it is.”

Alex grunted but offered no further comment as she strode to the door, waggling her fingers in farewell.

“Six,” she said sternly, the ‘I’m watching you’ movement with her hand clear, and it wasn’t intimidating like it usually was when directed at Lena, in fact it made her laugh lightly as Alex saw herself out.

~*~

As promised, or more likely threatened, Alex arrived at six pm on the dot, carrying some Chinese with her while balancing some drinks, and with a folder tucked under her arm.

“Have you left that chair?” Was her greeting as she saw herself in and strode across to the desk.

“Briefly,” Lena replied dryly. “Don’t sit down, we’ll go to the lab,” she said and closed her work, making sure to log off properly before she stood with a groan, cracking her back.

“Getting old?” Alex teased and Lena paused before smirking, slow and wide.

“You’re older than I am.”

Alex gave a little shrug, brushing the comment off. “Wisdom before youth,” she said airily and Lena let out a little laugh.

“Come on,” she flicked her head towards the doors and held her hand out. “Can I carry something?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Lena lead them through the building to the elevator and then scanned her key card over the scanner before placing her palm on a flat, mirror like surface.

“Bio security?” Alex guessed and Lena nodded.

“With recent events we’ve upgraded our security. I got tired of people trying to kill me while I’m trying to work.”

There was no elevator music as they gradually descended into the basement and Lena mentally counted off the floors and what work was done on them, as well as any employee of note.

She had a lot of potential in this building, and she was saddened she wasn’t going to be around to see it bloom.

She felt her eye twitch. Maybe she should avoid words like that, or anything associated with flowers, petals, growing, things that were a bit of a sore spot for her.

“What’s the serum?”

Lena pulled her attention from her spiralling thoughts and glanced at Alex. She took a moment to answer and answered Alex’s further questions and soon Lena’s private laboratory was opening before them. It was deep in the bowels of L-Corp, protected from almost everything, except a Martian phasing through the barriers, which really hadn’t been fair, and was her sanctuary.

She spent a lot of time down here, not as much as she would like, but whenever life was getting tough or it wasn’t working, she would retreat down her and devote herself to her next project.

Evidence of it was littered on the benches, partially complete objects and blueprints, and she could see Alex eyeing them with curiosity and some appreciation.

“Over here,” she led the way through the lab to another door. Inside were as many machines as she needed, and it looked like a mad scientist had gotten loose inside, there were beakers and tubes and all sorts of equipment.

She had an injection of the serum already prepared. It was mostly clear, with little specks of red in it as a biproduct of the chemicals she had inserted.

In the corner she had set up a line of all the machines she could think of, and though it wasn’t ideal, they had done the trick. Now, though, she had wanted a clearer picture and had designed a machine herself. Hopefully it would work. She had combined almost every scanning machine she could think of, and had run into a few problems while doing so which was why it had taken so long, and had directed the results into a 3D imaging program on the computer. When complete, it would show a complete rendering of her lungs and what was going on in them.

Lena calmly walked over to the serum and rolled up her sleeve. It would take less than a minute for the blood to circulate through her body, and she’d use that time to undress and lie on the machine.

It would be weird having someone else in the room with her, as she had done all of her previous tests and scans by herself, but useful. Alex could operate the machines instead of Lena setting them up on a timer. And if anything went wrong, which was unlikely, she’d be there to help.

She cleaned her skin with disinfectant while Alex placed their food on the bench and came over to assist.

“Where do you want to start?” She enquired as she took advantage of the medical gloves nearby and put them on.

“I’ve tried the ventilation and prefusion, you saw the results of those, but I want a clearer picture of how and where.”

Alex held her arm firmly as she picked up the needle. “And just seeing the blockages isn’t enough?”

Her question was wry, and Lena let out a little laugh. “If I can figure out how they grow, where they start, then maybe I can remove them or halt their progress. My other scans have been… inconclusive.”

She didn’t bat an eye at the slight bite of the needle and let Alex wipe the small drop of blood away.

“You design the machine yourself?”

Lena let out a hum of acknowledgement and moved away from Alex.

“It’s taken me weeks.”

“Weeks,” Alex nearly snorted and Lena couldn’t help but smile at her softly. Of course, Alex would find her frustration at taking so long to build something that would take entire team’s _years_ , amusing.

Sitting sideways on the machine she made a mental note to make it more comfortable if she were to be spending more time on it and started to unbutton her shirt.

Alex looked startled a moment before glancing away and proceeded to dispose of the serum and her gloves in the disposal bin, which would be fed to an incinerator.

“This the computer?” She asked, peering at the monitor and glancing back at Lena as she lay down and got herself settled. The air in her lab was cold, and her body erupted into shivers, and she made another mental note to adjust the temperature.

“Click ‘run’,” Lena instructed and settled beneath the machine and closed her eyes.

There was a tap, a slight chirping of affirmative, and then the machine started to whirl, and with a low humming the arm descended over her torso.

“How long is it going to take?” Alex enquired from over by the computer and Lena hummed in thought.

“This is the first time I’ve tried it.”

“You’re using an untested machine?”

“I tried it on mice first, Alex. I’m terminal not suicidal.”

Alex’s reply was sharp and cutting. “You don’t know that.”

“Mh. It should take about fifteen minutes. You should be able to see the scan as its built.”

A few moments passed and then Lena hear the chair squeak as Alex got up and she flicked an eye open to see what she was doing. She could only see her back but quickly figured out that she was opening their Chinese.

The chair protested at the force in which Alex lowered her weight onto it and her voice came a few moments later.

“This is pretty cool.”

There was a moments pause where she chewed. “If you tidy it up, I can guarantee the DEO will buy some.”

“I’m still working on the parameters, but if you look on the right you should be able to select a few.”

There was a clicking and then a pregnant pause before, “Holy shit! You’re a fucking genius! The DEO will definitely buy this! You could change the medical industry!”

Her excited murmurs were lost mostly to herself, and Lena allowed herself a momentary self-indulgence. Yes, she was good.

“You get pneumonia you were a kid?”

“Mh, Lex and I went skiing and I go sick. I was ten,” she cracked an eye open. “Can you tell?”

“Yeah! The scaring is showing up on the scan. This is fucking awesome, Lena!”

She tried to turn the monitor but Lena wouldn’t have been able to see it anyway and Alex gave up.

“I can see your veins. It doesn’t look like the flowers are inside, there isn’t any clots or anything.”

“I think they are formed on the outside of the Bronci, but I don’t know how far down they go. If they form any lower, I’m fucked, though it would explain why I’m coughing blood.”

“There wouldn’t be enough room,” Alex agreed instantly, and she was quiet a moment before her voice came again, sombre. “They’d literally rip your lungs apart…You’d drown in your own blood.”

Thankfully,” Lena said, purposely making her tone a little light, “my research indicates asphyxiation rather than drowning, though in all honesty it could be a combination of both. It’s not like oxygen is necessary.”

“Lena,” Alex’s voice was stern with reproach but with a hint of laughter.

“I’m dying Alex, let me have this,” she said, and it was easy to say. She’d come to terms with it, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to fight for her life. At least she had an estimate date, and knew the cause. She just had to come up with a cure.

If it were limited to just one lung, then she’d have the other one removed and be done with it, but her initial scans had shattered that dream. Both of her lungs had little growths on them, so that plan was out.

Hopefully with this machine up and running she’d be able to see just how her Hanahaki was formed, and how fast it grew and spread. Then she could better formulate a plan. She doubted chemo would work, as from what she had read the disease just kept growing, but maybe, just maybe.

She didn’t particularly want to try chemotherapy, but it was on her list of options. Radiation would blitz the area and she wasn’t really prepared to deal with the mess it would cause because what she had wasn’t cancer. It was something else.

She cast her mind towards her problems while the machine worked and soon it was beeping and the arm was lifting off her and sliding to the side.

Lena sat, stretching out slightly and picked up her shirt and bra from the ground.

Alex was still staring at the 3D image on the screen though had worked her way through their dinner quite well.

“Here,” she handed Lena a plate and she gratefully accepted it, it smelt delicious, even if it was a little cold.

“This is incredible, Lena,” Alex had to repeat her awe, and Lena took a seat next to her, nudging her over.

“Its not finished yet, but its done the job,” she finished with a please smile as she took in the 3D rendering of her chest.

“If we remove the other layers… one sec….” it took her a few clicks, and she had to cut and pick a few times to get the layers away, sort of like cropping pictures, but soon she had a model of her lungs.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was still pretty awesome. Her lungs were perfectly rendered on the screen in front of them and she used the mouse to spin the image around. It was very cool.

When she sharpened the program up, likely with more samples and a bit more time, she’d be able to erase entire layers of her chest, entire bones and muscle structures, vein trees and skin. She would be able to pick and choose what part of the body she wanted to look at. Of course, she’d have to factor in any abnormalities, but with a high-powered computer she’d be able to manage it. She briefly wondered if Kara’s supervision was like this, able to pick and choose which part she looked at, and then shook the thought off. This wasn’t about Kara.

“If we peel back screen by screen,” she murmured and clicked a few times, cutting away slices of her lungs. “There….” She let out a breath as she saw the garden growing in her lungs.

Next to her Alex let out a whistle. “Wow,” she breathed and Lena could only nod.

Nestled in her lungs were little buds, spreading petals, and even small flowers, perfectly formed but miniature, waiting to grow and burst from her chest.

She had a second monitor set up with flowers of all types and she and Alex looked at them and back at Lena’s chest.

“Those are camellias,” Alex pointed out, to the little flowers cupped by her bronci.

“I need it in colour,” Lena muttered to herself, and that would be her next task. It shouldn’t be too difficult, overlaying the sections with colour, or even just outlines, and then it would be as though a living person was on her computer.

“What are those ones? They look familiar.”

Lena followed Alex’s gaze to the screen and narrowed her eyes. “Um,” a quick glance at her page of flowers and she found it. “Daffodils.”

There was a set of pictures as well as what the flower was typically associated with.

Daffodil; unrequited love.

Lena avoided Alex’s gaze, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes.

“There doesn’t seem to be a pattern,” she mused as she glanced over the flowers. Some of the buds were tiny, no bigger than a pin-head, while others were fully formed flowers just waiting to burst free. The thought made her chest tighten.

“How’s your breathing?”

Lena gave a little shrug. “Not too worse than usual, though I have noticed a slight decrease in my lung capacity, and my breathing is more laboured when I’m on the treadmill.”

Alex gave a little nod and returned to glaring at the screen.

“We’ll have to run tests on that too, see if we can better pin the progress down.”

Lena had already been monitoring her breathing and heart-rate on the treadmill since she had first realised what she had, and had the results for Alex which she opened on the monitor.

Alex read them over while Lena used the mouse to scroll the 3D image and marvel at how perfect the life her lungs were making was. Truly. If she put her flowers into a competition they would win, they were perfect. Apart from the fact they were killing her, of course.

“Have you tried to…. Encourage the growth?” Alex enquired and Lena tensed slightly.

Alex was wincing at her word choice when Lena glanced at her. “Wording, um…. Have you seen if anything in particular… triggers… the growth? Is there a pattern?”

“None that I have found,” Lena replied instantly. She hadn’t been able to determine how and when the flowers crawled their way up from her chest, only that she could feel it coming, but that was a physical response.

Maybe there was some sort of chemical response that triggered it? It was a thought. She’d taken blood samples before and after her…episodes… and had taken samples of the flowers themselves, but she’d never been able to assess her body while she was having them, for obvious reasons.

With Alex around, that should be easier.

“Could we try and trigger one? We could figure out what brings them on, and maybe why the flowers keep changing? There must be a reason you cough up one and not the other.”

Alex was brilliant and Lena was pleased she was working with her, even though it had initially been a frustration. Somehow, having someone else know and be willing and able to help, made it easier.

“I’ve never given it thought.”

“But the flowers have something to do with it. When you coughed up the camellia…what were you thinking?”

The truth was on the tip of her tongue, so ready and willing to be uttered, but Lena didn’t.

How could she tell Alex that she was thinking of Kara? Of how she missed her best friend and how her heart went out to her pain, and how she wanted to fold her in her arms and never let her go? That even though she was aching, part of her needed Kara to fix it? That they might not be perfect, or whole, but that together they could maybe ease each other’s jagged edges?

No, it would be best she didn’t mention that to her.

“Does it matter?”

“Camellia’s mean, um, “ she spun back to the other computer and quickly scrolled, “longing and undying affection, among others. So, were you thinking about him? About James?”

I always think about her, she wanted to say, but she didn’t. Instead she gave a little nod.

“So… think about him now. See if…anything happens…”

Lena didn’t like the bitter taste thinking about James left in her mouth, but there was nothing compared to the delicious cacophony of feelings she had when she thought about Kara. It was all too easy.

What was she doing now? Was she at work, slaving away at her desk, or was she out in the skies, protecting the people and changing lives?

A familiar itch caught at the back of her throat and she lifted a hand to it reflexively.

“Is it working?”

Lena gave a little nod.

“Keep thinking about him!” Alex demanded, “Go back under the scanner!”

Lena quickly rose and strode over to the machine, removing her shirt as Alex reset the scanner.

“We might not pick up much, but maybe it’ll be enough.”

The bench was as cold as she remembered, and the machine whirled as the scanner moved over her torso.

“What is it you like about him?” Alex asked, setting the scanner and intently eyeing the screen. “Is there a way I can record the scanning? In case things change?”

Lena directed her to the record button while she thought.

What was it that attracted her to Kara? It was obvious, but also not.

Kara was… she was Kara.

The first thing Lena had noticed about Kara was her kindness. She had a smile for everyone she came across, a supportive word, a generous offer. She had smiled at Lena, seen she needed help, and had walked right into her life and taken up position in it, filling her world with happiness and joy.

Kara listened and offered advice, she didn’t judge, and when she offered criticisms they were always founded, but she always listened to Lena’s point of view. It had been nice, to be listened to without being afraid that her audience would just look at her and think ‘Lex Luthor’s sister.’ Kara actually listened to what she had to say, or had at least appeared to listen to what she had said, and part of her must have taken it on board, because she did alter her behaviour a little, even if only between them.

She liked to spend time with her, willingly and easily, and it was so easy to be with her, she popped in and out of Lena’s life whenever she pleased, and now Lena knew why and was sceptical of her, but it had been wonderful. They spent time together weekly, sometimes more than once, especially if someone had tied to kill Lena and Kara wanted to make sure she was okay. That had always warmed her heart, even if Kara had known she was fine because she had been the one to save her.

There was a slight itch at her throat that started to burn and she swallowed to ignore it, and went back to what used to be one of her favourite pastimes; thinking about Kara.

Kara was always there, once she came into her life, and it seemed that whenever she turned around, Kara was there with a smile and usually some food. Actually, always with food….unless she wanted something.

The lighter, golden feeling that usually accompanied the thought of Kara soured. Of course. Kara only brought food when she didn’t need something to keep her distracted, or not questioning why Kara had come to see her. It made it all the more obvious when she needed her, she either came pretending to be sneaky, or came in outright and asked for her help. Lena at least appreciated the openness of that, the clear request for help rather than the underhand dealings. For all Kara knew of Lena, for all she had been shown, she would have thought that Supergirl would have realised that getting close to Lena and using her would be the worst thing she could ever do. It was one of the worst betrayals Lena had had, and she had had many.

“Something’s happening!” Alex was watching the computer screen with wide eyes. “Do you have any neural scanners?”

Lena directed her over to a bench a few meters away and Alex returned with the scanner. It looked like a small headset, and it wasn’t finished yet, but it did the job.

The agent handed it to Lena and then darted back to the computer. “Keep thinking about him, or whatever it is you are thinking about!”

Lena ran a few mental calculations and came to the conclusion that her machine needed to scan faster, that if she received any results from this scan, while thinking about Kara, they would be only able to determine where the flower came from. She doubted they’d be able to watch it grow, not at such a slow speed. She’d have to have several scans everyday in order to have a time-lapse of the flowers growing in her chest, but this was conjecture.

“Are you still thinking about him?”

Lena let out a little hum and Alex returned her attention to the computer.

She had given up on wallowing in her own misery, but sometimes it felt like it was all she had, and she was very good at it. It was easy to slip into those thoughts, into the self-loathing that she seemed to drown herself with, but she forced herself not to think about it, not to think about how open and friendly Kara had seemed when she had come into her life. She had by-passed Lena’s security to warn her away from her press-conference, and only because she didn’t want to see her get hurt.

She’d seemed so genuine, honest, earnest, when she had pursued Lena, and now it was obvious why. Clearly Supergirl saw Lena Luthor as an opportunity; if Lena were evil, she would be able to catch her easier, keep your enemies close and all that, and if Lena were good; then she had one of the most brilliant minds to ever exist on her side, with billions worth of resources and economic backing to support her. Kara wouldn’t lose. The only one who lost was Lena.

The burning in her chest increased and her breathing quickened as she realised she was about to cough. Her body was used to it now, but she still tried to monitor her breathing, to stave off the hacking fit she was about to have. She didn’t enjoy it, and was always tired after one. It seemed like she was always tired these days, but she endured. She always had.

The flower was a big one. She could feel it pressing against her as she coughed and hacked it out. Sometimes she liked to picture thorns on the edge of the petals, ripping and tear and clawing against her insides as she choked them up, but they never were. Instead, she’d cup her hands before her mouth and spit out a flower.

This one was red, a beautiful dark red, and she felt her muscles twinge as she twisted over the machine and away from the arm. As always it was photogenic and perfect and she knew instantly what kind it was, and why she had thrown it up.

“What is it?” Alex sounded thrilled, or at least pleased her hypothesis had been successful, as she marched over and helped push the machine arm out of the way.

“Red Dahlia,” Lena replied, staring down at the flower and swallowing the metallic taste of her own blood. Darker smears were on the petals, her own life-force, but she brushed it away with a gentle thumb. For all that they hurt her, for all that they heralded her death, they were beautiful and she could never bring herself to crush them. Instead they were littered around her house, oddly perfect and almost frozen in time, for they weren’t rotting at the rate natural ones did, though they did still start to decay as all living things did. She kind of liked them, even though they were killing her.

“Can I?”

Lena gently handed the flower over to Alex’s gentle enquiry and slowly got to her feet. She needed some water now, her mouth was thick and metallic and she wasn’t enjoying it.

“What does Red Dahlia mean?”

“Betrayal,” Lena replied absently as she wandered over to the small fridge in the corner to get a bottle.

Alex was quiet behind her a moment and when she turned back to her she was looking at her with pity. Lena lifted a brow. She didn’t have time for pity, and wouldn’t have it directed at her.

Taking a sip she wandered back to her computer, savouring the fresh, clear taste in her mouth.

Her lungs had already finished rendering, and she spent a few moments touching up the software and parameters, before playing the scan.

It wasn’t immediately clear which of the flowers had bloomed into the flower currently cradled gently in Alex’s hand, but soon an image formed. Lena drew upon the previous scan and set the two side by side for appraisal, and the difference was clear. It was like one of those ‘Spot the Difference’ problems in trashy magazines, except there was one glaringly obvious difference.

While Lena had been thinking about Kara several buds and spread, and several more had appeared. The Dahlia had come from her left lung, low on her bronchi, which was why it had hurt and caused bleeding on the way up. It had come a long way, forcing its way skyward through most of her respiratory system until she could spit it out, a physical reminder of her love for Kara, and for Kara’s betrayal. There were also several more buds around it, in various stages of growth.

Lena winced, those were going to hurt coming out.

“Betrayal,” Alex mused softly, eyeing the screen and rolling the flower between her fingers.

“Were you thinking of anything else? Anything else to get these,” she pointed at the screen and the new growths that had formed, “ones as well?”

“Yes.”

“Can you determine any?”

Lena shook her head slightly. Partly she didn’t want to particularly get into a discussion about her feelings for Kara, let alone that they were for Kara, with Kara’s sister, and she didn’t want to choke up another flower so soon. The dahlia had hurt, and part of her recoiled at the thought of another one so soon.

Alex brow creased before smoothening. “You’re right, that’s a lot so soon.”

She rubbed her chin in thought. “How often can you spare scans? If we monitor the flowers and where they come from, maybe we can find a pattern.”

“From my reading,” Lena began, “the flowers each symbolise emotions or memories connected to the person. I really hope I don’t start coughing up the entire flower though, roots and all.” She frowned, that wouldn’t be pleasant, and she was very thankful she hadn’t coughed up a rose yet, the thorns just might kill her before the strangulation did. Drowning in her own blood wasn’t a fate she was particularly keen on.

“It won’t get to that stage.”

“Hopefully not. I have taken steps to document everything I-we- have discovered to be released upon my death.”

“You _aren’t_ going to die.”

Alex sounded so determined, so certain, as though just because she deemed it so, it would be. Her faith was heart-warming, but Lena was sceptical. Still, it was nice to have someone believe in her, in a way.

Lena let a small, bitter smile twist her lips. “I hope not.”

Alex hesitated a moment, and Lena went back to looking at her lungs. Maybe she could scan herself every day? If she kept track of when the flowers appeared, and what triggered them, then maybe she could delay the inevitable. Plus it gave her some options for treatment. Surgery currently being the top of the list.

“Have you-“ Alex faltered, which was so unlike her that Lena gave her her full attention.

“Would you mind if I spoke to someone else about your…condition?”

That hadn’t been what she was going to say, but Lena let it go. She wasn’t in the mood to fight Alex for information.

“I won’t mention any names, not unless you want me to,” Alex hastened to add, body leaning forward and eyes earnest.

“I just…. This is a little out of my expertise and, well, the more people we have on this, the better.”

“Who did you have in mind?” Lena enquired, and she wasn’t very interested in having the DEO aware of her…. Circumstances…. Especially as they weren’t people she could control, and she really didn’t want the world to know that it was her heart that was going to do her in.

“Mum,” Alex said and Lena stiffened.

Dr Danvers.

“She’s a bio-engineer, one of the best!” Alex rushed to assure her.

“I am aware of who your mother is Alex,” Lena cut across her friend and she could see she had surprised Alex.

“Dr Danvers was one of two scientists I had considered approaching with my…problem.”

Alex smiled, looking both pleased and surprised. “Okay. I’ll ask her?”

Lena nodded and Alex immediately went for her phone. “Who was the other?” She asked after a few moments.

“You.”

Alex went still and slowly lifted her eyes.

Lena met her gaze squarely and gave Kara’s sister a small smile.

“You were going to come to me?”

Lena gave a little shrug. “I know and trust you. You are familiar with working with unusual and often unheard of cases, plus I figured you wouldn’t blab to the nearest paper you could find.”

Alex frowned, partially annoyed that she hadn’t been asked, but also wondering why Lena hadn’t asked her.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I had hoped to find a solution before it came to that,” Lena ducked her head in semblance of a shrug. “I guess I ran out of time.”

Alex was determined, “We will figure out a way to fix this. I promise.”

Lena wasn’t one to take promises at face value, but had to admit, with Alex vowing it so fiercely, she almost believed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and Comments everyone :D Mwah.


	7. Chapter 7

“You know,” Alex said, voice slightly muffled by the honey chicken she had crammed into her mouth just moments before. “I think we’ve got it.”

“Alex. Swallow.” This comment was from an elder blonde woman who was in a lab coat like the other two and was picking at her own fried rice combination.

“Yes mum,” Alex rolled her eyes at the woman who was sitting near her on the other chair.

Lena just kept quiet and sipped at her smoothie. Her coughing fits had gotten worse, she was coughing blood up a half dozen times a day and it was starting to ware on her. She struggled with solid foods now, unless she thoroughly chewed them, and she couldn’t handle foods at hot or cold temperatures without her throat hurting.

The flavour wasn’t too bad, she mused and took another sip, though she did side eye Alex’s honey chicken, it smelt delicious.

In the week since Eliza Danvers had temporarily located to National City, though Lena was trying to get her to stay permanently, they had made limited progress on Lena’s Disease.

Her death was still eminent, likely the first week of January at a _stretch_ , but at least now they had a more accurate time frame to work with. Still, it was about three months or so away, and it was a daunting thought.

With Eliza’s help they had been able to form a hypothesis on how the flowers formed, and how they grew. Lena had even been able to upgrade her technology to provide even more accurate scans, scans so precise that she was able to watch as each bud bloomed and grew into flowers, before watching as her lungs contracted and forced them up, up and out, dragging the flowers from her. She had gotten so used to the taste of blood that it no longer bothered her, and now when she coughed, she coughed up blood, regardless of whether a flower accompanied it or not.

Lena’s love seeded the flowers. Her thoughts grew them in the place of water and soil. Her feelings caused them to bloom, to grow and grow in search of the sun, for her sun, for Kara.

Different feelings caused different flowers to bloom, usually they meant the emotion she was thinking about, and it had been awkward for all three of them, when some of the flowers had been painfully clear in how Lena felt about Kara. There was an entire database of flowers to choose from, and Lena would have been embarrassed if Kara’s adoptive family was aware of her feelings for her but was thankful, they still thought it was James. But that had been a difficult conversation.

Alex, blind but bold, unstoppable Alex, had been dropping increasingly aggressive hints about how she should get back together with James, or at least tell him the way she felt. It had been a challenge to get her to drop it, however Lena had finally put her foot down, and Eliza had agreed, stating that if Lena didn’t want to tell him, then it was not their place to tell him for her.

Of course, Lena had stated, at a shout, that she would rather die than get back together with James, let alone be with someone who didn’t love her just because she was dying. She wouldn’t force that on anyone, and if she continued to push the subject, Lena would have to ask Alex to leave.

But a mother knows…. And Lena suspected Eliza knew more about Lena’s feelings than she let on, though she had yet to comment on it. Rather, her first comment regarding Kara had been to tell Lena that her daughter missed her and tell her that she had a right to be angry and hurt, but she was punishing herself as well as Kara. It must have been the nurturing mother in her that had known precisely what to say to twist Lena’s heartstrings, and somehow Eliza made it sound as though she were wanting the best for Lena, and for Kara. Lena had believed her for a moment, before she saw the coat Dr E. Danvers that Lena had acquired for her new hire. Then she had changed the subject and they hadn’t spoken of Kara since.

As expected, Eliza had been fascinated with what was happening to Lena, and the scientist part of her thoroughly enjoyed working with the two Danvers scientists. They were both intelligent, experienced in their field, and Alex had a wicked sense of humour that got her into trouble with her mother more often than not, though occasionally Alex was left blushing when Eliza spoke fondly of her escapades with Jeremiah.

Listening to the two of them bicker back and forth made her miss Kara, how Alex and Kara would bicker, but having them soothed the hurt a little.

She wasn’t quite ready to let it go, she wasn’t sure what she would do without the anger to protect herself with, cry maybe, and she didn’t really want to do that. But she was tired. She was tired, hurting, and dying. A wonderful cocktail of problems.

Still, it could have been worse. She could have been dealing with it alone, and she was thankful that she wasn’t.

“We’ve figured out where and why the flowers show up, now we just have to figure out how to stop them,” Alex said, punctuating her statement with her fork and a piece of chicken.

“The lore seems to think cutting them out is the only option,” Lena offered dryly, taking a sip of her smoothie. It was mostly green on account of the kale, but there was oranges and bananas in it too, other greens that provided iron to recuperate her lost blood. It wasn’t much she was losing, a spoonful every time, but multiple that by once every two hours, every single day, and she was starting to feel the strain.

Her next step would be a blood transfusion and she had it organised for the next morning, with Eliza and Alex supervising. The blood loss wasn’t much, but it was better to keep it where it needed to be, rather than worry about it on top of everything else she had to worry about.

“And lose your memories of the person it was attached to,” Eliza pointed out, a sceptical furrow to her brow. “How is that even possible?”

“I have flowers growing in my lungs, Dr Danvers, I think we are beyond impossible.” Lena still called Eliza Dr Danvers, even though she had said Lena could call her Eliza. She had yet to take her up on the offer and wasn’t sure if she ever would. She liked to keep the distance between her and Kara’s mother, even though she still called Alex, Alex.

“You’d need a cardiothoracic surgeon,” Alex pointed out. “We could do it at the DE- “

“No,” Lena interrupted. “If I do it, it will be done privately. Discreetly.”

“I can reach out to a few colleagues,” Eliza offered. “See who would be interested, without naming any names, of course.”

Lena nodded a little in thanks. She still wasn’t comfortable with Eliza, but, well, she didn’t think she ever would be. She was in love with the woman’s youngest daughter and it was literally killing her.

Alex soon changed the subject to some new form of technology the DEO was working on, and Lena allowed herself to get lost in work, fun work, work that didn’t impact her or her business. It was nice helping out the DEO, they compensated her greatly, or rather they compensated her selected charity greatly. It was nice to do something she enjoyed and contribute to a worthy cause at the same time.

As the evening drew in, Alex had to leave for an emergency in town. Lex sympathisers were still causing trouble after his death, and anti-alien sentiment was still rampant. Unfortunately, with all of the alien attacks and invasions, and damage to property and to people, the general population was still wary. Kara was doing what she could, but some people couldn’t be reasoned with.

Eliza lingered, after a shared glance with Alex that Lena pretended not to see and helped her clean up their dinner.

Lena had a feeling she knew what they were going to talk about and wondered if she would show more tact than either of her daughters or jump straight into it.

“She misses you, you know,” Eliza said, and Lena had her answer. She paused over the monitor she was moving to shut down. Her lungs were in perfect replica there, and her project had really offered her the opportunity to develop her tech, and she was thankful for that, with a few modifications she could use it to do an entire full body scan and find out where problems were.

The last flower she had coughed up, the one that was currently sitting on the table, still a little stained with blood, was another pink camellia, and she was well familiar with what it meant by now. She was missing Kara, and her body was physically responding to the ache in her heart. And also showing both Dr Danvers’ how she was feeling, which was less nice.

“I know you’re still hurting but…” Eliza paused a moment, the rubbish from their evening already tucked into a bag to be removed on her exit. “She’s hurting as well.”

Lena remained silent. She didn’t want to argue with Eliza, not when nothing she could say would make it better.

What could she say?

She missed Kara, she missed her so much, but she couldn’t get over the pain she had willingly inflected on her, and even if she could, the gap that had grown between them may as well have been a chasm. She didn’t know how to make it right, wouldn’t know where to start.

“You’re both hurting, and its shitty,” Eliza said, and Lena slowly lifted her eyes off the monitor to give her her attention. She was raised better than that, and silently expressed regret in trying to ignore the doctor. It was rude. “And it sucks, and it’s going to be hard but…. You don’t have much time left.”

That was putting it bluntly. So far only Lena had been so bold with her impending death. Alex was determined to save her, whatever it took, and Eliza was certainly up to trying, but neither of them had supported Lena’s morbid amusement with it. But they had never known they were going to die, or at least knew that there was no cure, no one coming to save them, and had time to think it over. Every. Single. Day.

“And I’d rather see my daughter smiling because of the time she got to spend with you before-if- you died, than crying over how she regretted the distance between you.”

Lena’s retort about how it wasn’t all about Kara rose to her lips and faded with the gentle, motherly concern she was being shown. “And I don’t want you to be alone for it either. Are you going to regret it as you die? Regret not reaching out? Trying to fix what’s broken between you?”

“Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

“That was not how I was raised,” Lena replied, flexing her jaw and tearing her eyes away from maternal concern. She didn’t deserve it, not after how she had purposely hurt Kara by pushing her away, and then by spending time with Alex, and sometimes with Brainy, but never with Kara.

“I know.” Eliza’s response was simple, open, clear. It was without judgement or criticism. Fact.

Lena was quiet a long moment, staring down at the image of her lungs and the flowers within it.

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” she finally whispered when the silence became too much. Eliza was already partway towards the door and she was surprised she had been able to hear Lena’s words, but she stopped and turned around.

“It’s Kara,” she said with a small, hopeful smile. “And you are Lena,” she pointed it out needlessly, and something of her tone and the words struck a chord with Lena, maybe some movie Kara had made her watch. “Food is always a start.”

And then Eliza was smiling gently at her, encouragingly, before stepping through the doors and out into the halls, leaving Lena alone bar the silent, empty machines and the lone flower.

Pink Camellia’s; longing.

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxx

The DEO was in an uproar when Eliza Danvers finally made it across town and to the building. For all that it was close to the business district, in fact only a half dozen blocks from L-Corp Tower, the drive had been arduous. Breaking news had swept through the city, the alien capital of the world, that Lex Luthor was unlikely to have died when Supergirl let him fall to his death.

It was all over the news, it was the only thing people were talking about. Lex Luthor, the notorious alien hater and reason behind the recent wave of xenophobia and attacks, was still alive. A massive manhunt had already begun, and the DEO was buzzing with the news and task, though they weren’t about to let the FBI and Marshal’s know that they were looking for him too.

It had been the reason for the fight down at the waterfront, the news had been broadcast in a bar and some drunken fools had picked a fight with some off-worlders. The DEO was certain there would be an uptick in attacks on aliens, or even alien’s returning the violence, within the next few days and were on high alert, already dispatching agents to certain locations in the city, ready to jump into service.

Kara was out there too, trying her best to calm the rising wave of violence. And, really, it was inevitable.

Her daughter liked to see the best in everyone, the good in even the worst people, the light in the dark, but she hadn’t thought that the people, the humans, might not be all too appreciative of aliens after a handful of invasions, attacks every other day, and the fear they brought with them. Most of it was Lex’s fault, manipulating from behind the scenes, but the pictures broadcast on the news, shown in the papers and in video clips, were telling. Aliens are bad, we must destroy them before we are destroyed. It was the truth for all species. When a superior model came along, the original was either eliminated or bred into the bloodline, erasing it from existence. Lex was just afraid of that happening to humans, which was understandable, if not a little backwards. Still, fear made people do stupid things.

Things like beat up some aliens and then try to drown them in the ocean, if Kara’s outraged mutterings were anything to go by.

Supergirl’s hair was a little windblown, like how it would get after she’d had a shower and then spun on the spot to dry herself off, but she probably hadn’t enjoyed the sub-par water pressure of her apartment and had likely gone for a swim in the ocean.

“It’s ridiculous,” Eliza caught as she got closer and Alex was at the centre of the hub, trying to co-ordinate. “Lex died; they should just-just go back to work!”

Kara had her hands tossed in the air in frustration and slumped down on a chair pulled out for her by Brainy. “It’s just stupid,” she finished, and Eliza heard her sigh.

“He didn’t die when he fell to his death,” Alex said and she had a tablet in front of her, brow creased.

“Is this accurate?”

Brainy nodded. “It has been verified. Lex Luthor was not in his suit when it crashed. He did not die then.”

“So, where is he?”

Brainy had no answer, but Kara was frowning.

“So… I didn’t actually kill him like they are saying?” Her voice was quiet, hopeful, and Eliza knew just how much it had hurt her youngest to be thought of as a murderer.

Kara’s abilities were globally known, and the bystanders who had videoed Lex’s ‘death’ had publicised the footage. It was on the internet. Supergirl grabbing Lex Luthor, him falling to his death, and her hovering above him. Of course, then she smiled in relief and that smile was twisted to suit the anti-alien movement.

‘Look!’ They had said. ‘Supergirl killed Lex Luthor! She let him die because she wanted to! And now she is happy about it! She killed a human and smiled about it, will you be next?’

It had struck Kara quite badly, an addition to the fact that Lena wasn’t speaking to her. It was all a bit of a mess, especially because Kara could have caught Lex had she wanted to, but she didn’t. And that, more than the fact that she had let him die, had caused a bit of a nightmare for Kara’s PR team. She could have caught Lex, had she wanted to, and she didn’t. Therefore, she had let him die. Therefore, she was a murderer. The logic of it wasn’t sound, but the masses were sheep and believed what they were told. CATCO had been trying to lessen the impact of that rhetoric, but people sucked. Some people still thought Kara had been Red Daughter. Others agreed she had absolutely let Lex die. It had been a tough few months for her.

“It looks like it,” Alex said, and she was frowning a little. “There was no evidence that he was in the suit when it exploded. Components gathered did not include biological matter.”

Alex dropped her tablet onto a table with a groan. “So, where is he?”

“I….” Kara hesitated and gained the attention of everyone close to her. “I think he’s dead,” she said slowly, and there was an increasing amount of distress on her face.

“What?” Alex barked, features hardening. “How?”

“Lena,” Kara replied, and she looked stricken. “I thought she was just talking; I didn’t think she meant it.”

“Talking about what? About Lex?”

Eliza couldn’t help but draw forward. Did Kara just say what she had thought she had? That Lena had killed Lex?

“I,” Kara glanced between them; Brainy, Alex, Eliza, and gave a helpless shrug. “She told me that I hadn’t killed Lex, that she had. She said she did it to protect me…”

“Lena killed Lex?”

Kara shrugged helplessly. “That’s what she said.”

Alex was silent a while. “Let’s go and see her,” she said after a moment’s thought.

“Anderson, Johnson, bring a car around,” Alex instructed, and she shared a glance with Kara. “I think it would be best if you stay here, okay?”

Kara didn’t look happy about it, but she nodded in agreement. It would be better Kara didn’t go to see Lena, especially as Lena was still unhappy with her.

Soon Alex was gone, and Kara was left on the chair, spinning around on it like a child and looking sullen so Eliza sat next to her.

“Are you alright, honey?”

Kara gave a little shrug, though her distress was still obvious.

“Do you think she actually killed Lex?”

Eliza gave it a moment’s thought. “From what you’ve told of me, Lena protects the people she cares about, sometimes to extreme measures.”

She and Alex were keeping it quiet that they were working with Lena. Kara only knew that Eliza was in National City for a private company and had yet to ask who she was working for. Kara had talked about Lena a lot in the years she had known her, and she had also heard how Lena had given the DA something else in exchange for protecting James from his vigilantism. Even though it was months ago, Lena would surely still keep an eye on James, especially as there was that whole, unrequited love thing. She didn’t hold back, she was in it for good, and would throw whatever she had at the problem if she could, so if she said she had killed Lex… then it was likely she believed that she had.

“I think she believes that to be true,” Eliza said slowly. “What did she say?”

Kara lifted a shoulder in a shrug, and it was so reminiscence of her teenage hood that Eliza felt a little pang of nostalgia. Usually that sheepish, helpless look was accompanied by Alex, defiant and angry for having defended Kara, usually with bruised knuckles.

“She had been drinking, a lot I think… it was after Lex’s funeral…. And she just… she knew I was Supergirl,” Kara said suddenly, and her head snapped up, eyes wide.

“She said that Lex had told her as he died…. As she killed him… she did it to protect me,” she added, sounding a little lost and confused.

Something in Eliza’s brain clicked over, she couldn’t quite pin what it was, but something was trying to make itself known. She left it; she would remember it later if she didn’t think about it.

“And maybe she did. If Lex wasn’t in his suit, and Lena went to him and killed him, then maybe she did it to protect you.”

She wouldn’t have put it past her. Lena was fiercely protective of the people she cared about, and Eliza was thankful that both of her girls were on that list, even if Lena was currently mad and hurt by Kara. She loved them both and would protect them both the best that she could. That much was obvious after the week with the youngest Luthor.

But…. Kara looked wrecked, as though she were barely holding herself together. “That means she killed Lex and had to deal with it alone for…weeks….”

Weeks…… Her brain was trying to form connections, but she wasn’t there just yet and she let the thought fade away, she didn’t need it just yet.

“I did that to us,” Kara confessed, wiping away a tear almost angrily. “She’s been alone this whole time and it’s all my fault.”

“Oh, honey,” she shifted over, rising to her feet and pulling Kara away from the command centre and towards the break room. A quick glance showed it was empty and she let Kara fall into her arms. She didn’t cry, but she did shake silently, and normally Eliza would be worried about the DEO seeing her embrace Kara, but her daughter needed her now, and she trusted that Alex had picked her agents a little better. Plus, they were alone right now, and the breakroom was empty. It was enough privacy that she was okay holding Kara as she shook.

“She killed Lex for me and I… I just left her,” Kara sounded empty, as empty as she had been when she had first come to earth. Hollow.

“We don’t know that for sure,” Eliza tried to soothe but she was becoming increasingly more certain that Lena had spoken the truth.

Lena admits to killing Lex and Lex isn’t in his suit when it blows up, the two were too obvious to ignore.

It was nice just holding Kara, and they moved to one of the few couches to continue their embrace. After a while Kara’s shaking subsided and she instead leant into the comfort Eliza was providing. It had been a long time since Kara had needed her, since either of her daughters had needed her so it was nice to be there for her.

Eventually they pulled apart and just sat together on the couch.

“I miss her,” Kara confessed after a long moment, and she was toying with the edges of her suit absently.

“I think she misses you too,” Eliza replied. And it was sad that Lena was lone now, missing her best friend and her ex-boyfriend. She’d been alone since she broke up with James all those months ago, and alone since she and Kara had broken up. At least when she and James had ended it, five, six months ago, she had had Kara. But she hadn’t had Kara for nearly two months.

And now she was dying, with her prognosis not looking too good. She had maybe three months to live if she was lucky, and Eliza really hoped the two would mend their friendship, at least then they wouldn’t be alone.

Something struck her suddenly. Lena had broken up with James nearly a half year ago. Yet her symptoms had only started within two months… right about the time that Lex must have told her Kara was Supergirl.

Oh. _Oh_! 

It wasn’t James Lena was in love with, of course not, and Lena had never admitted or said that it was James, no. It was Kara. Kara that Lena was in love with and that was the reason she was dying because she didn’t think that Kara loved her back.

It was all starting to make sense now, and Eliza was still while her brain sorted everything out.

Lena’s disease started when she and Kara parted, therefore Lena loved Kara, was in love with Kara, and didn’t think it was returned.

She almost wanted to drag the two into a room and lock it, to let them talk it out. Because it was painfully obvious, especially from how Kara had reacted to their split, that Lena’s feelings weren’t unrequited like she thought. A mother knew. And Kara was not exactly subtle.

Eliza suspected that Kara had been in love with Lena for a long time, it would explain the actions she had taken in defence of her friend, and also how devastated she had been by their parting.

“I miss her so much,” Kara added, and Eliza rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

“I think,” she said slowly, trying out her words before speaking them. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing, and it wasn’t her place to tell Kara that she suspected Lena was in love with her, and that she was also dying because she didn’t believe Kara loved her back, but she needed to get the two of them to talk.

“That she’s used to people hurting her, and that she didn’t see your betrayal coming.”

Kara’s eyes were wide and hurt and Eliza shook her head slowly, quick to stave any protests. “I know you meant well, and when she isn’t hurting so much, so will she, but from her point of view you lied to and used her for years. That hurt isn’t going to go away overnight. She loves you.”

She could tell Kara that. Anyone with eyes could see that Lena Luthor loved Kara Danvers. It just wasn’t known that Kara Danvers was also Kara Zor-El, Supergirl. And she doubted more than one person, Lena, knew that Lena’s affection for Kara went further than friendship.

“I love her too,” Kara admitted with a sigh, sad and mournful, longingly, and Eliza nodded and held Kara tighter, because no truer words had been spoken. Kara loved Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and Comments :D


	8. Chapter 8

“Miss Luthor,” Alex said as she entered Lena’s office, and to no ones surprise she was still at work-well past the typical working hours.

Lena glanced up from her laptop, smile of greeting slowly fading as she saw the agents with Alex.

“….Agent Danvers?” She asked, slowly pushing her monitor away and Alex gave a little nod, confirming that she was here on official business and Lena should treat her presence as such.

It was hard, Alex mused, watching the shutters come down over Lena’s eyes and knowing that her friend was preparing to defend herself. Again. A thought struck her, as she walked across the floor towards Lena’s desk, did the police or FBI or even the DEO ever show up with good reasons? The police would either arrest her or deliver bad news, the same could be said for the FBI and other federal agencies, and the DEO, well, the first time she had come to the DEO she had virtually been a prisoner. Then during the debacle with Reign, with Sam, she had been treated like another Luthor. She had been escorted through the building, with a lot of security for a 5’6, hundred- and forty-pound woman. It seems that whenever they came to her, she was either going to be arrested, told bad news, or ask to help save the world, city, and Supergirl. And now, here Alex was with a full team, prepared to accuse her of killing her brother.

“Miss Luthor,” she straightened officially and watched as Lena Luthor, CEO, descended over Lena, the friend. “We need to ask you some questions about your brother.”

Lena lifted a brow curiously, and Alex knew that the following conversation was going to be a challenge, for both Agent Danvers, and for Alex.

“We have reports that your brother may be alive.”

“Lex is dead,” Lena’s voice was steady and even. She didn’t even blink, and that was when Alex knew that Kara had told the truth. Lena had killed Lex. Sure, she might be one hell of a liar, most businesspeople were, but Lena had never really seemed the type, and indeed, had said on one of the Game Nights that she rarely lied. Poker was the exception; and she was an absolute terror to play against.

“There was no indication of him being in his suit when it exploded. Investigators were unable to find any trace of him.” And really, it should have been the first thing the authorities noticed- Hey, look! There’s no blood, or any biological matter, therefore Lex wasn’t in the suit, maybe we should start a manhunt? If he had there would be maybe chunks of flesh, some blood splatters, something, but there had been nothing. So he must not have been in the suit when he fell, regardless of what Kara had believed.

Lena was quiet a long time, staring at Alex and at the people she had brought with her.

“My brother is dead, Agent Danvers.”

And maybe he was, Lena certainly didn’t like to speak about him, and most days she probably tried to pretend she didn’t have a brother that had ruined her life, but people liked to cast Lena in his light, or shadow, and, well, blood sins seemed to be a thing the media adored.

Alex met her eyes a moment and turned her head. “Clear the room,” she ordered and was instantly obeyed and soon she was alone with Lena.

“Lena,” she began and saw something flicker through her friends eyes. “Kara told me what you said. Is it true?”

“You’ll have to be more specific, Agent Danvers,” Lena replied smoothly and Alex winced, she knew she deserved the cool response. She was here officially, and wasn’t surprised she was being treated as hostile. Most people visiting Lena officially probably didn’t have kind intentions. Scratch that, they definitely didn’t, especially if they came with a badge.

“That you killed Lex.”

Lena was silent before, “Lex got into a confrontation with Supergirl where he fell to his death.” If she hadn’t known better, she would have believed it. True there was no evidence to support the claim of Lena killing him, but Alex knew, and there was no indication of a lie on Lena’s face. And here she was thinking Lena was a terrible liar….. guess there was something to be said for great liars making you think they are terrible liars.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Cut the crap, Lena,” she snapped, and this was going to be a mess, she knew, anything involving Lex was.

“Kara said you killed Lex to protect her. The authorities know Lex didn’t die in the crash, so they are looking for him.” And honestly, it had taken them a while to figure that out. Considering the man was one of the most dangerous people on the planet, it had taken months to realise he wasn’t dead? Something fishy was going on. Either they realised instantly that he wasn’t dead and quietly set about tracking him down, so as not to cause massive panic and hatred again, or they were grossly incompetent. Alex was willing to bet on the former. It was probably FBI, the damn suits liked to flash their badges and prance around like peacocks while real agencies did the work.

“If Lex did survive then they won’t find him unless he wants to be found,” Lena injected smoothly, and it was almost as though she had no knowledge of where Lex was. The perfect mixture of concern and polite interest, a Luthor’s cold mask.

“I can’t protect you if I don’t know what happened,” Alex said firmly, glancing behind her to her agents who were outside.

She could see she had surprised Lena a little and pushed her advantage even as part of her died inside. How many people had truly ever been in Lena’s corner, all or nothing, just because they wanted to be there? The answer was painfully obvious and made her heart hurt. Lena was surprised Alex wanted to help her, especially after she had murdered her brother. Or maybe she was just surprised someone wanted to help her in general. She made a mental note to try and be a better friend. Lena deserved the world, and while Alex couldn’t give her that- to be honest Lena could probably take it herself, but being given things was always nicer- then she would be a better friend to her. Starting by letting her know that she was absolutely on her side, regardless of what she had done.

“If someone did kill Lex, “ she said firmly, staring at Lena, “I’d send them flowers. He didn’t deserve to live after everything he did. After what he did to Kar-Supergirl. If someone did kill him, and kill him to protect Supergirl, then I’d protect that person the best that I could.”

Lena’s eyes were tracing over her face slowly looking for…something….

“You protected Kara,” she said slowly, knowing she was about to break a half dozen laws, but she was DEO, breaking laws was in her handbook, and she was also a sister. If Lena killed Lex to protect Kara, then she would protect Lena.

“Let me protect you.” And even if she hadn’t, she would still protect Lena. Her friend was her friend, and Alex was ride or die for her people, and decided that as of this moment, Lena Luthor was one of her people, hell or highwater.

“He is dead,” Lena said finally, and there was a glimmer in her eyes, guilt maybe, but her voice and gaze didn’t waver.

“I did it.”

Alex let out a relieved sigh. The building tension she had been aware of fled her shoulders instantly. She had been almost paralysed in fear for a while, terrorised that Lex would once again come after Kara, that he would return vitriol and hatred to the world. That Lena had ended that threat relieved her to no end.

“Alright,” she said, mind whirling. “We need to be quick and careful,” she approached the desk and leant over it, voice low.

“I’ll come by later and we can sort this out, but until then, stay put and don’t go anywhere.” It would be best Lena kept to her daily routine, just in case some other jurisdiction was watching Lena- to be honest they probably were. Law’s didn’t mean much to clandestine organisations, and they seemed to be waiting for Lena to take a ride to Crazy-Town. So, it would be best Lena pretended like she was innocent, even though Alex now knew she wasn’t. She’d have to report back to Kara, and the DEO, that Lena had likely been in the middle of a drunken rant when she confessed to Supergirl she had killed her brother- after all, sharing such important information in the middle of the DEO was a bad idea, Kara. She really needed to be careful where she opened her mouth. The DEO were back on her side, but who knew how long that would last?

“Are you going to break the law, Agent Danvers?”

“It’s Alex,” she said, rather crossly. Lena wasn’t getting it. She protects her friends, and she especially protected the people who protected Kara. And it wasn’t like she broke laws all the time. Pam from HR had nearly thrown the DEO handbook at her the last time she had been pulled into a disciplinary meeting for code of conduct. She hadn’t liked Col Hayley, but there was something to be said for the woman taking one look at how the DEO ran and saying, ‘not on my watch!’

There had been an almost instantaneous overhaul of how the DEO acted, and instead of brushing aside red tape, they actually had to follow protocols. Several were rewritten and others were added. The DEO operated without oversight and how it pleased, which had been a problem only when Hank wasn’t in charge, because suddenly their rule-breaking and moral-questioning actions were directed against Supergirl. It had been eye-opening for certain.

“We aren’t breaking any law. You had no additional information to give to us, right?”

“Right,” Lena replied slowly, with a little nod. She still looked confused, a kind of muted puzzlement, as though Alex were a kind of riddle she had yet to figure out, but she seemed to be following along quite nicely. Which was good, because Alex had no idea on what she was doing. She was going into this blind. Only Lena knew where Lex’s body was, only Lena knew how he had died, it was up to Alex to make sure none of that information ever got out.

“Thank you for your help, Miss Luthor. We will keep you updated.”

Lena nodded slowly, eyes still narrowed in confusion, but she let her go without further comment.

“Agent Danvers?” One of her subordinates enquired when she left Lena’s office. They were standing impressively around the door, likely ready to run back in at a moments thought.

“Miss Luthor had nothing further for us. Monitor the FBI, Homeland Security, CIA, the god-damn mall cops. Anyone finds him, I want to know about it.”

There was a chorus of ‘Yes Ma’am’s’ and soon they were packing up.

Back at the DEO she filled out the necessary paper-work, dismissed herself for the evening, saying she had plans when her mum and Kara wanted to have her for dinner, and then returned to L-Corp. She took a moment to stop by the DEO supplies and grabbed a set each of bodysuits just in case. Lex had been dead for a while now, two months or so, so it was probably going to be nasty. She wasn’t ready for that.

Lena was still in her tower, even as the building was mostly silent, with the occasional word from people working late, and the hum of the buildings ventilation system.

Lena was standing at her balcony, gazing out the window and into the night when Alex got there and she was sipping from a familiar decanter.

“Why are you helping me?”

She hadn’t turned around yet, though had kicked off her heels by the door. That she was still trying to figure out Alex’s angle made her furious, furious at the world for treating Lena as though she were merely a commodity, a stepping stone to greater things, treating her like she was worthless. But, she and Kara were probably the only ones who had never wanted anything from Lena- scratch that, she realised as she made her way to Lena’s alcohol shelf, she and Kara had used Lena. Willingly. Eagerly. She was a billionaire genius, naturally they had come to take advantage of Lena’s kindness and generosity. The thousand-dollar bottle of scotch felt heavy in her hand, but she’d already opened it, so toasted herself. Alex, here’s to being a less shitty friend.

It burnt on the way down, but she replaced it and wandered through the balcony and to Lena, telling herself that it was time someone was selfless for her, and that Alex would be the first to start making amends, really making amends. Being there when needed for her Hanahaki wasn’t enough, especially when Lena had been there for all of them, numerous times, often to her own detriment and had asked for nothing in return.

Ride or die, she reminded herself.

“You killed Lex to protect Kara. That isn’t something I can ignore. And you’re my friend.”

“Even knowing I’m a murderer?”

“Which one of us isn’t?” Alex asked bluntly, the trials of the day making her short. And she had a murder to clean up. Justifiable homicide, but still.

“Look,” she let out a sigh and leaned against the railing, facing Lena and lifting her drink. “You seem to think we’re all sunshine and rainbows, no red on our ledger. We do what we have to, to protect the ones we love.”

The fact that Lena still wasn’t entirely on board with the ‘protect Lena Luthor Squad’ as Alex was, frustrated her. The woman deserved to be loved and cherished and protected, or even treated with the slightest amount of kindness. The Lena Luthor Protection Squad needed some new members.

Alex was down, she could be the muscle, glaring menacingly at Lena’s enemies until they wet themselves, maybe showing off her firearm in the process. Lena’s secretary could take the minutes- she seemed to like Lena, and knew all her little habits, and she could let them know when there was danger about, either from people, lack of nutrition, or overworking. Kara would, of course, smile at Lena’s enemies and threaten to throw them into the sun, she would also provide snacks- even the nutritious ones, for she knew Lena liked healthy foods, and the fact that Kara would eat those healthy foods just for Lena was a testament to their friendship. Sam would be on Kara’s other side, smiling eerily and not saying a word, and taking on some of Lena’s burden. She and Lena had a history, and that would be enough. A total of four made a squad, right?

“Now, where is he?”

Lena let out a sihg, finishing the last of her glass and pushed off the balcony. She had gotten changed since Alex had been here earlier. She looked younger now, with her hair down and in a long sleeve shirt and jeans.

Alex didn’t want to speak of what happened next, only that Lena took her to a bunker in a mountain and showed her the equivalent of a villain’s lair, complete with giant monitors and even a little science lab. They had teleported there, and Alex wanted to devour that tech but knew she would have to wait for another time.

Lex was there, just as Lena had said he would be. There was a smell, a stench that nearly had her gagging, and she wouldn’t be eating meat for a while, or eating at all.

Lena hadn’t fared much better, though her mask had cracked many times, and Alex hadn’t said anything to her least she cause the cracks to deepen and then fall away as Lena shattered. She had stared down at his body for a long moment, jaw tight and clenching, holding herself around the stomach with her shoulders hunched forward. She had looked beautiful then, immortalised in porcelain, frozen and still, though Alex had been terrified to make a sound, least the pain she was holding inside herself burst out and shatter her.

They had moved the body, suited up completely and with face masks with harsh scents to try disguise the smell. The security of the facility meant that Lex’s body hadn’t decomposed as much as it normally would have, which was not fun, but it absolutely could have been worse, and for that she was grateful.

“What next?” Lena asked, and Alex was already trying to think that one through. Lena’s tech meant they could teleport in and out of the body-dump location, but that, in of itself, was suspicious. Anywhere they left the body would be thoroughly investigated, and when people realised there was no trace of the murder/s they would leap to conclusions; that the murder could fly or vanish into thin air, eg teleport. The idea was to keep suspicion off of Lena, and while Alex wasn’t sure who knew the young Luthor could teleport, it wouldn’t be a stretch.

She had toyed with the idea of leaving Lex where he was, trusting that Lena had covered her tracks, or at least hidden the body, but as news of Lex’s not-death had spread across the globe, so had the violence. He was the bogeyman, waiting for his moment to return, and for better or for worse, his death needed to be made public.

So. The body would have to be found, but in a way that contaminated the crime scene so no one could figure out that Lena had killed him, and Alex had helped her dump the body. Ideally a body of water would be involved, but then there was no guarantee the corpse would be found. Maybe an animal could contaminate the body, but where could they leave him where he would be found?

“No idea,” Alex answered, and she was coming up blank. Thinking like an agent, she knew that wherever they left Lex would be subject to a local enquiry before being passed off to the FBI when it was discovered to be Lex Luthor. They couldn’t afford any mistakes, the scene would be looked over with a fine-tooth comb, and a magnifying glass. Everything would be done. So, no mistakes could be made.

The body was in the bag and Lena was leaning against one of the tables, gaze lowered on the bag though Alex didn’t think she was looking at it.

“Bears,” she said eventually, brow furrowed as she thought it through.

“National City Park has a Brown Bear program, I read about it a few months ago. They recently got funding for new equipment to track the bears. We could leave him there.”

Alex nodded slowly. It wasn’t ideal, but the likelihood of the body being found by wild animals was high, and that would hopefully contaminate the body enough to disguise any trace the two of them might leave. The body would also probably be found, especially if scientist were monitoring the beers and their location.

Lena pushed off of the bench and strode over to a computer, powering it on with ease. It whirled to life as though it hadn’t laid dormant for months and the monitors showed her sister, Kara, as Supergirl revealing her powers and Lena clicked a few times to close the videos. She also closed a 3D rendering of a familiar battle suit and Alex held her tongue. So, Lex had known who Supergirl was, and he had clearly shown Lena before his death. Maybe that was why it had hit Lena so hard. She had thought that Kara had told Lena herself, but this made it much worse.

“What are you doing?”

Lena didn’t answer, but soon the database for the National City Park was on the screen and Lena was looking for the bear information. The dens of several had already been noted and warned on the parks database. A few bears had already retreated for the winter, but some had not. There was even photos showing the dens.

Lena scrolled a moment and then exited the site, shutting the computer down.

“Let’s go,” she said and strode back to the body bag. Alex joined her, mentally promising to take advantage of Lena’s scotch cabinet when this was all done.

Together they picked up the bag and soon they were out in the cold, in the frost, on the rocks before a familiar cave. Trust their bear to pick an actual cave to hibernate in. At least there were warning signs nearby, would hate for a visitor to look at the cave and try to see what was inside.

“This bear hasn’t gone into hibernation yet,” Lena commented and she braced herself on the rocks before the cave entrance. It would be ironic if the bear was nearby and decided to attack them. Their presence would be absolutely obvious if their bodies were strewn across the cavemouth.

Alex bent down and unzipped the bag and reached in. Getting the body out was as difficult as getting it in, even more so, but the two managed it. They dragged Lex’s corpse to the side and Lena had kept her head turned away, maybe from the smell, but probably because of the fact it was her brother. Alex didn’t want to think about the mess that remained inside the bag. Just thinking about it made her stomach clench unpleasantly.

“Can we use the L-Corp incinerator?”

She had seen it in Lena’s lab, and seen its flames consume some of Lena’s bloody flowers, and knew it would be good enough to rid the world of their material evidence.

She was definitely planning on abusing Lena’s liquor cabinet when they were done. And maybe having a shower. Or a bath…. Or maybe just investing in a spa and never leaving it until she turned into a prune. She felt sticky and gross and smelly, and was certain the crawling feeling over her skin had less to do with the dead body- she was a DEO agent, she knew death and the dead, but seeing one so ripe, and knowing the circumstances was a little hard to compartmentalise- and more to do with the fact that Lena had killed him, had finally ended his reign of terror, and was staring down at it with an agonised expression, looking like she was miles away.

“You owe me a spa day.” Alex decided as she took a careful step back away from the body, and Lena waited a moment before joining her. The smell was so ripe, now that the body had been disturbed, that Alex was certain it was sinking into her pores through her clothing and through the suit. Her nose had lost all sensation. Spa’s had seemed relaxing and cleansing, with nicely smelling lotions and candles, so maybe she could convince Lena to go with her.

Lena grunted, and Alex took that as a win. The Luthor name could probably get them a reservation for whenever Lena wanted, so why wait?

“This weekend?”

“I’ll clear my schedule.” And _of course_ Lena had her weekends planned. It made her heart warm, to know that Lena, whose every minute had to be calculated to make the most of her valuable time, had always come when needed, had set aside her work to come to game nights, or to hang out with Alex. She really was a wonderful person.

Alex began to bundle the bag after zipping it carefully. While it would never take the shape it had had before a body had gone in it, at least she was able to fold it well enough to carry it.

“Done?”

Lena looked back at the corpse a few moments, and in the faint star-light Alex couldn’t read her features, though the mask wasn’t much help in that regard. The eyes were the window to the soul, and Lena’s eyes, pretty though they were, were blank, emotionless, empty. It made Alex’s insides tighten. She wasn’t a therapist, that was Kelly’s job, and she made a mental note to talk a bit to her girlfriend about ways to help Lena, as even she could tell that Lena wasn’t all right.

Her answer was to click her watch and the two were teleported back to a familiar lab.

It took Alex a moment to reorient herself, and she wondered if Lena had the locations for teleport programmed into the watch, and then wondered how it worked. The technology was incredible, though now was not the time to geek out over the tech, maybe later.

Alex hadn’t been in Lena’s basement laboratory since the day before, when she had helped Lena take her scan, but it didn’t look like much had changed.

Lena was already walking over to the incinerator, starting to undress as she went.

The incinerator was mostly for dangerous chemicals and any other biological hazards, but it would work for a body bag, and their used clothing.

She took care to make sure nothing messy was left on her hazmat suit, using towels Lena had, maybe leftover from when she had Sam in the cell, and then removed that as well. She needed new clothes, too. She was pretty sure the stench was ingrained in her clothing now, but it wasn’t the worst she’d had.

Lena was moving on auto-piolet as she worked, eyes distant and empty as she and threw her rolled up suit, gloves, mask, goggles, into the incinerator. “I have spare clothes upstairs,” she said and she was removing the rest of her clothing, stripping down completely and Alex blinked at her before blushing and averting her eyes.

She was a happily taken woman, but Lena was beautiful and she wasn’t that accustomed to women undressing themselves in front of her.

“So what, we just take the elevator up?” And she’d been on the elevator before, but so had many other people and she didn’t want to risk anyone seeing them naked together, even though the chances were slim.

“My biosecurity will ensure no one else gets on. We’ll go straight up to my office.”

Lena was as naked as the day she’d been born, bar her watch, as she walked back across the lab and pulled two coats down off the rack.

Ah, that was better.

Alex turned away and stripped as well, “You’re getting me new boots,” she tossed over her shoulder and a coat landed over her head.

“We can go shopping as well. Make a girls day of it.”

“Sounds good.”

With their clothes safely in the incinerator, as well as the body bag, hopefully all evidence of their foray into getting rid of dead-bodies was over. Lena pressed a button and there was a whirling followed by a click, and then flames exploded in the box. That took care of that.

She was still certain the smell was clinging to her, but Lena didn’t comment as they rode the elevator to the top floor where Lena’s office was. Maybe her nose was broken as well.

They weren’t stopped, just like Lena said they wouldn’t be, and soon Alex was being treated to an entire glass of whisky while Lena ducked into her private rooms.

Alex didn’t savour it. Instead she tipped her head back and downed the lot with a shaky hand. She was a DEO agent, she was familiar with death, but usually didn’t see the dead decaying and rotting away. It was a bit different to fully realise that the persons flesh suit was just that, just as biodegradable as anything else. Usually the bodies she saw were still warm. They weren’t always in one piece, but Alex wasn’t sure which one was worse.

Lena returned in jeans and a shirt, similar to the ones she’d had one when they had left, and she offered Alex a bunch of clothing that she thought she recognised.

“I guessed your size.”

Part of Alex was curious enough to comment. “You have clothes for other women in your office?”

Lena met her gaze squarely but didn’t answer.

“They’re Kara’s,” she said and took her own glass and downed it with the ease of a pro.

“Oh,” Alex offered, now knowing why she recognised the clothing. It wouldn’t fit her perfectly but it was better than nothing, and Lena’s clothing wouldn’t fit her.

She took them and went into Lena’s little room. It was little, plain and simple, but clearly expensive. There was a bed, a room where she could see a bathroom, and a little kitchenet. Alex got changed quickly, wondering how often Lena had slept in the office, before realising she didn’t really want to know. It was probably a lot.

Kara’s clothing didn’t fit her that well, but it was the best she was getting, and the smell was comforting. Kara still used the same brand of wash that Eliza had, and it was familiar and comforting, especially after they had just disposed of a body.

When she returned to the office Lena was on the couch, the bottle of whisky in front of her and she had a few swallows left in her glass. Alex wondered how many glasses she’d had while she was getting dressed

Alex’s glass was full on the table next to Lena and she slumped down onto the couch with relief.

“I don’t have shoes for you. Sorry.”

Alex sighed and gave a hum, reaching for her glass. She wondered what Kelly was doing right now, probably in bed. She probably had no idea that Alex had just broken countless laws and helped Lena cover up her murder. Funny how life worked out. She’d thought she was a moral and good person, yet she’d just helped Lena cover up her fratricide, even though Alex fully approved of it. She would have done it herself if she had the opportunity. What did that say about her? Still, her conscious was clear. Lex had to die. Lena had to be protected. It was a no-brainer. 

“What a night,” Alex commented after a long moment, sipping at the whisky.

Lena hummed.

It was a long while before either of them spoke again, and this time it was Lena.

“Thank you,” her voice was soft as it broke the silence and Alex finally looked at her properly.

She’d curled her legs up beneath her and was leaning against the couch arm with a glass in her hand, and with her hair down, framing her face, she looked painfully young.

“You did it to protect Kara, right?”

Lena nodded, sipping her whisky as she gazed out across her office floor and to the lights of the city beyond her windows. “And everyone else.”

“Then I have to protect you,” Alex said it with little fanfare, because Lena had protected Kara, and Alex protected Kara, and if Lena protected Kara, then Alex had to protect Lena. It was that simple. Even if Lena and Kara were at odds now, and even taking into consideration the massive secret and the lies and the betrayal between them, Lena still tried to protect Kara from her brother. She had done the right thing. But Alex knew that guilt didn’t just fade.

“And even if you hadn’t, he deserved to die, and you deserve to be protected.”

Lena had gone still at the confession and Alex could see that she was surprised by how steady Alex was in her corner. It hurt her that no one else had seemed so firmly in Lena’s corner, not even her own family, and Alex made a mental note to be a better friend. She hadn’t been a good one, helping everyone lie to her, violating her trust, but she’d do better. She would be better.

“You can make it up to me though,” she continued, sensing they were heading into unfamiliar territory for the young Luthor, and she had tensed a little, clearly concerned that Alex’s hand hadn’t been offered without conditions like she had thought.

“Girls day out,” Alex grinned, suddenly liking the idea that had been voiced earlier. “We can go shopping, then have a spa day to relax, and the best part?”

Lena looked a little wary, but her anxiety was fading as she realised Alex wasn’t actually going to blackmail her.

‘You’re buying,” she said smugly and lifted her glass to Lena in salute.

Lena smiled slightly, her lips curling oddly. “I’ve never had a girls day,” she said quietly, almost whispering in awe.

“Well,” Alex said, determined not to focus on that painful thought, “You’d better be ready for the best girls day out ever.” Alex tilted her glass back and leant forward to refill it. “Danvers style. You have no idea what you’re in for.”

Lena was smiling again, sad and small, but tipped with hope. “I think I’d like that.”

“Good,” Alex said firmly, settling back in her chair. “Because you’re stuck with me.” And she was, Alex decided. Lena Luthor was stuck with Alex Danvers until she died, even if that was only going to be a few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my goal for 2020 was to try to finish my WIP's. Which one are you all most interested in? Not my SW one or my Anchor-Verse one/s. That leaves How to Train your Worldkiller, or my marriage AU. Thoughts? Or... maybe... my SW one :p But, they are all WIP so......


	9. Chapter 9

“When you said you were picking me up, I didn’t think you’d be driving that!”

Lena couldn’t help but grin at Alex’s comment. She was wearing jeans, t-shirt, a leather jacket, and as Lena pulled up at her curb she’d taken her aviators off and placed them on her collar.

“I don’t always use a driver,” Lena let her amusement enter her voice as Alex took a seat.

“I didn’t know you had a mustang! What else have you got?”

“I don’t like to drive, usually. I have a Ducati in the garage, the other cars are in storage.”

Alex let out a little groan as she appraised the sleek leather interior and ran her hands across the dash.

“Did you want to drive?” Lena asked and Alex was already agreeing before she’d finished.

Lena let out a little laugh, put the car in park, and exited.

Alex was grinning like a little kid as she rounded the car and took the drivers seat.

“So, where are we going?”

“I thought we’d go shopping first, afterwards we have a spa day out at Blossom Beauty.”

“How did you manage a reservation?” Lena asked as Alex pulled out into the traffic, grinning at the acceleration of the vehicle.

“I used Jess.”

Lena let out a little laugh. “Alright then. I guess that’s fair since I am buying.”

Alex cast her a glance. “I wasn’t being serious about that. You don’t have to buy my friendship.”

Smiling, Lena nodded. While that had once been her fear with Kara and then with Alex, she knew that neither of the two were like that, and that Alex wanted to spend time with her- it had been her idea after all.

“I’m still paying… for everything, Alex,” she said pointedly, and then smiled at her friend. “I am more than capable of affording it.”

“Lena….”

She shook her head. Didn’t Alex get it? She wasn’t trying to buy her friendship, or at least not consciously. Alex had made the offer of a girls day out, and while she was unfamiliar with the idea, so was Alex. It wasn’t as though a full-time DEO agent and sister of Supergirl had a big social life, so it was new for the both of them. Lena may have ‘Googled’ as well, and from what she had read, shopping, food, and then a spa was a typical rich person thing to do with girl friends, so maybe Alex had used the search engine as well. The thought was amusing.

She wanted to show Alex she appreciated her wanting to spend time with her, and as Lena had expensive taste, it was only fair that she pay in order for Alex not to feel like a burden or get uncomfortable with the amount of money Lena was probably going to spend.

Growing up as a Luthor made her less aware of the boundaries of normal peoples finances. Objectively she was aware of her higher economic status than most of the world, but seeing it, seeing it when she had become friends with Kara and her group, had been eye opening. It was the difference between knowing something and _knowing_ something. She had always paid for the take-out when she joined them, or when they went out. It was an easy thing for her to do. They didn’t expect her to do it, and she liked it. They had taken the time to see her and spend time with her and paying for their nights out was pocket change for someone like her.

She didn’t do it all the time, but if an extra serving of garlic bread made it to the table, or if she brought a few tubs of the expensive desert, she was appreciated. But mostly they were happy to see her. She had, before she knew Kara was Supergirl, worried about Kara’s food intake as well as its financial burdens and had quietly started to ‘accidently’ over-stock her own fridge so that she had to give Kara her extras. And whenever she stayed over, she always made sure to order more so that Kara had left overs. Kara never complained, if she had even realised Lena was doing it. If she had known, she might have asked Lena to stop, not wanting to take charity, but Lena didn’t consider it charity. She just wanted to take care of the people she cared about, and she had the financial means to do it.

Besides, she had expensive taste, and it wouldn’t be fair to have Alex have to fork out the money to meet Lena’s taste. Not that an agent of a covert government agency wouldn’t be on a competitive salary, but it would be nothing compared to what Lena earnt. She could live of her interest alone until she died, which might not be too long now, and have zero financial worries.

“You’re riding with me now, Danvers,” she said firmly. “I’m buying.”

There were at a red light and Alex glanced at her again before staring at the car ahead. “You don’t have to buy my friendship,” she said quietly and her brow was tense.

“I’m not trying to,” Lena replied quickly, a little harshly if the way Alex frowned was to be judged and she tried to smoothen her voice. Alex wasn’t getting it. Lena wasn’t trying to buy her, knew it wouldn’t work on someone as proud and strong and independent as Alex, and she had been the one to suggest the day out, to spend willing time with Lena when she was already so busy with the DEO, Kara, and Kelly. Lena was merely meeting her in the only way she could- by paying.

“If it really makes you uncomfortable, I wont,” she continued gently, glancing at Alex and then looking out the window. She wasn’t sure she wanted to look into Alex’s eyes while she was so vulnerable.

“But I want to and its…. Nothing, really.”

She could feel Alex’s eyes on her but didn’t want to meet them. A lot of people had tried to get Lena to buy their time, their friendship, their approval, their love, and while she had learnt to recognise those patterns now, when she was young she had fallen into many traps. Life was a good teacher but that didn’t mean she hadn’t been hurt in the past, and she didn’t want Alex to see that, to pity her.

“Alright,” Alex agreed and it was final.

They drove for a moment in silence and then, “How was your scan this morning?”

Lena’s mood dimmed. Her coughing was still causing her problems, and she was afraid that she would get an infection or something in there, seeing as how much damage it was put through every time she coughed up another flower.

“The same as before. I can watch them grow,” she added and her voice caught just a little. She swallowed the thought down.

“Well, Mum is lecturing for another two days or so, but I can have her cancel-“

“Don’t worry your mother, Alex,” Lena cut her off as they pulled into The Plaza, National City’s premier shopping mall. “I’ll see her later in the week. I don’t want to monopolise all her time.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “She doesn’t mind. She came here for you and you’re compensating her well.” Alex turned to look at her and she could see the eyebrow lift under her aviators. “Very well.”

“I dropped my initial compensation package.”

“I know,” Alex sounded amused, rather than upset, and Lena shrugged. Dr Danvers had come all this way for a private consultancy and was staying indefinitely, of course Lena would be paying her well for it. The fact that she got to spend some time with her daughters was just a bonus.

Eliza had been fine staying with Lena and studying her…affliction…. For the first week, but now at the end of the second week she was getting bored of it. There was only so much she could do, and while she still received Lena’s reports and scans, and wanted to be present for one at least once a week, she liked to keep her brain active. A colleague of hers had learnt she was in town and had asked her to guest lecture at NCU, so she had jumped at the chance. It gave her something to do while her daughters were working.

“I haven’t been shopping in ages,” Lena mused out loud and Alex wound down the window to take the parking ticket. She tucked it between her teeth as she drove into the parking, careful with Lena’s car.

“Don’t scratch it,” Lena warned, and she wasn’t joking, or at least not completely.

“I’m a DEO certified driver, level 5,” Alex retorted as she carefully went through the motions of finding a park.

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” Lena teased.

Alex grinned as she pulled into a park. “I’ll run you through our course one day. Remind me. We’ll see who the better driver is.”

It was the promise of inside jokes, shared experiences, something for just the two of them. Lena smiled. She’d like that. But she didn’t want to sound like a sap so she just smiled and opened her door.

“So, where do you want to start?” Alex tucked her phone into her pocket and made sure the ticket was in the other.

Lena shrugged. “I’ve never been here. What do you suggest?”

Alex as sceptical as they strode across the carpark and towards the doors. “Never?”

“My clothes are tailored and I have a personal shopper.” She was a little apprehensive about admitting that. How did she explain that her clothes had always been brought for her, and then she had someone shop for her because she didn’t have the time to waste on shopping.

Alex’s smile slowly grew. “Well then…. You get treated to the Danvers Sisters Special.”

It sounded nice, but Lena was a little anxious. What did she expect? She’d never done it before and she didn’t know what to expect, but it was Alex, so she was safe.

“Shoes or outfit?” Alex asked as they entered the building and she tucked her aviators back into her shirt.

Lena gave it a moments thought. She was in heels right now, always in heels, and the thought of maybe not having to wear them was….“Shoes.”

“Alright,” Alex immediately headed for the escalator. “Lets get your shop on!”

And shop they did. They spent hours browsing through shoes and then clothes, and by the time they were done Lena wished she had brought her driver with her to carry their bags but it was nice. No one looked at her twice, or if they did, Alex’s glare drove them off and they said nothing. It was actually a wonderful morning, and she found herself laughing more than she had in months.

Soon they were almost ready to leave and Lena cast her glance over the lingerie. While she had no need for it… she glanced over at Alex.

“Say….. Alex…..”

Her friend had her own bags and was currently browsing through some shirts but she went still at Lena’s tone. “Mh?”

“How do you feel about lingerie?”

Alex nearly choked and when she turned to Lena her expression was aghast.

“No! Nope! No!”

“Why not?” She asked with a sweet smile and Alex was shaking her head quickly.

“I’m not going-“ she glanced around them and lowered her voice- “lingerie shopping with you!”

Lena grinned. Agent Danvers may have been a badass, but for some reason she doubted that Alex, the woman, was used to being pampered or pampering herself. Alex was helping Lena, so Lena would help Alex.

“Alex, Alex, _Alex_. You’re beautiful but I saw your bra. Let me help you.” And Alex was beautiful, inside and out, but she was built for practically, and her possessions suited that. But sometimes a girl just wanted to buy pretty things, to feel pretty, just for the sake of them being pretty. Alex probably denied herself these things, and maybe when they got closer she’d ask her about it, but for now she was operating under the assumption that Alex didn’t have anything super nice. Anything sexy.

“I’m fine,” Alex almost yelped and Lena sighed at her, shaking her head dramatically.

“Do you own anything nice, anything pretty for the sake of being pretty?”

“I don’t need too,” Alex shook her head and her eyes darted away, likely searching for an exit and Lena almost laughed. The badass agent was scared of pretty undergarments.

“It doesn’t have to be…. Exoitic…. It just has to be nice…. Will you at least look…. For me?”

Lena had no problem with peoples’ clothing choices. She wasn’t an asshole. She didn’t care who wore what, as long as she didn’t have to see people with their bits hanging out, then she had no problem with it. She was a young woman in business, she knew the rules, and was all for other people saying fuck that, and wearing what they wanted.

Alex had grown up closeted, probably avoiding sex for now obvious reasons, so maybe she wouldn’t want to look or feel desirable, because that would inevitably lead to sex, and as a closeted Lesbian who had dated men, she would want to avoid that. So she probably kept to the plain and practical clothing, as with the rest of her wardrobe. She’d probably branched out a little with Maggie, but the other woman was a cop, and well, stereotypes were there for a reason, as harmful as they may be. Alex might surprise her, but she doubted it.

Alex was still looking conflicted and so Lena brought out the big guns. “I’ve never really gone with anyone else before so….”

A long groan was her answer and she knew she had won the battle.

“Awesome!” She grinned and grabbed Alex and started to drag her towards the doors. “I saw a bra store so we can start there.”

Alex groaned again and dragged her feet, but Lena was not about to be stopped, not now she was on a roll. Besides, Alex could have said no, and Lena would have respected that, but she hadn’t. So Lena was comfortable with pushing. Maybe Alex just needed a little nudge into the wonderful world of discovering your inner sexy.

She almost felt like a parent dragging a toddler around the store as she dragged Alex into the bra-shop and looked around.

“What size are you?”

Alex groaned again. It was enough to make Lena hesitate and she stopped and looked at Alex properly.

“I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with,” she said quietly, meeting Alex’s eyes to let her know how serious she was.

“We don’t have to do this. I’m sorry if I’m pushing.”

“No its…” Alex ran her hand through her hair distractedly, having moved her bags to her other hand to allow Lena to take it and drag her around.

“Its just…. I’m nervous… okay?”

Lena smiled at her gently.

“I had mine brought for me,” she said quietly.

“My sizes appeared in my next seasons clothes when I was eighteen. I um,” she laughed nervously.

“I threw them out. I didn’t need them until I was older… and then… it was…. It was just Jack and I so….”

She trailed off and shrugged. While she may have appeared to be this confident, in control woman, she was only a few years younger than Alex with the responsibility of an empire. She’d first had sex when she was in her early twenties. It wasn’t that she had wanted to wait, or that she had wanted it over with, she was just… busy….

At first she was surrounded by people older than her, old enough to be very uncomfortable even showing interest to the young teen she was, and then she was with Jack in his parents basement. It had just happened. She’d fallen in love with his goofy smile, his nerdy star wars collection, and his kindness. It had been after her father had died, and Lex had started to slip away, and Lillian had always ignored her, so she had needed comfort, and Jack was there. She loved him, she still did.

So Lena understood. She’d never wanted to feel sexy, because what she wore was designed to project an image, and it was an image her PR team and tailors had decided. Lena was Lena Luthor, CEO, even in her bedroom. Not that she used that very much. She’d slept with three people, Jack and James, and Sam….. and she’d loved each of them, but she’d never wanted to feel sexy. She already knew that they thought she was. It was always easy with men. Women were more of a challenge.

“Well,” Alex took a steadying breath. “We can both get some.”

Lena could meet that compromise. She nodded.

“Right,” Alex squared her shoulders. “Lets get this over with.”

Shopping with Alex was more fun when they were looking at clothes, Lena decided quickly into their lingerie shop. Alex was pensive and unsure and so nervous that Lena was ready to call the whole thing off when she had an idea. While she had no need for anything pretty, it could help set Alex at ease.

“What do you think?” Lena asked, holding a very pretty black lace set up against her chest and smiling at Alex.

“It’s pretty,” Alex agreed. "But not for me.”

“This is for me,” Lena corrected and examined her reflection in one if the long mirrors in the shop.

“You try this one,” she said grabbing a very simple and pretty one from the shelf.

“This is your size, right?”

Alex took the garments with hesitation but Lena guided them both towards the changing rooms and Alex’s reluctance faded.

“Have you spoken with my sister yet?” Emerged over the stalls a few moments later and Lena paused as she undid her bra clasp.

She had wondered when Alex would bring it up. Though she was surprised it had been Alex and not Eliza. Maybe the two had spoken?

“I know you wanted time and space, but she misses you.”

And it was easy to talk when you didn’t have to look at the person. It was also easy being just another millennial in a changing room stall. Another woman skirted past her with an armful of clothing.

“I sent her cupcakes,” Lena replied as she set her clothing to the side and opened the curtain. It had been two months since she’d spoken with Kara, and Lena didn’t know what to say, so she had sent her cupcakes from her favourite store as a congratulations for her article being published, and on the front page.

“Are you dressed? Let me see?”

Alex let out a strangled sound of protest and Lena rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen you naked, Alex. Lingerie isn’t going to scar me.”

She did get an odd look from a woman walking past her, a worker by her badge identification, but Lena ignored her.

“No,” Alex whined and Lena appraised her own reflection in the floor length mirror. She _could_ stand to lose a few pounds but her lingerie choice fit her well, hugging the curves of her body.

“Hurry up.”

Alex was still silent.

“Don’t be a baby, what would your agents think?”

Alex’s curtain whipped open and the woman’s head was glaring at her from the small gap.

“That their leader doesn’t like to be naked in public?”

Lena let out a little laugh. “You’re hot, Alex,” she said with little fanfare cocking an eyebrow and resting a hand on her hip.

“Come out. Let me see.” The fact that she was showcasing her body to anyone who walked past wasn’t lost to her, but she was beyond caring and maybe Alex would be braver if she saw that Lena was and no one was caring. Besides, they were all women here.

Alex muttered something about having already done that and Lena laughed again as another duo of women walked past.

“How come you’re fine?”

“Boarding school,” Lena answered easily.

“Though I was ahead of my peers in education, I was still kept with my year group for meals and sleep. I saw so much boob I’m desensitised. Besides, you have nothing I haven’t seen before. Literally. And at least your wearing more clothes this time. Surely you’ve changed in front if other women before?”

With more protesting Alex opened the curtain further, glanced around and then an arm snaked out. “Oof,” she let out a little grunt as Alex dragged her into the changing room and then darted away.

She was as far away from Lena as she could get and had her arms over herself nervously. She wasn’t covering up per say, but it was a defensive manoeuvre.

“That’s different. That was work. This is....”

She trailed off and Lena got a better look at her. Alex Danvers was hot. She was strong and toned and- “You have abs! Now _I_ feel self conscious!”

Alex let out a snort, clearly finding something amusing. “You should see Vasquez’s.. or Kara’s,” she added and then she went silent. Lena blinked.

Kara Danvers…. Had abs? Had abs enough that her sister, a federal agent, was jealous?

Part of her wanted to see that, wanted to see that badly, but the other part was still mad. Because of course Supergirl, the Girl of Steel, had abs. Damn Kryptonian biology.

A tickle started at her throat and she cleared it harshly.

“Right. Okay. Do you like it?” She asked Alex, drawing her friends attention back to herself.

Alex gave a little shrug and nodded. “I guess?”

“Would you wear it for Kelly? Or even for yourself?”

Another nod and Lena was ready for a drink, and her spa. “Okay then!”

Pleased she clapped her hands together a moment. “Get dressed and then we can leave. I’m ready for my massage.”

Getting dressed again was far quicker than getting undressed and Alex was already waiting for her when she emerged. She had her selection lowered at her sides, to draw the least amount of attention to it as possible.

“Here,” Lena held her hand out as she walked past, and Alex gestured before handing the lingerie over.

“I can’t believe I’m buying lingerie for another woman,” she said with a little laugh and Alex let out a nervous chuckle behind her.

“I can’t believe I am the other woman.”

“You can surprise Kelly later,” she threw over her shoulder as she walked over to pay and to pick up the rest of their bags. It went smoothly and she tucked the items into each of their bags.

“Did you want to drive?,” Lena said as they exited the shop. She caught a few paparazzi loitering nearby, not even remotely subtle and she removed her glasses from her shirt.

She knew Alex caught them too, for the agent stepped in closer, protectively, and gifted them with her no nonsense glare.

“Alex,” she warned with a hiss when she looked like she wanted to say something to them, but Alex was wisely silent, letting her glower speak for her. “Lets go.”

The two of them walked quickly through the mall, ducking through the vultures with ease, though they shouted unpleasant things and tried their best to get in the way, and soon they were nearing her car.

“Miss Luthor! Miss Luthor! Is this your new girlfriend?”

Alex froze and Lena grabbed at her. “Don’t,” she hissed, suddenly worried for what Alex might do. “Ignore them. Come on.”

She had to stuff Alex and their bags into the car, which was a trial in of itself, while the paparazzi had grown in number and in boldness, asking all sorts of questions about their supposed ‘love affair.’

Taking the drivers seat Lena glanced at the tense Alex next to her and her stomach tied itself in knots.

She didn’t remember much of the exit from the car park, only the flashing cameras, the muffled shouts, and the vibrating presence of the woman next to her.

Swallowing, because there was no way Alex wanted to be her friend now, especially now that pictures of the two of them would be spread across social media, even if her PR Team tried to fight it. She’d just placed a wedge in Alex’s relationship with Kelly, even though they knew it was false. She ruined everything.

Making a decision she took a left, instead of a right, and began the drive back to Alex’s apartment. The woman was still silent in disgust and Lena felt sick.

“That was bullshit,” she burst out suddenly, startling Lena, who jumped a little.

What?

“How dare they just…. Accost you in a public place! Animals! I’ll have them arrested!” She started to dig around for her phone and Lena looked at her in shock where she’d halted at a traffic light.

Alex was….. angry with the paparazzi for the things they were saying about her, and not insinuating that she and Alex were lovers?

A sharp honk reminded her of her location and she quickly accelerated while Alex found her phone with an ‘aha!’

“You aren’t mad?” Lena asked, trying to figure this out. She and Kara had taken steps to ensure their privacy when they went out, and they had never done something so bold as to go lingerie shopping, in fact they mostly kept to restaurants and cafes, so the owners could ask the paparazzi to leave no problems. But in a mall it was harder, and Lena didn’t have as many rights.

“I’m pissed!” Alex’s face was a thunderstorm. “How dare they say those things! That was… disgusting! How are they allowed to do that!”

Lena was a genius, indeed her intellect was virtually unmatched, but she was still reeling from the fact that Alex was mad at others for their cruelty to Lena, and not for being accused of being her lover.

“They can film in public places,” Lena said with a little shrug. Though she donated to various anti-paparazzi causes, she knew that while most American’s were all about their Amendment Rights, then she would continue to be harassed whenever she went out in public.

“That’s not right,” Alex frowned and tossed her phone on her lap with a huff. “They shouldn’t get to say those kind of things….. I was waiting for one of them to grab you…. I’d have arrested him,” she added with a vicious grin.

“Thank you for defending me,” Lena said quietly. “I hope it doesn’t affect anything….”

Alex frowned at her. “Huh?”

Lena gave a little shrug, and they were about a block from Alex’s apartment now and Alex clicked.

“Why are we going home? Do you not want to go to the spa?”

Lena hesitated.

“The paparazzi just took photos of us coming from a lingerie store…. The staff will probably talk, or the other shoppers will…. I don’t want to get between you and Kelly,” Lena said, and while it wasn’t as articulate as she would have liked, she had a feeling she’d gotten her point across when Alex looked at her a long moment in disbelief before letting out a long laugh.

“So I can’t surprise Kelly with my new purchase,” she gave a little shrug, still chuckling to herself. “It doesn’t matter to me, and it wont to her.”

Lena was still hesitant. Most people didn’t want to associate with a Luthor, let alone be photographed with one leaving a lingerie store. Lena winced. She’d mentioned seeing Alex naked…. That would probably be all over the news by the evening. She really needed to talk to her PR Team.

“Look,” Alex shook her head. “I don’t want those people to ruin my day. I can ring Kelly and tell her so she isn’t surprised, but there isn’t much else I can do. Unless you don’t want to go to the spa?”

Lena absolutely wanted to continue her day. It had been fun, new, and it was almost like she weren’t dying, just for a few hours, though the tickle in her throat was obvious.

“No I- I’d like that.”

“All right then,” Alex was smiling as she dug her phone out. “Turn the car around.”

Lena did as instructed, feeling warm in her chest as Alex tapped away.

“Hey babe,” she called after a few moments and her smile was obvious in her voice before Lena glanced at her.

“I’m good. Just with Lena. Yup. We are.”

Lena drove easily out towards the spa, even though she typically let others drive her there, but it was nice being behind the wheel, in control.

“Yeah, okay. Listen, Lena and I were caught by paparazzi -yeah, we’re fine. Yup, she’s okay. I’ll tell her. I just wanted you to be prepared- yeah I know! They’re assholes. I wish I had my gun….” There was a sigh and Lena caught Alex rolling her eyes fondly.

“Fine. What about a taser? You should have seen this one guy. I wanted to knock him out…. Yes dear,” she added a little mockingly, but her tone was mostly fond. A few more moments and then Alex was hanging up the phone, “Love you, Babe.”

The almost giddy smile Alex still had directed at her phone was telling and Lena let a smile curl her lips, though she didn’t comment.

“Shut up,” Alex hit her shoulder playfully, but she didn’t sound upset.

They passed the time by discussing the beauty treatment options. Alex had, unsurprisingly, never been to a day spa, while Lena was an old hand at them.

She’d been to this specific one in National City a few times, and she did enjoy their services. She needed to unwind.

The Spa was nestled in the hills, overlooking the city, and the drive up to it was always nice, especially on such a nice day.

There were a half dozen cars parked there, and Lena’s mustang fit in well with the BMW’s and Audi’s present, though there was a mini-van as well.

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to a spa before,” Lena shook her head as she locked the mustang and the two walked towards the doors.

Alex shrugged. “I’ve never needed to. Never had the time. Besides, its something rich people do.”

Lena let out a little laugh. Not always, but she could see why Alex, ever practical and aware of money after her mother had to support a Kryptonian on a solo parent’s income, not to mention the things Kara broke when she was young, would avoid surplus spending.

“Well, its my treat today,” she said as they stepped into the reception and were instantly greeting with warm, dark tones and soft, relaxing music.

“Mh, that smells good,” Alex commented.

She was probably referring to the small dispenser over in the corner, next to an indoor waterfall. There were a few large and comfortable looking chairs, with a coffee table and magazines. Against the wall there was shelves with lotions and scrubs and gels, all perfectly set out and displayed.

There was an employee in a black uniform with gold trim already waiting for them and she smiled winningly at them.

“Package for two. Name is Freya.” Alex said and Lena glanced at her oddly.

Alex and shrugged. “Jess booked it.”

The employee clicked something on the computer, and she was one Lena was familiar with.

“Of course, Miss Luthor, wonderful to see you again. If you and Miss…”

“Danvers, you can call me Alex,” Alex interjected with the answer.

“If you and Miss Danvers will follow me,” the woman continued, smile still present, and Alex glanced at Lena and waggled her eyebrows.

‘Miss Danvers,’ she mouthed and Lena winked at her.

They were led through a corridor and directed into a room.

“You can store your belongings here. Just get changed into the robes in the wardrobe and your treatment specialist’s will be with you shortly. Help yourself to the refreshments. Can I interest you in our menu? Food or drink?”

Lena gave a little nod. “Please.”

“I’ll be back soon.”

The door closed behind her and Alex slowly turned from her appraisal of the room to lift a brow at Lena.

She let out a whistle. “Impressive.”

Lena glanced around at the dark wooden shelves and the small vanity and shrugged. She’s seen better, but maybe she was used to wealth and luxury than Alex was.

“The package Jess booked us lasts a few hours. We start with the full body cleanse. We can eat while we sit in the tub?”

Alex looked a little lost and just nodded.

Lena took possession of one of the shelves and started to undress, keeping her back turned to Alex, who she heard start her own ritual a few moments later. Lena took care to fold her clothes and hang her shirt up on the hangers provided, slipping into the soft bath robe easily.

“Sooo soft.”

Lena had to agree. “I’ll get you one for Christmas.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.” Lena couldn’t see Alex but she could picture the posture, the hand pointed in her direction, the hip cocked.

Their afternoon passed well, with a full body rub down to remove excess skin, followed by oils and a sauna, then a soak in a luxurious tub. After lunch, which they enjoyed while in the bath, they were treated to a mud bath and then had another soak. They finished their spa with a full body massage, including the best head massage Lena had ever had. By the end of it her skin was soft and smooth, and her body relaxed and pliant.

Alex let out a little sigh as they left, and Lena glanced at her. She looked relaxed and calm.

“Well?”

She didn’t even seem begrudging as she smiled and nodded. “That was well worth it. Incredible.”

“Yeah?” Lena let a slow smile curl her lips.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, gracious in defeat, having been sceptical about spa days but now seemed a convert.

“You’ll have to come with me again sometime,” she said, floating the suggestion that maybe Alex would like to hang out with her again in the future, instead of going to café’s or one of their places. It had been nice to get out, to remind herself that the world carried on. To her surprise she’d only coughed badly once, though the heat from the bath and the soothing scents had eased her pain.

Alex still watched her carefully, worried, though Lena knew there was nothing she could do, nothing any one of them could. Still, it was nice to have someone worried about her, and about her health, not being worried about her doing something.

It was as they were driving home, the volume low on some top twenty show on the radio, when the broadcast was interrupted.

‘ _And we’re just receiving news that a body has been located in National City Park near a bear den. Authorities have said that no missing person has been reported but are urging the public to come forward with any information. A statement will be released later this evening_.’

Good mood gone Lena turned the radio off and they drove in silence a while.

“Well,” Alex let out a sigh. “That was quicker than I thought it would be.”

Lena just hummed. “I have a gun permit for the gun I killed him with,” she spoke as the thought suddenly occurred to her. At the time she had never thought Lex would see the light of day. After-all, Luthor DNA was needed to access the hide-out, and Lena was the last one standing, literally, and she wasn’t about to go back to that bunker, so why should she care? But now…. Now she was realising that on the list of people wanting Lex dead, family was likely at the top, like it usually was, and a quick check of the records would reveal that Lena Luthor owned a fire-arm of the exact same calibre that had killed her brother. And then the lynch mob would form.

She let out a humourless laugh and could see Alex looking at her in bewilderment. Why was it always her who seemed to suffer for her sins, while everyone else got off scot free? It wasn’t fair. She had taken out a monster, and would likely be punished for it.

She needed her bottle of scotch.

“That’s okay,” Alex spoke quickly, likely thinking it through. “We can fix that. It will take them a while to figure out that its Lex-“

“-and when they do they’ll come knocking.”

“-and we can get the gun, clean it, replace it, do whatever hacking we need to, and no one will know,” Alex continued as though Lena hadn’t spoken.

At least she had a federal agent on her side, even if Alex technically didn’t exist. She’d wondered how the DEO got away with a great deal of their operation, but hadn’t wanted to ask. Though when she had first let them know she knew about them, she had left a file with her lawyers, just in case.

“Do you still have it?”

Lena nodded to the glove box and Alex glanced at her, a little alarmed, before reaching for the glove compartment.

After a few moments of struggling Lena leant over at a stop light and set her thumb against where the keyhole would be. It blinked at her, green, and the compartment flopped open.

“Nice,” Alex said and reached in for the gun. It was open and easy to access, with a box of ammunition near by.

Lena glanced at Alex as she removed the hand-gun and examined it. “The car windows are bulletproof, its locked biometrically and it would take a grenade to access the glove compartment without my fingerprint. Any attempt to do so will set off the defence mechanisms; pepper spray, alarms, that sort of thing. No thief is getting to that weapon in a hurry.”

Alex gave a little nod and appraised her firearm. It was a snub-nose revolver, .38 calibre and had designs on the handle. It had been a gift from her father for when she had passed her marksmanship certificate. Knowing how to handle a firearm was all part of being a Luthor; hunting, clay-bird shooting, all of it. She knew how to handle herself with firearms, and it had come in handy for when someone tried to kill her. That had been the idea, originally, in case she managed to wrangle a fire-arm away from an assailant, she needed to be confident in using it to defend herself. She could probably out shoot some of Alex’s agents, but she didn’t want to tell her that. Though she suspected Alex was at least aware she could shoot a gun, she did, after all, shoot Corbin while under pressure.

“I’ll take it, clean it with our tech, maybe even replace the barrel. It’ll be fine,” she assured Lena, setting the gun back down and reaching around for her bag.

Lena gave a little nod. Lex would never have been found unless Lena confessed, so her doing so, while protecting others, did put herself at risk, though she knew that the moment she told Alex she had killed Lex, that she would likely be punished for it. She had not expected that Alex would protect her, and in fact break the law to do so, but it had been a pleasant surprise.

The rest of their drive wasn’t as pleasant as their first one, and soon Alex was getting out of the car. It took her a moment to gather her belongings, and she had already tucked Lena’s gun away and out of sight.

“I’ll sort this out tomorrow morning, and come see you by lunch time?”

Lena nodded her agreement. “I’ll be at work.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Of course you will.”

She hesitated, leaning over the open window. “Thank you for today. I really enjoyed myself.”

A warm wave spread through her chest and she smiled shyly. “Me too.” And she was being honest, Alex wasn’t Kara, but her humour was dry and matched Lena’s own, plus she had a darker side that Kara didn’t show. Still, it made her aware that she did miss her friend.

“Alright. See ya later,” Alex smacked the hood of the car twice in farewell and wandered towards her apartment. Kelly was still probably out, dealing with a patient that had to reschedule, and so she packed her purchases away and flopped on the couch with a beer.

Per habit she looked up the news and saw a replay of shaky, amateur footage of a body being removed from the National City Park.

Letting out a sigh she considered the shitstorm Lena had gotten herself into and wondered how she was feeling, especially as she was, typically, alone.

Lena hadn’t talked about Kara, but she had mentioned she had sent her donuts, so maybe that relationship would be restored before Lena died, and the thought of having to deal with Kara when that happened made her heart ache. She took a long draw from her bottle to banish the thought.

Thoughts of Lena being dead naturally lead her to L-Corp, and what Lena had planned for her company. Alex wasn’t going to lie to herself, the thought of someone like Edge, or Lord, or even Lillian, if she fought Lena’s will, for L-Corp, having the power and resources that Lena only used for good, frightened her. There was bound to be a shift in the world once the Luthor scion passed, and she wasn’t sure it would be for the best.

Lena had a short list of people she trusted, so at least L-Corp would go to people she believed in, Alex only hoped that they lived up to Lena’s expectations of them. She knew that she had fallen short and resolved to do and be better, Lena deserved it. And when Kara came to her for advice, she’d tell her the same. Lena deserved all the good in the world.

After that maybe James would get a cut, maybe she would give him CATCO? She instantly shook that idea away. While he was an accomplished photographer, he was not the most efficient businessman, and when he had been in charge of CATCO, its readership had dropped, only Kara, Supergirl, had kept it making money.

All Lena had left, after Kara, James, maybe herself, was….. Sam.

Sam Arias!

Suddenly realising there was someone else Lena trusted, someone she had risked everything for and who had not betrayed her in anyway, Alex dove for her phone.

If Lena wanted someone on her side, who better than Sam? Lena had risked everything for her, going against laws, governments, an honest to god Superhero, to protect her, so their relationship was pretty solid. And Sam hadn’t lied to her, or kept her in the dark about anything that might hurt her. Sam could be the perfect person to be by Lena’s side as she died, and maybe she could provide comfort that Lena seemed reluctant to accept from Alex and Kara.

She pulled up her thread and the last time they had talked was a few months ago and she winced- she really hadn’t been a good friend, had she? Hopefully she could work on that, especially if Sam came back to National City, even if it was for a few short months until Lena died.

**‘Hey. I know its been a while, but Lena needs you.’**

It was short, to the point, but didn’t convey all of what Alex wanted to say. Still, it took only a few moments for her phone to start ringing, a picture of Sam and Ruby, with their faces pressed together and covered in snow, replacing her screen saver.

“Hey,” she greeted as she propped her feet up on the coffee table and took a sip of beer.

Same didn’t waste time on pleasantries.

‘ _What’s happened?’_

Alex hesitated. While she had told Lena she was going to keep her secret, she had said it in reference to paparazzi and other people, she hadn’t specified any of Lena’s friends. Surely Sam didn’t count? And besides, having one more person in her protect-Lena-Luthor corner couldn’t be bad, could it?

“Lena’s……” Still, she was hesitant to admit it, because then it became a reality. Lena had come to terms with her impending death, but Alex was avoiding it, if only because she knew it would devastate Kara, and well, she would hate to lose her friend too.

 _‘What about Lena? Answer me, Alex!_ ’ Sam demanded, voice sharp and Alex mentally asked Lena for forgiveness.

“She’s dying, Sam.”

There was a strangled gasp, a shocked silence, and then chills erupted over Alex’s body as Sam spoke, sounding so much like Reign that Alex had to pull her phone away to check that she was actually talking to Sam and not the WorldKiller.

‘ _What. Happened?_ ’

Alex let out a sigh. “I’m not sure you’d believe me.”

‘ _Alex. I shared my body with a Kryptonian World Destroyer. Try me._ ’

“Have you heard of Hanahaki Disease?”

There was a pause, ‘ _No I haven’t. One sec. Let me_ …’ Sam trailed off and Alex could hear shuffling and then the tapping of keys on a keyboard. ‘ _How do I spell-‘_

“H. A. N. A. H. A. K. I.”

‘ _Hanahaki… What the fuck, Alex! Are you serious_?’

‘Yeah,” she sighed into her bottle and her breath made an oddly musical sound. It reminded her of being kids with Kara and trying to turn bottles into instruments.

“She has less than three months, now. We think she’ll see the New Year, but not much after that.”

‘ _Don’t you have a cure! Surely you can figure out something! How has she not found anything?!’_ Sam’s voice lifted into hysteric’s, distraught at the idea of her friend dying.

“We haven’t found anything yet. We are trying, I promise!”

Alex paused, measuring her words before speaking them. “I just… thought you should know and, well, she could use a friend.”

‘ _Ill fly out in the morning_ ,’ Sam said, in a tone that welcomed no argument, though Alex still tried to protest, if only for Sam’s wallet and livelihood.

“That isn’t-“

‘ _You can pick me and Ruby up. She’ll be delighted to see you again_ ,’ and maybe it was a ‘mum’ thing, the ability to get whatever you wanted with that tone. Alex wasn’t willing to fight.

“Text me the details. If I can’t get you, I’ll send someone.”

Soon they were hanging up and Alex flopped back on the couch. Lena would have support soon, and maybe together they could all save her. She could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I signed up for the SCBB, oops. I also got another massive fic idea from it....oops..... Thanks all!


	10. Chapter 10

“I figured you hadn’t eaten breakfast,” Alex commented as she let herself into Lena’s office. She had a pastry from Noonan’s as well as a coffee. Her morning hadn’t gone the way she was intending it to, not that she was complaining. Kelly had appreciated her purchase the day before, and though she hadn’t slept all that much after her girlfriend got home, they had spoken a while of it, rather Kelly had while Alex’s mouth was otherwise occupied.

Punctuated by moans and gasps, Kelly had told her she trusted her and knew that the press was making shit up, and knew Lena wasn’t interested in her and likewise. It was fine, she just hoped Lena was okay with it as well. Alex had linked their hands and had been relieved and then had other things on her mind.

Alex had dragged herself out of bed early and to the DEO to sort out Lena’s gun problem, she wanted to return it before anyone came looking, just in case. She had cleaned it, replaced the barrel, and used some alien gel- designed to erode entire space ships- to give it a slight amount of wear and tear, typical of a gun with that age and lack of use. Hopefully it would be enough if someone looked at it.

She was on her way to L-Corp before the sun was up, already knowing that Lena would be there. She stopped at Noonan’s for some food and then carried on as the rest of the city woke up. She got stuck in traffic and was pretty sure Lena’s coffee would be cold by the time she got there, but figured she had tried.

“I had a smoothie this morning,” Lena commented but she held her hand out for the coffee and pastry anyway.

“It’s probably cold.”

Lena shrugged and took the cooling cup anyway, though she grimaced at the first sip and put it down.

“Thank you for the thought.”

Alex took a seat opposite Lena and reached into her jacket to pull out Lena’s gun.

“I replaced the barrel and cleaned it. Then gave it some wear and tear.”

Lena gave a little nod, “thank you,” and rose slowly. She took the gun and walked over to a panel on the wall. Alex watched as she placed her palm on a corner of it and then the panel beeped and opened to reveal a safe. A few biometric locks later and Lena was placing the gun into the safe.

Alex lifted a brow. Wasn’t the point of a concealed carry permit to have a gun on hand at all times? Locking it away kept it safe, yes, but…. it was hard to get too on short notice, and that would be when it was needed.

“I only take it out when I’m without my security detail,” she hesitated as she came back to her desk.

“It’s a habit. Daniel, my head of security,” she added seeing Alex’s confusion, “he insisted. Not that I doubted I’d be safe with you.”

For a moment Alex’s chest warmed and she couldn’t help but smile.

Lena, she knew, didn’t feel safe very often, considering everyone tried to kill her, so she knew it was testament to their friendship and to her own talents that Lena did feel safe with her.

“Well, that’s good,” Alex gave a little shrug and settled herself into the chair, nibbling on the edge of her own pastry.

“I’d keep you safe and Kara- “

She cut herself off, eyeing Lena for any reaction, only there wasn’t one. She lifted a shoulder, “well, she’d come running of course.”

“For you.”

“And you! Always for you!” Alex corrected, blurting the truth before realising what she had said, and her voice softened.

“She always came for you, even when we told her not too…. Even when it was dangerous.”

Lena’s eyes glanced between her own, but she didn’t comment further and instead took a sip of her cold coffee before grimacing at it again and moving it further out of reach.

“Sorry,” Alex ducked her head towards the coffee.

“Its fine, Alex. Thank you.”

They ate for a few moments before Alex broke the silence. “Listen, I need a favour.”

Lena stilled and lowered her pastry, lifting a brow as she did, and Alex smiled sheepishly.

“I ah, I have a package flying into NCA,” she ran a hand through her hair.

“It’s, um, personal and I don’t trust- “she hesitated, seeing Lena’s curiosity.

“I can only trust a friend to go and get it for me…. would you, no, I can’t ask you to. Never mind,” she shook her head.

“What do you need, Alex?” Lena asked, sounding interested but also willing to help, just as Alex had known she would, and she knew she was manipulating her, just as Lena probably knew it, but she had heard a request for help, and Lena couldn’t resist helping.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? Lena had come running when they needed her. Be it finances for rebuilding the city, tech support, her genius, whatever they needed she willingly and readily provided without reservation. She didn’t expect anything in return, and all she got was mistrust and betrayal, and now Alex was manipulating her again, when they had finally reached a tentative peace, slipping back into an easy friendship.

She felt bad about it, but Sam was flying in at ten twenty-five and Alex really wanted Lena to be the one to go and get her, but telling her to go to the airport to pick someone up was a little obvious. Lena wasn’t stupid, she’d figure it out.

She would still be suspicious, after-all, Alex was a top agent of the DEO, she could get a package, and could trust people to get it for her, so why would Lena need to go? Still, her desire to help would out-way her suspicion. Plus, she was probably curious.

“I need someone to get a package from the airport but its personal so I- “

“-didn’t want to send any of your agents for it?”

“Exactly,” Alex gave a little nod. “It’s important but its not business, so I can’t send someone, and well, Kara’s busy, Kelly is with a client and I’m- “

She deflated, wincing a little. “Sorry. You’re busy too.”

“No,” Lena corrected gently, just as Alex had thought she would. “I can get it. What time?”

Alex checked her watch. “It gets here in about….an hour, sorry.”

“It’s fine, Alex. I don’t mind,” Lena leant forward and pressed a button.

“Jess, what does my schedule look like today?”

A few moments later and then- ‘ _You have an appointment with Dr Hamish Able from accounting at one thirty. Otherwise your day is free_.’

“Thank you Jess. I’ll be heading out shortly and I’m not sure what time I’ll be back. Hold my calls but forward the urgent ones to me.”

‘ _Of course, Miss Luthor_.’

Lena leant back in her chair and nodded to Alex, who smiled thankfully at her.

“I’ll have to leave soon if I want to get there on time. I’m assuming it is a time sensitive matter?”

Alex gave a little nod. “Its…yeah. I’ll show you later.”

Lena’s head turned. “Is it for…my condition?”

Alex nodded.

“Okay. Just a sec.”

Lena opened her computer and tapped away for a few moments and Alex finished the rest of her pastry.

Within ten minutes the two of them were in the elevator on the way to the lobby for Alex, and to the garage for Lena.

She had taken the time to withdraw her firearm from the safe and Alex approved of how she handled it with experience and safety as she tucked it into her hand bag. It wasn’t ideal, but as Lena was wearing a very tight skirt and blouse, it wouldn’t be easy to hide, and the entire point of a conceal carry permit was to hide the fact that you were armed.

“Did you drive today?”

Lena shook her head, “No, but I have a car in the garage. Just in case.”

Alex eyed her reflection contemplatively in the reflective surface. “Another mustang?”

“No, not so… ostentatious….”

“You reckon?”

Lena’s access to wealth and the privilege she grew up with left her with a slightly different view on what was, and what was not, ostentatious.

Lena ducked her head into her collar as the doors opened to the lobby. One of the perks of riding with Lena was that her handprint meant that she could override any elevator she went in to go directly to her destination.

“What is it? Bentley? Ferrari? Ducati?”

Lena shook her head, amused by her suggestions.

“You’ve gotta give me something,” Alex nearly whined as the doors opened and Lena gently shoved her out.

Alex put her hands in her pocket. “Come on,” she begged. “We’re friends.”

Lena let out a huff, but she could tell her words had pleased her. “It’s a 2019 Camaro. Blue.”

Alex groaned as the door shut and she heard Lena laugh.

She’d have to grill Lena about her cars later, and maybe get to take a few of them for a spin.

It took Lena a few minutes to get to her car and clear the L-Corp security, but soon she was driving towards the airport. It wasn’t a short drive, and she wished Alex had asked her a little earlier if she could help. She didn’t mind, truly, she didn’t! But it would have been easier if she had been able to prepare beforehand. She liked to plan.

Still, the drive was nice once she got on the high-way and soon she was cruising _just_ above the speed limit-keeping to the pace of the other drivers rather than go slower and risk people doing stupid things trying to pass her.

National City Airport was set out of town on a plain between the valleys that guarded National City’s flanks. It was a growing complex, with buildings being undertaken to expand it, and Lena had to be careful which terminal she approached. Parking was a mess and a glance at the prices had her convinced she was being robbed in daylight. Still, she could easily afford it, though had the thought that investing in the airport might be a profitable venture.

L-Corp had its own private jets for the corporate level staff, and Lena had her own plane she had designed and built herself, but they used private hangers and air-fields, for the rich and famous. She didn’t typically travel in public. It wasn’t safe. For her and for her fellow passengers.

The air was hot and smelt of fumes and gasoline and the burst of heat had her longing for her office as she strode across the car park.

She was wearing her aviators and had her purse with her gun in it just in case, and since she wasn’t going through any checkpoints, it wouldn’t be a problem. Though she did feel a little uneasy taking a firearm into an airport.

Alex had told her the package would be at the Fed-Ex booth over by the Wendy’s and next to the Krispy Crème, she only had to sign for it. Alex had assured her that she would be able to sign for it, there would be no problem, so she had no issue with going to get it, though she did wonder exactly what it was she was being asked to get. If she didn’t trust Alex so much, and really, they had talked about it a bit and she was getting better, she was, she’d be wary collecting a package of which she knew nothing about- that was how people ended up being arrested for trafficking.

There were weary travellers everywhere and she moved around them with ease. It was nice just...keeping her head down and moving between people as though she were just another random person.

As she approached the food court she hesitated and slowed. There were only fast food restaurants, bars, cafes, snack booths, but no Fed-Ex booth. Confused she stopped and glanced around.

There was a Wendy’s next to a Krispy Crème, and next to that there was a steak house, but there was no sign of her package.

Brow furrowing, she wondered if Alex had gotten confused, or if she had misunderstood and opened her purse to find her phone when- “Aunt Lena?!”

Lena’s head snapped up in surprise and she didn’t have much time to do more than stare in surprise at Ruby Arias as she ran for her with Sam following at a moderate pace behind her.

The teenager was delighted to see her, and once her shock wore off, she wrapped her arms around Ruby and hugged her back just as tightly.

“What are you doing here?”

Sam was smiling gently as she got closer and Ruby gave her a final squeeze and then detached herself.

“We came to see you!”

“Hello Lena,” Sam was warm and familiar as she embraced her and Lena returned it, still a little lost but beyond happy to see them both.

“Sam, what are you- I don’t understand- Alex-“and then she realised. Alex. Alex had sent her to the airport for a package, a package at the food court where Samantha and Ruby Arias were waiting for her.

“Alex rang you?” And suddenly she was suspicious.

Sam’s warm eyes flickered a moment and then she was ducking her head to Ruby.

“Go and get a trolley for our bags so we can leave.”

“Okay,” Ruby grinned and with a final hug to Lena, who was only just taller than the girl in her heels, darted off to find a baggage cart while leaving her bags with her mother and ‘aunt.’

“Alex told me you were sick,” Sam began, and Lena’s eyes narrowed, darting over Sam’s shoulder to the disappearing teenager. “I haven’t told Ruby.”

“Sam,” Lena began voice lowering after glancing around her.

“No,” Sam interrupted and shook her head, reaching out to touch her cheek. “We are here, and we aren’t going anywhere.”

“Ruby’s school- “

“I told them the truth- that her aunt was sick and that we would take care of her education later.”

“ _Sam_ \- “

“Lena,” Sam interrupted, though her tone was more teasing and fonder than Lena’s broken reprimand. She didn’t want to think about the future, the one where she might not be in, and she didn’t want to think about Ruby losing out on her education. She mentally began to adjust her schedule. Maybe she could take time to teach Ruby herself. Education was important, and Ruby was at an important time in her schooling for her to be taking so much time off.

“I’ve already organised her teaching work from the school. I’ll teach her myself if I have to.”

“Sam, “Lena shook her head, blinking back her suddenly watery eyes. “You didn’t have – “

“And you didn’t have to protect me, and Ruby, when you did. How you did,” Sam corrected, and her own eyes were watery.

“But you did. Because that’s what family does. And we are here for you.” She sniffed and Lena was almost ready to start crying in the middle of the airport. “Until the end.”

“You’re making me cry,” she instead choked out and took a few steadying breaths, sniffing and wiping a stray tear away.

“Come on,” Sam said gently, squeezing her arm. “Let’s go and feed the gremlin. I swear I don’t know where she puts it.”

“Come on Mum and Aunt Lena! I’m hungry!”

Lena lifted a brow to Sam.

“A mother knows,” Sam said with an impish smile and laughed, linking her arm with Lena’s as Ruby enthusiastically pushed the trolley with their luggage ahead of them.

“Where are you parked?”

“Lot D,” Lena replied, taking the time to pause at the pedestrian crossing and make sure no vehicles were coming.

“Argh,” Ruby groaned with the dramatics of a fourteen-year-old. “Why’d you have to park so far away?”

“I thought the walk might be good for you after being crammed into a flying metal can all morning,” Lena replied innocently, and the look and accompanying eye-roll Ruby gifted her made her smile.

It was good to have them both back, even though the reason for it wasn’t good.

“Do you have somewhere to stay?” Lena quietly asked Sam.

“Not yet. I only had time to book the flights, talk to the school, and pack.”

“You can stay with me,” Lena said instantly with a tone that brokered no nonsense.

Sam wasn’t willing to argue, she just smiled and ducked her head.

“What car am I looking for, Aunt Lena?” Ruby hollered at them.

“A blue Camaro,” Lena called back, pointing to the direction Ruby should take.

“We’ll talk about you later,” Sam warned, and Lena let a small, sad smile cross her face. While it was wonderful to see Sam and Ruby, it hurt knowing the reason they were here, that soon Lena might not be. “But for now,….” Sam sighed. “We’ll let Ruby have this.”

~*~

“Okay,” Sam sighed, leaning back into Lena’s couch with her glass of wine safely set on the coffee table near-by. Lena was curled up at the other end with her own glass. She’d been coughing a little throughout the day but had easily waved off the Arias’ concerns by saying it was just a little cold, and moving on.

They had gone out for lunch, getting back into the city just before noon and Lena had Jess cancel the rest of her day. Then they had gone ice-skating for Ruby and then to a movie before crashing at Lena’s apartment with pizza and soda. It was one of the laziest days she had ever had and part of her was itching to get back to work but the other part, helped by Sam’s comment of ‘when you’re on your deathbed are you going to regret spending less time with us or at work?’ though she had quickly realised the gravity of what she had said. Lena had instantly agreed. After all, she had maybe two months or so to live, and well, she wanted to spend her time with the people she cared for.

She’d sent Alex a simple text, ‘Thank you,’ and had left it at that, though she knew Sam would want to see Alex and Kara, and even meet the rest of the friends, who Lena still wasn’t talking to.

“So, tell me what’s wrong and if I can help.”

“It’s-“Lena hesitated and let out a deep breath. This was Sam, Sam who she had defied laws and ethics to protect, Sam who had uprooted her and Ruby to come and support her as she died, without even hearing it from her.

“It’s not good,” she settled on and glanced away from Sam to stare at the fireplace she had merrily crackling away. It was one of those gas fires that were set into the wall and it was casting the neutral tones of her apartment into oranges and reds.

“Is it… cancer?”

And that was what people thought, wasn’t it? If you’re sick, they think its cancer. She was thrown back to Sam, in a cell, accusing her of thinking she were a supervillain because something was wrong.

Smiling, almost wryly in memory, she slowly shook her head.

“What is it then? Why can’t you, why can’t Alex or Supergirl or someone fix it?” Sam’s voice was hushed because of Ruby’s proximity down the hall, though the girl had been sent to bed earlier, but it was tipped with hysteria.

“It’s called the Hanahaki Disease,” Lena explained, and she had made sure to clear away the files before she had let Ruby loose in her living room. They were tucked away in her office under lock and key, least the girl gets curious and snoop around. Not that she would be surprised if Ruby did, it was the nature of children to be curious, after all.

“The Hanahaki Disease,” Sam repeated, frowning in thought and then she shook her head. “Never heard of it.”

Lena lifted her glass to her lips, savouring the wine. “That’s because it’s a fictional disease. It isn’t supposed to exist.”

Sam’s eyes fluttered in disbelief and she gave a little shrug “What? How- wow… so what is it?”

“I have a garden in my lungs,” Lena said dryly, and Sam blinked at her.

“You-what?”

“The Disease grows flowers in my lungs- “

Sam’s jaw drop would have been comedic if it didn’t mean she was dying.

“-and will keep growing until I am asphyxiated to death or they rip my lungs apart,” which was the less appealing fate. She was still coughing up blood and was getting to the stage that eating solid food was causing her a lot of discomfort. It was a sore throat magnified by her entire respiratory system. She probably shouldn’t be drinking but the alcohol dulled the pain, which was nice, and it tasted good and she could usually sleep through most of her coughing fits if she lulled herself to sleep with a bottle of scotch, so it was a win-win.

“You-I-what?” Sam was still confused.

“You can Google,” Lena suggested and thought to add the entire…. Conception of the idea before Sam found it out for herself.

“It’s born of… unrequited love,” she admitted quietly, barely audible over the hum of the fire.

Sam already had her phone out to Google and paused, Lena could see her gaze out the corner of her eyes.

“Who, James-no, not James,” Sam corrected slowly and the surprise of it, the fact that someone had realised she wasn’t in love with James, made her give Sam her full attention.

“What?”

Sam’s eyes glinted, reflecting the fire light, leaving her eyes glowing like coals.

“You cared for James but not- not this much,” she dropped her phone and leant forward, eyes intent. “Not enough that his loss is killing you. So it has to be someone-“

“Kara-“

“Else.”

Telling Sam that it was Kara she was in love with, unrequited love, was impulsive. Lena hadn’t thought about it before she was confessing, and she glared at her wine glass as though it had dragged her secret from the depths of her heart and shoved it into the light.

“Kara?”

Lena swallowed. This was the first time she had acknowledged her feelings for her friend to another person, out-loud even, and it was…. Freeing in a way. Weightless.

Still, she was reluctant to meet Sam’s eyes and instead eyed the consistency of her wine as though it held the secrets to the universe.

“Lena,” Sam’s voice was as gentle as a summer breeze, winding around her with its warmth and sweet scents.

“Oh, _honey_.”

The couch dipped as Sam rose and then sat near Lena, sitting near-by and wrapping an arm around her.

She set her wine-glass down and sunk into the embrace.

“What happened?” Sam’s voice was gentle and soft and Lena felt something inside her crack.

“I-she’s-“

And Lena cut herself off. She couldn’t betray Kara like that, even to Sam, and though she knew Sam would be willing and able to keep the secret, she couldn’t tell her.

“Shhhhsh,” Sam consoled and the fissure in her chest flared white-hot and expanded and then Lena fell apart.

Life with the Luthor’s had taught Lena many things, but one of the first ones, was that you cried quietly, alone, where no one could hear or see you. At least until Lex had found her and snuck her downstairs to have cookies.

And Lena cried quietly, body shaking but with no sound, as tears escaped her lids.

She was probably going to die, surgery was unlikely and radiation therapy was… radiation was radiation, and Kara wasn’t about to return her feelings, she clearly didn’t feel much for Lena, so… she was probably going to die. Only now, with the comfort of someone who had never lied to her, who had come to her for help, did she let herself acknowledge what was to come and mourn for the life she could have had.

Sam’s hand was comforting on her back, rubbing circles and she was murmuring nonsense, but Lena appreciated it all the same.

She wasn’t sure how long she cried for, and was certain she looked a mess, but when it was done she was vaguely aware of Sam lowering her onto the couch, stretching her legs out and covering her with the throw rug.

“G’night Lena,” was whispered above her and she let her exhaustion cart her off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's week is going well. I almost forgot to post today, lol. I was so caught up on new fic ideas that I nearly forgot.


	11. Chapter 11

She was awakened by…well, she wasn’t quite sure what had awoken her, only she could feel a crick in her back and her arm was numb.

The morning was peeking through the blinds, and there was the familiar whirl of her coffee maker and she groaned as she rolled onto her back before realising it was a bad idea. Her throat felt like it was on fire, metallic, sticky fire, and she turned again, trying to swallow down the taste of her own blood.

She wasn’t successful and the desire to rid herself of the taste, and the cotton feel to her mouth, drove her to her feet.

Grunting as she stretched, and maybe she should have crawled into bed instead of sleeping on the couch, she wandered into her kitchen.

“Hey,” Sam greeted her quietly, hair in a towel wrap and looking relaxed and young with her worn t-shirt and pyjama shorts.

Lena just grunted in response and Sam grinned at her, well familiar with Lena’s dislike of mornings.

“Still take your coffee the same?’ She asked, turning back to the coffee machine after taking a mug from the cupboard.

“Mh,” Lena hummed as she took a glass from the cabinet and turned to her tap. Sometimes cold water hit the spot, but not so early in the morning and she was perfectly content with tap-water than the cooled water from her fridge.

She rinsed, and were she alone she would have spat the water back into the sink, but Sam was behind her and Lena had been raised better, so she swallowed the blood tainted water and took another sip.

“You had a coughing fit last night…. Several times, actually.”

Lena winced. “I’m sorry if I woke you,” she rasped, and the water was soothing but didn’t help all that much. Truthfully, they were habit to her now, she would cough and then fall back asleep, so she wasn’t surprised that she had coughed through the night and didn’t recall it.

“You didn’t,” Sam assured her, and nothing in her warm brown eyes made Lena think she were lying.

“I….” Sam hesitated and then rallied. “There is a bloody tea-towel in the laundry basket.”

Lena froze and slowly lowered her glass of water. Sam was looking at her with a mixture of pity and sorrow.

“Did Ruby- “

“Slept like a log. I envy that girl,” Sam said with a fond shake of her head.

“If only she was like that when she was a baby,” Lena smiled, well recalling Sam complaining about it when she was younger.

Sam let out a groan of agreement.

“I’m sorry I bothered you,” Lena couldn’t help but add but Sam shook her head, waving off the apology and handing her a coffee.

“It’s what we’re here for. To help you through this.”

Lena took the coffee, and took a hesitant sip, savouring the flavour and ignoring the familiar burn. She needed caffeine more than the discomfort of her torn throat.

“So,” Sam hedged after a long, comfortable silence in the awakening morning. “Kara, huh?”

Lena was quiet a while, humming in response.

“I can’t say I didn’t see it,” Sam continued as though Lena had spoken an affirmative and Lena balked.

“You weren’t subtle about it,” Sam ducked her head towards Lena, smiling at her slightly.

“You always talked about her, always gravitated to her. Even when I was…. Having trouble… I knew… there was something there.”

Lena didn’t reply. In the light of the day she was…. Not regretting her candour, but perhaps wishing she had internalised how she felt about Kara a lot more before talking about it with Sam.

“I’m sorry I pushed you towards James that was…. A mistake… I thought that maybe he could make you happy but…. It was someone else making you happy, wasn’t it?”

Lena briefly met Sam’s eyes before, frightened by what she saw there, looked away with a little nod.

“Talk to me,” her voice was low and pleading and pulled Lena’s gaze back to her.

“I…fell in love with her,” Lena said in a hushed whisper, as though the morning would hear it and shout it for the world to hear.

“It wasn’t…. I didn’t realise until it was too late and I…. she doesn’t love me, so….”

Sam reached out and laced their fingers together and Lena squeezed them thankfully.

“She loves you, Lena,” Sam corrected gently, and she spoke with the surety of someone who knew, without a doubt, that her words were true. “I didn’t know her very long, but I know that.”

Lena lifted her shoulder in a shrug, turning her head slightly.

“Have you talked to her about it?”

Lena shook her head instantly. “We haven’t spoken in months. We….” she hesitated, how did she voice what had happened. Oh, yeah. I shot Lex and as he was dying he told me Kara was Supergirl and that I was a foolish girl who was happy to let herself be manipulated and used by her so called friends because she was so desperate for affection, and I haven’t spoken with her since?

“We had a falling out,” she said delicately, it was the easiest way to explain.

“What?” Sam’s brow was scrunched in confusion. “What about? You two were as thick as thieves, what happened?”

“I can’t tell you what it was over,” Lena said shaking her head, lifting her eyes to look at Sam imploringly. “Please don’t ask me about it.”

Sam was already nodding in agreement. “Alright. Can you…. can you tell me about how you feel or felt instead?”

Lena hesitated inhaled and let out a long, deep sigh.

“I… she was there for me when no one else was and I…. I got so used to it, to having her there and then-“ she could feel emotion building in her chest and she cleared her throat harshly to try and clear it before she erupted into a coughing fit.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” she rubbed a hand at her neck in explanation and Sam nodded slowly.

“Can… Can I talk instead? Will that... make it easier?”

Lena had never really tried it. It never worked for James because the cause wasn’t James, and Alex hadn’t wanted to make her condition worse by talking about it, only she did drop massive hints about telling him how she felt and getting them back together. She was just trying to help but Lena wished she would drop it. At least after Eliza asked her to stop, she had laid off while around her mother, so there was respite in that.

“We could try it. No one else knows who it is.”

Sam’s eyes widened but she didn’t comment further on that, for which Lena was thankful.

“Okay, so how did it start? When did you know? Can we talk about that first?”

“It started mid-August, which is-“she paused as she did the quick math. It was early October, so she had suffered alone for almost three weeks before Alex had come knocking and had then gone on for another three or so before Alex had figured it out. Add the two weeks of Eliza helping, and the new week they were facing, it was nearly two and a half months of it. Her research and the timeline she and the Dr’s Danvers had come up with to be about half a year from the first petal to her death, which would see her through December, but not much further.

“A while….I noticed a cough that wouldn’t go away. I took supplements and vitamins, thinking maybe I had caught something, but…” she lifted her shoulders in a shrug.

“The first petal I coughed up was a yellow carnation.”

Lena took a sip of her coffee, adjusting herself against the kitchen island. A glance to the clock on her oven told her that she should be on the way to work, but she was glad she had asked Jess to reschedule her for today as well. But she would have more work to go back in the next days before the weekend.

“It means…. Rejection…. Yeah,” she breathed, seeing the understanding in Sam’s eyes.

“After that I Googled,” she let out a little scoff. “None of my medical journals had any idea so, on a whim, I Googled ‘coughing up petals’ and, well, you know the answer to that. It was a shock, for sure.”

“I can imagine. I didn’t believe when I first Googled either.”

Lena paused with her mug part way to her mouth as an array of expressions crossed Sam’s face.

“Alex told you,” she said as she realised the truth. She had just thought Alex had contacted Sam and told her Lena was sick or something similar, but now she realised that Alex had told Sam everything and felt a flash of anger.

“Yes,” Sam briefly closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. “She wanted me here for you. She told me Saturday and we flew out yesterday. I wanted to be here for you.

Sometimes the greatest amount of damage could come from the least amount of harm, or something of the sort, Lena thought to herself. Alex had, again betrayed her, even though it was a little one and she let out a long sigh. Habit told her to hold onto the pain, to the fury, to drown herself in it again, but she and Alex were in a good place now, or getting there. It was easy to forget that Alex had helped lie to her too, had actively kept her at a distance when Lena had had no boundaries for them. And now Alex had rung Sam and told her Lena was dying of Hanahaki, it was so easy to trust people, forgiving them was the hard part.

Inhaling sharply she let out a long breath and the pain and anger with it. Since Alex had come to her she had almost gone out of her way to prove she was a good friend, and it was almost grating on her nerves. Lena was dying, yes, and she had been badly manipulated and betrayed by Alex, but that didn’t mean Alex had to over compensate and cater to her every whim. She just… she wanted transparency, equality.

“Mh,” Lena grunted, moving past the betrayal-it seemed like that was all she did. Trust. Be betrayed. Trust again. Alex had only done it with good intentions, though Lena was tired of the thought. Her personal road to hell seemed to have been paved with the good intentions of others, but she couldn’t deny how thankful she was to have Sam here.

“Dr Danvers sent copies of my scans to trusted colleagues. I’ll know this week if any of them are willing to do the surgery.”

“Dr Dan-oh, Kara and Alex’s mum.”

“I thought her expertise in the unusual might be helpful. She’s been in National City a little over two weeks now.”

Sam was pensive over her coffee.

“Has she been able to help? What about Alex?”

Lena shook her head slightly. “We’ve made progress on where they are formed and how but… fixing them has proven almost impossible. Its….my body is growing them…almost like a cancer. It’s fascinating, actually.”

Sam rolled her eyes as Lena mused slightly on the incredibility’s of her own terminal disease before looking back at Sam.

She shrugged, she wasn’t about to apologise for her heart, and science was at her heart.

“Chemo?”

Lena shook her head. “As a last resort. We’re going to see if we can cut them out first. I…am not an expert on such things so I don’t… we’re waiting to see,” she finished delicately as there was a thump from down the hall and then shuffled footsteps.

Ruby grunted as she emerged out into the kitchen and went straight for Lena’s cupboard.

“Good morning, Ruby,” Lena greeted, flicking her eyes to Sam, silently warning her not to tell Ruby a thing. Sam rolled her eyes but nodded.

Ruby grunted as she opened the cupboard and then she stumbled back.

“Where’s your food!”

“Ruby!”

The teen spun around, looking sheepish and apologetic, Sam’s sharp warning waking her up.

“Sorry, Aunt Lena,” the teenager mumbled but she still looked horrified. “Don’t you-“ she glanced at Sam and changed her words. “Do you have any cereal or…um, toast?”

Lena shook her head and made a mental note to have her housekeeper stock her fridge the next time she came over. Her housekeeper didn’t know who she worked for, and didn’t try to get into Lena’s bedroom or her study, she only cooked her occasional meals, went grocery shopping, and kept the place clean.

“I’m afraid I don’t.” She lifted her mug. “I live on coffee and take-out.” And painkillers, but she didn’t like to admit to that.

Sam murmured something about Lena’s take out being Michigan star quality and Lena treated her to an eyeroll.

“We’ve been invited to brunch,” Sam interrupted and Lena cast her a swift glance.

“Alex invited us out, you as well,” she said looking at Lena, and back to Ruby, “we leave in half an hour.”

“Awesome!” Ruby brightened and darted off down the hall, likely to shower and put on her make-up as teenager girls were want to do.

Lena took a careful sip of her coffee, savouring the taste and the heat as it burnt down her throat. “Sam.” She smiled pleasantly, though it was clearly a false smile and Sam looked at her pityingly.

“I accepted before I knew it was-“ Sam cut herself off and darted a glance down the hall to where Ruby was- “Kara.”

“She’ll be there,” Lena stated and Sam answered as though it was a question.

“So will Alex, James, and their new friends,” Sam’s face fell slightly, “though I don’t know what kind of name Brainy is.”

“A nickname. You’ll understand when you meet him,” Lena replied, though figured Sam had already figured out that Brainy was a nickname, and also that it meant he was intelligent. She wondered if she remembered that Brainy had been there with her for Reign, but Sam confessed that a lot of it was a blur.

“Is he smarter than you?”

Lena just hummed. He had impressive credentials, but of course education did that for you, still, she would like to test her might against his own at some stage.

“Will you be okay?”

Lena thought a while and then nodded slowly. She had borne worse, and while she didn’t want to spend further time with most of the group, she did want to spend more time with Sam and Ruby.

“I’m a big girl, Sam. I’ll be fine.” A thought then occurred to her and her eyes narrowed.

“Don’t tell a soul,” she warned and Sam lifted her hands.

“I meant it, Sam. Not about the flowers or about who caused them. Promise me.”

“I promise,” Sam assured her, voice steady and eyes earnest.

“As far as anyone knows, we’re here for a visit, okay?”

The tension in Lena’s shoulders eased slightly. “Thank you,” she whispered as she took another sip of her coffee.

“Half an hour, you say?”

Sam nodded, glanced at the clock and grimaced. “Yeahp.”

“You and Ruby can fight for your bathroom,” she teased, finishing her coffee and rinsing the mug. Placing it in the dishwasher she took Sam’s mug and did the same.

“Where’re we going?”

“Noonan’s.”

Lena hummed and brushed past Sam towards her room, taking a moment to request her drivers presence in half an hour. “See you in a bit!”

Her shower was swift and she was soon putting her make-up on, going with neutral tones, and then selecting an outfit. Her straighteners heated while she chose, resting on the vanity on its own cooling pad.

She was feeling morbid today, wanting to subconsciously give the ‘don’t mess with me vibes’ and selected a black blouse to go with her black skinny jeans. She considered a colourful jacket for a moment before deciding that her black leather jacket and gold zips would suit her nicely.

Double checking her make-up, she quickly ran the straighteners over her hair. She’d worn it straight the day before, so it was still mostly straight, apart from a few kinks in it from her sleep, so it didn’t take too long. She typically wore her hair up when she was facing a challenging day, seeing her imposing appearance as a way to extend her power over those she spoke with, but she had realised that she looked softer, more approachable when she had her hair down, and it didn’t give her as bad headaches.

Glancing at her reflection she decided she really did need a bit of colour and added a darker shade to her lips.

“I’m ready!” She heard faintly called from within her house and she selected a simple purse as she slipped into her heels.

Exiting her room she found Ruby sitting at the bar stools on her phone and she glanced over her. The teenager had gone a little bit heavy with the make-up and Lena was of half a mind to properly instruct the girl on how it should be put on, but considered it wasn’t her place. Sam voiced her concerns a few moments later when she exited from the guest room and frowned at her daughter.

“Don’t you think that’s a bit much? You look like a raccoon. Go and take it off,” Sam instructed with a head tilt towards the bathroom. Ruby had clearly tried, but more instruction was required, and Lena doubted Sam would let Ruby wear make-up without guidance, but from the way Ruby sighed audibly and rolled her eyes, it was probably a losing battle. Teenagers, especially teenage girls, didn’t like to listen to their mothers.

Seeing Ruby about to protest Sam lifted a brow, “now,” and Ruby ducked away, grumbling as she did.

“Looking good, Morticia Adams,” Sam said as she saw Lena and Lena nearly snorted.

“I’m in mourning,” she shot back sarcastically and knew her jibe had hit when Sam recoiled slightly, and she winced. While usually her comment wouldn’t raise any issue, the fact that she was dying meant that, yeah…. Totes-not-appropes, as Ruby had said yesterday.

“Sorry,” she apologised as the slamming of a door sounded in the apartment.

Sam waved off her apology and looked after Ruby with a sigh. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with that girl. She doesn’t want my help. Even though I’m the one who buys it.” She huffed and placed her shoulder bag on the bench, making sure she had her belongings.

“I…could speak to her, if you like?” Lena offered after a moments thought. “I do have some make-up knowledge.”

Instead of looking as though she had overstepped, Sam looked thankful.

“Would you? I tried but the girls at school seem to have her convinced listening to her mother is ‘uncool.’ I got her to take most of it off, and only use minimal make-up but!” She lifted her hands in a helpless shrug, as though to say, ‘what can you do?’ Ruby would figure it out for herself eventually, but it was the duty of every parent to smoothen that journey as much as possible.

Soon the teenager was back, face red from the force of her make-up wipe removal, and glaring at Sam.

“Shall we?” Lena cut through the tension, not particularly wanting to witness a mother-daughter argument.

Ruby huffed and stormed off ahead, hair waving out behind her as she wrenched the door open.

Lena had added Ruby and Sam to her biometric locks which allowed them both access to the apartment whenever they wished, otherwise the door would remain locked to her.

“I had Michael bring out the Mustang for you while you’re here,” Lena said as they took the elevator down and she placed her palm on the scanner to ensure they wouldn’t stop until they got to the ground floor.

Ruby perked up but didn’t comment while Sam smiled, “You didn’t have to do that. Thank you.”

Lena inclined her head, glad Sam wasn’t about to fight her on it. “He’s driving us today though. Parking is terrible on a Saturday morning.”

Soon the trio were exiting the lobby and darting into Lena’s waiting BWM. It was black, with tinted windows, and a sleek interior. It was all heavily modified, reinforced with Nnth metal and bullet resistant windows. This baby could walk away from a tank, Lena had designed it to do so, and had made her a pretty penny in the process by selling a few models to royalty, politicians, and ambassadors.

Driving through National City at such an early morning on the weekend was easier than expected. People were still in bed or were at sport, but there were plenty of people with the same idea as the group of friends, and Lena was glad her foresight had her take a driver instead of driving herself. There weren’t any parks within a block of Noonan’s, and Lena really didn’t feel like getting shot today so she was glad she didn’t have to walk it.

Thanking Michael she got out of the car and shared a glance with Sam as Ruby saw Alex and darted into the café.

“You’ll be fine, right?”

Sam’s concern was appreciated, but Lena wasn’t sure how she was going to react, didn’t know what she would do if she suddenly started to cough blood, and then threw up a flower. She didn’t want to face their questions.

“Of course. It’s just brunch,” Lena said and steeled herself. It had been a while since she had seen any of her so-called friends since she’d found out about Kara, and she wasn’t about to show weakness.

Sam’s presence was comforting as the two entered Noonan’s and followed the joyful greetings to where Ruby had Alex half out of the booth, laughing, as they hugged each other.

The café was mostly full, with only a few empty booths and tables, clearly reserved, and the television in the corner was playing a basketball game. There was clearly a birthday going on because a woman walked past with a cake and candles, and it was clear that as soon as Sam, Lena, and Ruby arrived they would almost double the biggest group here.

“Sam! Lena!” Alex called out with a wave and tried to wrangle her body back onto the booth seat. There was a pretty woman next to her, eyeing them fondly, and on her other side was a familiar figure. James and Kelly didn’t look alike, until you saw them smile, and then you saw the family resemblance. Nia was squished in next to James and had Brainy on her other side, with Kara next to him. Seeing Dr Danvers next to Kara was a surprise, but Lena quickly turned her attention from the blue eyes looking at her beseechingly and greeted everyone.

She and Kara still hadn’t spoken. Kara had to deal with a Supergirl emergency when Lena had hesitantly asked to talk again, and they had yet to reschedule, though Kara had adored the cupcakes she had sent to her.

“Morning everyone,” she smiled politely, nodding at them all and kept herself calm, knowing that each of these people had conspired to keep her in the dark. She wouldn’t call them friends anymore, but she was going to die and to be honest, she didn’t have the energy in her to be mad. She was hurt, hurt beyond belief, but… she was too tired to be angry but that didn’t mean she was letting them off.

Alex introduced Sam and Ruby to Kelly, (and Alex’s adorable smile when she introduced her ‘girlfriend’ was priceless), Nia, and to Brainy.

“It is a pleasure to meet you in person, Samantha. I look forward to getting to know the human who battled Reign.”

There was a moments silence and Nia elbowed him hurriedly, before rising to her feet to shake Sam’s hand awkwardly across the table.

Sam looked a little bemused, and the smile on Ruby’s face fell at the reminder.

“Nice to meet you as well. At least I’ll remember your face now,” Sam drew her composure and looked curiously at the woman next to Kara.

“Sam Arias,” she greeted with her hand outstretched.

“Eliza,” Dr Danvers corrected and there were smiles all around as Ruby, and Sam pressed into the booth and Lena squeezed in on the end.

There were a few coffee mugs already there and Lena frowned slightly.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long?”

She was instantly assured that it was no problem, that they’d feared traffic and had gotten here early. She wasn’t entirely convinced that were the case, but she accepted the lie anyway, what was one more upon the mountain they’d already fed her?

“We haven’t been here before,” Sam said, kicking her bag under her feet. “What’s good?”

“Everything!” Kara blurted and it was the first Kara had spoken since their arrival, or at least within Lena’s presence.

She immediately fell silent again and looked down at her menu as Ruby giggled.

“You’ve tried everything?” Her voice lifted a little in disbelief and she glance down at the menu and the four pages of food options.

Alex chuckled, “Has she ever!”

“I used to work here, before I worked for Mrs Grant,” Kara admitted, looking a little sheepish. “The Sunshine Special is named for me.”

“I’m surprised that you haven’t already devoured a bowl of sticky buns,” Lena teased, the air familiar and Kara looked at her in surprise before beaming and adjusting her glasses.

“Oh, she did,” James cut in and Kara glared at him, but there was laughs all around as Lena settled in next to Sam.

There was still an awkward tension the table, but with Sam near her and Alex giving her a smile, Lena knew she had at least two people on her side.

She was able to settle into routine; the selection of food, the casual, surface greetings and enquiries as to what everyone had been up too lately, but still. Two and a bit months of no contact was a hard thing to slip back into.

“I hear you’re stealing my girlfriend,” Kelly commented after the waitress had departed, Lena’s credit card slipped within her bill folder.

James looked a little uneasy at the suggestion and Lena let out a little chuckle, “I _am_ sorry about that.”

Kelly waved off her apology. “I’m not. I appreciated Alex’s purchases,” she said delicately and Alex nearly choked on her water while Lena laughed again.

“I heard about that,” Sam said, turning from her talk with Kara to look at Alex.

“ **‘Luthor has sexy romp in dressing room with mysterious brunette!** ’ Or something of the sort,” Sam couldn’t help but laugh at the blush on Alex’s face, though it was present on Kara’s too.

“Sam!” Alex nearly squawked and hid her eyes for a moment. The days after their girls day had been a little tough for Alex, as her face was plastered everywhere along with increasingly suggestive titles, and Alex had to block her social media for a while. People even stalked Kelly, furious Lena was being cheated on, or curious as to whether it was a three-way thing. Lena had to instruct her PR Team to go on her and Alex’s defensive, but speculation still continued.

“We didn’t even get naked,” Lena mused linking her hands under her chin and smiling deviously at Alex. “Imagine if they had pictures, what would your agents say?”

If possible, Alex went redder. “Shuttup! No one will look me in the eyes!”

“That is true,” Brainy cut in, observing the conversation with interest. “Thirty-seven percent of the agents have increased their attention elsewhere when speaking to Agent Danvers.”

“Elsewhere?” Kelly let out a laugh, clearly enjoying seeing her usually stoic girlfriend getting teased, usually Alex was the one who did the teasing.

Brainy was helpful with answering. “Usually her breas-“

“-Okay! Nope! Stop talking!” Kara cut in as Alex let her head thump on the table and Kelly stroked her back soothingly.

“It’s okay, I know you’re not cheating on me with Lena.”

Alex grumbled into the table.

“What was that?”

Alex mumbled something else again. Kelly frowned. “She’s in love with someone else?”

Lena’s mirth faded and she knew her face closed down. Suddenly the centre of attention she was not pleased.

Alex stiffened and shot upright, looking at Lena apologetically. ‘ _Sorry_ ,’ she mouthed and shook her head in a grimace as the gentle teasing of Lena begun.

“Oooooooh!” Nia was into it, with wide excited eyes, mirrored by Ruby, and Sam’s hand had slid under the table to place pressure on her knee.

“Who is it, Aunt Lena? Who are you in love with?”

Lena’s eye twitched and she carefully made sure not to glance at anyone but Alex, though she noticed that Kara was staring at her thumbs, uninterested, while Eliza moved her arms off the table. James looked interested, in the typical, ‘is it me?’ sort of way, while Brainy was just staring at her.

“Yes,” Lena answered carefully, licking her teeth in thought.

“Though it is not open for discussion. Ever,” she finished, a little shortly, but she wanted to get her point across. From the silence that took over the table she’d succeeded, Alex looked sheepish about it and Lena shook her head. ‘ _It’s okay_ ,’ she mouthed, whispered really, and Alex relaxed.

“Well,” Kelly said, breaking in to defuse the tension and Lena could have kissed her.

“As long as its not Alex. You can’t have her. _This Danvers_ is mine,” Kelly said gave Alex a kiss on the cheek. Alex’s cheeks flushed but she leant into the affection easily. It was wonderful to see how confident she was now, how happy she was, and Lena was glad she was around to see it.

“I’m not interested in ‘this Danvers’,” Lena replied teasingly, glad to take the attention off of herself for a moment.

“You’re desensitised to boob,” Alex cut in, filling her water glass and Lena chuckled.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it,” Sam popped up from Lena’s side and Ruby let out a disgruntled noise.

“You’re gay?! What about Ruby’s-” Kara blurted and suddenly she had the entire tables attention. “Sorry,” she was bright red and she pressed her glasses up her nose. She looked adorable as usual and Lena felt a tickle in her throat which she had to clear.

Twin heads snapped around to her and she lifted a brow to Alex as she reached for her glass of water while nudging Sam with her thigh.

Remembering where they were, but seeing the reaction noted by the table, Sam replied to Kara.

“No, I’m straight.”

Lena nearly snorted into her glass and Sam elbowed her.

“Mostly.”

Nia’s lips were curling into a smile. “Sounds like there’s a story there?”

Brainy was a bit confused. “How can you be mostly straight? Either you are or you are not.”

“Don’t try to figure out human’s sexualities, mate, you’ll be here forever,” James provided over Nia’s head and Brainy nodded, as though the photographer had parted some great wisdom.

“I think I’d like to hear this story too,” Eliza said.

Ruby muttered, “I wouldn’t,” but she was mostly ignored.

Sam inhaled and let out a sigh. “It was a _long_ time ago, right after the merger with L-Corp, or LuthorCorp as it was back then,” she shared a proud smile with Lena.

“A group of us were going to a bar to get to know each other better. The higher-ups though alcohol and food would be a good way to get the old and new staff to know each other better, to break the ice. I dragged this one,” she nudged Lena, and as they were so close in the booth, almost spilling out of it, Lena didn’t have far to escape it. “From her ivory tower-“

“I think you mean dungeon,” Lena interjected. “I spent most of my time in the lab back then.”

“From her _dungeon_ ,” Sam emphasised with a smile, “and out with us. Only the lab rats knew she was technically our new boss, so we all went out. Drinking….” Sam trailed off as though the others could fit in the rest of the story for themselves. No one could, so Sam continued, looking like she was enjoying everyone listening to her, and her smile was fond.

“We drunk too much, Lena was paying, and then we started to play drinking games,” Sam gave a little shrug. “Lena and I already knew each other from the merger so we mostly stuck together. My co-workers sucked.”

“I fired them,” Lena interjected and Sam paused.

“I-you-what?”

Lena took a calm sip of her water, savouring the chill as it soothed her throat. “I heard how they treated you and when we merged I had them fired, or let go I guess…. Either way, their jobs were not waiting for them.”

“Is that why you did the shuffling? To fire the people I hated?” Sam hadn’t realised this and Lena frowned at her.

“They treated you poorly, to your face, and even worse behind your back. I didn’t want employees like that, so they were offered a severance package or the option to resign.”

Sam was looking at her as though she couldn’t quite process what she had said and it took the waitress returning with the first round of drinks to break her from her thoughts.

“Anyway, we went with Truth or Dare and then Jack showed up.”

Lena let out a sigh in memory, “I’d forgotten that.”

“Not surprising,” Sam snorted. “Do you remember how many shots the two of you did?”

Lena let out a slight shrug. “He got me drunk on my 21st,” she let out a little laugh, grimacing at the memory. “I’m never going near Vodka again.”

“And so Jack convinced us all to go clubbing. Instead of the LuthorCorp hired room, those of us interested, all went to a bar and continued with our game. We drank some more and then it was Lena’s turn.”

Lena could feel her face heat and she turned away to thank the waitress for her drink as the others were passed down the table. Ruby had gone with an iced chocolate monstrosity which would likely keep her on a sugar high until midnight, and Kara had the same. The Sunshine Special. Far too much sugar, chocolate, ice-cream, whipped cream, and then more chocolate.

Kara was glancing up at her occasionally, but mostly giving her attention to her drink.

“Oh no,” Lena groaned in memory, vividly remembering the group of them piled around table as the thrumming baseline of the dancefloor pumped through their veins. She could almost taste the vodka at the back of her mouth and grimaced.

“What happened?” Alex was looking thoroughly invested and she was glancing between Sam and Lena as the puzzle pieces clicked together. “Did.. did you?”

“Body shots!” Lena interrupted, feeling as though her face was on fire. “I had to let three people, ones Jack picked, do body shots off me.”

Kara slurped loudly on her straw while Kelly barked a laugh.

“We were all hot,” Sam assured her and Lena covered her face a moment with her hand.

“Doesn’t make it better. Don’t ever drink, Ruby,” Lena pleaded down the table to the teenager who was looking a little bored by the discussion and was instead sipping her drink.

“What does Lena’s body shots have to do with Samantha? And what are body shots?” Brainy had his hands clasped under his chin.

“Body shots are when you drink shots of alcohol from another person,” Nia quickly explained.

He nodded slowly, “What has this got to do with Samantha?”

“I was one of the people he picked,” Sam chuckled. “And Matt from accounting-“ she grimaced and Lena mirrored her. “Slimeball.”

Lena couldn’t disagree.

“So you did a body shot off Miss Luthor? I am…. Confused…..”

“The next dare was mine,” Sam continued, getting straight to the point. “Matt dared us,” she flicked her hand between her and Lena, “to make out.”

Kara had clearly inhaled something a little to roughly for she coughed and spluttered a moment and ended up grimacing at her drink as though it had personally offended her.

“For an entire song,” Lena said, feeling pained at the memory. Though it was nearly four years ago now, she could still hear the drumline beating through her veins, could recall the colourful lights flashing around her, could taste the fruity drink coating Sam’s tongue, could feel the heat that blazed from Sam’s hands as she let them wander under Lena’s shirt.

Clearing her throat again she reached for her water, feeling her cheeks flare again.

“Is that it?” James was looking a little disappointed and missed the glare Kara shot him.

He spread his massive hands before him in a peaceful gesture. “Hey. I’m just saying, that’s not bad.”

“We had the S.E.X,” Sam said shortly, covering Ruby’s ears with her hands before she did.

Lena spat out her water. “Sam!”

She wasn’t the only one to spit out her drink. Down the end Kara had some shake dribbling down her chin and hastily wiped it off, eyes wide.

Alex froze for a moment as Ruby emerged from between Sam’s hands with a glare, and then she started to laugh.

“Nice one, Lena!” She held her hand out for a high-five and a bemused Lena returned it. “Nice, Sam!”

Sam was treated to the same high-five, though it was a little awkward as the two had to reach over the table.

“We shouldn’t have,” Sam confessed and the sting from the confession was long gone and instead there was only warmth in Lena’s chest when she gazed at Sam.

She had loved her once, could have been in love with her, but it wasn’t to be. Still, that one night had been….Sam was her first and she would never regret it. Jack only thought he was, and she had genuinely been in love with him at the time, so she had never told anyone otherwise. Sam didn’t know the truth either. She thought that Lena and Jack had already… and that their relationship was just a causal hook-up, so hadn’t felt torn up over sleeping with Lena. Apart from the fact that Lena was technically her boss.

Still, they had both been interested in trying it, and had trust each other. They hadn’t intended to stumble to Lena’s apartment, but they were both a hairs-width shy of sloshed and Sam had already arranged for the sitter to stay the night, planning to sneak home when she was finished, only she had started to drink and then have fun. It had been hard, she had told Lena over the music and drunken singing, being a single parent with no time for herself, and so Lena had held her hand as she shed a few tears, and then offered her more drinks. The two of them were very drunk by the time they got a taxi, and as Sam had no where to go- she didn’t want to drunkenly stumble home and have the sitter see her, or wake Ruby- Lena had offered her to stay with her.

Sam had accepted, but Lena’s couch wasn’t comfortable- it was why the one in her office at L-Corp was now good enough to sleep on- so they had ended up in Lena’s bedroom.

Of course Sam had gotten stuck with her dress and Lena had to help and then they were close, bodies buzzed and inhibitions free, and things had progressed from there.

“It was fun,” Lena said, smiling sweetly at Sam, as though she were speaking of something else as simple as getting coffee instead of an intensive round of sex.

“But we shouldn’t have,” she agreed easily.

Ruby had her head down over her milkshake, trying to disappear into the table and Sam let out a little laugh and ruffled her hair. “Ew, Mum,” Ruby said with all the attitude of a teenager.

There was a round of laughter, noticeably absent of Kara, and Alex spoke again. “I would never have thought, Lena. I thought you were straight.” And it was a little awkward talking about this in front of her ex, her ex’s sister, the woman she was in love with, as well as the woman’s mother and sister being present.

“Mh,” Lena let out a hum feeling a little more awkward. She didn’t really discuss her sexuality, it was for her and for her partner, but that didn’t mean she was ashamed.

“What, am I not hot enough to turn any girl?” Sam came to her rescue with a playful jab and Alex rolled her eyes.

“10/10 would bang,” Lena added playfully and Sam gave her a flirty wink.

“Apart from that once, I’m definitely into men…..what about you guys?” Sam asked, looking around the table some more.

“Gay, gay,” – to Alex and Kelly-“ straight as an arrow,” she smiled at James who shrugged his massive shoulders in a ‘what can you do,’ gesture.

She lifted a brow at Nia, who actually looked a little uncomfortable with the question and Lena hadn’t thought to mention that their new friend was transgender so the question might make her uncomfortable.

“I’m exclusively into men,” Nia said, smile looking a little forced, and Lena knew Sam had caught the deflection by the way she glanced over Nia again, before looking at Brainy.

“I am not human so I do not think I fit into your boxes of sexuality. I am seeing Nia romantically.”

“Cool,” Sam said, giving him the finger guns, though the two had been introduced as ‘dating’ so Lena thought that Sam might have some questions for her later.

“What about you, Kara?” And the amusement Lena was feeling with the conversation faded. Cheeky bitch.

Lena slid her hand under the table and, keeping polite interest on Kara’s response, dug her nails into Sam’s thigh.

The woman grunted slightly at the pain and shifted her thigh away, Lena loosening her hold after another pointed pinch.

“I’m, um, uh.” She adjusted her glasses and Lena would usually have taken the heat from Kara, especially with her looking so vulnerable and uncomfortable, but she wasn’t sure of her place in Kara’s life anymore, and she did want to know the answer.

“I’ve only dated men,” she stumbled out, looking a little red and promptly distracted herself with her drink. Lena’s heart sunk, even though she knew the truth for herself, that didn’t mean she wanted to hear it again.

“Boo,” Alex jeered down the table to giggles. “You’re missing out!”

“What about you, Dr Danvers? Eliza?”

“Before I fell in love with Jeremiah, I had a wonderful summer fling with a girl from Australia.”

From the jaw drops of her daughters its was clear that this was brand new information.

“What?” Alex let out weakly, and it was always a surprise to find out that the people in your life, who had always seemed to love each other and be together, hadn’t actually always been.

“It was only for a few months,” there was fondness in Eliza’s eyes before the sparkled at Alex. “She had a very cute accent,” she added with a helpless shrug.

Alex was gaping like a fish and was saved from a response by their food arriving.

There was a tickle at the back of her throat and Lena swallowed the reflex to cough. She couldn’t feel the build-up in her chest and realised she was probably getting actually sick, there was only so much abuse her body could take before something she ate or breathed made her sick.

Wonderful, she thought to herself and eyed her soup. She had gone with something easy to swallow, not wanting to spend hours chewing while with people who didn’t know about her, and the little pieces were easiest to swallow, they didn’t hurt as much. There was some bread that came with it though, and her mouth watered. Perhaps, if she were careful, she could soften it with her soup and then nibble on it?

Conversation muted a while, mostly with Sam and Ruby giving and getting updates. Lena didn’t mind, it let her know what had been happening in her absence.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she left it, whomever it was could wait. She was out, and she wanted time to herself.

James had given up his shield and was now considering returning to Metropolis or going elsewhere after Cat’s ultimatum. Nia and Brainy were cute and in love and in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. Alex and Kelly were good, which Lena knew because she spoke with Alex regularly and spent time with them both. Eliza was happy to be with her girls while working and Kara…. Kara was doing okay… but it was clear that her enthusiasm was muted, and everyone knew the reason, including Sam. She was missing Lena, though she never said as much, only glancing at Lena occasionally as she said she’d been doing okay, been busy but a little down and sad.

Lena wasn’t sure what to say to that, so instead she kept sipping her soup. She missed Kara, she did, she just wasn’t sure how to approach her, to going back to being friends, to just… to it being easy. It was so easy with Kara and now it wasn’t, and she wasn’t quite sure what to do about that.

It was also a bit difficult with James, Nia, and Brainy, though less so with the latter. Brainy had no loyalty to her, and Nia was new to the group as well, so she didn’t expect them to tell her about Kara, or at least encourage Kara to tell her. But James…. Ooh, James, he had more reason to tell her than anyone here, apart from Kara. He had willing entered a relationship with her, knowing how she felt about deceit, and had then gone behind her back on Kara’s orders to break into her vault. That still stung, and if she were a petty bitch she’d punish him for it, for betraying her trust in such a way, but she had come to expect it, and she was tired, so she let that go, like she let everything else go.

He wasn’t worth her time anymore, and though she would be civil to him, she’d never trust him again. What he had done was on par with what Kara had done, only he was fucking her as well.

The person she would have gone to talk about it to, and had, was the person who had been responsible for it in the first place, and with that thought her mood soured, though she tried not to show it.

It really was a mess, and none of it was her fault, which almost made it worse. She didn’t know how to fix it, and it wasn’t entirely up to her to fix it.

Growling internally she took a ferocious bite of her bread and clearly didn’t chew it enough, for a few moments later she was bracing herself and grunting in pain.

Coughing a few times to clear it she gripped the table, and brought her other hand to her mouth to cover the sound. She still had manners after all.

Her body shook and heaved and it hurt, hurt as much as coughing up a flower did and she wasn’t proud of the sounds she was making.

“Lena?” Alex alarmed voice came at her from the distance and she shook her head, waving Alex off. She would be fine, she just should have chewed a bit more and softened the bread with her soup first.

“Are you alright?” Came from down the table and Lena waved them off as well, eyes shut as she coughed, certain they were watering.

“Must have gone down the wrong hole,” Sam gave a little, airy laugh, as Lena coughed a little more.

She had mostly cleared it, and was reach for her water with an unsteady hand when Ruby piped up, “Jeez, Aunt Lena. Die quietly wont ya?”

Sam stiffened next to her and spun on her daughter while Alex choked, and really, upon reflection, it was maybe the most obvious thing to happen in the universe ever.

“Ruby!” Sam’s raised voice did more for the attention on her than Ruby’s comment and from how the girl’s expression twisted over her pancakes she had no idea she’d done wrong.

“Sam!” Lena rasped out and Sam spun back to face her and they had a millisecond silent conversation before she turned back to her daughter.

“I don’t want to hear you say something like that again,” she said quietly, keeping her voice low and making an effort to keep it even and measured.

“What? It’s not like she’s dying. People say that all the time…..”

Ruby clearly didn’t understand why, and was digging her heels in, ready to protest, but Sam leant forward. “We’ll talk about this later, understood?”

Ruby grunted, frowned, and went back to her pancake stack.

Crisis averted, though it was still a little awkward and Lena curled her palm into a fist, hiding the fact that it had splatters of blood over it.

She was considering making a run for the bathroom when Kelly nudged a serviette over to her. Kelly’s eyes were wide and she looked a bit scared, but she didn’t say anything as Lena slowly took the serviette in her other hand, keeping the one with the blood stains closed.

Kelly tapped her lips in silent instruction and Lena quickly wiped them, glancing down at the serviette she saw it had a slight red smear to it, and not because of her lipstick.

She nodded once in thanks and then transferred her serviette to her other hand. It still wasn’t ideal and she really should go to the bathroom.

“Scooch,” Kelly said, turning away from Lena and to Alex, who had gone back to her eggs while keeping her eyes on Lena. “Bathroom.”

Lena had the thought that perhaps Kelly, who’s job it was to notice what went unsaid, knew more than she let on, or perhaps had put the fragments of information together and somehow come to the right conclusion.

“Me too,” she said and slid from the booth and, keeping the serviette clutched in her hands as her chest strained with the need to cough again, she darted for the bathroom.

There was one door into the bathroom, with men’s, women’s, and the unisex disabled door in the centre. Entering the woman’s, there were four toilets and she quickly marched into one, coughing harshly into her serviette.

The door behind her closed, then opened, and then closed again. She suspected it was Kelly, but as the other woman made no comment and instead proceeded to use the stall down from her, Lena said nothing.

She coughed until she couldn’t and then stood in the stall, panting heavily and trying to swallow the metallic taste of blood. She was used to it now, but that didn’t mean she liked it much.

She threw her bloody serviette in the toilet and flushed, and then went to the sink. Faint red lines swirled down the drain until it ran clear and when she glanced up she met Kelly’s eyes in the mirror.

She took care to make sure no blood lingered on her hands, or in her jewellery while she waited for Kelly to speak.

“I don’t know what’s wrong,” she said softly after some time, shaking her hands above the sink before moving to the towels. “But if you want to talk, I am here… as a friend.”

“Thank you,” Lena replied simply and moved to dry her own hands. It would be odd for the two of them to leave together, so she delayed a moment, drawing her composure. Her phone went off again and she reached for it. Might as well see who was bothering her.

It was a familiar number and Lena hesitated.

“Mother,” she said clearly, calmly, and glanced over her reflection in the mirror. “What is it?”

‘ _Your brothers body was the one found in National City Park,_ ’ her mother said without little fanfare and Lena froze, heart thumping.

“What?”

‘ _The police contacted me this morning. He was- the body was unrecognisable, but DNA tests confirm.’_

Her grip on the vanity tightened and she swallowed.

“Thank you for telling me, is that all?”

‘ _He was shot_.’ Lillian said and she could picture her mother staring, maybe out the window of wherever it was she was now. ‘ _By a .38 snub nose._ ’

“I’m sure he had it coming. Anything else?”

‘ _You have one,_ ’ Lillian said and Lena frowned. That wasn’t public information, rather it was available to the public, but only after a bit of digging.

“What are you getting at, Mother? That information is available to the public.”

And then Lillian surprised her. ‘ _Be careful. Someone is trying to frame you for murdering your brother._ ’

It took a long moment for Lena to process what her mother had said.

‘ _Did you hear me? Someone is out to get you._ ’

“I… heard you, mother,” she released her death grip on the vanity and stared blankly at the mirror.

“I.. thank you for the warning.”

Lillian grumbled something about still being her mother and then said goodbye, leaving Lena reeling.

Her mother was… trying to protect her?

Wonders would never cease and the thought hit her as she left the bathroom, that finally she might be able to have a relationship with her mother and it was only because she was dying. Letting out a mirthless chuckle, mostly at herself and her idiocy, she sighed and returned to the table. She called for her driver as she went, she would need to go to LCorp and get started on a statement and be ready for the police.

“I’m afraid I have to go,” she said grabbed her belongings. Everyone groaned good naturedly at her and she shrugged.

“Work calls,” she said and looked apologetically at Sam, who was looking worried.

“Is everything okay?” Alex was part way out of her chair and Lena hesitated.

Give it a few days, or even less, and the world would know Lex Luthor was the body found, and then the press would come knocking.

“They found Lex,” she whispered, leaning forward to speak to Alex. She said it quietly enough for only Alex but knew Kara had caught her words by how the glass in her hand suddenly shattered, spilling what was left of her drink onto her hands.

The sound of shattering glass caught the attention of the waitstaff, and they rushed over.

“I’ll talk to you later,” she promised and looked at Sam. “Are you able to get home by yourself?”

Sam was already nodding agreeably. “I’ll take care of dinner, so don’t worry about anything.”

Lena gave a little nod and hesitated, her bag on her shoulder as a waitress appeared at her side, looking horrified and concerned for Kara.

“Come and see me in the morning,” she told Kara across the table, and Kara looked up from where she was pawing at the table with a serviette, trying to stop the spill. “I’ll have more information for you then.”

Kara looked confused, hopeful, sad, angry, all in one but she gave a little nod, agreeing but not sure what she was agreeing to.

Lena made her way quickly to pay, reclaiming her credit card, and her driver messaged her to tell her he was outside waiting in the loading bay. Paying, she waved farewell, and the ducked out into the street. It was a shame, she considered as she strode to her car. She’d just gotten used to not having the press swarming her for information on Lex, and now they were going to start again. At least, she thought, there was one reporter she could trust, one desperate to stay on her good side, desperate to be her friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with all of my stories, this is a SC slow-burn. I am aware that it is taking half the fic to get to the SC scenes, but I wanted to build a solid foundation and background of Lena and her Disease before we get to the angst. Kara features more heavily in the next half, and there will be SC!
> 
> In other news, I finished my SC BB fic, so expect 20k of that at some point. And I also vanished down the rabbit hole of my next marriage AU, so if anyone is familiar with the US court system for immigration, hmu :D
> 
> Thanks for the Kudos and Comments! Hope ya'll have a nice weekend.


	12. Chapter 12

Kara entered her office at eight-thirty seven looking hesitant and hopeful, wearing slacks and a maroon jumper. Her hair was up in a twist and she had her messenger bag over her shoulder, looking so much like Kara Danvers that Lena’s chest ached. She was thankful that Kara had come as Kara, because she wasn’t sure she wanted to see Supergirl, and she didn’t want Supergirl right now, she wanted Kara Danvers.

“Hey, I um, brought you a coffee…..” she held out a brown cup with a familiar logo and slowly entered Lena’s office.

“Thank you,” Lena was polite as she stood to take the coffee. “I haven’t had any since this morning.”

There was an awkward silence and Kara toyed with her fingers while Lena sipped hesitantly at her drink. It was still warm, hot even, as though it had just been brewed, so either Kara flew here straight from Noonan’s, or had used her vision to keep it hot.

“Um, why am I here?”

“Lex is dead,” Lena said taking a seat and she let out a sigh. She had spent yesterday afternoon with the police, identifying Lex’s body, what was left of it, and answering their questions. Her mother was already on her way to National City as she had answered the polices questions, and then she had gone back to work to inform her PR team of the storm about to descend on them. Her team had gone to bed only a few hours ago and would likely be returning in a few more, but Lena paid them very well so they couldn’t rightly complain.

“Yeah I um, I heard you tell Alex,” Kara hesitated. “Are, are you okay?”

“I did it,” Lena said calmly, and she’d had months to come to terms with that fact, had drowned herself on alcohol and guilt until she had been given a new puzzle to solve. Part of her was glad that Lex had exposed Kara’s secret, because it kept her from diving too much into her guilt, grief and misery over what she had done, plus her disease gave her something to focus on. Sometimes she thought about Lex, which inevitably led to what she had done, but she was too busy trying not to join him that she ignored the fact that she had murdered her own brother.

“So you said,” Kara said quietly, shuffling a little further forward and she hesitantly sat at Lena’s head incline.

Lena had given a lot of thought to this conversation, what she would give and what she expected to receive, so it didn’t pain her to speak next.

“I was waiting for him after your fight,” she said with little fanfare, staying present to watch the emotions play across Kara’s face. The thought had briefly occurred to her that Kara would use the information she was going to tell her, to bring about her ruin, but she doubted it. Kara might be morally self-righteous at times, but she had always known to keep what Lena told her off the record to herself, though Lena had never admitted to murder before. Still, if Kara wanted to get anywhere with her friendship with Lena, she would know she had to keep quiet. Plus, there was still the silent threat of Lena retaliating and outing her as Supergirl, though Lena doubted she’d do that even if Kara did expose her.

“When he arrived, I shot him.”

Kara’s grip on her chair tightened and Lena could hear the faint cracking of the arm rests before Kara forced herself to relax.

Her expression was….complicated. She looked as though she wanted to leap the distance between them and take Lena into her arms, but she was frozen instead.

“He told me who you were as he died,” Lena continued, and she couldn’t bear to look at Kara any longer so she spun around in her chair to look out over the city.

“He also had a wonderful slideshow of each time you’ve done something distinctively ‘super’ around me, and you really should be more careful with your identity,” she added conversationally and Kara made a nonconsequential sound behind her.

“He told me that you had played me for a fool, all of you. Alex, James, Nia, Brainy, J’onn. All of you, when I had done nothing but support you, defend you, protect you. He told me it had all been a lie while I told him that I had to kill him to protect you, to protect my friends, to protect Supergirl, to protect the world,” she could feel her eyes water and blinked it away, forcing herself not to feel what she so desperately needed to, and slowly turned to face Kara.

She looked stricken, broken and there were tears streaming from her eyes, and now it was clear she believed Lena, last time she had likely thought it was drunken ramblings and had taken it with a grain of salt. Now, though, Lena had a clear head and sharp gaze, her words concise.

“Lena,” Kara let out a broken cry and her hand was partially raised as though to touch her when Jess’ voice came through the little box on her desk.

“ _Miss Luthor, there are some detectives here to see you_.”

“I’m busy.” Lena pressed a button on her desk to let her speak to Jess.

“ _They insist, Miss Luthor_.”

Lena glanced at the door and back at Kara.

“Send them in,” Lena instructed. A few moments later and her door was opening to two National City Detectives.

They introduced themselves and glanced at Kara.

“Miss Luthor, this is personal…could we speak alone?”

Lena didn’t turn away from Kara. “I’m in the middle of something personal as well,” she said coldly, and she was not thrilled she had to take a break from speaking to Kara, though it did allow them both the opportunity to collect themselves. “Yet you insisted. So, what do you want?”

The two shared a look and one cleared his throat, pulling out a file.

“We have a warrant for you to surrender a… .38 calibre snub nose revolver.”

“Of course you do,” Lena intoned dryly.

“You think I killed Lex,” she said and Kara grimaced, though Lena was thankful that the detectives couldn’t see her face because Kara was usually an open book.

“Did you?”

The other detective nudged his partner, still holding out the warrant for Lena to look over if she wanted. “Lex was murdered with a .38 snub nose revolver, the same make and model as the one you have registered with the State of California as a conceal and carry.”

“And that is public information, if you look for it,” Lena said rising slowly to her feet and ignoring their suspicious eyes on her.

“You’ll find that this gun has not seen much use,” she informed them as she opened her safe and pulled out the gun. And she wasn’t lying. She had maybe fired it a half dozen times, including the time she shot Lex with it.

She let its weight rest in her hand as she gazed at it and then slowly held it out for the officers. They had tensed slightly when she had pulled it out, as though she would be the one to shoot first and ask questions later, but the one with the folder, the one who seemed less suspicious of her, strode forward to take it from her, sliding it into an evidence bag.

Lena might have been worried if it weren’t for Alex assuring her the barrel had been replaced and worn down appropriately.

“I would like it returned to me when you’ve completed your tests, it was a gift from my father,” Lena let steel enter her voice. If her firearm was not returned to her she would be very displeased, and would let them know it.

“Is that all?”

The two men thanked her, reaffirmed that she had their number in case she thought of anything, and then exited her office.

“Um, wont they-“

“They won’t find anything,” Lena assured Kara as she took her seat and Kara settled a little.

“I asked you here because I wanted to talk to you, now that I am no longer so angry and hurt by your betrayal.”

Kara lifted her eyes, mouth opening as though to protest and Lena lifted a hand.

“I can accept that it was your secret to tell, and I have said that in the past, but it was not fair of you to pursue two relationships with me, both vastly different in terms of trust and content, while keeping me in the dark.”

Kara slumped in her chair, nodding at Lena, perhaps in agreement, or asking her to continue.

“It was a gross violation of my trust in you, and frankly,” Lena said, voice and face darkening slightly, “it was a fucking terrible thing to do, regardless of your reasons. You actively and willingly betrayed my trust when it suited you, calling me your friend one day and accusing me of terrible things the next. In maintaining the secret you kept all of the power, while I only operated with half of the knowledge…. I wouldn’t have told Supergirl half the things I confided in, to Kara Danvers, and you took that choice away from me. You told me one thing, hurt me, and then comforted me with your other persona. You manipulated and abused me, keeping the information to yourself to better change the outcomes that you wanted while purposely keeping me in the dark. You used James to break into my lab, to spy on me, while coming to me as Kara and pretending we were fine when we weren’t.”

“I know,” Kara rasped out, voice a broken crackle. “And I’m so sorry. I-“

“I hadn’t finished,” Lena interrupted calmly and Kara obediently fell silent. Lena had had a long while to think on the situation, and rationalise her responses.

“You claim it was to keep me safe, yet how did me not knowing you were Supergirl keep me safe?” She didn’t let Kara answer her question, it was rhetorical regardless. She had taken risks to protect Kara, risks that put her life at risk, and at the very least exposed her to potential for harm, to protect her human best friend, Kara Danvers, while not knowing that Kara had never needed her protection.

“I have risked my _life_ ,” she emphasised, letting the anger in her heart leak into her words, “ to protect you, Kara. When it wasn’t necessary. I have put myself in danger to protect you when it wasn’t necessary, and I can only think that you protecting your secret was worth more than my life and that just….”

She cut herself and touched upon the next point. “And how would your enemies become my enemies if no one _knew_ that I knew who you were?”

Kara’s eyes were wide, realisation clearly sinking in.

And, really, how had Kara not realised that James Olsen was probably the biggest target of all of Kara’s associates. He publicly knew Superman, had proclaimed himself to be the closest thing Kal El had to a best friend, and had been seen with Supergirl. How much of a target could you become? He was basically walking around with a neon sign saying ‘I know who the Super’s are’. And, honestly, of all the people in Supergirl’s life, it didn’t take a genius to look at who could possibly know who she (and Kal ) was and figure out who was easiest to get to. James Olsen came up on top. Even if Lena and Supergirl had a good working partnership, called each other friends, no one would assume, on account of Lena’s last name, that Supergirl had _actually_ told her her identity, that would be stupid.

“How could they know to come after me if they didn’t know I knew you were Supergirl? How could I be in any further danger by knowing who you were than having people suspect I knew? I would hardly scream it from my balcony. Wouldn’t I be safer, feel safer, knowing I could call for you if I needed to? That if I had known, then surely you’d keep me aware of any threats that you faced so I could be aware of them, and even help you neutralise them?”

Kara had tears in her eyes, and was shaking her head, moistening her lips as she trembled.

“You, all of you, repeatedly took steps in which I was kept firmly in the dark, even when I deserved to know, when you seemed to tell everyone else that you know except me. So I can’t help but think that I am the problem, what have I done to deserve that, Kara?”

Lena let out a long sigh, trying to release the hurt and anger. She wasn’t sure she had succeeded. Just thinking about it again made it flare and threaten to consume her in furious and betrayed flames.

“You were selfish,” she whispered finally, lifting her eyes to look at Kara who looked absolutely wrecked and Lena hated that she was hurting, hated that her own words had caused it, but it had been Kara’s actions that had hurt Lena, so a vicious cycle it was, though none of it had been Lena’s fault.

“Keeping me to yourself wasn’t…. isn’t… that isn’t fair,” Lena swallowed and reached for her coffee. It was getting cold now, but she still released it as it soothed her throat. The damage to her throat was getting worse and any liquid was soothing.

“I know,” Kara’s head hung low, her shoulders slumped, and as Lena watched she reached up to wipe her tears away, lifting her glasses to do so.

“I… didn’t want to lose you. You meant-mean…. So much to me and I was terrified at the thought of it. I.. you made me feel like it was okay to be Kara, just Kara Danvers. I felt like I could be myself when I was around you.”

“But you weren’t,” Lena said and she wasn’t even angry, instead she was just sad. Kara’s head snapped up.

“If you think Kara Danvers is all who you are then you’re not the woman I thought you were.”

Kara had her head titled, eyes scrunched in confusion and crinkle present on her forehead as she wiped away a stray tear.

Lena took a steadying breath. “You aren’t just Kara Danvers, just as you aren’t Supergirl. You’re a mix of them both, and in claiming I let you be just Kara… how could I be that person for you? How could I be a friend or family, like Alex, Eliza, James, Nia and Brainy, when I didn’t know all of you? You still hid from me, while I gave you all of me.”

Kara let out a strangled sob, smothering it with her hand and her eyes began to water anew.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” Lena said simply, and she did know. Kara and Supergirl both, put their heart into everything they did, and to everyone around them. Though her actions had crushed them both, Kara had never intended to hurt her, and that made it easier to forgive her. And she had forgiven her, Lena realised suddenly. In the months they had been apart Lena had had time to process her life without Kara in it and she had come to the realisation that, aside from being in love with her, she missed her so much she ached. With time she had, not healed exactly, but the wounds had stopped bleeding, stopped aching, and she had instead missed her best friend. She had missed everything about her, and had found her life was less bright, less full, without Kara in it.

Forgiving her had been a slow and steady slide, one she hadn’t been aware of until this moment. It had hurt, broken her more than anything else she had faced, but Kara had not done it out of malice or cruel intentions, she had, misguided as she was, tried to keep her safe, to keep her as Kara’s, which was also a problem that might have to be addressed but Lena shoved that thought into her box. She didn’t mind Kara’s possession, for she felt the same, not wanting anyone else to take her position on Kara’s life. They were each others best friends. The other people to hurt Lena had rarely been apologetic. Lex wouldn’t think of it, he didn’t care for her, and Lillian had greater aspirations than apologising to her daughter. Everyone else wanted to use her to further their own ends, which made it worse that Kara had seemed to have none, and indeed didn’t, but still used her.

“I forgive you,” she let her softly spoken words linger in the morning light and Kara’s head slowly rose, hope and relief and disbelief a mix of emotions on her face.

“What?”

“I forgive you,” Lena repeated in response to Kara’s breathless whisper. “I know that you never intended to hurt me, and that your actions, selfish though they were, and _wrong_ , were not done with the intention of betraying me, using me, and violating my trust.”

Kara winced with every admission of her crimes, but didn’t shy away from them.

“I can’t forget it,” Lena pointed out and Kara was nodding swiftly, looking like one of those bobble-head figures. Lena almost smiled.

“But… I can forgive you…. but, I don’t think I could handle any more secrets, Kara.”

“I wont! I promise!”

Lena wasn’t sure how much weight those words had now, but decided to take them at face value. Besides, she doubted Kara would risk lying to her now, not when they were so fragile and brittle- trying to put their friendship back together. And even if she did, well, Lena wasn’t going to live much past Christmas, and what was one more betrayal in her life? It was her burden, after all, to trust and trust again.

“I mean it, Kara,” she confessed softly, fighting her instinct to protect herself and making herself vulnerable. “We won’t survive it.”

“Does that-“ Kara paused and wet her lips, thinking through her words in an uncharacteristic display of restraint and foresight. “Does that mean we’re… okay? Because I’ve missed my best friend.”

Lena nodded slowly. She wasn’t about to forget, and the hurt still lingered, but she wasn’t willing to spend the rest of her life angry and sad when she could spend it with Kara, as awkward as it may be.

“Thank you,” Kara’s eyes were soft, her words vulnerable and earnest. “Can- would it be too much to-“ she cut herself off, pressing her glasses up her nose and when she did that, smile sheepish and head turning into her shoulder, it made Lena want to kiss her, made her want to freeze the world so she could stay in that moment forever.

“Yes?”

“I’ve missed your hugs,” Kara said instead, answering her question in a round-about way.

Lena considered it for but a moment before rising to her feet and lifting her arms slightly.

She didn’t have time to do more than breathe before Kara was in her arms, wrapping her own tightly around Lena.

“I love you,” she whispered, words sounding a little choked into Lena’s hair and something in Lena settled.

“I love you too,” and only two people in the world knew the truth of it, knew just how much Lena Luthor loved Kara Danvers, the Girl of Steel.

Kara still hugged her the same as she always had, smelling of the fruity shampoo she washed her hair with, a lingering scent of charged air which Lena had never really been able to place, but now knew it to be ozone. Her arms felt the same as well, the strong and inmoving embrace where she would fold you into the cradle of her arms, as though she could keep you safe through her presence alone, and, well, Lena knew that she sort of could do that.

Lena was the first to break away, concerned at how her body had instantly sunk into the warmth and protection Kara offered, while her heart and mind were at war. Trusting Kara had come all too easy, and the betrayal had almost made her forget who she was, yet the desire to take Kara back so easily was there. It wasn’t going to be easy, there was an awkwardness between them now, months of no contact and hurt, but Lena would like to get better, to have Kara back in her life…. For however long that was.

Lena returned to her desk and used the few steps to gather her composure. “So, would you like the scoop? I’ve told you now, so you won’t need to lie about your source.” Which, Lena paused. That was hardly ethical. You can’t use your alter ego as a source.

“I no longer want you using Supergirl as a source,” she said suddenly, and Kara blanched. While it would probably affect Kara’s ability to write stories, it was unethical and unfair to use yourself as a source and while Lena had gone off CATCO recently that didn’t mean she didn’t care about the ethics in business.

“The same goes for Miss Nal,” she added, because she could see the patterns now. Nia Nal was the new vigilante-come-hero, Dreamer. “You can use each other though.”

Kara floundered a little but nodded, like Lena knew she would. Even if the two weren’t on shaky ground, Lena was her boss and expected her instructions followed.

“Now, on to Lex.”

Kara dug in her messenger bag for a reporter’s pad and pen and clicked, hovering over the paper and waiting.

“Lex was shot at point blank range with a .38 calibre snub-nosed revolver. He was shot twice in the chest and bled to death. The police aren’t aware of any suspects-"

“-apart from you,” Kara interrupted and then blushed.

“Yes,” she tilted her head. “As the officer said. I have a conceal carry permit for the state of California. And if you dig far enough, my father gave me a .38 calibre snub-nosed revolver for my sixteenth birthday. It’s custom.” And she was fond of it, even though being gifted a hand gun was a little macabre- at least it wasn’t a pony. Luthor’s didn’t do cliché, unless it was in dramatics.

She paused for a few moments. “Though it is true that the first suspect is family. And for the record.... I didn’t kill Lex. “

She allowed Kara to ask her a few more questions, ‘part of me is thankful he is dead. He has hurt so many people and the justice system has proven incapable of holding him. At least in death he can’t hurt anyone else.’

And, ‘my brother died a long time ago. A shell of a man was all that was left.’

Before Kara thanked her, said she’d follow up with the National City Medical Examiner’s office and then be at CATCO. Aa she was leaving she paused near the door, “It was nice to see you at lunch... maybe some time next week?”

Lena thought a moment and then nodded. “I’ll clear my schedule with Jess.” Kara beamed at her, Lena's chest constricted, and vanished. As the door closed she let out the cough she’d been forcing down.

She was quietly panting by the time the fit subsided and she was shaking as she reached for her water. There was a bottle of pills in her drawer and she took advantage of the fact, popping back a couple with a wince.

At least she only had a few more months of this, if Alex and Eliza didn’t come through for her, but somehow she thought that they would. Afterall, they were the Danvers’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and Comments all. Hope everyone is safe and all that jazz. Plus, the SCBB group is freaking awesome and so creative. There is gonna be a shit tone of content coming your way in a few months and its gonna rock :D


	13. Chapter 13

“Ruby, can you get the door please?” Lena instructed from the kitchen and the teenager changed direction. Instead of heading to the couch she went for the door. It was just after six and the trio were making nachos- Ruby’s idea.

“Who is it?” Sam asked of Lena as she cut onions and Lena shrugged. There were only a few people who had access to her penthouse, and unless it was an assassin, then Lena suspected Alex would be at the top of the list. Lena had re-authorised Kara’s access to her, but had yet to tell the blonde, and she doubted Kara would come and see her just yet.

“Aunt Alex!”

Lena should have bet on it being the elder Danvers.

Greetings were exchanged and Lena identified another voice, Dr Danvers.

She glanced at Sam as she poured the onions into the saucepan and started to stir as Eliza and Alex came into the room, Ruby chattering to them.

Alex was looking relaxed in jeans and a t-shirt that Lena was fairly certain belonged to Kelly, with an open leather jacket. Eliza was dressed much the same, though wore a soft looking sweater instead.

“Smells good,” Alex said in greeting, smiling at them both.

“Hey,” Sam nodded in greeting and she had started grating carrots to bulk up the mixture.

“Hello, both of you,” Lena leant against the kitchen counter and lifted her spoon in a little wave.

“We’re having nachos!” Ruby said and she slid onto one of the booths before the table, helping herself to a pinch of cheese, and avoiding Sam’s scolding smack.

“You are welcome to join us,” Lena offered, though she didn’t think they’d quite have enough for two more adults. Still, she could toss up a salad and get some fries from the freezer.

“We’ll pass, thanks.” Alex said and glanced at Sam and then at Ruby, who was now playing on her phone.

“Actually…. We’re here for business…. Lena, do you mind?”

“Of course,” Lena pushed off the counter, passing the spoon over to Sam with a little nod.

She led Alex and Eliza down the hall to her office and instructed Eliza to shut the door behind her.

“Give me a second,” she requested and walked over to her desk. A few moments later and she had maximum security protocols surrounding the room.

“Okay, go.”

The two Danvers’ shared a look and it wasn’t reassuring.

Lena let out a sigh as she leant against the front of her desk.

“That bad, huh?”

Alex’s features twisted into a sour expression while Eliza looked stricken.

“No one wants it,” Alex said eventually, letting out a long sigh.

“We told them money wasn’t an issue, and you’d sign a waiver, but….” She trailed off and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Let me guess,” Lena said dryly, folding her arms. “They wished you luck, wanted to know the outcome, and said I’d best pick a coffin?”

Alex snorted while Eliza just frowned at the two of them. Lena lifted a shoulder in her direction in partial shrug. She was dying, not much she could do about that.

“Yeahp,” Alex popped the ‘p’. “Pretty much. Said you were mental, and you’d probably be dead by the time you found someone crazy enough to do it.”

“That wasn’t exactly what they said,” Eliza cut in, and Lena turned her head from the disapproving glance she shot Alex.

“It was, pretty much.”

Eliza shook her head at her daughter and looked to Lena. “They say surgery is too risky and the cancer- we told them it was cancer, though most of them doubted it due to the shape and size of the growths- would be almost impossible to remove without permanently damaging your lungs. A few suggested lungs transplants?”

While she had flirted with the idea of getting a lung transplant… heart transplant…. She knew that it wasn’t so simple. Shaking her head, she replied, “That information is public if you look hard enough, and I don’t want to rob someone else of a lung just because I can afford one. Besides,” she gave a little shrug. “The problem isn’t my lungs.” Not to mention, she wouldn’t qualify as the underlying problem wasn’t one that could be solved.

“It’s your heart,” Alex pointed out needlessly, eyes narrowing, and Lena swallowed. Here we go.

“What if he loves you and you’re just being stubborn?”

“Alex,” Lena let out a sigh, toying with the idea of coming clean. She had never told Alex who she was in love with, who was causing her death, but she hadn’t corrected Alex. Perhaps she should have, though knowing the brunette she would have dug until she found the right answer.

“You’re dying and you’re not even willing to try it!”

“I’m not in love with James!” Lena snapped and let out an aggravated sigh as Alex’s jaw unhinged. Truly she was thankful to have Alex in her corner, truly, but she was tired of the stubborn woman trying to force the issue when he had nothing to do with it.

Alex gaped at her.

“I’m not going to tell you who it is,” Lena looked away from both women, staring at one of the landscape paintings in her office.

“Please just…. help me solve the problem because I can’t-“she cut herself off and Eliza came to her rescue.

“So, we’re back to the radiation therapy option.”

“Mum!” Alex protested and she gracefully went with subject change, though Lena doubted it would last for long.

“We don’t have a choice, Alex. If no one will do the surgery then- “

“I’ll do it!”

There was silence in Lena’s home office.

“I’ll do it,” Alex repeated at a lower intensity but still deadly serious.

“Alex?!”

“I trained under Dr Bethma and the DEO has enough tech, combined with Lena’s, to make it work,” Alex challenged her mother, and she had a familiar glint in her eye that said she wasn’t about to be persuaded.

“We agreed chemo was a last resort. I can do this!” _I can save her_! Lena heard the words unspoken and turned her attention inwards, thinking through her options.

Surgery was gonna suck regardless, but chemotherapy would trash her body. She could go with radiation chemo, targeting the nodes on her lungs and hope that the precise blasts would kill the growths while keeping as much of her lungs intact as possible. She wasn’t certain it would work, but it would be better than full body, or even full chest radiation. Her recuperation would take time, and she couldn’t guarantee the buds wouldn’t grow further on her healthy tissue and she’d be required to undergo the entire process again.

She’d need oxygen to start with, and while she would be guaranteed a private room in one of her personal hospitals, L-Corp wouldn’t be able to run by itself for too long. Being bed-ridden wasn’t an appealing outcome.

Ideally Alex would do the surgery and Lena wouldn’t have to worry about them again, but she didn’t think it would be so simple. If anything, it would give her time. Time to sort this out, time to find a cure.

“Okay,” she said and both Danvers women looked at her.

“I admire your faith but Alex hasn’t practiced in- “

“Can you do it?” Lena was a little rude in cutting Eliza off but faint, forbidden hope was kindling in her chest. She was going to die anyway so she’d like to die on her terms.

Eliza frowned at the interruption but didn’t continue to speak, instead looking at Alex in a disbelieving manner.

Alex held her gaze a long moment and then nodded sharply. “I can do it,” she said determinedly, gaze fierce.

“Okay, “Lena agreed quietly and gave a little nod. “Prep what you need. I’d prefer you use my lab at L-Corp.”

Alex let out her breath in a gush of air but was nodding agreeably, blinking with wide eyes as though she couldn’t quite believe what she had agreed to do.

“If you can give me a date- so I can sort everything out- I’ll see if Sam can cover me for a few days.”

Alex ran her fingers through her hair and nodded again. “If I come and see you tomorrow to look over your equipment, we can figure out a day then.”

Lena inclined her head in agreement and cast her gaze upon Eliza, who had her lips pursed in displeasure but wasn’t voicing it.

“Eliza,” Lena was hesitant, and her voice was soft. She was not blind to this being the first time she’d called Dr Danvers by her first name to her face, or in her presence. “Would you do the surgery with Alex?”

Eliza shook her head, eyes soft and her stern expression softened. “Of course, honey.”

Lena felt her chest grow tight, but it had nothing to do with the flowers blooming in it and had everything to do with the warm way Eliza was looking at her.

“Thank you,” Lena swallowed and looked down, toying with her fingers in the face of emotion she wasn’t sure how to handle.

She was undecided about telling Kara she loved her, that she was the reason all of this had happened but ultimately decided that, no, she wouldn’t. Kara’s life wouldn’t change by knowing and it wasn’t as though she felt the same way, so Lena would take that secret to the grave with her.

~*~

“I think if we make multiple incisions and take these buds out that way, and use the bronchoscopy for the larger nodes at the top, we should limit the damage we do,” Dr Hamilton suggested, looking at the updated scans of Lena’s lungs. The Danvers had requested one additional pair of hands for Lena’s surgery, and Lena had allowed their selection to be the DEO’s head doctor.

She had been one of the doctors approached with Lena’s initial scans and had been unable to do the surgery, but when Alex had approached her and asked if she would stand in, the doctor had been intrigued enough to agree. Lena had given her an NDA with a few additional clauses, which the doctor had signed, and a generous bonus for helping Eliza and Alex, then she had met her patient. To say she had been surprised was an understatement, and she had instantly wanted to know everything that the others knew. She had known instantly that it wasn’t cancer, such an aggressive series of growths, limited to only one place, was uncommon of cancer, and learning Lena had Hanahaki had been startling.

For someone who worked with the abnormal on a regular basis, she had been fascinated by the flowers growing in Lena’s lungs and had wanted to take samples back to the lab- though had then realised that it was something Lena wasn’t about to permit.

She apologised for her enthusiasm, forgetting where she was for a moment, and had then asked about options for the surgery. Lena was pleased the doctor hadn’t even asked if they had tried the cure- getting the person she was in love with to love her back- because obviously, the three brilliant women would have looked into that option, and if they were going with surgery, then clearly it was the only option.

Already she had shared her thoughts, and together the three women had decided that the best option for Lena was to operate on the nodes as soon as possible, remove the big ones, and then use radiation chemo to destroy the smaller ones, after Lena had recovered from her surgery. It was the best that they could come up with and would buy Lena time.

Time, for what she wasn’t sure. So far, the only options they had collectively come up with were surgery and then intense rounds of radiation for the rest of her life…. Though that came with its own setbacks.

“I agree.” Dr Danvers was looking at Lena’s latest scan’s, and Lena could see why she was having difficulty breathing, a few more days and she would have organised a nasal cannula to help her breathe. With a few of the buds blocking her lungs, the capacity of the organ had decreased, and while it wasn’t enough to cause her difficulties normally, her lungs were already under strain, and she wanted to make it easier on them.

“I’d like the surgery as soon as possible,” Lena glanced between the three women and they nodded.

“We can do… Thursday? Give you the weekend to recover.” Alex suggested and it was Eliza that put her foot down.

“You can’t stay here to recover.”

Lena opened her mouth to protest and Eliza cut her off.

“No, you can’t. While the equipment here is….” She trailed off with a shrug, glancing at the expensive and top of the line medical equipment in Lena’s lab. “You can’t stay here.”

“I kept Reign down here,” Lena protested, and all three doctors blanched. “I will be perfectly comfortable.”

“A private hospital- “

“Has staff that can talk,” Lena interrupted Dr Hamilton before she could begin-“and I don’t want anything to do with the DEO,” she added, foreseeing the next argument. Dr Hamilton and Alex deflated.

“We do it here or we don’t do it at all,” she said sternly, not willing to budge even if it meant her life. L-Corp had procedures in place for her death but she wasn’t willing to face the problems that would come from her being outed as dying, or being sick, while she was trying to keep the company together. A death would be quick and relatively painless for her transfer of power, but speculation and rumours would ruin L-Corp and Lena didn’t have the time, nor energy, to fight for her company as well as her life.

She was already batting for L-Corp, considering Lex’s body was found over the weekend, and she had already had to deal with the fallout from it. Surprisingly her stock was holding, it may have had something to do with Kara’s article- helped one last time by Supergirl (which Lena had been irked with but Kara promised it was the last one)- and she only had to give one press conference regarding it. Her PR team had some of the highest salaries in the business, so she left them to handle her image.

“Fine,” Eliza wasn’t pleased, and her disappointment might have cowed a lesser woman, but the eldest Danvers had nothing on Lillian Luthor, and Lena had spent years trying to appease a woman who would never be proud of her.

“I can get Thursday-and Friday- off, in case there are any complications.” Dr Hamilton guided them back on track. “That gives you a few days to sort your affairs and for us to plan your procedure. The medical equipment- “

“Should be here by this afternoon,” Lena interjected smoothly. “I’ll set it up tomorrow.”

Dr Hamilton nodded and dropped Lena’s latest scan on the table. “Very well. I will see you on Thursday. Discuss it with Alex and Eliza, and I’ll be here whenever you decide.”

“Thank you,” Lena said sincerely as the doctor bade them farewell and wandered over to the elevator.

The silence between Lena and the two Danvers was awkward and Lena wasn’t sure how to broach it.

“Are you going to talk to Kara?” Eliza said, and Lena’s head snapped up, brows creasing as she wondered if Eliza had figured it out.

“She’s your best friend.”

Seeing that Eliza wasn’t about to accuse her, rightly, of being in love with Kara, Lena relaxed a little.

“No, and you won’t tell her either,” she said, making sure to look both women in the eyes as she said so. Alex’s expression soured, but she gave a reluctant nod while Eliza didn’t conceal her eye-roll, and it was obvious where Alex got the look from, though Lena would never tell her that.

“If this goes badly and you- “

“What, “Lena interrupted, and Eliza still wasn’t seeing it, not how Lena did, “-Die on the operating table? Why should Kara know? Why does she have the right to my life when she refused to share hers with me?” It seemed as though Kara, by Kryptonian heritage, or some other such nonsense, had the right, no, the authority, to know anything she wished of others.

Eliza recoiled slightly at Lena’s tone, before her eyes narrowed. Alex’s eyes had gone wide and she darted a glance at her mother before looking back at Lena.

“My daughter loves you,” Eliza said firmly, and Lena winced. “Both of my daughters do. And you, of all people, know what it is to love someone who has lied to you, has willingly kept you in the dark while- “

“While pretending everything is fine?” Lena finished wryly, lifting a brow and both Danvers grimaced. She didn’t even think Eliza was talking about Kara, she was probably talking about her brother or mother, but now she had spoken, the parallels between what Eliza had said, and what Kara had done, were obvious.

“This is not some petty revenge against Kara,” Lena said after a long moment where Eliza and Alex absorbed her words, and the similarities between what Lena was keeping, and what Kara had kept.

“I was wrong to treat her that way, I acknowledge that, and I have apologised and I am trying to make up for it, but she does not have the right to know that I’m dying, or why, simply because you wish her to, simply because she is my friend.”

“And if your positions were reversed?” Eliza challenged and Alex frowned at her, before looking back at Lena to see where this was going. Usually it had been Alex at the forefront of the tell-Kara-you-are-sick, and tell-your-crush-you-love-them groups.

“You mean all the times Supergirl was beaten or injured on in a coma while I carried on unaware? Or are you thinking J’onn will transform into me to provide her comfort when I’m dead?”

Lena may or may not have gone through all of Supergirl’s appearances and reports in a fit of rage, and found the similarities between her absences from Lena, and her moonlighting as the hero. A few instances had stuck with her, and it was only when she recognised J’onn as the Martian Manhunter, and his abilities, that she had been able to put the pieces together. That had stung too, talking to Kara, spilling her heart out, when it hadn’t even been Kara.

Alex let out a sharp cough and looked sheepish and Eliza let out a sigh, shaking her head at Lena’s stubbornness.

“I’ll honour your decision, “ she said finally, clearly unhappy with it, “but I still think your best friend deserves to know.”

“Either it works, Eliza, or it doesn’t,” Lena said with a shrug. There was no in between. Either she would die on the operating table, though with the skill of the women around her she doubted it, or she would live, only to have the radiation therapy, for potentially the rest of her life, if it even worked. It would be a groundbreakingly study, she was certain, once it was published after her death. One in a planet, at least there was some pride in that thought. Her mother would be proud, both of her children achieving singular status in history, one for love and the other for hate.

Lena shook herself from those thoughts. “I’ll tell her if and when I am ready…. Though I don’t expect you to lie to her for me.” She carefully met each pair of eyes. The group had lied to her for years, and she didn’t want to ask anyone else to lie for her, no, she would face the questions herself. “If she does ask, and you are unable to avoid the answer, tell her to speak to me.”

“Thank you,” Alex said quietly, and Lena nodded.

Kara would eventually find out, and when she did, she would come knocking, demanding to know the answers she sought. Lena, at least, would be able to choose to give them to her, for once holding all the cards. Still, lies and their complicated history aside, she didn’t want Kara to know because Kara wouldn’t take no for an answer, she wouldn’t be able to stand by and do nothing. She would demand to know who Lena loved, then she would go looking for whomever it was and try to convince them that they should love Lena. When she, inevitably failed, she would stay by Lena’s side until the end. Lena knew Kara, knew she wouldn’t leave her side, and that, having her so close and attentive while Lena was vulnerable, would kill her.

If she found out it was her, Kara would try to convince herself she loved Lena, maybe even convince the both of them, and it wouldn’t be fair. Kara didn’t love Lena, she couldn’t, and Lena wasn’t willing to taint the time she potentially had left by trying to persuade Kara from trying to save her.

“I’ll see you both during the week?” Lena asked, and she took the appropriate steps to power down her equipment.

“Of course. We’ll see you early Thursday to take final scans, and then operate,” Eliza said, and her tone was gentle, the ire from earlier fading as the seriousness of the situation was brought back into the light.

“Thank you,” Lena said simply, and the trio left her laboratory. Lena went about her own business, she still had work from the pile-up from the week earlier when the world found out that Lex was dead, that he had been murdered, and that she owned a .38 snub-nosed revolver, the make of the gun that killed him. As expected, the forensic report had come back clearing her of the murder, though she knew suspicion remained. _Luthor’s were cunning_ , the world said. _She could have done it_ , they told themselves, but Lena’s lawyers were on some of the highest salaries in the country and would take care of her.

Sam and Ruby were settling into a routine, and she had spoken to Sam about taking over her L-Corp duties while Lena underwent her surgery and recovery. Sam had been eager to help, insistent that she speak with Kara, and nervous on Lena’s behalf. Lena was reluctant to speak about her upcoming operation, and the risks that came with it. She trusts Alex, Eliza, and Dr Hamilton, and she had the finest equipment in the country on her side. If her operation was to be a success, there were no higher chances than with the women she had selected for her team.

Still. She had spoken with her lawyers and had cleared L-Corp’s files and sorted all of her affairs. L-Corp would be divided where she saw fit, with the rest offered to the rabble to fight for. Her own possessions and wealth would be given to her friends, and then to charity. She had a few clauses in her Will, though it hadn’t really changed much in the years since she’d fallen in with Kara’s friends and National City. She did have a few more millions going to alien-related charities, and to other places she deemed worthy.

And she had quietly made sure Ruby’s education, wherever she chose to go, would be taken care of, as was Sam. Lena had also set aside funds for Kara, updates to her tech, all of the information Lex had on Krypton, and a private message, telling her that she loved her. It wasn’t a romantic confession, she hadn’t wanted to burden Kara with that, but it talked to her and told her all of the things Lena wished she had the courage to tell her now. It would be easier when she was dead.

Her next few days were busy, filled with meetings and paperwork she had asked Jess to shuffle about, and it was Wednesday evening when she called her faithful assistant into her office shortly before she was to depart for the day.

“Miss Luthor?”

Jess was clearly tired, and Lena felt a flare of guilt for the stress she had put her under, and would continue to put her under for the weekend, and the following weeks, if everything went to plan.

“Please sit, Jess,” she requested and turned on every privacy measure in her office.

She could see Jess’ confusion in her eyes, but she prepared her tablet before her, ready to be of service, and Lena waved it away with a smile.

“You’ve been a loyal and competent assistant for many years,” she began, unsure of where and how to say what needed to be said.

Jess gave a little nod, fingers tightening on her tablet. “Are you-are you firing me?” She asked in a low voice and Lena paused, frowning at her in concern a moment before shaking her head.

“No,” she let her amusement leak into her voice. Jess was competent and loyal, and cared for Lena beyond boss and employee, making sure she ate when she was drowning in paperwork, and even (back when she and Kara were closer) sending Kara messages to make her come and rescue Lena from her work. “Though I believe your talents could be used elsewhere, you are thoroughly competent, and I have no desire to replace you. You aren’t being fired.”

Jess relaxed ever so slightly but was still tense on the chair before Lena’s desk.

“Then why,” she wet her lips nervously, “am I here, Miss Luthor? With all of the security measures……”

“I’m dying,” Lena said with little fanfare and was rewarded with a completely blank expression.

“You’re…. what?”

“Dying, Jess.”

Jess blinked a little, dark eyes wide and Lena leant back in her chair, lifting a brow and waiting for the inevitable.

“Wh-how?”

Jess blinked back to herself and then leant forward, suddenly intense. “What is it? How long do you have? Why haven’t you cured it? Who knows?”

“It’s called Hanahaki, rather, the Hanahaki Disease. It’s a disease, a curse, born of unrequited love,” Lena said wryly and let out a little sigh. “It causes buds to form on my lungs, which begin to bloom and shed petals.”

“That’s why you had me order all those flowers,” Jess was following along, absently connecting the dots.

“You’ve been dying for months,” she whispered, eyes lifting to meet Lena’s.

“What’s-“she cut herself off, cleared her throat.

“Please continue, Miss Luthor,” her voice was a little strained, but Lena gave her an approving nod. Jess was truly wasted as her assistant, and if she died, there was a recommendation letter from Lena Luthor herself, for whatever career Jess decided to choose.

“Eventually the buds will bloom, and I will either drown on my own blood, or be asphyxiated til death. I have been choking up petals for weeks, and recently started to cough up actual flowers.”

Lena tilted her head over to the current display at her rarely used coffee-table. Jess spun around to look, taking in the arrangement, before turning back to Lena.

“I am going into surgery tomorrow morning to remove the larger of the growths. Then, I’ll begin radiation therapy, to see if that will work. If it doesn’t….” she trailed off and tried to smile, certain it looked pained.

“Miss Luthor….”

“I’ll give you a moment to look into the disease, if you wish, and you may ask me any questions on my way out.” She smiled genuinely at Jess. “I am sorry for throwing this on you, and at such short notice. But I didn’t want you to be blindsided by my absence- “

“-That’s why you had me cancel all of your meetings,” Jess correctly deduced and her eyes started to narrow, her expression sharpening.

“And my recovery…. If I don’t sur- “

“Don’t say that, Miss Luthor!” Jess lurched from her chair, partially leaning over Lena’s desk in her intensity. “You aren’t going to die!”

Bemused by her secretary’s faith, Lena tilted her head. “I’m afraid that is a possibility, though one I have taken steps to minimalize.”

“You aren’t going to die,” Jess flushed a little at her position and settled back in her seat, shaking her head as though the power of it would enact her will on the universe.

“I admire your faith, Jess,” Lena said quietly, thoroughly touched by the display from the usually reserved woman. Clearly, she had been doing something right if her secretary was nearly reduced to tears at the thought of her death.

“Take a moment to process, to do a little reading, and I’ll speak to you before I leave.” Her dismissal was clear, if not gentle, and Jess was already nodding as she got to her feet, following Lena’s instruction as she always did.

“Who-“she cut herself off from asking the deeply personal question and ducked her head, clutching her tablet to herself in comfort as she left Lena’s office.

Lena began the process of finishing her work, maybe for the last time, and took her time about it.

It was at least twenty minutes later when a tentative knock interrupted her, and she raised her voice enough to let Jess know to enter.

Jess quickly made her way across the room and sat, without prompting, before the desk.

Lena took a few more moments to properly shut down her computer before giving Jess her full attention.

“Do you have any questions?” Lena enquired gently.

Jess gave a little nod and began, rushing straight into it.

“If the surgery works, will it remove your romantic feelings for… whoever it is, or will you still have them?”

Lena thought a moment. “I’m not certain. My research suggests a whole lot of theories on it, we are truly finding everything out as we go. However,” she said slowly, thinking through her words. “I do not believe they will go. I think…. They will remain.”

“What happens if cutting them out takes away your capacity to ever be in love with someone again, or even in general- I think I saw a TV show with that once.”

Lena let a little, sad smile creep onto her lips. “I think I’ll be free of a lot of pain,” she said gently, while knowing that removing something so vital to her would not be a good thing, emotions got in the way. She would probably be more efficient if she took away her capacity to care, but it was also her capacity for love that drove her to cure the world, to make it a better place. Excellence could still be achieved, but only for the sake of it, and for L-Corp’s bottom line, not for humanity. The difference was slight, but it was there. Though Lena would deal with that when the time came, if it came.

“If… if the… flowers…. buds…. are through your lungs, then what happens if-“Jess cut herself off, expression widening and Lena suddenly wondered just what her assistant had been going to say, probably something she deemed insensitive.

“Yes?”

“Um,” a light dusting of pink sat on Jess’ cheeks but she rallied. “If you can’t cut all of them out, the really small ones…. Will chemo-er- radiation therapy even work? Could you get a transplant?”

Though the idea of her lungs being turned into swiss cheese was not an appealing one, it was unlikely that even Alex, at her behest would be willing to cut so many nodes from her. Some of them were the size of pinheads, some even smaller, and all would grow. She’d be in surgery every few days in order to have any semblance of life with the disease, and that wasn’t a life at all. She’d basically be bedridden, have oxygen with her at all times, and she’d be unable to run L-Corp, or work in her lab, basically her life would be a cycle of surgeries after surgeries until her lungs no longer had the room. Eventually her lungs would resemble a sky, holes of white amidst oceans of black, until there was no night left at all.

“The transplant board would never approve, and I don’t want to buy a lung or heart and rob someone else of it, just because of my socioeconomic status.”

Jess frowned at her and muttered something Lena didn’t quiet catch, but she did hear the word ‘self-sacrificing’ in there somewhere and it made her smile. Jess didn’t disapprove of her, she disapproved of her refusing to use her resources to save herself. It was sweet of her assistant.

“Will you lose your memory of the person?”

“I’m not sure. Most of what we know is conjecture and fan-lore.”

“Could you-could you fall in love with someone else?” Jess hesitantly asked and Lena sat back in her chair, thinking that through. That hadn’t been something to occur to her. She was utterly in love with Kara, that the idea of even looking at someone else, of trying to find something in them she appreciated, would lead her to comparing them to Kara, and no one could compete with the sun.

“I don’t know,” she answered simply. “I don’t have the time, and I can’t- my heart belongs to someone. I couldn’t fathom giving it to someone else.”

“Would it cure the disease? If you loved someone else, and they loved you back?”

Lena gave a helpless shrug. She didn’t have the answer to that, and as she doubted she’d live long enough to find someone else, let alone have them love her back, it wasn’t worth wasting her time on.

“Do you think you’ll forget this person? Or just that you love them?”

Lena instantly knew the answer to that question and sadly shook her head. How could she explain that she fell in love with every little thing that Kara did, that loving Kara was so ingrained in her image of the woman herself, that in order to not love her, she’d have to forget every thing about her? It was…. A horrifying thought.

Lena could rationalise removing the buds and remembering she loved Kara, and she could compartmentalise losing her ability to love in general. She didn’t have many people, and she knew how to behave, so she could trick the people around her, and it wasn’t like she had a lot of people close to her, so she could pull away and focus on work without losing out on much, but to lose Kara? She didn’t think she could do that.

“If you… did you tell whoever it is?”

Lena shook her head, prompting Jess’ next question.

“If you told them…. And they rejected you,” Jess winced, but continued, “would you die straight away?”

Lena didn’t have an answer for that but seeing as she was not about to tell Kara she was in love with her, and face the possibility of rejection, it was a useless question anyway.

“How long has it been going on?”

“How long have I been sick? Or how long I have been in love?”

“Both, I guess,” Jess shrugged her shoulders, but her dark eyes were suddenly shrewd, and Lena knew her secretary had already tried to figure out who it was. Lena didn’t have that many people, truly a handful, and with every new piece of information, it led Jess closer to Kara…. But Lena wasn’t ashamed of loving the blonde, could never be, and saw no reason to hide the fact, if only to avoid the pitying looks, or the gentle urging that perhaps Kara felt for her to.

“It snuck up on me,” Lena said with a fond smile, almost wanting to shake her head with oblivious she had been, how loosely she had guarded her heart, how effortlessly Kara had wormed her way into her life. “And by then,” she shrugged and let out a long sigh, which tickled the back of her throat and made her tense, awaiting the inevitable coughing fit to follow.

She had been thinking more and more about her fate of late, and it had inevitably led to thoughts of Kara, which had only increased the rate and severity of her coughing fits. She’d nearly doubled the flowers in each arrangement that Jess delivered to her, daily. It was astronomical and was taking its toll.

“The sickness started a few months ago, if the surgery and radiation therapy don’t work, I suspect I will see the end of the year, maybe.”

Jess didn’t comment on Lena’s short time frame, a few months to live, and instead asked another question.

“If-whoever it is- loves you back do they… how does the disease know that they love you back? That it is requited?”

Lena frowned a moment, working through the question.

“Do they have to tell me they love me? Do I have to believe it? Or does the-magic- or whatever this thing is, just know?”

Jess nodded, “All of the above.”

Lena let out a little sigh. “All of those are options, I’m afraid. It is one of the reasons I am …reluctant to share my feelings with my… _crush_ ,” she said the word dryly, disliking the juvenile term for something she was probably going to lose her life over. Her feelings for Kara could never amount to something as simple as a crush, they were all encompassing, unconditional, eternal.

“If I share my feelings… and when I am inevitably rejected, I die immediately, then there is little point,” she said logically. Why cut her life short on something that would end in disaster, and immediately lead to her death, when she could try to cure the problem first?

“As for the second…we are documenting everything we discover, and should I have that discussion…. The results will be shared for people in the future. Though a single, confirmed report, does not a case study make.”

Lena hesitated a moment. “Do I need to hear that they love me? Do I need to acknowledge, accept, believe, that they are in love with me? I… do not know…I… know that they care for me but… love? I-“ she silenced herself, her mother’s voice in her ear telling her not to show weakness, and confessing, even to Jess, that she didn’t think Kara could ever be in love with her, that anyone could really, was certainly a weakness.

“If that conversation is one that we have, I’m sure the results will speak for themselves,” she settled on instead, and fixed Jess with her bright gaze.

“Do you have any further questions for me?”

Jess slowly shook her head and Lena nodded. “Thank you, that will be all,” she said gently, and Jess gave a little nod before rising to her feet.

Standing, she hesitated and Lena saw her hands fidget at her side and lifted her gaze up.

“Whoever it is, is a fool, Miss Luthor,” Jess said clearly, meeting her eyes fiercely. Lena started in surprise at how fiercely protective Jess was of her, before a flare of warmth in her chest chased away the surprise. “You are the greatest person I know. They aren’t worthy of you if they cant see what’s right in front of them.”

Lena blinked back the tears in her eyes. “Thank you, Jess.”

“Will I-will I see you before?” _Before you die? Before your surgery?_ Lena wasn’t sure which ending Jess was thinking but considered her response a moment.

“I am having the surgery here, at L-Corp. Down in the labs.”

Jess frowned instantly, clearly thinking Lena should be in a hospital, the one she _owned_ being the first choice.

“I was going to instruct you to let Alex and Eliza Danvers, and Dr Hamilton, in and out as they pleased but…. Would you consider checking in on me as well?” She had originally planned on sending an email to Jess telling her to let Alex and Eliza in and out of the basement as they came, leaving Lena to recover by herself as the two carried on with their lives, but if Jess agreed to check up on her, then she didn’t have to both the two Danvers so much. It came with the added bonus’ of Lena maybe being able to bribe Jess for some work while she was recovering, not that she hadn’t planned on doing that anyway, and kept the two Danvers away from her which meant Kara wouldn’t grow curious as to their absence.

She planned to have the surgery, spend the weekend recovering and then go back to work, and she could see that Jess had figured that out relatively quickly for her eyes narrowed and she instantly nodded in agreement, fingers curled at her sides.

“I have all of the equipment prepared and have stocked the kitchen and cupboards with essentials for my recovery but… some company wouldn’t go amiss,” she admitted quietly, letting her request linger in the air between them and Jess nodded firmly. Plus, it meant one more person to check up on her in case something happened, she wasn’t a fool, there were things that could go wrong, but she didn’t want to take the doctors away from their lives.

Eliza, Alex, and Dr Hamilton were already doing so much for her, she couldn’t ask them, nor accept their help, to stay for too long with her. In an actual hospital she would be monitored by a team of nurses and staff, so if anything happened she could be kept safe and stable, but by herself, in the lab under her building, there was only two people who could get in and out, and only a handful that would know of her position. It wasn’t ideal but she had insisted on the arrangement herself.

“Of course, Miss Luthor.”

“Lena,” she corrected gently. “If you’re going to help me with this then…. Lena.”

Jess looked a little uncomfortable at being able to call her boss by her first name, but she nodded anyway.

“Okay… Lena…. Am I to allow any visitors?”

Lena shook her head instantly. “Dr’s Danvers, Eliza and Alex, and a Dr Linda Hamilton will be performing the surgery on me tomorrow. I will let them into the building, but I will need you to let Alex and Eliza in and out, or Samantha Arias. I had planned on recruiting the security protocols but… it would be much easier if you or Sam were to let them in.”

A thought occurred to her and she straightened. “I’d pay you over-time, of course! And its only for the weekend!”

Jess was already nodding in agreement. “I can catch up on work anyway,” she said, and Lena frowned at her.

Holidays and weekends were important, and Lena insisted her staff take them, a habit she had yet to follow, and if they had to stay, she paid them over time. And their leave simply ticked over faster if they did work overtime. She liked to think she was a good boss, and she was suddenly re-thinking her request to have Jess stay at L-Corp with her, or at least, at L-Corp. She didn’t really want anyone near her while she was recovering, least of all someone she needed to respect and have faith in her, it wouldn’t do her any good to be seen as weak in front of someone she was supposed to lead.

“Don’t even think about changing your mind,” Jess said sweetly, and it was even more concerning than if she used her firm voice. “I’ll be fine, and it would be nothing compared to your work-load, Miss-Lena.”

Jess’ eyes narrowed. “I remember when you used to work twenty-hour days and fall asleep at your desk.”

Lena winced at the reminder. That had been after Lex had fallen, and she had reluctantly taken the LuthorCorp reins, resigned to an uphill battle akin to Atlas, to keep the company, her father’s legacy, afloat. Still. She had managed, and Jess had helped her. But she well remembered the days where she would see several sunrises before being dragged to bed-usually by Jack or Sam- who had been summoned by Jess, and she remembered the following _weeks_ of rising at six, and returning to bed at two, sometimes three in the morning, only to do it again.

She had endured on caffeine, whiskey to help her sleep, and sheer willpower, and only Jess had seen what it had done to her. She had only just returned to a proper sleep schedule before she moved to National City, and that wasn’t even mentioning her diet and eating schedule. Jess had kept her alive in those months, and Lena had instantly offered to take her with her to National City. Jess had readily agreed, and with a hefty bonus, the two of them had changed coasts. Jess had been the closest thing to a friend that she’d had for a long time, especially when she had been avoiding Jack and Sam.

“If you give me Miss Danvers’ number, I’ll make the arrangements.”

Lena fired off a quick text to Alex, telling her she was giving Jess her number so that Jess could let her in and out of L-Corp without security clearance, she called out the agent’s number.

Jess thumbed away on her device a moment and gave a little nod.

“Did- what of the other Miss Danvers?”

Lena tensed before forcing herself to relax and shaking her head.

“Only Eliza and Alex,” she said softly and, though Jess looked bemused, she gave an understanding nod.

It might have been out of character, but Jess knew that something had happened between Lena and Kara for Kara to be barred access to L-Corp, though Jess didn’t know what it could possibly be. Lena had kept quiet on that, though knew the reporter’s absence had been noted, and not just by Jess. Hector, in security, had commented on not seeing the bubbly blonde around and Lena had given him a tense smile, said that Kara had been busy, and carried on. He hadn’t asked about it again.

“Anything else, Miss Lu-Lena,” Jess asked, and there was a crease at her brow. Lena was amused at how her secretary was struggling with using her first name in such a formal setting, and was clearly getting annoyed with herself for messing it up.

“No. Thank you, Jess,” Lena replied and set about gathering her belongings. She was meeting Kara in twenty minutes and didn’t want to be late.

“Okay,” Jess said softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning… when is your surgery?”

“Six, if everything goes to plan.”

Jess gave a little nod. “I’ll see you at half five.”

Though rarely Jess was at work before Lena, she knew that on days when Lena’s workload would be astronomical, or be stressful, her loyal assistant would come in before the sun rose and get started on the days work. She had been steadfast for years, and Lena had treated her well, and knew that there would be no swaying Jess from doing what she thought was right, and Lena wouldn’t want to stop her.

Soon she was sitting in her car as she was driven to Noonan’s. She’d be driving herself tomorrow, her and Sam, and she wanted this time to think about what she was going to say to Kara.

She was usually a fan of honesty, and immensely disliked how, in media, the characters would call someone they loved- a partner or child- and talk as though nothing was wrong, when everything was wrong. She understood the desire not to cause panic, especially if they were going to die, but if that were to happen, then wouldn’t you want the chance to say all of the things that you wouldn’t later get?

Lena didn’t remember the last words her father said to her, or what she had said to him, and she had strained her mind to remember them, but couldn’t do so. She hadn’t known, you see, hadn’t known he was going to die, so she hadn’t kept that memory close to her chest, coveted it the way it should be. It was a normal day, she’d probably wanted to go back to her school work, and had probably brushed him off like she did when she was focused, it killed her now. That she hadn’t spent a few extra minutes talking to him, telling him she loved him, hearing he loved her.

At the same time, there was no way she was going to tell Kara she was going into surgery tomorrow, for obvious reasons. Kara, just by being Lena’s best friend, didn’t have the right to know, as terrible as that sounded. Lena was a private person, she stood alone because that was all she knew, so she would suffer this in silence. Still, had it been about anyone else, Kara would have been the first person she told, but she couldn’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else, so she probably wouldn’t be in this position. The irony wasn’t lost on her.

These thoughts consumed her as they slid to a stop outside Noonan’s and she exited, telling her driver she’d find her own way home, a taxi or an uber, or even walk if necessary. He bade her farewell, lingered at the curb to make sure she was safely inside Noonan’s, before pulling from the sidewalk.

Noonan’s was scattered full of people, couples or groups, with one or two loners at the bar, eyes on the television.

Kara was in their usual booth, a bowl of chicken wings in front of her, as well as a mountain of fries, and Lena couldn’t help but shake her head fondly, not fighting the tremor in her chest and the tickle it evoked. She could no more fight her feelings for Kara than the sun couldn’t rise.

She knew the moment Kara saw her because she looked up from her bowl and it was as though the sun had risen again, just for Lena, on Kara’s face.

“Lee-er!” She called out, even through a mouthful of chicken and there was a smudge at her cheek, probably some of the sauce drizzled on the bowl of chicken.

“You should probably chew that,” her voice lowered, teasing and Kara grinned at her, suddenly with her mouth empty, though there was still a smudge of sauce.

“Hi!”

“Hello, Kara,” she settled into the opposite side of the booth, placing her coat over her hand bag. ‘I see you’ve already started.”

Kara had the grace to look slightly sheepish, but the expression didn’t hold for long.

“How was your day?”

Lena gave it a moments thought- meetings with her lawyers to finalise some things, meetings with L-Corp’s lawyers, meetings she had to cram in because she was going to be out of action for a few days, walking through every department and checking in on all of her employees, and finally her conversation with Jess.

“Busy, but rewarding. Yours?”

Kara launched into a story she’d been chasing- the discrepancy and blatant racism that came with aliens trying to find homes and places in the workplace. Naturally she was pro-alien, and it was obvious why now, but as Lena listened, she realised that while Kara had to hide, she didn’t have to hide very much. All she had to do was stay silent, wearing her pastel cardigans and slacks, and she fit in. She was blonde, blue-eyed, beautiful, she looked like she belonged on a runway or a movie poster, and she was painfully sweet and kind. Kara Danvers was the girl next door, the one you’d happily spend the rest of your life with, but she wasn’t just Kara Danvers. She was also Kara Zor-El, but she never let that part of her show.

Kara Danvers was given a home, with people who understood where she came from and what she was, what she could do. She lived in a big house near the ocean, with two well-paid scientists (for a while) and went to a good school. Naturally she achieved good grades, nothing extraordinary, but enough to get her easily into the university of her choice. Her tutorage was paid for by her parents and a small loan, and then she got a job working at Noonan’s and then at Catco.

Cat Grant took her under her wing, as both Kara and Supergirl, and Kara never had to worry about fitting in. She already did.

But the aliens out there, the ones that couldn’t hide, the ones that were different, and even scary, didn’t have that safety net. They came to earth without knowing the language or customs, and were instantly seen as a threat. They had no papers, no credentials, no experience. They couldn’t find work, food was different, they struggled to find housing, especially for those with different biological requirements, and they met hatred and fear wherever they went. All that was left for them was the shadows, and that did little to help the publics perception of them.

Kara was writing about that- and Lena wasn’t blind to how it came across- a pretty, successful, blonde, blue-eyed white woman, talking about aliens, who were none of those things. But Kara had a platform, and a voice she certainly liked to use, so she could give voice to these struggles, using her power to do so.

“The average human can lift, a hundred and fifty pounds. K’hund’s can lift six, seven times that with ease. Imagine them on a building sight, or a factory. Humans would soon become obsolete. Of course, they are scared of losing their jobs, they can’t compete with strength like that.”

Kara gaped at her.

“We’ve had this discussion before, Kara. Of course peop- _humans_ \- are scared. Already they complain about the ‘other’ stealing their jobs, taking positions that should go to them first. It’s immigrant racism on another level. Only these immigrants can be eight feet tall with horns and tails, and can lift a bus with one hand, or read minds, or teleport, or do a hundred other incredible things that humans can only achieve in fantasy.” Lena hesitated and let out a sigh.

“That isn’t to say they don’t deserve the same rights and civil liberties as the rest of us. It just makes it harder.”

A waiter popped up next to them and Lena nearly started at his presence.

“Evening ladies, can I take your orders?”

“Whiskey. Top shelf,” Lena requested, “ and a tomato soup- hold the bread.” She wasn’t meant to eat after eight pm, so she had an hour or so until she met that deadline, and she was still struggling with solid foods, so a soup it was.

Kara had already ordered, like Lena had known she would, and ordered something else on top of her chicken wings. The server, vaguely familiar, didn’t even blanch at the request, instead he repeated what they wanted and then vanished over behind the bar and to the kitchen.

“Has Snapper got you writing both sides? I know you’ve had disagreements with the man in the past, but he is thoroughly competent.”

Kara let out a little sigh. “Yeah, he wants both angles. How alien health-care and insurance and the like fits in, and how people feel about their co-workers being…different…. There is a whole segment planned, and he wants both sides.”

“The role of a journalist is to cover all angles,” Lena acknowledged, and Kara let out a sigh.

“I know, its just hard, ya know?”

Lena didn’t know, not really. She had been loved as a child, and was thankful for it, her formative years had shaped the person she would become, even if the Luthor’s had done their best to change that. She had gone from being loved, to not being loved, but she had the world at her fingertips as a Luthor, anything she wanted, when all she wanted was love. She’d only gone hungry when Lillian had brought her a dress several sizes to small and wanted her to fit it. She’d only had no money when her parents were trying to prove a point. She’d had no shelter when she was out in her wilderness training. She could never understand, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t faced her own challenges.

Still, she gave a little nod and then thanked her waiter when he returned with her drink.

“How is Eliza finding National City?” She asked, changing the subject and Kara brightened, like she did when the people she cared about were mentioned.

“She thinks it’s a bit busy, but I think Alex is trying to get her to make the move permanent. I don’t know why she’s here, she’s working for some rich person, but she’s enjoying it, and she said she liked guest lecturing at NCU.”

Lena was pleased to hear it and made a mental note to look into a field where Dr Danvers might find herself comfortable.

“She could keep your house as a holiday home,” she suggested and took a sip of her whiskey before grimacing. It wasn’t the highest quality she was expecting, but no doubt her five-hundred dollar bottle standard was a bit out of the reach of the Noonan budget.

“That could be cool! I’d like having her here!”

“Even knowing how worried she’d be when you….” Lena trailed off pointedly and waved and elegant hand.

Kara frowned and sighed. “She worries anyway.”

“It is the burden of a parent, or so I am told. Sam says she always worries about Ruby.”

To her surprise Kara scowled and glanced down at her bowl. “Mh.”

They discussed other subjects, lighter, for a while until their food arrived, and Lena settled in to slowly eat her soup. Kara devoured her burger and fries while commenting on casual things.

Slipping back into their routine had been very difficult, but also easier. Now whenever Kara talked about her day, she could add little insights to her life as Supergirl, and she didn’t have to lie about it. When she had to leave early, or was delayed, or had to cancel entirely, Lena always knew the real reason, and didn’t end up feeling abandoned.

Still, there was something a little off about Kara and Lena tried to put her finger on it as she slowly worked her way through her bowl of soup. Kara ended up toying with the napkins on the table and Lena was nearly ready to demand Kara spit out whatever was bothering her when she blurted,

‘”You didn’t tell me you’d slept with Sam?”

She promptly went red and ducked her head, but her words lingered over the meal between them.

Bemused, Lena lowered her spoon and leant back.

“I didn’t know it was relevant?” Her voice lifted in question and Kara wouldn’t meet her eyes, still folding and unfolding her serviette. Lena wondered if she were trying to take up origami in her spare time.

“Well I- I mean its not- its just-“ Kara appeared to be struggling for words and Lena tilted her head.

“I didn’t realise that was a problem,” she said carefully, folding her hands before her and looking at Kara warily.

“Considering your sister-“

“No!” Kara hastened to interrupt and her eyes were earnest and wide as she finally met Lena’s gaze through her glasses. “No, of course its not a problem!”

“Then I don’t see why you’ve brought it up,” Lena challenged gracefully, bemused by the entire thing.

Though she and Kara had never talked about their past partners, James being one, it had never come up in such a way. A reference to a boyfriend there, or a ‘my ex used to do this’ there. Lena’s sexuality hadn’t come up until Sam had hinted towards it at their breakfast brunch, and that was not the place to discuss how Lena felt about one woman in particular.

“I just-“ Kara huffed and looked back at her empty plate. “Never mind.”

Before learning Kara and Supergirl were one and the same, Lena might have left it, but there was clearly an issue, and she was certain enough of Kara’s desire to keep her in her life to decide to push the question.

“Clearly it is bothering you,” she said calmly and reached forward to take her whiskey, eyeing the fingers width left in the glass and wondering if she would be able to get away with another one. A glance to her watch told her that no, she wouldn’t be, and she resigned herself to sipping the last of it and enjoying it.

“So, ask away. I insist.”

“Does….does that make you gay or whatever?” Kara used her index finger to push her glasses up her nose.

“It wasn’t a drunken mistake, if that is what you’re asking,” Lena admitted after a moments thought. “While we had been drinking, more than we probably should, we both consented to it and… it was fun.”

“So, it was just the once?”

Kara was being….cagey… Lena decided, feigning causality but clearly wanting to know….something. Lena was at a loss as to what it could be and then she realised. She and Kara never spoke about their sex lives or sexuality, and according to media, that’s what good friends, best friends, did. They shared all those details, and Lena and Kara didn’t. Clearly Kara was trying to get them back to being friends, best friends, better than they were before, and so she relaxed and nodded.

“I’ve never had sex with any other woman,” she admitted and eyed the whiskey in her glass. Sam had been her first and her last, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about it, and hadn’t thought about a certain blonde in her proximity.

“But… if we’re being honest….” She flicked her gaze once to meet Kara’s before nonchalantly eyeing the alcohol, holding it up to the light and watching the amber liquid turn golden from it.

“I have considered repeating the experience…. It was fun.” It was more than fun. It set the bar for all of the sexual encounters she would have afterward. Sam had been kind and gentle, even without knowing Lena hadn’t had any experience, and she had taken her to heights of pleasure she’d never felt. Her body had been her own her entire life, but that night it had been as though it had belonged to another. Sam had loved her, even if at times a little clumsily due to both inexperience with a woman and alcohol, but she’d sobered up fairly quickly- both of them had. She would never regret what had happened between them, and would covet the memory and experience for the rest of her life, but she hadn’t been in love with Sam, or maybe she had been, but Sam hadn’t felt the same.

Breakfast that morning had been a little awkward, but they had both agreed to carry on as though they hadn’t had sex the night before, and Sam had just crashed on Lena’s couch like they had planned.

Still. In those early days Lena would get a whiff of Sam’s perfume and would flash back to licking the taste from Sam’s sweaty skin, to teeth sinking into her flesh, to hands playing her ribs like keys until they found her breasts, to a warm, demanding mouth on her own, and pleasure that left her trembling and gasping for more.

Moving on with Jack had changed those desires, but not buried them, and Lena hadn’t spent much time on her sexuality, too busy with other things. But when she had moved to National City and had fallen in love with Kara, she had realised it didn’t matter. She didn’t have to label herself, nor let others label her- though they gave her plenty of them, what was one more, about who she chose to love, in the face of the slurs and vitriol she faced? She knew who she was, even if she sometimes needed guidance, and who she loved didn’t change that.

“I love who I love, Kara. That’s all there is to it. I don’t have a label.”

Kara was nodding instantly in agreement, looking like one of those bobble-head figurines she had seen in souvenir shop.

“Yeah, of course…. So does that mean you are into chicks?”

Feeling her ire rising at Kara’s continued obliviousness, and at her continuing of the conversation, her voice was sharper as she replied. “Yes, Kara. I’m into chicks.”

“Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cooooool,” Kara was nodding again, speaking quickly and Lena just waved her oddity off. Whatever it was, if Kara wanted to tell her, she would. Kara quickly changed the subject.

“Did you want to catch a movie this week? I know that you were looking forward to that Rabbit one with Hitler.”

Lena gave a little nod, mentally running through her schedule. “I’ll have Jess look at my schedule, but I wont be free until next week at the earliest. I’d like to go though.”

Kara perked up and then deflated, but she smiled in understanding, nodding all the same.

“Yeah, I’ll message-“ she froze and her head tilted to the side, brows creasing and Lena let out a sigh. At least now she knew what that movement and the look to follow meant. Usually Kara would make a hasty excuse and run off, usually something to do with laundry or Alex or something equally as unbelievable.

“I’m sorry,” Kara was visibly apologetic, and Lena waved her apology off. She knew Supergirl was needed.

“I’ll…text you later?” She asked, even as she gathered her belongings under one hand and downed the rest of her drink. Lena nodded, even as Kara threw a few bills on the table.

“I’ll see you later,” she cried, and in a move that would leave Lena almost paralysed, she ducked down and pressed a quick kiss to Lena’s cheek. Her lips were soft, a little bit cold from the glass, and there was a faint tug of her lipstick at Lena’s skin.

Lena was able to process Kara pulling back, her features contorting into alarm and then horror, before Kara literally sped from the restaurant.

Lena sat, shell-shocked, still feeling the phantom pressure of Kara’s lips on her cheek. Her heart was hammering, even though the action was innocent and friendly, because she and Kara had never kissed before. It had taken them weeks before Lena was comfortable with how affectionate and tactile Kara was, how freely she offered her physical affection. Months later they had finally hugged, and now Lena couldn’t imagine her life without them, but they had never, ever kissed.

It broke some unspoken rule between them. They just weren’t those kinds of friends. It was… it wasn’t right. That wasn’t something they did.

In a confused daze, Lena finished her whiskey, took Kara’s bills and summoned the waiter. She handed him her credit card as she nursed what remained of her whiskey, and when he returned, she handed him Kara’s bills as a generous tip, having paid for both of their meals easily.

“You have a nice evening, Miss Luthor,” he smiled at her as he started to clear their table.

Blinking at him, she gave a little nod, mind still elsewhere, and gathered her belongings. It wasn’t a surprise that the staff knew her, she came here often with Kara, but it was the first time she had properly been addressed, recognised, and she was a little thrown by it. But not as much as she was by the kiss.

Had she ever seen Kara kiss anyone other than Alex? She didn’t think so, she thought as she exited the restaurant and began to walk aimlessly.

The night was cool on her heated skin and she titled her head up a moment to see if she could see the stars. She couldn’t, the lights from the street and buildings around her kept National City in a halo of light, at least her apartment was high enough up to be able to glance up into the sky without hindrance, but it was a sight she paid well for. But she did own the building, so it wasn’t that bad.

People were walking in groups or in pairs, with the occasional single on their way home, or to the pub, and Lena blended with them, with the night and its animosity, as she walked.

She didn’t plan on walking all the way home, but she was so lost in her thoughts she let her feet carry her there.

As far as she knew, Kara had never kissed any of her friends, let alone any of her girl friends, not that she had those… there was only Lena and…maybe Sam…. So…. What had brought that on?

Then she felt a little sick. Had Kara figured it out? Had she realised that Lena had feelings for her and had, what, thought she’d let her down easy? Test the waters to see if she was right?

Her insides were playing skip-rope and she ducked her head and walked faster, trying to out pace the thoughts in her head.

No, she thought. Kara wouldn’t do that. Kara would just… carry on as though nothing was wrong and keep pretending, so even if she did know, Lena reasoned, she wouldn’t do or say anything about it. And besides, if Kara learnt, from that tiny conversation that Lena was thoroughly enamoured with her, then she deserved a medal for mind-reading. No, Kara wasn’t that subtle. Lena’s secret was safe.

She let out a sigh of relief. If Kara didn’t know, and there was no way she knew unless Sam told her, and Sam _wouldn’t_ , then why had she kissed her?

Her phone vibrated and she paused, stepping off the sidewalk and into the shelter of a buildings entrance way, to dig in her purse for it.

‘Samantha Arias’ was the name on her notifications and she thumbed it open.

‘ **Hey. I know you’re out, but me and the kid are getting ice-cream. Did you need anything while we’re out** _?_ ’

Lena glanced around her and realised that while she had walked a fair distance while pondering over her Kara problem, she still had a ways to walk to get home, and she wasn’t feeling up to the walk. If Sam was already out, maybe she wouldn’t mind swinging by to get her.

A few moments later and she was dialling her CFO, and temporary CEO while she was recovering.

‘ _Hey. Did you need something_?’

“I could use a ride, if its not too much trouble,” she answered and glanced down the street to figure a proper place to be picked up. “I’m outside Krispy Crème on Cedar and sixth.”

‘ _Is everything okay? We’ll swing by and get you_.’

“Everything’s fine,” Lena reassured her, and everything was, “Get me a bottle of wine.”

‘ _You aren’t allowed to drink_ ,’ Sam’s voice was full of mild disapproval, but also curiosity. ‘ _I’ll drink for you though.’_

Lena grumbled, but agreed and hung up, promising to wait for the two Arias’. She didn’t have to wait too long.

The two were blasting a song, singing along loudly, and she rolled her eyes fondly as they pulled up to the curb.

“Oh! We’re going to eat pizza!” Ruby shouted, playfully shaking her head to the beat.

“Vengaboys?” Lena laughed as Ruby scrambled from the front seat, and then clambered into the back.

“Vengaboys are classic, Aunt Lena!” Ruby hollered as she spun around to face the right way, cheeks flushed.

Sam lowered the music but she was smiling too. “If you want a ride, you have to sing along.”

Lena laughed as she straightened the passenger seat and got in, clicking her belt into place after shutting the door. “I don’t sing.”

“Neither does Mum,” Ruby pipped up from the back and Sam jeered at her good naturedly. “I wont judge,” the teen promised, and she was in high spirits. Maybe it was the promise of ice-cream.

“We’ll see,” Lena promised and Sam took a moment to check her mirror before pulling away from the curb.

“How was your date?” Ruby asked from the back, leaning forward as far as she could with her seatbelt on, almost managing to stare directly at the two side on.

Lena nearly choked on her spit. “What?”

“Ruby!”

“It wasn’t a date!” Lena protested, voice strangled, and Sam met her daughters eyes in the rereview mirror.

“Mum said you were going out for dinner, it was a date,” the teen said, sounding very knowledgeable about these things.

“It was with Kara,” Lena corrected weakly and the teen sat back with a huff.

“Oh, I thought it might have been the person you have a crush on.”

Lena didn’t dignify that with an answer though caught Sam glance at her from the corner of her eye.

“How is Kara?” Sam asked and Lena gave a little shrug.

“Busy. She’s working on an alien article at the moment, aliens in the workforce as well as the challenges facing our health systems. Things like that.”

“Cool,” Ruby grunted, not sounding all that enthused, but politics and economics were not all that interesting to children.

“Did you have a nice day today?” Lena asked of both Arias’.

“Mum made me do my school work all morning,” Ruby groaned, as though the world were ending and Sam and Lena shared a look. “Then we made cookies.”

“I hope you saved me some,” Lena commented dryly, knowing the appetite of the teenager after having her live with her.

“Maybe,” Ruby grinned and Lena partially turned her head to smile at the teen.

“Ooooooh, turn it up!” A tune starting with a horn and then a fast paced base-line started. The teenager was wriggling in the back seat, moving her entire body to the beat.

“We like to party! We like, we like to party!”

Lena let out a forlorn sigh, she knew this song, and Sam knew she knew this song as well, for she gave Lena a playful smile as they stopped at a set of lights.

“Hey now, hey now! Hear what I say now!”

Lena waited a few beats before joining in. “The Vengabus is coming!”

Sam laughed loudly and the three of them sang, badly it was to be noted, as they drove through the streets.

What the heck, Lena thought. She might die tomorrow, and she didn’t want Ruby’s last memory of her to be Lena Luthor considering herself to above signing with her. And it was a good song, made you want to dance.

“Boom, boom, boom, boom! I want you in my room! Let’s spend the night together! Together in my room!” They shouted as they pulled into the parking lot of a Costco, and they might have gotten a few amused looks, but Lena was beyond caring.

“Alright, here’s a twenty,” Ruby’s eyes lit up as Sam handed her the bill. “Get a tub of strawberry, and whatever you want. In and out.”

“I know, mum,” Ruby groaned but she snatched the bill and Lena gracefully slid from the car to let Ruby scramble out.

Soon the teenager was darting for the brightly lit doors, colourful hair waving out behind her.

“What happened?” Sam demanded the instant the doors closed behind Ruby.

Lena hadn’t thought she’d been so transparent, but apparently her oldest friend could read her like a book.

She could protest, deflect, say that nothing was wrong, or that anything had happened, but….

“She kissed me, Sam,” Lena confessed, staring out the window at the bright lights of the building as people came and went.

Sam let out a strangled sound behind her and Lena glanced at her.

“What?”

“She kissed you?!”

“On the cheek…. I thought you thought something had happened…. why else would you ask?”

Sam let out a groan and let her head thump back on the leather headrest, grumbling something about stupid, insecure geniuses.

“I asked because I care, because I wanted to know how your catch up was. I didn’t think- she kissed you?!”

“On the cheek,” Lena repeated, feeling like she shouldn’t have answered at all. Of course, Sam hadn’t known, how could she have? And now she had opened that can of worms.

“Tell me everything,” Sam demanded, partially spinning in her seat to address Lena properly.

Lena sighed but did as she was bid, quickly explaining the evening.

“It was going fine until she asked if we’d actually had sex,” Lena gestured between the two of them. “She was…. uncomfortable…after that. She wanted to know if I was gay, what label I used, if I was into chicks,” Lena added with a frown. Even now, nearly an hour later, Kara’s behaviour was confusing her.

Lena let out a shrug. “I told her I loved who I loved and didn’t like to put a label on things…. But yes, that I was into chicks.”

Sam was a little shell-shocked before she looked pensive.

“And then she kissed you?”

Lena gave a little nod.

A crease was forming between Sam’s brows. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kara kiss someone, apart from Alex.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Sam gave a little hum in thought but was spared having to answer by Lena getting out of the car and flopping the seat forward.

“I got strawberry and chocolate!” She announced as she got closer, clambering in behind the seat and into the back with a plastic bag with two tubs of ice-cream.

She took a while to get settled and Lena clicked the seat back into place and then reclaimed her seat, clicking her belt on.

“Change,” Ruby said, holding out a crumbled bill and some coins. Sam took the money and dropped it into the centre console before turning the car on.

The drive back was mostly silent, punctuated by the occasional humming from the girl in the back seat, but Lena was lost in her thoughts to give her too much attention.

Friend’s kissed each other on the cheek all the time, right? She’d seen it in boarding school, with her parents’ associates, even Sam had kissed her on the cheeks a few times, usually when she was tipsy.

There was nothing more to it, Kara had just thought that this was what friends, good friends, _best_ friends, do, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, its a day early. Yes, you'll also get one tomorrow :D
> 
> Mwah!
> 
> Hope everyone is safe.
> 
> Also, it is Super long so leave me a comment lol: )


	14. Chapter 14

National City was silent at five in the morning, or mostly silent. There were still the odd person going to work, or coming home from a night of it, but the streets were mostly empty. It was getting colder out too, October rolling into November and bringing with it colder weather.

Sam was quiet in the passenger seat next to her, nursing a coffee in a travel mug, and Lena took comfort in her presence, even though they weren’t speaking.

They hadn’t spoken much last night after getting home. Ruby had claimed a position in front of the television with her bowl of ice-cream, and Sam had quietly joined Lena in her office to talk.

She had put her foot down, saying that Lena was not going in on Thursday morning by herself, and though she knew Eliza and Alex, and even Dr Hamilton, she needed someone there just for her, as a support person. Lena hadn’t the heart to argue. It would be nice having someone in her corner, someone who had always been there for her. Someone to hold her hand as she went under, possibly to die…

Sam had promised to be there when she woke up, and Lena didn’t have to change Sam’s security clearance from the year before, so that had been nice. It was weight off her shoulders, though she fully planned on getting Sam to bring work down into the lab while she was recovering. She could read reports and the like while lying in bed. Sam was probably going to nip that in the bud though.

Her eyebrow twitched. A pun. At five fifteen in the morning. Wonderful.

“I wish you’d told Ruby,” Sam rumbled a few moments later and Lena let out a sigh.

They had discussed this at length, and the two sides were very clear.

Sam wanted Ruby to know so that she could spend time with her aunt, try to imprint the memories they had into her mind on the off chance that Lena might not make it.

Lena understood that point of view, but she wasn’t accustomed to being mollycoddled and didn’t want Ruby to bare any of her burdens. She wanted the teenager to be the child that she was, not be forced into the adult world so soon after her mother had been held hostage by an alien world destroyer. She wanted Ruby to treat her like normal, to look at her like she wasn’t about to keel over.

And it wasn’t Ruby’s business, not really, and while she knew Alex’s heart was in the right place, and she was thankful for Sam’s presence, she wished that Sam was still in Metropolis, leaving Lena to deal with this alone. As soon as she had the thought, she picked it up and threw it aside, a toddler throwing a tantrum in a cot.

Sam had picked up Ruby, pulled her out of school, and come across the country just to be here for Lena. She hadn’t asked, nor had Sam requested permission, she had just packed her bags and then came straight into Lena’s life, unapologetic in her desire to be here. To help. But Lena had done the same, hadn’t she? Risked it all to protect Sam and Ruby from Reign, even if it put her at odds against Supergirl and the DEO.

Mostly it was because Lena wasn’t used to having people so firmly in her corner. At first it had been Kara; ‘Kara Danvers believes in you,’ then it had been Alex; ‘You’re my friend too,’ and now it was Sam; ‘We’re here and we aren’t going anywhere.’ Lena typically faced the world by herself, shoulders drawn back, chin raised in challenge, having people so firmly on her side was…. She didn’t know how to handle it.

How did normal people cope with the unwavering support from friends and family? Lena wasn’t accustomed, every time she did something, she was belittled and had her work demeaned, firstly with Lex and Lillian, and then with Kara, with James, with almost everyone she knew personally. She couldn’t seem to make a right decision, at least in their eyes.

For Lex, she could see that he considered her, not a threat, but someone who’s work could never rival his own, and he drove her to be better in his own way. Lillian was similar; Lena could never live up to her standards, and until she gave up trying to please her mother, she had gone to Everest heights to try at gain her approval.

The first time she met Kara, met her properly and had a talk, Kara had thrown her Alien-Detection Device back in her face- for reasons that were now obvious- and Lena was thankful that Snapper Carr had called Kara out on her biases. Lena was being pragmatic, following L-Corp’s bottom line and trying to recoup some of the losses her brother had tried to turn into weaponry.

That wasn’t to mention the Kryptonite Lena had designed to subdue Reign, and the technology she developed and used in conjunction with that entire fiasco. Supergirl had been particularly nasty to her, especially when she didn’t seem to have a problem with Kryptonite emitters in her training room, or the set of handcuffs she knew the DEO had, or the sword her aunt was killed with, by her sister no less. It occurred to Lena, that she was the only one who had Kryptonite who had never intended, nor had, to use it against Kara, not even her sister could claim the same.

James had almost broken into her lab, and she was thankful he didn’t because he would have been in for a _nasty_ surprise had he been successful, and their argument on gun-control had been one of many sledgehammers to the pillars holding their relationship together. He hadn’t liked that she was trying to give humans superpowers, but only after he found out that the government had requested it. He’d have no problems being given powers himself, was sure.

It was her burden, the Luthor curse, to constantly be on the outside looking in, only granted faith and access when she was conforming to their ideals of right and wrong, and heaven help her the moment she stepped out of line. She was cast aside, only to be remembered at the last moment when they needed something.

One could be content with scraps, and she had been with her mother and Lex, but only because she knew her position. Her group of friends had lied to her about it the entire time, giving her the illusion of inclusion, only holding the strings ready to yank it away.

It was like that comic strip, of the boy chasing the ball, and no matter how fast he ran, it was always out of reach. Lena felt like that boy sometimes, constantly searching for the approval of the people she had come to care for, only to find they’d turn on her in a moment, casting her back into the Luthor mould.

‘ _It’s our burden, Ace,_ ’ Lex had told her once, ruffling her hair. It had been after Lena had tried to make friends at school, only to learn that they didn’t care about her and were just after her influence. She had come home crying to her big brother, and he had given her words that would shape her formative years with the Luthor’s. 

‘ _We are beyond mere mortals. By our existence we are doomed to forever be above them, burning everything we touch, but the price of that is that we are alone. We only have each other. You’re a Supernova, never forget it_.’

Lena hadn’t, and her brother’s words had stuck with her for years, nearly a decade now. It was the burden of greatness to be alone, but in exchange she could do incredible things. She shone like the sun, encompassing and bright, bold, eternal. She was the best, but the price of greatness was to be alone, like the sun. It wasn’t fair, but that was the price for her greatness, to be untouchable, to be lonely.

It was how she had always been, how she had thought she always would be, but then Kara had come along-before the betrayal and the mess that it was- and then Alex, and now Sam. How did she navigate such unfamiliar territory?

Having people, having people genuinely want to be around her and support her was…new. It made her chest feel fluttery, while her stomach churned, though that might be because she was hungry.

“I know,” she answered Sam and the other woman let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

“No,” Sam shook her head and reached over to touch her on the arm. “You’re just looking out for her.”

They were quiet for the rest of the journey, and Lena used her staff access pass to get them into the buildings parking. Lena’s CEO park was near the elevator, but she liked to change it up because if someone wanted to hurt her, all they had to do was plant a bomb in her car and boom! She’d be dead. It is what Lena would do.

It was why she didn’t drive very often, and when she did, she made sure to triple the security in the garage, just to make sure.

She and Sam exited the car and walked towards the elevator in silence, the reality of what Lena was about to undergo.

L-Corp was empty this early in the morning and the elevator music was soft and less annoying than usual.

“So how does this work?” Sam enquired gently as they descended into the base of L-Corp.

“I’m doing my last scans so that the robots and Alex know where to make the incisions.”

Sam nodded slowly. “I-I looked it up and watched a few videos. I-I know what’s going to happen, or at least…”

“It will be okay,” Lena reassured her, and she genuinely believed it to be true. She had run the numbers and was mostly certain she would be fine. In fact, she was 99% sure she would survive. The operation itself was quite basic, two standard procedures being done at once, though that was a little unusual, but it shouldn’t be a problem.

The only thing she was concerned about was her growing nodes, and whether there would be any complications.

As she had told Jess, she wasn’t entirely sure of what was going to happen once they were removed, if they would even be successful with removing them entirely. The small buds weren’t accessible via surgery, it would be stupid to cut her lungs open in so many ways when, given a few days, she’d get more growths, and then she’d have to go under the knife again.

The radiation therapy would hopefully manage to kill the growths that the knives couldn’t, but there was no guarantee. Scientists were like that though, weren’t they? Try something, see the result, and then try it again, and again, and again until they knew what would happen every time. But the fear of the unknown was a thrill all to itself, and she was eagerly documenting everything they found for the future, though unless she was dead, it would never be under her own name.

Still. It was either wait for death or tell Kara the way she felt and potentially die right then and there. It was the lesser of two evils.

“I’ll be fine.” They were nearly there now; Lena was counting the seconds absently in her mind.

This floor held one of her private labs, the one she had repurposed for Reign. It held all of her medical and analysing equipment from when she held the WorldKiller, as well as a few new additions to the equipment, her own machines for analysing her condition, as well as the operating equipment that the doctors would need.

A sudden thought struck her. “The operation and my recovery room are the same one where Reign was held.”

Sam tensed next to her and Lena could have kicked herself. Of course, Sam might not be comfortable in the same room where she, and Reign, had been imprisoned. She should have thought of that earlier.

“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly as the doors opened. “I didn’t think- “she cute herself off with a wince.

Admitting she hadn’t given thought to Sam wasn’t something a good friend would do, but Sam softened next to her and reached out to grasp her arm.

“Hey,” she said gently. “It’s okay. I get it. You’ve been distracted and… this was the best place. I’ll be fine.”

Lena pressed her lips together in semblance of a smile but didn’t comment as she exited the elevator.

It was exactly how she had left it. A wide, open floor plan with a box in the middle that used to hold Reign, and now held various medical equipment. Lena had moved things around, upgraded her equipment and provided top of the line machines for her surgery and recovery. There was also a mini kitchenette and refrigerator. She had improved the bed though. Unfortunately for Reign, Lena had been more focused on keeping her contained, rather than comfortable, and when the WorldKiller destroyed her cell, Lena hadn’t replaced the bed until she’d spoken to Sam.

“Did you want to see how the scans work?” Lena asked, striding across the room as she set about removing her sweatshirt. Sam scrambled after her, placing her coffee on a table.

“Yeah!”

Lena removed the rest of her clothes after waking the equipment and lay on the bench.

She was accustomed to this now, pulling the head of the machine down over her chest. When she had been working alone, she had a button on the top of it that she could use to start the scan. Now, with help, it could be done through the computer.

“There will be a button you can click, up in the top right-hand corner,” Lena instructed and a few moments later, the machine head above her chest flicked green.

Lena lay still, breathing in and out on the cold surface and wondered if, perhaps, she should get something warm on the bench so that it wouldn’t be a source of discomfort. And then she decided, it didn’t really matter. What was a moment of discomfort compared to the endless supply of it that life seemed to give her?

Her skin was sticking a little to the plastic and tugged a little as she shifted. Maybe she _should_ make it more comfortable, it would be one less thing to worry about.

Over at the computer Sam was entranced. “This is so cool. I can see your lungs!”

Lena let out a little hum. She had modified the machine further, one of the last ones she thought would be possible, in order to make it faster and more efficient. The entire lung scan only took a few minutes now and was by far one of the best pieces of technology to come out of this entire fiasco.

Soon she was pushing the head away and rising, slipping her bra and shirt back on while the image rendered properly.

She was straightening out her shirt when she came to hover over Sam’s shoulder.

“Lena… this is…. I mean, wow!”

Lena allowed herself a momentary smile and a mental pat on the back. Yes, she really was good.

“Those ones there, are the ones that they’ll take out using the bronchoscopy,” she pointed out the large buds at the top of her lungs and a little further in. There was a half dozen of them. There were smaller nodes further down, a scattering of sizes from pin heads to tac heads. A few of them looked to be causing a great amount of pressure on the tissue that surrounded them, and Lena knew that was why she was constantly in pain, finding breathing difficult, and she swallowed down the bile that threatened to rise.

“The doctors will have a look at the other ones,” she pointed to the larger of the nodes in her lungs, ones that needed to be removed as soon as possible, “and decide where the incisions will need to go.”

Lena pointed out a few angles and ignored the phantom pains in her sides where she suspected the incisions would be made, and the small buds cut from her.

“I’ll recover for a few days and then they’ll start the radiation therapy,” Lena finalised with a little sigh, and glanced at the clock on the monitor.

A beep of the elevator let them know they were no longer alone, and Jess led Alex, Eliza, Dr Hamilton into the room.

Jess was looking a little pale but dignified and her fingers were white around her tablet.

“Good morning, Miss Luthor,” she greeted as she strode across the room, and she had slipped back into old habits, but Lena didn’t have the heart to correct her. “Miss Arias.”

Sam spun from her chair and gave a little wave, “Morning ladies.”

“Have you done your final scan?” Alex asked and she and the doctors had bags each, ready for their surgery.

“Yes,” Lena stepped back from the computer and let the trio of doctors examine it, and her scans.

Jess stepped up to her and distracted her with work, thankfully, and Sam chimed in occasionally while they worked.

A while later and Lena was slipping into her surgery gown. The doctors had planned her surgery, planned the incisions that would be made into her skin, and Lena quietly let them work around her, marking her with precision.

It seemed liked barely any time passed before she was lying on the table, Sam holding her hand.

They were doing one procedure after the other, so she’d remain under anaesthetic the entire time.

“Love you,” Sam gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and there were tears glimmering in her eyes. She’d given Lena a hug before she’d settled on the bed, a lingering hug where she held her tight enough that Lena swore her bones creaked.

“I love you too,” Lena smiled up at her and there was movement at her other arm.

“I’m injecting the anaesthetic now,” Alex told her, and Lena flicked her gaze from Sam and over to the agent.

Alex looked at her fondly and gave her a reassuring nod.

“See you soon.”

~*~

Eliza Danvers watched the pale woman on the bed breathe. Her surgeries had gone well, and there were over two dozen little buds that had been removed through both procedures.

Now all they had to do was wait for her to wake-up.

The buds had offered a fascinating insight into the woman she suspected was in love with her daughter.

Camellia’s; for longing, affection.

Yellow carnation’s; rejection.

Primrose’s; for being unable to live without you.

Carnations; for love.

Daffodil’s; for eternal love.

And a handful of others, though some they had yet to identify as the buds were too small to tell. Small samples had been taken and they were being identified by Alex while Eliza watched over Lena

Dr Hamilton had bid farewell, promising to be on call if they needed her, and had left the two women, (Samantha Arias and herself), alone with Lena.

She was a remarkable woman. Truly. Remarkable.

She had been adopted at a young age into a family that was not known to be kind and nurturing. She was shipped off to boarding school as soon as she was remotely old enough and then, when her father died, she came back and took her place in the laboratory of Luthor Corp.

She passed her time between the laboratory, getting multiple degrees, and trying to cure cancer in Jack Speer’s grandmother’s basement.

Then, she had taken the reins of one of the most powerful companies in the world and shipped off to National City to change the world, to remake it, to fix her brothers mistakes.

Eliza wasn’t proud of it, but she had been cautious when she head learnt that a Luthor was moving to the city where her daughters lived, and she had also carefully followed every snip of news about the young Luthor, just in case. But she had been proven wrong, at every turn, because Lena was nothing like how she had been portrayed.

She was unfairly kind, gentle, a little naïve, but sweet and, according to her daughters, soft. She had good intentions, even if her ideas and actions didn’t always turn out as she had planned. Kara had ranted several times to Eliza about Lena, usually how smart and funny and kind she was, and at how mean people were to her when she didn’t deserve it. Yes, Eliza had listened to what seemed liked entire books worth on Lena Luthor, so she felt as though she already knew the woman. Plus, she had now spent a few weeks with the woman herself and knew it all to be true.

Lena Luthor was a conundrum of identities; the brilliant scientist, the broken young woman; the ruthless CEO; the lonely child; the traumatised survivor; the dying woman; the woman in love with her daughter. And the woman Eliza was fairly sure her daughter was in love with.

It was all a mess, and she let out a long sigh as she looked over the sleeping woman again. There had been a slight complication during the second procedure. Proper analysis of Lena’s lungs, in the flesh and not through a computer monitor, revealed one branch of her bronchi under serious pressure. The bud inside was nearly ready to burst out of the tissue surrounding it, more severe looking than original images had indicated. Dr Hamilton, who had wisely taken lead on the surgery as she was an actual surgeon, had insisted it be removed immediately.

They had done the same with other buds, ones closer to bursting the surrounding tissue than others, deciding that the stress of leaving them there and hoping the radiation therapy would kill them was greater than the stress of removing the bud and surrounding tissue all together. Lena had a few more holes in her than intended, but it was still a lot better than when she had first gone under.

The large buds at the top of her lungs had been removed during the bronchoscopy, and they were almost fully formed, almost ready to branch out, fall away and be choked up. The sheer size of them begot disbelief, and how Lena was coughing them up, still alive, Eliza didn’t know. There had to be some magic involved, because what was happening to Lena broke every rule the doctors understood of biology. The petals shouldn’t have been able to bloom in such constricted areas, let alone entire flowers.

The entirety of Lena’s respiratory system was torn and bruised. It was no wonder the woman had been downing Vicodin like she was Gregory House. She must have been in agony with every single breath, and she should have been operated on weeks earlier. But she was stubborn, that was certainly a Luthor trait. Eliza was just glad she’d been trusted enough, or Lena desperate enough, to call for help. At least now Lena would get the help she needed, and hopefully they could ease her pain, and maybe even solve the problem. Which could all be solved by a little conversation between Lena and Kara.

Eliza let out a sigh and rose from her seat next to the bed. Sam was working over at a bench against the wall, keeping her back to the cell that held bad memories, and now held her friend.

“Hey,” Sam acknowledged as Elia got closer.

“I’m gonna grab something to eat. Want anything?”

“What are you thinking?” There were piles of paperwork stacked neatly next to Sam, and her computer screen was open to a datasheet that Eliza wasn’t interested in.

“Sushi?”

Sam nodded in absent minded agreement. “Chicken, please. And I’d kill for a coffee.”

Eliza took Sam’s order and made her way to the elevator. It was programmed to let them ascend whenever they felt like it, without authorisation, but Eliza would need Jess or Sam to let her back into the building. She took the elevator to the ground floor and stepped out.

Jess had given her and Alex temporary passes to allow them safe passage through the building, so she wasn’t stopped as she left L-Corp.

There was a slight chill to the air as autumn faded into winter, and though there was sunshine, it wasn’t powerful enough to make her unthankful of the coat she wore.

She wandered down the block to a sushi shop she had seen while driving to and from L-Corp. She had stopped in there once or twice, and knew she was going to get one of the deep-fried chicken sticks.

For her convenience, a café was a few doors down, and she took the time to go in and order her and Sam’s coffee’s before going to collect their sushi. By the time she returned to the café, sushi bag in hand, her order was ready, and it was a balancing act as she accepted the two coffees.

Eventually she settled on holding the bag on her arm, near her wrist, and using the same hand to hold the cardboard carrying container, which allowed her to open doors if she needed to.

Sam came to retrieve her, allowing her into the building and the woman grinned as soon as she saw her coffee.

“Mh, you’re a life-saver,” she hummed as she took a sip, and winced a little at the heat. “Can I carry something?”

Eliza handed over the carton and Sam balanced it easily while offering her credentials to the security system.

“How is she?”

“No change,” Sam replied and let out a sigh that was lost in her coffee mug. “This entire thing is a mess,” Sam offered as they descended into the lab. “If she just told- “

Sam cut herself off abruptly, cleared her throat, glanced at Eliza, and pointedly looked at their reflections in the shiny surface of the elevator.

Eliza caught the slip and was instantly suspicious. It almost sounded like Sam knew who Lena was in love with. And knew for certain.

Truthfully there wasn’t a long list, which was sad under normal circumstances, but ideal for Eliza to figure out who it was, for certain. She had her suspicions, sure, but to have it confirmed….

Lena wasn’t close to many people, her entire social circle, if you could call it that, consisted of work, and of Kara’s friends, and Sam.

Lena wasn’t in love with Sam, or at least had said she wasn’t, and while there was love between the two of them, it wasn’t romantic. The idea of her love being for James was… it left Eliza sceptical at best. He hadn’t been the best of men towards Lena, and Eliza knew he could be a great man, he just had problems with women, particularly women in charge, particularly women he had romantic interest in, in being above him in any way, and didn’t treat them the best for it. For Lena to not be aware of how he had treated her before she became his boss was doubtful, but she believed in second (and third, and fourth) chances, so perhaps gave him a clean slate.

Lena didn’t interact much with anyone outside of Alex and Kara, Sam and Jess, and James. She wasn’t in love with Sam or James, and Eliza doubted she was in love with Alex, so that left one person. Kara. Her daughter. The timeline fit, which she knew from her revelation weeks before- Lena only started to show signs of Hanahaki when she and Kara parted ways, when Lena learnt the truth about Supergirl. Eliza was almost 100% sure, but having it confirmed would be nice. Surely Sam, as Lena’s confidant, who had switched coasts to be with her as she died, would know the truth?

She kept her voice even, her gaze on her own reflection in the elevator door. “Do you know who she’s in love with?”

“Of course not.” Sam’s reply all but confirmed it and Eliza was faced with a decision.

Did she tell Sam that she knew the truth, even though Lena was willing to die to keep the secret? Or did she stay silent, stay out of this affair, and let the die fall as they were cast?

On one hand, it was none of her business, and she didn’t think anyone would appreciate her interfering…. On the other, she thought as she straightened, ready for a fight, Kara was her daughter, and Lena made her happy. Lena’s death would devastate her, especially when the cure was there, within her reach. Eliza was willing to bear the burden of Lena’s ire, especially if it made her daughter happy, and Kara had lost so much. Eliza was not willing to add to that loss, especially as a sacrifice.

“Did she tell you?” Eliza readied herself to be the bad guy, it would be worth it.

“I don’t know- “

“Because I think she’s in love with Kara.”

The silence that punctuated her words was telling. Sam’s lips twitched in her reflection, but she didn’t comment, but seeing as a ‘no comment’ answer was telling, she pushed a little more.

“Lena, by her own admission, began to experience symptoms in early August…. Right about the time Lex died, when he told her the truth.”

“Correlation doesn’t equate to causation,” Sam said instantly, and Eliza knew why Lena had her as her CFO, and trusted temporary CEO of L-Corp. The woman was quick and didn’t give anything away, but Eliza was certain now, and she just needed Sam to help her get the two fools to admit to how they felt for each other.

“No,” Eliza agreed wryly, “but when you add Lena’s small social circle, and deduct who is impossible, the improbable becomes possible. “

“Eliza, that isn’t- “

“She has what, five, six people in her life?” Eliza carried on as though she hadn’t been interrupted. “She doesn’t love James, she would never fall for her assistant, she isn’t in love with Alex, and she doesn’t know Brainiac or Nia. That leaves you and Kara,” Eliza said and finally turned to look at Sam.

The elevator door chimed open, but neither woman made no move to exit.

“And while she loves you,” Sam’s expression looked pained, “she isn’t in love with you, or at least not anymore.”

‘ _Anymore_?’ Sam mouthed, brow creasing and then smoothening in distress before she shook her head.

“That leaves Kara,” Eliza offered gently, and Sam turned her head slightly in to her shoulder, trying to avoid Eliza’s eyes.

“I can’t- “

“Kara’s been in love with her for years,” Eliza offered, and Sam’s head snapped back around.

“I don’t think she even realised it or has realised it.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But… I think she is. She’s told me she loves Lena, but I don’t know whether she understands the depths of her feelings.”

The two were quiet a long while.

“Are you sure,” Sam’s voice was quiet, a little above a whisper, but Eliza heard it.

She nodded. “What does she have to lose? If she isn’t in love with Kara, then she stays dying, but if she is? And Kara loves her back? There’s the cure right there.”

Sam’s eyes closed and she looked pained for a moment, before opening them and swiftly leaving the elevator.

Frowning, Eliza followed her. It was a little rude to just leave like that, they were in the middle of a conversation.

Sam was standing over Lena when Eliza caught up to her, and the woman’s long legs had certainly helped her get away.

Lena was still looking the same as she had, not an hour ago when Eliza had left. She was pale, looking small and sick and young as she lay on the bed with tubes in and around her. It was a stark difference to see her like this, usually she had a larger than life presence, commanding even when she wasn’t trying. She certainly couldn’t pass by unnoticed.

“You’re right.”

It took her a moment to register what Sam had said. “Hm?”

“You’re right. She’s in love with Kara.”

Even though she had been confident that Lena was in love with Kara, having it confirmed for her was wonderful news and her heart hammered in her chest. Still, she had to be sure.

“You’re sure?”

“She told me herself. “

Relief flooded her body, forcing away the tension and she could feel herself relax.

It was true. Lena was in love with Kara.

“So, what do we do now?” Sam asked reached out to brush Lena’s hair back. “She was adamant in not telling Kara. And I can’t tell her.”

Eliza thought for a moment and then decided that no, they wouldn’t tell either of them. Lena already knew, and the woman was stubborn, prepared to die rather than tell Kara, silly girl. And had spent most of her life being guided by others, usually Alex, being told to do or not do something. Eliza wasn’t willing to tell her that she was in love with Lena. It wouldn’t be fair, if Kara didn’t figure it out on her own, then maybe she wouldn’t believe it in the same way, and how could their relationship change, or even start, if one of them had to be told that they were into the other?

No, Kara needed to figure it out for herself…. but that didn’t mean she didn’t need a little push. Besides, Kara was her daughter, she just wanted her to be happy, and Lena Luthor made her happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And an update today, as promise :D Mwah! Stay safe everyone. And would you believe I got my months mixed up? I'm glad I caught it on my re-read. September does not roll into November, lol.


	15. Chapter 15

“So, what do you think?”

Lena stared down at the latest result of her scans and fought the urge to rub at her chest. There were no buds at the top of her lungs, which was nice, and the largest buds had been removed in the surgery. They had kept her asleep, trying to give her body the best chance to recover, for a few days and she had woken up naturally an hour or so earlier.

Her throat still hurt from the breathing tube she’d had shoved down it, and her face was itching under her breathing mask, and the IV’s were pinching vaguely, but otherwise she was doing okay.

Dr Hamilton had come in for Lena’s tests, and had made sure Lena was out of danger, and had then left. Lena had used the facilities, gone through all of the doctor’s tests, and had then returned to bed, exhausted.

Dr Hamilton had gone after that, telling her to stay in bed and, if she had to get up, to be careful, and that she would be back in a few hours to change her bandages and check on her fluids.

Sam had been there when she woke up and had been the one to summon Dr Hamilton as Lena panicked around the tube in her throat, it had been time for her change over- Sam was coming into work and Dr Hamilton was about ready to change Lena’s bandages and flush her lines, so it was convenient for Lena to wake up at that time. She had nearly torn the IV’s from her arm as she tried to yank the tube out, and that had hurt, but Dr Hamilton had come running, helping her with it.

Sam had stayed just long enough to say hello, to make sure Lena felt better and saw a familiar face before ducking out to get some food while Lena went through her tests. 

Apparently the four women had set up a roster to watch over her; flushing her lines, checking her bandages, and making sure she had copious amounts of pain killers. There was an oxygen tank next to the bed, as well as a stand she could move around with her IV lines, but Dr Hamilton didn’t want her to leave bed if she didn’t have to. After giving her some final advice and warnings, Dr Hamilton had bid her farewell and left her in bed.

Lena had dozed while she waited for Sam- her tests took less time than she had thought they would- and Sam was back now, carrying a box with (hopefully) Lena’s lunch, and a cardboard carry carton with two cups on it. She had been given a tablet with her results, as well as a video of her surgery which she was going to watch later, and she had found her results interesting. Sam had an odd look in her eyes as she approached, looking Lena over and searching for… something.

“All of the large nodes were removed,” her mask fogged up and she frowned at the puff of hot hair over her skin before reaching up to adjust it slightly. “And there is… no sign of any further growth. Actually…” she frowned at the rendition of her scan. It was a relief to see the large buds had been removed, though there were more gaps in her lungs than she had thought, and the pin-head sized buds hadn’t actually grown in any way. There was no further growth at all.

How curious.

“That’s good, right?” Sam asked and she shoved Lena’s legs across the bed and took a seat. She started to unpack her boxes, carefully balancing the carton of, hopefully coffee, on the bed.

“Yes,” Lena answered frowning down at the screen. How had this happened? Typically, the buds would grow every day, sometimes, depending on how much she thought about Kara (which was a lot, she was beginning to realise- and having a physical representation of that was a little embarrassing) every few hours. So, to have no sign of growth, after a few days, then something must have happened.

Her mind was still a little foggy from the drugs and surgery, so it took her a moment to figure it out. She had been unconscious for the surgery and then asleep while her body healed, clearly needing the sleep she had missed out on in the weeks leading up to it. She couldn’t deny it, there was some relief in knowing that she wouldn’t be about to cough a flower up, and deal with the mess and pain it caused. Even though her chest was sore, and there was lingering pain from the bronchotomy, she considered it a success.

She could still feel; she still remembered; she still loved. That _was_ a relief. She was thankful that she could still feel, could still love, because she wasn’t certain she would be willing to forgo part of herself to save her life. It could have been more than a limb. Feelings, emotions, they exist to shape and form us, and Lena’s love for Kara was something that she wasn’t sure she could lose.

Kara, for better or worse, had inspired her and made her grow, changed her, in the way that nature did. Kara’s influence made her want to be better, gave her the courage to do more, to go beyond.

‘Climb, Lena!’

When she had unveiled the statue dedicated to Supergirl.

‘Kara Danvers believes in you.’

When she had brought Catco, to keep it out of Edge’s clutches.

There were so many instances where Kara and Kara’s support had encouraged Lena to do things she never thought she’d be able to do. Kara, Supergirl, had given her the push that she’d needed, the fuel to the spark that lingered within her.

Lena burnt by herself, she didn’t need Kara to know right from wrong, to be just and righteous, to have ambitions for all people, but Kara took that flame, kept it sheltered from the winds of the world, from their cruel words and harsh judgement, and allowed it to burst into an inferno. Afterall, all a spark needed was fuel.

“It means that something kept me from growing any,” she set her tablet down on the table next to the bed and leant forward until her body warned her and she settled back against the bed.

“What’d you get for me?”

“Chicken.”

Grinning Lena accepted the box Sam handed her and shifted back, lifting her knees to help hold the box.

“What do you think kept them from growing?”

Lena inhaled happily, feeling her stomach growl with anticipation at the smell. Typically, she wouldn’t be eating a solid meal after surgery, but she’d been slowly, not exactly starving herself, but she hadn’t been eating as well as she could have. She had been having smoothies and diluted soups along with supplements to keep herself healthy, but she was really missing chewing something, and she was always hungry.

If she took little bites, and chewed carefully, maybe the few days of her being able to recover without reaggravating her torn throat, would enable her to eat solids. She was looking forward to being able to _actually_ eat.

“I think it was because I was unconscious,” she opened the case and almost groaned at the sight of the grilled chicken breast; the cheese! the relish! the salad!

She tugged the oxygen mask off, telling herself she’d put it back on as soon as she had finished her food. A few minutes weren’t going to kill her.

“I wasn’t thinking or feeling, so they never had the chance to grow.” It was the only plausible answer she could come up with, and it seemed to fit the circumstances.

There was a set of cutlery in the container, set into the lid of the box, and she took them and started to cut the chicken into tiny pieces.

Sam was silent as she dug into her own meal, casting her glances that Lena couldn’t read.

Swallowing was a little difficult, but chewing was a relief and she savoured every bite, controlling herself even though her belly grumbled. Nutrients sent via IV line, and smoothies with supplements, weren’t the same as a solid meal.

After a moment Sam handed her a coffee cup and Lena groaned in delight. It was still a little hot to taste, but it was delicious, and she could feel herself relax as it hit her bloodstream.

“The surgery went well,” Sam commented after a long while of silent chewing.

“Do you… do you feel any different?” There was a hint of apprehension in her tone, and she was still looking Lena over as though she were going to snap at one moment.

“No?” Lena thought about it a moment, she didn’t feel any different but, oh! Sam didn’t know what Lena might have lost, what she might have become without the nodes.

“I still feel that same. I remember everything. Nothing has changed.”

“You don’t think.” Sam still looked worried, and Lena didn’t know how to reassure her.

“I’m still aware I’m stupidly in love with Kara Danvers, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Sam gaped at her a moment while Lena took a small bite of her chicken.

“What?”

“I just- you said it. Out loud.”

“I’m not ashamed,” Lena offered softly, and she wasn’t. She would never be ashamed of loving someone, let alone Kara. Kara was all sorts of light and colour in her life, and Lena would never be ashamed of loving such a person, even though their relationship now was rocky. Truthfully she wasn’t sure what to think, especially after Kara had kissed her. Sam had told her not to think to hard on it, it was just a development in their friendship, and that had been that.

“Then why don’t you tell her!”

They hadn’t had this discussion for a while and Lena wasn’t particularly feeling up to an argument, so she waved the statement off as though she hadn’t heard it.

“How is my company holding in my absence?”

Sam sighed at her and rolled her eyes, but relayed the latest stats and reports over the lunch, though Sam refused to let her do any actual work. She even had to dodge out of the way when Lena made a swipe for the tablet she carried. Lena wanted to get back to work, but Sam was not about to let her. She agreed to provide information that Lena wanted, in exchange for Lena not working. She was to rest and recover.

“No working!” Sam growled and snatched Lena’s medical tablet from her.

Scowling, it wasn’t like she was going to hack into L-Corp and do some work (she totally was), Lena sat back with a huff and folded her arms.

“Sam…” she let out a little whine, pretty sure she sounded like a child, but unable to help herself. She’d been awake for almost two hours now, and she was ready to do something productive. Working kept her mind focused, and kept her from thinking about Kara. Which-

“Eliza knows you’re in love with Kara.”

Lena paused, stiffened and blinked.

Held her breath.

Blinked again.

“I-she-what?”

“Eliza knows you’re in love with Kara,” Sam let out a little sigh and ran her fingers through her hair.

How?!

Lena couldn’t think of how Eliza had figured it out. She had been so careful! She hadn’t slipped in any way, there was no way that that she had conveyed her feelings for Kara to her mother.

“But I- I’ve been so careful!”

Sam shrugged into her coffee. “She mathed it out. You don’t have a very large social circle, and there are a few people it cannot be… Kara was the only one left.”

That had the potential to be a problem, but seeing as neither Danvers sister had come to see her, and Eliza had kept quiet, Lena settled back on the bed. If Eliza knew, and had known for…. Who knew how long, it didn’t matter. If she knew and hadn’t said anything to Lena, then Lena doubted she would say anything. And as Alex or, God Forbid _Kara_ , hadn’t come to confront her, then Lena was confident that only she, Sam, and Eliza knew the truth.

Pursing her lips, she let out a sigh. It did not please her, knowing that someone had been able to figure her out, but at least it was someone she believed she could trust, and who would probably be on her side.

It was out of her hands now, and there was some relief to that. There was some freedom in lack of control, she didn’t have to think, she just had to wait. It seemed that a lot of her life at the moment involved waiting but…. Wasn’t that the truth of all things?

“How is my phone going?” Thinking of work was calming, it kept her mind off things, namely Kara, though in the past it had been on Lex, Lillian, the burdens of her last name.

Sam sighed but willingly began discussion on Lena’s latest prototype. It was her new baby, taking the earths electromagnetic field and using it to charge devices, namely, the new LPhone that Lena was planning on releasing. She’d been using her own prototype for years, and finally thought it was time to edge LCorp into the smart-phone market, using her wireless energy to do it.

It was clean and green, and unlimited. She had run into a few problems, namely finding a way to create an ‘earth’ for her devices, and had given that particular problem to her research teams, challenging them to find an answer as she had been the one to develop the rest of the technology. Alien tech was extremely helpful, and combined with her genius intellect, she had cracked the puzzle. It needed refining, but she was certain that it would work if she ironed out the kinks. She hadn’t had as much time to work on it lately, but she expected to begin sales in the new year.

Maybe it would be a way to boost L-Corp once it was known that Lena was dead, it would probably be her parting gift to the world.

“It’s actually going well. Your research team has confirmed the stabilisers work under controlled circumstances to a,” Sam checked her tablet, setting her coffee aside, “ninety-three percentile and the other seven percent is within acceptable parameters. Dr Johnson believes she can narrow that down to three percent. There doesn’t appear to be any damaging factors to either the environment or the device. They are moving onto Phase Four of the testing within the next few days.”

Lena couldn’t fight her grin. That was wonderful news! She knew her phone worked, she had given one of her old prototypes to the team to use as a model, and smartphones were very similar these days anyway, so the biggest seller would be the hundred percent charge at all times…and the world coverage of cell-phone service. LCorp was in the process of sending up an army of satellites to ensure coverage of the entire globe. Her satellite system would link in with the already existing LCorp satellites and, were she a Lex type of Luthor, she’d use her satellites for nefarious purposes, tracking and surveillance to name a few, but she wasn’t. The idea was to have a cell phone that could reach anywhere in the world, and would never need to be charged. ‘Imagine,’ they would sell it, ‘never running low on battery! True global reach! Buy the LPhone! Out today!’

Lena grimaced to herself. She’d leave the marketing for her staff. She was better at designing anyway.

Abruptly she was tired, fighting a yawn and shifting on the bed.

Sam caught it instantly and smiled at her but she started to pack up.

“That really isn’t-“

“You just came out of surgery,” Sam interrupted, ignoring her as she took away their containers. “I’ll come and see you when you wake up again. You need to rest and get better.”

Lena let out a sigh before wincing and shifting in discomfort. She knew Sam caught the movement because she frowned, but she didn’t say anything about it and Lena was thankful.

Lena quietly watched Sam clean up, taking their empty food cartons and walking over to the rubbish bin, and Lena clutched her coffee, fighting sleep but wanting more of it.

Sam smiled at her wryly and shook her head. “I’ll bring you another one when I come see you next.”

Lena felt weak and childlike as Sam tucked her sheets around her body and rolled her eyes when Lena raised a brow at her.

“Shut it,” she chuckled and then she stared down at Lena, eyes warm and gaze soft.

Lena swallowed, unfamiliar with such affection and unconditional care being directed at her.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she said and leant down to press a kiss to her forehead.

Sam smelt nice, but it was a little weird to get a kiss on the head from someone who wasn’t-actually-she couldn’t remember the last time someone had kissed her on the forehead, or at all. Her last kiss had been James, which was over half a year ago, and before then it had been….. Jack…. Her life really was empty.

Sam’s arm came around her in a gentle squeeze, still mindful of her injuries, and she pressed their foreheads together.

“I was worried,” she confessed in a broken whisper. Lena’s throat tickled and her eyes watered.

Closing her eyes, she pressed her head towards Sam firmly, silently conveying her thanks, and an apology.

Sam inhaled in a broken rasp but pulled away and pressed her lips together into a firm line. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Lena just nodded, not knowing what to say to the love in Sam’s gaze, as well as the relief that lingered there.

“I’ll come and see you later, okay? Before I go home-er, back to yours. Try and get some rest.”

Lena didn’t remember much after that. She awoke at some point later, badly needing the bathroom, and she gingerly got out of bed, walking across the cold floor to the bathroom facilities. She didn’t look in the mirror as she passed by, but when she was done, and getting up and down _was_ difficult, she took a moment to appraise her reflection.

She _looked_ sick, perhaps for the first time since this entire ordeal had begun. She was pale and her skin looked clammy, and her hair needed a wash and there was grime on her teeth.

Grimacing she ran her tongue along the front of them and returned to the toilet to get some toilet paper. It wasn’t ideal, and left her mouth feeling funny, but she felt marginally better. She’d brush her teeth and hair properly when she woke up again- for now she was just so tired.

She was asleep again as soon as she hit the pillow, only stirring when Dr Hamilton returned, becoming coherent enough to answer some questions before fading into sleep again.

Oblivion was nice, not feeling was nice, soon she would not feel forever. It was both scary and… comforting. She would never be in pain. She would never be scared again. She’d never feel lonely or betrayed, she’d never be lost. She’d just never be. Death was final. Death was forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a lil short..... maybe you'll get another one early in the week.....


	16. Chapter 16

It was a little awkward, Lena had to admit, sitting opposite Kara at their once favourite booth for a coffee. Rather, Kara got her usual ridiculous monstrosity of sugar, as well as a half dozen sticky buns, and then topped it off with a new slice, a large piece with three or four different types of sweet on the top, drizzled with a sauce. It looked like it would give Lena cavities for the rest of her life, but Kara had lit up like it was Christmas. Lena, on the other hand, went with a banana smoothie and a blueberry muffin, which she was going to pick at slowly, wash it down with her iced tea.

Wanting something, and being there getting it, and having it turn out the way you want, was often two _very_ different things. She wanted to reconnect with Kara, she _did_ , but it was easier said than done.

The divide between them was…. colossal, and the bridges had been burnt, and as much as Lena wanted to build them again, she didn’t know how, heck, she wasn’t even sure if the foundations were stable.

So, it was awkward, the air between them layered with tension, of words said and unsaid, and that was without bringing up the garden in her chest… or the kiss, which was now par and parcel for the tow of them, with Kara kissing her in greeting as soon as she arrived. It was a friend thing, no matter how much her traitorous heart tried to convince her otherwise. It was nice, even though it was hard. It wasn’t the kind of affection she was after, but it was better than nothing.

Lena let out a sigh, feeling the fading tension in her chest, a lingering ache, but it was getting better, and her wounds were healing slowly. She was stable enough to eat, but sometimes she had days where she couldn’t stomach anything, couldn’t bear the thought of eating anything, but she thought she could sip at her smoothie, nibble on her muffin.

Kara glanced up at her, and then looked away, unable to meet her eyes for too much longer.

“So, um, how have you been?” After speaking Kara winced, and Lena looked up from her smoothie.

It was as awkward as it sounded, and Lena wondered what the two of them looked like to outsiders. Were they new friends, trying to connect? They were awkward and unsure, skittish around each other, tentative of pushing boundaries. Or were they long-lost friends, trying to reconnect after years of being apart? She had a brief thought; would other people think that they were out on a date?

Then she shook her head. No, their body language was off, and they were struggling to make eye contact. It wasn’t like it had been in the past. Conversation came freely, punctuated by laughter and sometimes they’d touch, innocent and without intent, or at least that was the case on Lena’s side. She enjoyed touching Kara, and being touched by Kara, just having the comfort of someone else willing to touch her. It had been Kara’s fault, really. Kara who had started to touch her. Gentle touches; a hand on her arm, a touch at her back, taking her hand. Kara was free and generous with her touches, probably because she’d spent so long in the Phantom Zone (and wasn’t that a tragic place to be, to have existed in limbo for such a long time, _alone_ and _lost_ ) and needed touch to ground her.

Lena was touch starved; cringing away from any gesture that wasn’t a firm handshake. She wasn’t used to being touched, and especially not in the easy and carefree way that Kara touched her. She had known, though. Kara had seen it in her the moment she reached out to touch her the first time (outside of a handshake). Lena had reflectively tensed and recoiled. Kara had frozen, looked over her carefully, eyes narrowed behind her glasses before her features had softened. She’d visibly relaxed, lowering her shoulders to make herself seem smaller, softening her smile, and kept her arm hovering above Lena. It was more awkward for Kara, to be fair. Offering comfort when it had been so clearly rejected beforehand, but she hadn’t pulled her hand away as though burned, instead her eyes had been gentle and kind, understanding. Lena had watched Kara, waiting as she slowly reached out, arm following its initial path, and rested gently on Lena’s forearm.

The touch had been fleeting, but the heat that had blazed from under Kara’s palm had burnt its way through Lena’s shirt and into her bloodstream.

Kara had been careful with her touches after that, and it took weeks into their friendship for Lena not to flinch at unexpected contact, to not tense under a friendly pressure at her back, to not recoil from hugs. Outside of a handshake people didn’t touch her, and she didn’t touch them. So it had been difficult to go from her isolation to having a friend who needed to touch people, as though to confirm they were here and were real. Lena had managed it though, and Kara had never brought it up, only being a little more reserved with her touches until Lena started to relax more into them. Before their breakup Kara was as touchy with Lena as she was with everyone else; taking her hand, hugging her hello and goodbye, a touch at her back, on her arm. It was just them. Kara and Lena.

Lena was okay at initiating contact, though. She just didn’t do it very often, as most people never wanted her near them, let alone touching them. Kara was different though. Kara welcomed her touch, responded to it and magnified it. Slowly Lena got used to being openly affectionate with her friend, though she was still wary of anyone else, and was getting used to Alex as well.

She was pretty sure Kara was where Alex got her understanding of touching people and not touching people. When Alex touched her it was always firm and reassuring, a gentle pressure before moving on. It was a ‘hey, I’m here’ kind of touch, and Lena started to welcome it like she had welcomed Kara’s touches, though they were different. It made sense that Alex had helped ground Kara when she first got to earth. She would have been petrified of her powers, of her strength, and while she needed comfort she wouldn’t be able to seek it, but she could receive it, probably as hard as anyone could give it to her. That was where Alex’s casual touches came from, a gentle reassuring presence that she was here, and she wasn’t going anywhere.

Kara didn’t touch her now, and it was confusing when they had share cheek kisses only minutes before. Her fingers were toying with themselves under the table, her body hunched away from Lena while she thought of an answer to that question.

Honestly? She wasn’t doing very well, and her body was starting to show it.

She was looking like a cancer patient. She hadn’t lost her hair yet, and a small, shallow part of her was viciously thankful for it, but that didn’t mean her hair hadn’t lost its shine and thickness. Thankfully, a few careful hairstyles kept that a secret from the press, and, well, it wasn’t like many people ever saw her with her hair down often anyway. What was harder to conceal was the bags under her eyes, no amount of make-up could truly cover them, and several news outlets had pointed out that she was looking tired. Her skin had paled, she wasn’t spending enough time in the sun, though she had taken to walking the park with Sam every day, even if it was slow going. She was exhausted all the time, and her eating and sleeping schedule wasn’t helping at all.

Eating was…difficult…. While she had been growing the nodes she had wanted to eat, and was hungry! But swallowing had been difficult as her disease progressed until she could only have small bites and then liquids, so her shape had changed then. It had too. She was basically starving, though nutrients had been injected into her blood. Her stomach hadn’t been able to handle large portion sizes, and while it could now, she wasn’t hungry. It was a common side effect of chemo, she knew, but that didn’t make it fun. Forcing herself to eat when she wasn’t hungry was different than being so engrossed in work that she forgot to eat. It was a little harder.

Sleep was just about as fun. As much as she had come to accept her death, that didn’t mean she wasn’t anxious about it. Yes, she was relived it was out of her hands, and that she had a timeframe to work with, but that meant she had to push her company, and herself, to get as much done as she possibly could before she could no longer drive progress. She was pushing her staff to their limits, demanding their best work, and while she had heard mutterings, she had always been one to lead by example and most of her team understood that, their drive met her own. She had already passed the last quarterly goals and was moving onto the next ones, the goals she was projected to tackle in the new year, but as she wasn’t going to here to see it…..

So she was pushing her dying body, racked with radiation, to the limit; not eating as well as she should (she was doing her best, okay?) and not sleeping properly. None of it was helping.

Her body was betraying her, slowly losing the strength to fight while her heart, her fucking heart, still beat as powerfully as always for Kara.

One good thing had come out of her surgery; they had concluded that while Lena was unconscious, the nodes didn’t grow. It had been as she had hypothesised; while she couldn’t think about Kara, didn’t feel for Kara, the flowers had no fuel to grow, and so remained dormant. It was a relief to know that she could knock herself out to sleep if she needed to, and she had, though only once before Alex had screamed at her, actually screamed at her. She hadn’t done it since, but she kept a syringe in her bag just in case she wanted to take a nap.

“I’ve…. Been better,” Lena settled on diplomatically. Kara’s brow twitched but she didn’t call Lena out on her lie, like she normally would have, perhaps too scared to break the fragile truce between them. Part of her was relived, but the other part was annoyed.

Kara had wanted to slip back into their relationship, with all of the perks- having a genius billionaire at your beck and call was certainly helpful in saving the world and solving your problems- but Lena wasn’t willing to play ball. Perhaps Kara was acutely aware that Lena was not okay with her, and was trying to force their relationship to be as it had, in her typical way of avoiding her problems by pretending they weren’t there. It wasn’t okay, but it was in character. Kara liked to ignore her feelings and problems in her life in favour of pretending like everything was fine, especially when it wasn’t.

Maybe she was coming to terms with it, aware of the shaky ground they stood on and trying to maintain stability on quicksand. She wanted it; wanted her and Lena to be alright and wanted it so badly that she was forcing it, when it clearly wasn’t working. It was easier the last time they had met. Kara had talked about work before being called away, so they didn’t have to sit there in silence and contemplate what they had lost.

Lena wanted them to work too, or, she wanted the ease and…freedom that came from before; from when she was the only one who didn’t know the truth about who she was spending time with, when she wasn’t constantly being lied to or manipulated. Familiar ire ignited in her chest and she took a measured breath. It would be best if she didn’t think about that betrayal and the feelings that came with it, especially as her flower buds were finally dormant.

“How have you been?”

Kara ducked her head a little, wiping some icing from the corner of her mouth. “Its been… okay, I guess…. Having Eliza here has been great though!”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying having her here. Alex feels the same.”

Kara’s smile was genuine. “We’ve been catching up at least once a week for dinner, but she has been busy with her job and teaching.”

“Her job?” Lena enquired, wondering what Eliza, and indeed Alex, had said they were doing.

“Yeah, she said she’s just working for some rich businessman in the city, and she guest lectures at the uni once a week. I think she’s really enjoying it, and she’s liking being with us.”

“How is she handling the whole…” Lena trailed off and waved her hand in front of Kara, “after Lex?”

Protests had erupted over the country in the days after Lex’s murder, and only recently had the fires gone out. Anti-alien people clashed with pro-alien rights activists, urging the Vice-President, and stand in, Plastino, to re-establish the Alien Amnesty Bill while others were begging him to let it be. As with all things political, there was strong citizen presence, and feelings, which turned into violence.

Supergirl had been zipping up and down the country, trying to stop protests before they turned to violence, though she was sometimes late and had to detain people and even take them to receive medical care. A more recent protest in National City had involved Kara ending up covered in various liquids, glass, and food as she tried to calm down protestors.

It wasn’t her fault that the alien presence on earth was usually a violent one, or so the media would have the people believe. First there was Non and Myriad, then it was the Fort Rozz escapees, and Reign and her sisters caused a big problem, then there was the Daxamites, and Red Daughter. The public face of aliens, Kara and Kal, Superman and Supergirl, were all well and good, but they looked like humans, they were attractive and white, and people looked to them in awe. The aliens causing trouble, the ones making a nuisance of themselves, breaking property and hurting people, scaring them, were in greater numbers and deeds that whatever Kara and Kal could fight for.

Nor was it the peoples fault that the aliens they saw were violent and terrifying. Everything that Lex had done had brought that back into the limelight, forcing aliens back into the shadows and the people were angry. They didn’t want to be frightened anymore, and fear turned to hatred, and hatred bred violence. It was a vicious circle, one Kara was trying to break, but she wasn’t having much luck. It was why Lena had insisted she join her for lunch today, to try and lighten her mood, to chase away the storm cloud above her head.

“Having her here has been…really good,” Kara let out a long sigh. “She’s been….helping with…everything… her and Alex. And everyone else but….”

“It’s hard?”

Kara nodded and lifted a shoulder. “Nothing I seem to do makes it better. People are so mad, and the aliens are scared.”

“And they’re getting mad, no doubt,” Lena took another sip of her water.

Kara’s brow twitched but she couldn’t deny it. “Yes.”

“Violence begets violence,” Lena mused, and it was tragic, but unless the pain ended, and there was recompense, then it would continue. There was no right or wrong to it, not really. The humans couldn’t be blamed for being afraid; afraid for their lives and wellbeing’s, afraid for their incomes. Aliens; wanted a home, work, a life, while the humans hated them for simply existing, for being here. Of course, some aliens and humans both, committed acts of violence, fear and hatred against the other side.

“I wish they’d just…. Stop.”

Lena smiled at Kara, vaguely drawing parallels to her and Kara’s current situation. She doubted that there was anyone who didn’t want an end to the violence and fear (unless they were her dearly departed brother and his goons), but it wasn’t so simple.

The terror and hatred faced by humans after negative interactions with violent aliens spilled over onto the peaceful refugees. The aliens that needed training, cultural and educational, needed jobs and food and medicine, and that money had to come from somewhere. Most American’s had problems with their own people, own species, being given money when so many already struggled.

If Lena could fix it, she would, especially to see that storm cloud above Kara fade away. Everyday violence was expected among all peoples, but seeing such immense acts of hatred directed towards people she was meant to protect weighed heavily on Kara. Truth, Justice, Compassion for All. She probably wasn’t feeling very heroic when there were violent outbursts in her own backyard.

Lena had hoped with Lex’s death things would settle, but it hadn’t yet.

“In an ideal world there would only be peace and love, prosperity and harmony. There wouldn’t be sickness, starvation, violence, but…. The world isn’t perfect and we can’t make it so… we can just try to make it better.”

Lena hesitated for a moment, words coming to her from some show that Ruby was watching, it was about a boy missing an arm and a leg with a brother in a suit of armour…. _and in turn they’ll protect the ones they love. It seems the least we tiny humans can do for each other_ …

People were truly insignificant on the scale of things, but a thousand stars could light up the night, and one person could make all the difference in the world.

“Have you..” she hesitated and Kara lifted her head. Lena waited a moment, trying to find the right words. “Have you spoken to the media? Done an interview? Not as you but as…you know….”

“Supergirl has given statements about the protests and Alien Rights,” Kara cut in and she was toying with her napkin. Twisting it tightly and smoothening it out, only to twist it again.

“I didn’t mean as Supergirl I meant-“ and Lena halted. It wasn’t her place to suggest Kara go on the record for her time on earth, not as a hero, but as a lost and frightened teenage girl from another planet.

“Me, me?” Kara was frowning, as though it had never occurred to her that she should speak out about her experiences as an alien refugee. Everyone knew Supergirl came from Krypton, which exploded, the entire world knew the story behind her ‘S’. But Kara was more than just an ‘S’, and Lena wished she would see that.

“Do you think it would help?”

And she was considering it, Lena could see. Part of her was interested in hearing the full story, wanting to know everything about Kara, but only if she wanted to share it, and only if it was safe to do so.

“Supergirl is a symbol, for better or for worse. She is not seen as a person, as someone behind the symbol. That is partly Superman’s fault, partly the media’s fault. Supergirl’s own experiences are ones she hasn’t shared with the people, with the public.” Lena was always careful with her words, and she was careful now. She made sure not to speak too loudly, to not draw attention to them.

“Sure, we know she came to Earth from Krypton like her cousin, and we know she grew up there, so she remembers it, but apart from that, no one really cares. Supergirl can fly, shoot lasers from her eyes, she has freeze breath and x-ray vision. What does superstrength and speed, powers of gods, compare to a past that she is the only one to remember?”

Kara was considering it now, the crease in between her eyes a blatant give-away to something ticking away in her brain.

“They don’t know that she had to learn a new language, new customs, with new education and clothing and music and sounds. They don’t know what her foster family had to sacrifice to keep her safe, how she felt seeing the anti-alien speeches, how-“ and here Lena paused. Kara was a girl when Lex and Superman had clashed over Metropolis, before it became known that it was Lex Luthor behind everything, and she must have been terrified, watching as her cousin fought for his life against someone who hated him purely for existing.

“You should think about it. It might…. Sway more people to understand what you went through.”

And that was why, two days later, Supergirl was sitting nervously in Cat Grant’s former office surrounded by CatCo’s best media team and about to be spoken to by her unsuspecting co-workers. At least they had gone with Myka Willas, one of CatCo’s more seasoned anchors, and one Kara knew to be fair and just.

Still, she was nervous, and tried to hide it by sitting still and not focusing on the people around her but Lena could tell.

“Hey,” she said quietly, standing off to the side as the team scurried around and finalised everything. Kara lifted her head instantly and their eyes met.

“You’ll do fine,” she assured with a little nod. “We went over the questions. You know the answers. It will be fine.”

A few meters away Kara lifted her eyes skyward before frowning over at her and Lena let out a little chuckle which she disguised as a cough when an employee looked at her oddly.

“I have donuts being delivered after-“ and on the chair Kara visibly brightened, smiling winningly over at her- “so take that as an incentive.”

A few final cheeks were called out and then the opening theme for CatCo was sounding in the room and everyone was quiet, all attention on Myka and Supergirl.

“Good morning National City. I’m Myka Willas here with Supergirl for an exclusive insight into the mind of the woman beyond the cape, the refugee behind the ‘S’. Supergirl, thank you for making the time to speak with us today.” And Myka was good, very good. She was always blunt, a bit like Lois Lane but without the annoyance and fear that tended to follow the Pulitzer winner, but an excellent reporter. She’d spent her first years on the ground, then moving up through the ranks and after her second child she’d decided to give anchoring a shot. She’d been CatCo’s night-time news lead ever since.

“Thank you for having me,” Supergirl smiled and shifted under the bright lights of the camera crews.

“Now, you’ve spoken out on Alien-Human relations before, but never like this. Can you tell me what changed?”

And Lena and Kara had gone over the script earlier until Kara knew all of the questions she would be asked and how she should answer them, so she was prepared to answer, “I’ve always been known as an alien, from the moment I wore this.” She pointed to her crest.

“I didn’t have to…come out and say it, everyone already knows what it means, what it means I am. I can speak on alien rights and be listened to, but only because I look like the humans do. People listen to me because of this, because of what it represents but… I wanted to talk about me. The refugee-me, not the Super-me.”

“You came to earth as a child, yes?”

Kara nodded slowly. “I was thirteen when Krypton exploded,” and she valiantly hid her grimace but couldn’t hide the torment that came with the loss.

“My cousin took me to an earth family and left me there. I-I didn’t speak the language or know about anything. Everything was…. So unfamiliar. I screamed at the toaster, I broke door knobs, I was so scared of everything, and then of myself….. I didn’t have powers on Krypton, and here I did…. “ Kara trailed off a moment and shook her head to get back on track. That was heading into more dangerous territory. Alien= dangerous=needs to be locked up, and Lena and Kara didn’t want that to be part of the narrative today.

“What happened to me happens to a lot of refugees. There is an entire new language to learn, then a culture, then customs and behaviours. My foster sibling thought it was the funniest thing ever to convince me that chicken eggs grew in the ground. I planted them and watered them daily, waiting for them to grow into an eggplant, but it never happened,” and there was a wry smile on Kara’s lips at the memory.

Lena had to stifle a laugh. Trust Alex to be a little shit as a teenager.

“My foster family was good to me. They loved me, protected me, even though we were so different on the outside. They covered for my mishaps, kept attention from me, went away to help me…”

Kara hesitated a moment, and Myka seemed to be content to let Supergirl speak. Afterall, it wasn’t every day a Super opened up about their everyday life. This was gold!

“My foster father had to go away for me…. For work…. I was expensive to feed and I broke lots of things…. And he died while he was away.” Kara looked away a moment, eyes distant and Myka leant forward, prompting gently.

“And you felt responsible?”

“I sat at his funeral knowing that I was the reason all of these people were sad, why my foster mother was crying, why my new sibling was sobbing. I know it wasn’t my fault, it was an accident, but I thought that, maybe if he hadn’t gone away for me then, he’d still be there. I sat there, knowing that I was the reason he was dead, and I thought that…. Maybe if I had died too, then they wouldn’t be in pain.”

Lena’s breath caught in her throat as Kara finished speaking and she had to force her chest to expand. What? Kara had felt that? Oh, _Kara_.

Kara’s head titled and she glanced over to make sure she was alright but then gave Myka her attention again.

“How was your school life, then? I assume you went to school?”

Kara let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah. Seventh Grade was…. A mess. Kids are cruel. I was bullied every day. They…. They knew something was different about me….weird…. and I didn’t have anyone… there was just me, alone in the school. My home life got better but…. School was hard. I was an outcast.”

Lena’s heart went out for Kara, feeling almost the same. Lena’s home life had been awful, full of expectations she couldn’t reach, but she had loved school, even if she had been alone and an outcast.

“High school wasn’t much better…. There was a girl who made it her life’s mission to bully me…she would stick her groupies on me, calling me names, throwing things at me….”

“You grew up an alien hidden among humans, how did it feel to have your peers talk about you like you weren’t there?”

Supergirl looked down at her hands a moment, and there was sadness etched across her face when she answered.

“I was…. Fifteen…. I think, when I watched my cousin nearly die on national television… it was the first of Lex Luthor’s attacks…. And it was all anyone was talking about the next day. In our social studies class we talked about it, about refugees and immigrants and….. I fit in, you know?” Kara asked and Myka nodded understandably.

Lena was struck for a moment, that she hadn’t really considered Kara’s childhood and the things she must have gone through just to fit in, to be _normal_ … and how she must have hated that word. She would have broken everything she touched, would have been too afraid to even move or breathe least she hurt someone. She would have needed as much comfort as the world could provide, only she would be too afraid of it, too scared she’d hurt the people who only wanted to love and care for her.

“I have fair skin, blonde hair, blue eyes. My foster family was able to support me and my sibling and I went to after-school activities, but… my classmates talked about me like I was…. _Dirty_. Like I wouldn’t have traded anything to go back home, to be with my own people…. But they’re gone. I had nowhere else to go…. And that is the same for a lot of aliens. We have nowhere else to go.”

Abruptly her heart hurt, and Lena’s pity twisted in her chest until it burnt, and she clenched her fists as her lungs screamed out. The pain was sharp, stabbing, beyond anything she’d felt, and as she spent most of her days drugged up so that was saying something.

She had to steady herself against the wall behind her, aware of the crew looking at her worriedly, concerned for her wellbeing but also needing her silent so they could record.

“Lena?” And Kara looked adorable with her head titled, brows creased and looking at her in concern across the room, even as the cameras were still rolling. Lena waved her off, shaking her head and closing her eyes to try and centre herself. Now was not the time!

Work. She needed to focus on work, and not on a frightened teenager who needed affection but recoiled from it because she broke everything around her when what she desperately needed was love. It was getting hard to breathe. She _couldn’t_ breathe. Her chest refused to move. Agony laced its way across her chest and Lena had the brief thought that, this was it. She was going to die.

“What do you think your experiences can offer the world, in terms of being a refugee? An immigrant?” Myka drew Kara’s attention back to her, back to what they were doing. It was the entire point of the interview, after all. Highlight that humans and aliens weren’t so different, even though Kara had only been talking about being bullied in school because she was different, but lots of people faced that. It was universal.

“I wasn’t wanted by the people around me,” Supergirl said seriously, brow creasing while Lena’s heart twisted and she was having trouble focusing through the pain and panic flooding her body.

“They spoke about aliens with hatred and fear and I was there the entire time, listening to people who bullied me for being different, for getting my English mixed up, for saying weird things, talking about what should be done with my kind.”

And the conversations in the background were turning fuzzy as Lena’s chest burnt and she was certain there was an inferno in her chest because she was struggling to breathe. Her chest was burning, lack of oxygen getting to her, and she knew, with startling clarity, that the flowers growing in her lungs were probably going to kill her, right here and right now.

Her lungs were burning, full, ready to explode and the pain was white hot, molten in her chest. She was dimly aware of her nails carving half moons into her palms, but that was nothing compared to the anguish in her chest.

“I… I didn’t let my mother hug me because I was so scared that I would hurt her, that she would break in my arms… and my father died because of me, because I existed and I thought… maybe it would be better if I just didn’t exist… that it would have been better for everyone, my family, and the world who hated me, if I had died when Krypton did.”

The thought, the paralysing, agonising thought of living in a world that hadn’t been blessed by Kara put an end to the pressure in her chest. How had the universe been so cruel to Kara that it had taken everything, while giving her so little, and how incredible was she to survive it all, and keep moving forward with hope and compassion as her mandate for all?

“Fuck,” she rasped out, doubling over as her chest strained, lungs constricting like vices and breathing became difficult. Blood coated her tongue, a thick, wet mist of it expelled through her nose.

“Lena?”

Kara’s voice was worried above her, hands hovering and Lena let out a sharp cough, hacking and rasping and glanced up once, into Kara’s frightened face, before she was gone again, pain in her lungs ripping a scream from her lips before she was clutching uselessly at her chest to try and stop it.

“Lena?!” Kara’s shout was muffled and her hands were strong on Lena’s arms, holding her still even as her body thrashed in her restraints. She had the distant thought that maybe she would bruise from how tightly Kara was holding her to restrict her thrashing.

“L-Corp,” she bit out, blood drooling from her mouth and she tried to grab at the hand holding her.

“LENA!”

“’lex,” she couldn’t breathe, choking on her own blood as she drowned in it and she was starting to panic, body going into fight, flight, freeze mode as it fought for oxygen.

Another, fiercer bout of coughs wracked her chest, and she could feel the strain of her muscles and then the sharp pain and crack of her ribs. There were shouts from her staff, people hovering nearby, but she couldn’t focus on them, couldn’t draw the breath to tell Kara what she needed.

She needed to get to L-Corp. Her laboratory had equipment she needed, and Alex would help her. Alex knew the truth and would be able to help her, she had to.

Blood was dripping down her chin now, snaking its way from her nose and over her lips, there was splatters of it on the floor, and she silently sent an apology to the janitorial staff.

Her body shook as her lungs strained, frantic to expel the liquid coating it, while desperate for air. In a vicious circle she gasped in oxygen only to cough and splutter as the holes in her chest ripped apart with the growth of new flowers, which in turn lead to more choking, more gasping, and more coughing.

All the while Kara held her upright, blood dripping onto the growing puddle on the floor.

Lena had the presence of mind to look up one more time, to see the vision that was her best friend, and the woman she was in love with before her vision went grey and then there was nothing.

~*~

“Alex!” Kara thundered as Lena went limp in her arms, blood, wet and sticky, and metallic coating the very air around them.

‘ _Supergirl, what is it_?’ Her sister asked, moments after she’d pressed her ear link for comms and swept Lena into her embrace.

“Lena is- I have Lena-“ She jogged over to the balcony windows, Lena in her arms unmoving and limp.

Panic and fear were both clawing at her chest as she brushed past the CatCo Media team, aware of the cameras following her path, and the path of their unconscious boss- and that was a problem for future-Kara.

‘ _Kara, what’s_ -‘ There was a moments pause while Alex turned away to speak to someone and Kara eyed the balcony door. She didn’t have the hands to open it and it was in her way!

Making sure Lena was secure in her arms she leant back and kicked the door in, shielding Lena from the glass and striding through it. Behind her the CatCo employees were murmuring but they were still at a loss of what to do as Kara strode out onto the balcony.

“I’m coming to you!” She instructed and glanced down at the woman in her arms. Lena was silent, the heart-wrenching hacks that had contorted her body were quiet, and it wasn’t a relief. Blood coated most of Lena’s lower face, looking like a horrific mask and there was smears of it, wet and hot, all over her collar. Some of it had gotten onto Kara’s Supersuit but she didn’t care about that, all she cared about was the deathly still woman in her arms.

 _‘..ot it. I’ll prep the medbay. Bring her straight here_.’ Alex ordered and Kara launched herself into the air, barely caring for the windows she shattered behind her in her wake. Lena could afford to pay for them, and besides, there was a dying woman in her arms. What was money compared to a life?

She shattered hundreds of windows as she sped through the city, blowing caution out of the wind as she flew, only making sure to keep Lena safe from harm and she was upon the DEO within a minute, screams, shouts, tinkering glass in her wake.

The doors were already opening for her and Kara blitzed through the building to the familiar medical area. Already a team of doctors were assembling, Alex among them, and Dr Hamilton was approaching at a run.

“Alex!” Kara shouted as she slid to a stop, Lena barely shifting in her arms. “She’s not breathing!” And that shout was torn from her lips, ripping its way through her throat and finally into the air.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Her mind was like a hamster in a wheel, screaming the same thing at her, begging her to do something. No! Her heart was shouting at her, desperately shaking the bone bars of its prison. Not Lena! Lena’s heartrate was thudding in her ears sluggish and faint and _wrong_ , somehow as loud as all of the noise of the DEO, and she tried to take comfort in its presence, even as she threatened to drown on her panic.

“What happened?” Alex demanded and she was still in her uniform and had only pulled her sleeves up to slide a board onto a DEO bed. “Get her on the gurney!”

Kara quickly complied and Alex was starting compressions as the team swarmed around her.

“She was fine and then she just started coughing! There’s blood everywhere!”

Alex was shouting something else, medical jargon she didn’t spare thought for, but she heard the request for blood, and for the ventilation teams.

Alex was timing her compressions as the team scrambled around her, pushing Lena through into the medical bay, and it was white and sterile and Kara hated it. She was pushed to the side, eyes on Lena’s prone form as her sister wiped the blood away from her mouth. And Dr Hamilton, finally in scrubs, took control of the situation, pushing open the doors with her hip.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The crack of Lena's chest was thoroughly unpleasant, and she cringed at the sound, but was reassured as Lena's heart-beat steadied with each forceful compression, and with it, blood gurgling at her lips, thick and wet and warm.

“Get her into operating! Now! She’ll have multiple tears on her lungs and blood in them. Have an EMCO on standby. I’ll need two-make that three- units of B-, and a set of scalpels. Supergirl, I’ll need you to go to L-Corp and get something for me.”

Kara felt her jaw open, shock slowly fading as realisation and then rage overtook it.

“You know what’s wrong with her,” she accused, feeling her eyes flash furiously. Lena was sick, and she didn’t know!? The rage grew, trembling inside her chest until it was a monster of claws and teeth.

Thump. Thump.

“TELL ME!” Her voice cracked with the effort of her shout and she could tell that she had frightened some of the doctors with her outburst, but they kept moving around Lena and Alex, a well oiled machine as Dr Hamilton relayed orders.

“Supergirl! If you want to help her, go to L-Corp. Talk to Jess, or Sam,” Alex ordered as she sat back from her compressions and there were cords being attached to Lena, IV lines pushed through her skin.

Thump.

Then there was silence, as encompassing as the eternity of the Phantom Zone. Kara’s knees buckled and the blood in her body froze, every part of her straining to hear the sound.

“Her heart,” she croaked out, and the room was spinning, her vision was going grey. “Its stopped!”

Alex cursed and shouted, “Get me a defib!”

Kara stumbled back against the wall, leaving a sizable dent in it in the shape of her arm, and stared aghast, ears straining for the familiar thump of Lena’s heart. Instead it was silent.

Another DEO doctor leaned over Lena’s chest and placed the two pads over Lena’s body as Alex uncapped a syringe and drove it through Lena's chest.

“Clear!”

There was a zing and then Lena’s body jerked on the gurney. Blood, thick and metallic, dripped from Lena's mouth and out onto the bed, staining it an awful colour.

“Again!”

A few moments later and Lena’s body was contorting on the bed again, but this time accompanied by a faint flutter of her heart.There was a beeping on the heart monitor to confirm it, and Kara let out a breath.

"Get her over," Alex barked and the teams swarming turned Lena on her side, and more blood gushed from her mouth. A breathing mask was shoved down over her face, instantly colouring red, and the rasping cough that followed made Kara's heart clench, but Lena's chest rose and fell, even if more blood spurted out into the mask.

Dr Hamilton ordered Lena to be prepped for immediate lung surgery and Kara could breathe again. Blood hadn't stopped bubbling at her lips, and Kara didn’t like the thought of it. 

Her hearing picked up a faint hissing and she stared at Lena's side for a long while, trying to place the sound and the doctors were swarming, dragging Lena and her tubes and machines back into the operating room.

A doctor muttered something Kara didnt catch, and then Alex, Alex with the helpful, healing hands, was jamming something sharp into Lena's side and driving a tube into the hole. The hissing intensified, bubbling blood at the end and Kara was wondering why she'd never wanted to watch medical shows because maybe then she'd know some of what was going on.

“What’s- what’s wrong with her?” The anger, so quickly ignited at the thought of losing Lena once she’d only just gotten her back, faded into fear. Her chest was swirling, a torrid mix of fear, pain, horror, anger, and she wasn’t sure what to think. Only she knew she had to do something.

“ _Alex_ ,” she croaked out, voice a breathless whisper, and there was something digging into her skin, an odd weight around her legs that she’d only just started to notice.

“She’ll be fine, Supergirl,” and it would have been more comforting if Alex wasn’t helping to keep Lena alive, or if her hands were covered with so much blood it looked as though she’d dunked them into paint.

Thump. Thump. It was slow and strained, laboured, but still beating.

“We need you to go to LCorp,” Dr Hamilton ordered, voice clear and heavy with command, and Kara latched onto it. Someone knew what was going on. Someone knew what to do. Someone could tell her how to help.

“What for?”

“There’s a machine there that we need. See if you can get it.”

“You’ll have to talk to Jess or Sam,” Alex said stepping away from the gurney, and there was blood stains all over her uniform, dark patches against the black and the room spun again.

Lena. Lena. Lena. Lena.

“Supergirl!”

Thuuuuump. Thuuuump. Thuuummmp.

She slowly lifted her eyes off Lena and tried to focus on Alex. Her sister was blurry, her words fuzzy.

“You need to go and get that machine, alright? That’s how you can help Lena, okay?”

Kara nodded blankly, staring through Alex, unseeing as all her being was focused on her best friend fighting for her life on the bed, tubes in her like some sort of cyborg.

“She’s gonna fight this,” Alex reassured, and her voice had lost its harsh command and instead was gentle, soft. “She’s Lena Luthor, she’s not going down without a fight. Right?”

“Right,” Kara breathed and shifted against the wall, plaster raining down and she winced a little. Oops.

Thump. Thump.

The weight was still hovering around her thighs and she spun around for it, finally pulling out a familiar CatCo Media microphone pack.

Kara stared at it a moment. It seemed like hours since she’d been at CatCo and she couldn’t quite place why she had it.

“Is that-“

“A CatCo mic,” Kara finished for Alex, still staring at it and then she gave it a little tug.

“Turn it off!” Alex barked and Kara blinked before hastening to obey, and the little green button that showed it was still recording, went dead.

Thump.

The two stared down at it a moment.

“Go to LCorp. We need that machine. I’ll let you know any updates,” Alex strode away, calling over her shoulder and she was going to get prepped for surgery, Kara knew.

Kara followed Alex’s orders, casting a final look back at the bed and for a moment the doctors parted, leaving Kara with an unhindered gaze to her best friend.

Blood coated most of her torso and mouth, with lines of it snaking its way down her neck and into her hair. There was blood on some of the doctors as well, darkening their horrible looking blue scrubs, and the bright lights of the operating room cast Lena’s skin a sickly pale. She was unmoving on the bed, a stark contrast to the people swarming around her and the faint fluttering of her heart went silent.

Kara howled internally as the machines started to scream in alert and the doctors covered Lena from view again.

L-Corp. She had to get to LCorp.

Lena. Lena. Lena.

If she got to LCorp she could help save Lena.

Lena, who she had finally reached a good place with, or at least a better place with, who finally knew everything about her. Lena, who was her best friend. Lena, who she didn’t want to live without.

She took a final moment to take her in, just in case she never saw her again.

She looked like Snow White.

Hair as dark as night, skin as pale as snow, lips as red as blood. Unmoving, like the dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling generous..... but are you after that cliffhanger? lol 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated :D Let me know what you think.
> 
> Edit: Also, not a doctor. If Hanahaki exists, my pseudo medical science can work :D


	17. Chapter 17

“Jess!” Kara literally flew through Lena’s balcony windows, thought her door, and then skidded to a halt outside Lena’s loyal assistants’ desk.

Jess wasn’t at her seat and Kara glanced around frantically for the woman, cursing the LCorp Tower’s security measures which made it hard for her to see to the bottom floors as they were lead coated.

“Jess!” Kara let out another shout, tuning in her hearing to try and find the woman she was after. She could hear alarms going off, people security scrambling, and she was ready to rip the building apart to find her.

“JESS!”

“Supergirl!” Jess rounded a corner and skidded to a halt, eyes taking in the ‘super’ sized holes Kara had left in the building before shaking it off.

“I need a machine!” Kara said as she strode towards the assistant, who had her tablet held out and tapped away. “Lena’s- Lena’s…”

“I know,” Jess said, and she was pale and fearful, eyes wide and grave. “I saw the interview.”

Kara winced. Had many people had seen that? Oh, no! What would Lena’s shareholders think? She wondered how much of it had been made public, how much of her recording had been picked up on, or if the CatCo employees had realised that maybe they shouldn’t broadcast their bosses death… still, the ratings would go up!

“I need a machine. I don’t know what kind only Alex”- and she used her sisters name here, her panic making her not think as clearly as she could. All she could think about was Lena. Lena, Lena, Lena, her heart bet out. Quickly accelerated in her panic, frantic in its pace. “Said there was one here that would help.”

“It’s downstairs,” Jess said hurriedly and started to speed walk away. Her tablet was chiming with notifications and as they walked Jess removed her head-piece with a grimace.

It occurred to Kara that this was going to be a shitstorm. The CEO of a fortune 500 company nearly dying on National Television and being carted off to facilities unknown? LCorp’s competition would have a field day. Lena’s teams would be bunkering down, that was for sure.

“Supergirl!” This was another familiar voice and Kara turned to see a pale-faced Sam Arias with a scared Ruby at her side.

“Where’s Lena?” Sam demanded without even pausing, and Sam didn’t have the raw presence that Lena did. Sam’s was subtle, quiet and commanding, whereas Lena demanded respect from her very presence, even when she wasn’t trying. It was something Kara had noticed about the elder Arias from the beginning. Sam’s presence was reassuring and controlling, a lighthouse in a storm, but she wasn’t calm now. She was angry, scared, and her presence seemed to fill the room, reminding Kara a little bit of Reign.

Lena Luthor had risked everything for Samantha Arias when she had discovered she was Reign, keeping her safe from the authorities and her alter-ego, and protecting Ruby the best she was able. Sam was clearly on Lena’s team, and Kara had the thought that maybe Sam knew what was wrong with Lena, before brushing it off. Coincidence or not, Sam wouldn’t tell Supergirl about Lena, she might not even tell Kara, and that was dependant on what Lena had told Sam. What a mess.

Sam, at least, had an awareness of the extra-terrestrial, having co-hosted a World-killer, so she had no fear of reprimand when she replied. “I flew her to the DEO. She’s in surgery now.”

There was little relief in Sam’s eyes, though Ruby relaxed a little, but it might have been because she was near her hero.

“Is Aunt Lena gonna be okay?” She asked, and her voice was shaky but strong, and this teenager had gone through more than most.

Kara didn’t want to give her false hope but…. Hope, by its very nature, couldn’t be false. “The people I work with are some of the best. And Lena’s a fighter.”

A few people emerged form the elevator at the end, clearly high in the business by their suits and dress, and Sam grimaced when she saw them.

“I’ll take Supergirl downstairs,” Jess told Sam. “You need to stay here and keep LCorp working.”

A growl split Sam’s lips and Jess shook her head hurriedly while Ruby glanced up at her mother with wide eyes.

“Miss Luthor will be fine, but she doesn’t need LCorp to fall apart in her absence. You have full control over L-Corp, the paperwork is already to go through with you as acting CEO.”

Sam’s features twisted a little, eyes narrowing. “How long has she planned this?”

“Weeks,” Jess replied succinctly and gestured towards the elevator. “Supergirl, shall we go?”

And Kara was in a state of shock. Lena had known she was going to die, or at least was sick, for weeks? Long enough to put the paperwork through that gave Sam control over LCorp while she was out? Long enough to….. give LCorp to Sam when she died?

The anger sparked to life in her belly, drowning out all other emotion but fear for Lena’s safety. She would get answers as soon as Lena was awake.

“Mum, can we see Lena?”

Sam was clearly displeased and she glanced at Jess, down at Ruby, and then over at the approaching people, fists clenched.

“No, honey,” she said with an angry huff. “We have to stay here so that Lena doesn’t have to worry about L-Corp as she gets better.”

Ruby pouted but didn’t protest, and Jess and Sam shared a look before Sam glared at Kara. It was fierce enough that she nearly took a step back, those eyes reminding her of other eyes in the past.

“Keep me updated. And I’ll be at the DEO as soon as I’m done here. I _will_ have access.”

Kara could only nod, eyes wide and her respect for Sam grew, but then again, she, a mere human, had fought a WorldKiller and won, so she wasn’t a weak woman.

“Supergirl, come on.”

Kara strode after Jess as one of the businessmen began to yell at Sam about what the hell was going on, and Sam ordered Ruby to the break room before telling them she’d meet them in conference room three in five minutes.

“What’s wrong with Lena?” Kara demanded as they entered the elevator and Jess passed off her credentials, letting them go straight down without halting.

In the reflective surface of the elevator she could see dark stains on her suit. Blood. Lena’s blood. It nearly made her sick.

“I can’t tell you that, Supergirl,” Jess answered immediately, and her back tightened as though ready for a fight. Kara grit her teeth, scowled, but didn’t push. Part of her was glad that Lena had some strong people in her corner, but the other part was furious that she didn’t know, and that she didn’t know if she could do anything to help.

The journey was quick and when they exited Kara’s eyes narrowed. It was the same floor as the one Lena had kept Reign, complete with a medical bed (though absent the force-field) and medical equipment. Even the smells were similar.

 _Lena….. what in Rao’s name was going on with you_? She thought as Jess strode over to a machine in the corner, and as they passed by computers Kara could see scans and reports, numbers she didn’t understand, as well as a 3 D rendition of lungs. There was even a printout of the scan, a model that could fit in her hands and she picked it up to stare at it. There were gaps in the lungs where pieces had been removed and she wondered if it had been cancer because what else left so many holes in tissue?

“This is the one. Dr Hamilton and both Dr Danvers’ will know how to use it.”

Kara’s hand went through the model, the pieces crumbling to the floor and she gaped down at it before apologetically wincing at Jess, and then her words fully registered.

Alex made sense because she knew Lena and her sister were getting closer, and she was thankful Lena had Alex in her corner because Alex was the best. Even Dr Hamilton knowing was also understandable, the woman dealt with the different on a regular basis, and if Alex needed a consult, well, the woman would keep her mouth shut. Eliza on the other hand….. Eliza had come to National City for a private….private consult with a wealthy businessperson...

Kara let out a long, angry growl and Jess took a step back.

Eliza knew what was wrong with Lena. So did Alex. And Sam, because there was no way that Sam just left Metropolis and came to visit, and then Lena mysteriously gets sick. And then there was that odd interaction at brunch the other day, when Ruby had joked about Lena dying, and how Alex, Sam, and Eliza, had stiffened. It became instantly clear. They knew Lena was dying, that something like this could have happened, and they chose not to tell her.

Fury built and collided in her chest, the beast within the cage rattling at the bars and pounding to be released.

She could feel fire burning behind her eyes and she fought to blink it back. Lena would be mad if she damaged her lab, not that she wasn’t willing to face Lena’s ire if it meant she would talk to her, if it meant she was awake and okay.

“Sorry,” she grit out, forcing her anger down and Jess gave a little, wide-eyed nod.

“You’ll have to carry it out,” Jess explained as she started to connect the wires and plugs and started to wind them up together. Kara looked around for some tape, speeding through the draws until she found some, and started to bind the cords together. It would be easier when she was flying.

“You’ll also have to take a L-Corp computer,” Jess moved over to the benches and laptops while Kara sorted out the machine. Maybe she could get some rope as well? Just to hold it together? It looked expensive.

As she considered the best way to carry it, and indeed, get it from the building, Jess powered down and unplugged an LCorp laptop. “Take this one,” and she had found an LCorp bag somewhere, the ‘L’ logo taunting Kara.

Scowling she turned away and hesitantly lifted the machine. It was easy to carry, if not a little awkward. Still, she could fly it across the city in a few minutes, rather than waiting for a team to get her and retrieve it and then get it back to the DEO.

Alex had been silent in her coms so she was certain she was in surgery still. No news was good news, right?

Soon she was ready, and now she understood why the private elevator to the basement was so large, large enough to fit a car if need be, because carrying the machine out was difficult and she was glad the elevator was built for space.

Jess let them off at the garage, and this elevator only went up a few floors to the laboratories, in case people needed to transport equipment and goods. At least it had a security code on it so no one went too far down into LCorp and saw something they shouldn’t have.

“I’ll have security open the gates for you,” Jess said, and Kara gave a little grunt. It was a little hard to see past the machine, and so she used her vison to look through it, which was very disconcerting. But she’d manage until she was in the air, then she could fly for the DEO without worrying about hitting anyone.

“Thank you, Jess,” she remembered her manners still, and saw a mix of emotions on Lena’s loyal secretaries face.

“Just…. Don’t be mad at her, okay?” The secretary asked, fingers nervous around her tablet and Kara frowned at her.

“She seems to think she has to do it alone, and she doesn’t, not anymore. She has you, Miss Danvers, the other Miss Danvers, Miss Arias. She isn’t as alone as she thinks.”

Jess pressed her lips together in semblance of a smile and nodded farewell. Still a little confused, Kara returned the nod and lifted into the air. She was sure she was looking a little odd as she floated down the basement and out onto the street. Security was already there, halting traffic to let her into the sky easily and they gave her little professional nods as she went, and she got the idea that they fully approved of her, which was odd. Not that, her approval wasn’t usually a given by most of National City, I mean, she was a hero, but she had the feeling that they knew why she was here and approved of it, probably because it had something to do with Lena. It was a warm thought. Of course Lena was loved by her employees. Or maybe they just liked the benefits of working for LCorp, which would probably change if Lena wasn’t at the top. Still.

She soared through the air, aware of the odd shadow she cast on the ground, and of the people who noticed her and gazed skyward in awe.

When she got closer to the DEO one of the agents contacted her and told her to go in through the garage. It would be easier to get the machine in and through to the medical wing through the doors there, plus it would be less conspicuous than Supergirl flying in a giant machine into a skyscraper. The DEO really was the worst kept secret in National City.

Soon she was carrying the machine into a spare room in the medical wing and trying to put it together how she had remembered it. Really, it was a few cords, some plugs, and connecting it to the LCorp computer and that was it. The lights on the machine said it was powered and on, but she didn’t think it would move without instruction from the laptop.

Once she was done there she strode through the medical wing in search of Lena.

She was soon informed that ‘Miss Luthor is still in surgery, and Pam from HR wants to speak with you. Now.’

Disgruntled, but not daring to miss a summons from their frightening Head of Human (and Alien) Relations, Kara ducked down the corridors to Pam’s office. As much as she wanted to see Lena, and Alex, there was nothing she could do but wait for her surgery to end, and then she could get some answers.

She knocked smartly and was welcomed in with a crisp, “enter!”

Pam didn’t have a last name, or if she did, most of the DEO didn’t know what it was. She was a large Caucasian woman with a fondness for donuts, and Kara thought, upon seeing her face, that perhaps she should have brought some to tame her temper.

“Sit.”

Kara sat.

“Do you know how often I have meetings with Sharon,” Pam began, voice as sweet as honey and Kara shrunk into her seat. Sharon was the Head of Finances, basically she made sure everyone received a salary, could afford their equipment, and paid for any ‘Super’ damages…. And that included broken windows.

Kara winced and tried to merge with the chair. Oh, boy!

“I want donuts for a week.” Pam smiled sweetly, and Kara was already nodding. If Pam was scary, then Sharon was on a Godzilla, city destroying scale. Kara had met with her once, and that was enough to put the fear of the _Gods_ into her. Pam was a kitten compared to a mountain lion. Alex said she had no problem with either Pam or Sharon, apart from one or two complaints of misconduct and abuse of prisoners, but then again, Alex didn’t break pavement or shatter windows wherever she went.

“Of course! No problem!” Kara was nodding eagerly. Donuts! She could do donuts! It was better than having to face down Sharon, alone.

Pam gave a little nod and jerked her head irritably towards the door and Kara scurried out, thankful for the reprieve. Pam would smooth things over, and Kara would bring her donuts. Everything would be fine.

Mistake covered, for the moment, she slunk down the halls and returned to the medical wing. It was always so much harder having to wait for other people to come out of surgery, and she always felt kinship to those days when Alex would wait by her bedside. Still, she’d much rather be on the bed than waiting beside it. Humans were so fragile, and they healed so slowly.

She’d long learnt that she didn’t want to listen to what was going on in the operating theatre, and she didn’t want to hear something she couldn’t unhear (Lena’s heart going silent and staying silent being one, she wasn’t sure she could survive it again) so she leant against the wall. Tucking her knees under her she let herself slide down the wall, trusting that the DEO would handle any emergency, because she didn’t think she could leave Lena, not while she fought for her life.

Pulling her knees up she wrapped her arms around them and ducked her head into its shelter. There was a whine building in her, an anguished beast growling and pacing in her chest.

She didn’t know what she would do if Lena didn’t make it.

Tears burnt at the inside of her eyelids and she grit her teeth, curling her hands into fists to fight back the tears.

Swift clacking approached, but Kara ignored it. People came and went all the time, it was the DEO after all. People were working 24/7.

“How are you, honey?”

Kara slowly lifted her eyes at the gentle pressure on her shoulder.

“Eliza?”

“I came as soon as I heard,” Eliza slid down the wall next to her, an arm coming across her shoulders, and while she was angry, and hurt, she couldn’t refuse the comfort. Because Eliza knew the truth, everyone knew the truth, and no one told Kara. No one told Kara her best friend was dying. Today was definitely in the top five of her shittiest days.

The creature in her chest slashed against the bone bars of her heart and finally broke free, and the burning in her eyes grew and she let out a choked sob.

“Oh, honey,” Eliza’s arm tightened and she shifted on the floor, and Kara had the thought that it might be uncomfortable for her, seeing as she was human and was getting on, but she’d come to comfort Kara all the same.

Kara turned her head into her foster-mothers embrace and started to cry.

“She can’t die. She can’t.”

“Shhhhssh,” Eliza soothed, rocking her a little, and it was so awkward, but she was trying and Kara bathed in the comfort. She didn’t lie to her, try to soothe her pain with platitudes, instead she just provided solace with her presence.

She wasn’t sure how much time was lost with her letting out her feelings in Eliza’s arms, but soon they were joined by another person.

“Hey, sweetie. How is she?”

Kara’s head snapped up and she peered at Alex. Her sister looked exhausted, and from the state of her, she’d just come from surgery. She was still in her scrubs, smears of blood all across her torso and arms.

“She’s stable, we took the-“ she hesitated and looked at Kara. “The problem was removed, and she was stitched up properly. We have her in a coma for the moment. She’s on EMCO, and we’ll keep her on it for a few days.”

Relief, tangible and real, flooded her system and she could have wept some more, if only she had tears left. She was suddenly exhausted and rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes and thanking any god that existed for the gift of Lena’s life.

“An EMCO is a respiration unit. It cleans out the blood and recycles it so there isn’t as much stress on her lungs. We’ll take her off it when her lungs can handle it,” Eliza explained, squeezing her shoulder.

“What’s wrong with her?” Kara asked and there was distant commotion that her hearing picked up on, but it was nothing compared to the powerful pounding of her own heart: Lena. Lena. Lena. Lena.

“We can’t answer that, honey,” Eliza said, and Kara tore her body away, familiar betrayal chasing away the exhaustion that had taken over her.

She glared down at her mother as Alex helped her to her feet and was certain she was pouting at them. She knew it wasn’t really their fault, but they knew something that she didn’t, and had purposely kept it a secret from her, and Lena was in danger and she didn’t know why. This wasn’t something she could punch her way through, this obstacle was more than physical, more than something she was strong enough to confront.

“Is it…. Cancer?” And that had been running through her head, her first thought. Because what else would make someone cough blood, and cough so much of it? Plus Alex had said they had ‘removed’ the problem, e.g., the cancer. But…. Lena had the Haran El, right?

Suddenly she was glad that Lena had kept it, or made some more, and even though Kara hadn’t liked the thought of it at first. Now it might save her life, because Lena had said she could use it to cure cancer, she could save herself, like she always tended to do.

“No,” Alex shook her head and dashed all of Kara’s hopes. “It’s not cancer.”

“Is it curable? How long has she had it?” Kara had to know, but if it was curable, then why had Lena taken so long to fix it?

Alex and Eliza shared a look, one Kara didn’t miss, and her eyes narrowed. More secrets.

“Yes and no,” Eliza said finally with a sigh. “There is a cure….but Lena wont take it.”

“What?” Kara barked and she took a step forward.

“She’s stubborn,” Alex muttered with a scowl. “But we can’t make her.”

Oh, they certainly _could_. Kara had more than enough strength to hold her down if need be, not that she ever wanted to do that, but if it meant keeping Lena alive, then she’d willingly take Lena’s ire for the rest of her life. She could live with Lena not being in her life, as painful as it would be, but she wasn’t sure she could live without Lena in the universe, period.

The yelling at the door was getting louder and it bothered her enough to listen in, and when she did she gasped and let out a growl. “What’s she doing here?!”

Zipping through the DEO she came to the command centre and froze.

“What are you doing here,” she snarled, hackles raised and fists clenched. Lillian Luthor stared her down just as coolly as always.

Being in the presence of the eldest Luthor always made Kara feel small, even though she was stronger and faster than Lillian in every way, it was just the way Lillian looked at her, as though she was something under her heel. Maybe it was because she was so tall and as graceful as a freaking amazon. She hated that Lena had to grow up with that woman as a mother, hated how she had treated Lena, how Lena still craved her love and affection, even after the abuse.

“I had to find out on National Television that my daughter is dying and I demand to see her.”

And Lillian Luthor had a pair on her, that was for sure.

She was standing in the middle of the DEO with her heels, a black skirt, white blouse and a black over jacket with a coat draped over one arm. She was also wearing a confident smirk that Kara wanted to wipe off her face, unphased by the weapons being pointed at her.

“Now, before you go getting any ideas,” she smiled in the typical Luthor manner of knowing she was in charge and knowing that no one could do anything about it. “I’ve left a file with my lawyer which contains a great deal of information on you and your business that you wouldn’t want to be made public, including your identity, Supergirl.”

Kara growled, and tightened her fists, but couldn’t do much when Lillian rolled her eyes.

“Do calm yourself. I’m only here for my daughter. As her legal medical proxy, I have the legal right to see her and you cannot keep her from me.”

And why Lena hadn’t removed her mother yet made sense, in the ‘I hope she comes to love me’ way, but wasn’t helpful right now, and Kara hated that Lena still clung to the idea of Lillian ever loving and supporting her.

“She isn’t stable enough to move,” Alex growled as she came up behind Kara, Eliza behind her and her foster mother was glaring at Lillian.

“I want her charts,” Lillian said and started to walk towards them, ignoring the guns pointed at her. “And I want to see my daughter.”

The tension in the air made her uncomfortable and she hated that she couldn’t do anything to Lillian, hated that her identity and the DEO was held hostage.

“Let her through,” Alex let out a sigh and waved the agents off. With some reluctance they put their weapons down and Lillian’s smirk wasn’t as charming as Lena’s was.

“You’ll be escorted at all times. Try anything and-“

“Save your threats, Agent Danvers,” Lillian brushed Alex off and started to walk through the DEO towards the medical. “They are of no consequence.”

Neither Alex or Eliza was thrilled with Lillian, Kara wasn’t happy she was here either, but she had them on a leash. The DEO was a ‘secret,’ never openly acknowledged, and they didn’t want whatever information Lillian had on them to go public. It would make things difficult. Plus if she gave up Kara’s identity, she probably would give up Clark’s, which would put their families and friends in danger.

If Lillian didn’t get what she wanted, which was only to see her daughter, which was her legal and moral right, then she’d release her information to the public. It wouldn’t be good.

Their only option, apart from detaining her (and Lillian Luthor wasn’t an alien to lock up throw away the key with, nor was she Maxwell Lord, with proof of his unethical activities. Lillian had been pardoned by the president, even though he had been Lex’s puppet, so they couldn’t hold and detain her on her past actions, or by what she might do. Sure, she was in a top-secret government facility and threatening them with blackmail, but…. Then she’d release her information and they’d be back at square one). Their best option was to do what Lillian wanted, to work with her.

Kara stalked after Lillian as Alex and Eliza directed her to the medical wing, and she swept through the doors. Kara didn’t complain, as much as it burnt her, having a Luthor walk through the halls as though she owned it, because it meant she could see Lena.

Lena had seen better days. Her skin was pale, sickly, and there was still smears of blood on her face and down her clothing. Dark marks were on the horrid blue hospital gown she’d been changed into and her hair was tied at her neck. There was tubes and needles in her chest and arms, and some of her blood was in a tube going into a machine. Lena looked young, sick, alone. Kara’s heart ached.

Dr Hamilton was there with her, checking over her charts and she glanced up as the group walked in, likely ready to yell at Kara because she really wasn’t supposed to be here. She started slightly at seeing Lillian in front of the Danvers’ and Kara grimaced at her, but there wasn’t anything she could do.

“Dr…?” Lillian strode straight up to the doctor, barely pausing to take in the scene. Luthor’s were like that, though. Taking everything in in a glance and making a plan.

“Dr Hamilton,” she greeted and held out her hand to shake Lillian’s hand.

To Kara’s surprise Lillian accepted the shake and walked over to stand near her daughter, barely pausing at seeing her youngest on life-support. Kara had frozen at the sight, and her stomach twisted.

Lillian stared down at her daughter a long moment before holding her hand out for Dr Hamilton’s tablet. The doctor handed over the tablet.

“Everyone out,” Lillian demanded without looking up, and Alex let out a growl before leaving, wrenching the door as she left.

Eliza looked like she wanted to say something too, but she also left once Alex ducked her head back in and dragged her mother out.

“You as well, Kara Danvers,” Lillian didn’t even need to look up from the tablet and Kara’s fists clenched.

“You shouldn’t be here! After everything you’ve done to Lena!”

Lillian didn’t dignify her with a response, which made her somehow feel like a child who’d thrown a tantrum.

“Where’s Jeremiah?!”

“No idea.”

Kara let out a growl, taking a step forward and letting her ire spark in her eyes. “You captured him and coerced him to work for you! How do you not know where he is?”

“Oh please,” Lillian scoffed and damn her, the action was graceful. “I didn’t recruit Jeremiah and I certainly didn’t do the experiments on him.”

“No!” Kara took another step forward, feeling her eyes burning with restrained heat-vision, and Lillian merely tilted her head, not even phased at her threat. The feeling of being a toddler intensified. “You just kept him from his family and threatened us!”

“His agreements with Hank Henshaw were between him and the DEO, and then he worked with us, so I really don’t see why you’re complaining so much. After all, your family is hardly a family of saints. Where he went after I was arrested, I have no idea.”

Lillian looked at Hamilton. “What is this?” She offered the tablet to the doctor, who hesitated, glanced at Kara, and shook her head.

“Doctor, patient confidentiality.”

“I am her mother.”

Kara scoffed. “No, you _aren’t_ ,” and her nails were digging into her palms.

“Legally, I am,” Lillian said, sickly sweet and she tilted her head to the door. “Now get out.”

Kara breathed harshly and grit her teeth, feeling her jaw ache at how much tension that was in her body.

“Supergirl,” and Dr Hamilton chose Lillian over her, and she couldn’t help but feel hurt at that. “You need to leave.”

Frowning, maybe pouting just a little, Kara spun and stalked from the room, footsteps with additional pep and she almost wrenched the doors off when she opened them.

Eliza and Alex were waiting down the hall, looking worried and angry and she stomped towards them, keeping an ear on Lillian and Linda.

“What is this?” Lillian repeated, and there was an underlying hint of… concern? To her tone.

“Growths on her lungs,” Dr Hamilton replied, and Kara gasped, so it was cancer? But how did that work? Alex had said it wasn’t cancer!

“She’s had them for months. We removed them earlier in the month and had her on intensive radiation therapy to kill the smaller growths. Something must have triggered them, and they tore her lungs apart.”

“What kind of disease does this?”

Kara listened in, every part of her body focused on Dr Hamilton’s reply, because the doctor, along with the rest of her family, and it was time Kara knew the truth.

“Hanahaki,” Dr Hamilton replied, and Kara started. She’d never heard of that.

Still keeping an ear out for the two doctors she pulled her phone out and opened google. She spelt it wrong, but Urban Dictionary was there to help her.

_Hanahaki Disease; a disease born of unrequited love, resulting in the coughing or throwing up of flowers until removed or the host chokes to death on flowers or drowns in their own blood._

What in Rao’s name?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback from the last chapter. Most of you didnt enjoy the cliff-hanger, lol.  
> Take the medical speak with a grain of salt, lol. I'm not a doctor ;P  
> And, just assume that in a world where people can fly and shoot lasers from their eyes, that the tech speak works as well. :p
> 
> Thank you for the Kudos and Comments. I'll see you on the next chapter.


	18. Chapter 18

Lena came around slowly, heralded into awareness by the steady beep, beep, beep of a heart monitor. The first thing she was aware of was pain. Agony lacing her breaths stabbing her with every inhale.

She let out a groan, weak and rasping, and winced at the pain that ripped up her throat. A whine built in her chest as she squirmed on the bed, feeling the lethargy in her body as she was roused.

The lights were bright as she tried to open her eyes and she grimaced into the light. What the hell happened? Where was she?

A pinching at her arm made her raise it and she grunted at the sight of the IV line and tried to look around.

She was in large room, white and sterile, with medical equipment to her left and she stared at it a moment, mouth full of cotton and brain fuzzy.

EMCO, her brain provided for her after a long moment and she closed her eyes. Wonderful.

Her memory was coming back to her now. Kara’s interview, her feeling so much empathy and love for the incredible woman Kara was, and then there was pain, and hot liquid, blood, then there was choking and then nothing.

Oops.

Clearly her feelings for Kara, the burst of love and awe she felt for her, had torn her lungs to pieces. Rather, the flowers in her chest had.

Ow.

She rolled her head to the side and froze.

A familiar figure was sleeping upright in chair Lena recognised from the DEO breakroom.

“Mum?”

Her voice was raspy and weak and there was tickle at her throat the moment she spoke, itching and raw.

Still, Lillian heard her and stirred, blinking away vestiges of sleep and it took her a few moments until she realised where she was and look over at Lena.

Lena wasn’t sure what to think. She hadn’t seen her mother in months and had only spoken with her when she warned her that someone was trying to frame her for killing Lex, and yet, here she was. Her clothing was rumpled and creased as though she had slept in it, and there was a slight smudge to her eyeliner that suggested she’d been there a while.

“Mum?” She rasped out again and winced, closing her eyes as the burning in her chest ripped out a series of coughs, and she nearly doubled over in pain, trying to curl into a ball through the needles and tubes.

A whine rose in her throat, a whimper as she didn’t have the breath for a scream.

A hand was placed on her shoulder, warm and surprising and when her coughing fit subsided, and her eyes were wet with pain, she blinked up at her mother. Her breaths were shallow as she tried to get oxygen into her lungs while trying not to aggravate what she suspected was some broken ribs.

“Here,” Lillian’s voice wasn’t gentle or soft as she handed her a cup with ice-chips in it, and Lena was thankful for it.

The cold was a relief, as was the water, as it slid down her throat and she closed her eyes, taking a moderate breath and wincing, trying to test her limits.

“Why are you here?”

Lillian ignored her and took a tablet off the table next to her.

“Dr Hamilton removed the flowers and stitched your lungs back together. In the process you flatlined, a broken rib punctured your lungs and started to leak air into your chest cavity.”

Lena fought the urge to rub her chest in sympathy. It felt as though a pony had done a tap dance on it, in steel shoes.

“Agent Danvers was able to revive you and get you into surgery. You’ve been out for six days and they’ll keep you on the ECMO for a while longer.”

Lena silently processed her injuries and had to admit that she was surprised to be alive, she had honestly thought that she’d drawn her last breath, but at least Kara had been the last thing she had seen.

“Why are you here?” She repeated after a long while and frowned over at her mother.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy to see her mother, she was just…confused…. Lillian had never truly been on her side, ever, and only ever came to her rescue to use her, so she was wondering what angle she was playing.

“You coughed up blood on National television. I had to come and make sure you weren’t about to die,” Lillian said, lifting her chin but avoiding looking at her daughter and Lena’s lips parted in shock.

Lillian was here to … make sure she was okay?! What was the world coming to?!

“I.. I’m fine,” she swallowed and reached for another ice-chip. Her head hurt, her chest hurt. Everything hurt. She’d like some comfort, but knew she’d never find it from her mother. She never had, and she never would.

But…

She was here…. Here in the DEO, probably, and she must have crawled out of whatever hole she’d been hiding in since Lex had died.

“Do you… did they find anything… odd?” She hedged, fingers curling nervously on the bedsheets and saw her mother’s expression change.

“Hanahaki,” Lillian whispered harshly, voice cold and rife with disappointment. “You silly girl!”

Lena felt exhausted and weak as tears leaked from her eyes, she was tired and in pain and she wanted support, not to feel diminished like only her mother could make her feel.

“Mum…”

“Who is it?” Lillian asked, eyes narrowed, and she dropped the tablet on the desk, folding her arms and resting one leg on the other.

Lena looked away, feeling small and young, almost like she was eight years old and had disappointed Lillian again, even though she hadn’t been able to meet the expectations laid upon her.

“I- it doesn’t matter,” Lena whispered, unable to meet her mother’s gaze. If she could sink into her bed she would have.

She’d never felt ashamed of her feelings for Kara, would never feel ashamed for them, but that didn’t mean her mother made her feel like she should feel ashamed for them.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t understand where her mother was coming from. Loving someone so much that it was killing you was pathetic by Luthor standards, and she was surprised Lillian didn’t have a jibe for how she wasn’t really a ‘Luthor.’ But that didn’t mean she couldn’t stop. The heart wanted what the heart wanted, and hers wanted Kara.

She glanced back at her mother, to see her cold eyes watching her with a fierce light, and then looked away again.

“Oh!” The door opened and a familiar figure was there. “You’re awake!” Dr Hamilton was smiling as she moved towards the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“How long as she been awake?” This was directed to her mother.

“About three minutes.”

Hamilton frowned but her mother was unruffled, and it took more than an angry doctor to shake her mother.

“Thirsty. Sore.” Lena rasped out and Linda smiled down at her.

“Well, I’m just glad you’re awake. And I know some people who’ll be thrilled to see you.” The doctor ran through a few checks and her mother was quiet while she answered, and soon Lena was being helped up to the bathroom.

When she came back, her mother wasn’t there, and her chest ached but then brightened because there was a group of people hovering by her bed.

Kara, Alex, Sam, and Ruby.

“Aunt Lena!”

Ruby darted up to her, and Lena instinctively recoiled, but the teenager halted before she reached her and hesitantly lifted her arms. She was angling for a hug and Lena couldn’t refuse, so she gently leant forward and wrapped her arms around her.

Ruby was painful gentle, probably having been warned by Sam (who was looking nervous about how tight her daughter was holding Lena) but Lena pulled away first.

Dr Hamilton patted her shoulder, telling her she’d come back later to check on her and left the friends alone.

“Are you okay?”

“I have a few broken ribs and this machine,” she directed Ruby’s attention to the EMCO trailing along behind her, “is keeping me alive.”

Ruby pouted. “That wasn’t an answer.”

Lena could have laughed, even though Sam let out a chastising, “Ruby!”

“No,” Lena had to agree, and she continued to shuffle towards the bed. Her body hurt and she was exhausted. She also needed a shower but knew she probably wasn’t getting one just yet.

“Hey,” Sam said as she met Lena before the bed and Lena rested her head against her friend as Sam hugged her.

“You had me worried,” and her inhale was shaky, embrace firm, and when Lena pulled away there were tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Lena murmured, heart clenching at the pain in her friend’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Sam pulled back a little, cupping her cheeks and leant forward to kiss her on the forehead. Lena allowed the affection, welcomed it even. It was nice to have after being in so much pain.

Kara hesitated at the door, took a partial step forward and then faltered. It was a little awkward, but Alex stepped forward with a smile.

“Glad to see you up and about,” Alex said, squeezing her shoulder, and then holding out her sheets as Lena sat on the bed. It wasn’t cold in the room, but she wanted to get under the blankets, hide the damage to her body from her friends, even though they knew, even though the tubes and machines keeping her alive were _right_ _there_.

Fighting back a yawn she let her eyes roll over the women around her bed. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

“Of course,” Sam smiled at her sadly and Lena wriggled her fingers in a ‘come here’ gesture. “We’ve been here as often as we can,” she said as she took Lena’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“How’s-?”

“LCorp is still floating,” Sam cut her off with a little warning smile. “And no, you are not getting any details until you’re better.”

Lena tried to frown but the tightening of her eyes tricked her brain into thinking that she was going to sleep, and she yawned in response.

“We should let you get some rest,” Sam squeezed her hand once more, leaning over the bed to kiss her on the head.

“You fucking scared me, you idiot,” she breathed in a harsh whisper into Lena’s hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Sam turned to Ruby. “Come say goodbye, we might be able to come and see Lena tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Ruby shuffled towards the bed and was very careful as she gave Lena a hug, though her eyes were on the monitors around her.

“Get better soon, Aunt Lena.” Her voice was quiet, scared, but there was a hint of anger to it too, and Lena knew she’d probably have to talk to Ruby about her lie by omission.

Lena smiled at the teenager, innocent but strong and made a mental note to speak to Sam properly about the amount of money she was planning on leaving Ruby once she died. Sam would oversee it, of course, but they should probably talk about it. It was just another of the things she needed to do.

“You’ll be pleased to know,” Alex said and moved around the bed. “Lena Luthor was cleared of all suspicion of murdering her brother, though the investigation into his death is on-going. I’ve requested the firearm returned to you, but we’re just waiting on the paperwork.”

“Thank you,” Lena looked up at Alex through tired eyes.

“Yeah, well. You died on me so…. I wanted to get you a welcome back gift,” Alex’s expression soured for a minute. “What would the media think if they found out I put my lips on yours?”

Lena was confused a moment. Huh?

“I had to perform CPR when Kara brought you here.”

Lena glanced over at Kara, who waved at her awkwardly and then sheepishly lowered her hand with a grimace.

“What would Kelly think?” Lena rasped out in a tease, now following, and finding the situation a little amusing.

Alex chuckled. “I’ll come in and see you before my shift ends.”

Lena nodded and her eyes tracked Alex as she left, walking past Kara.

She was in her civilian clothing, jeans and a blouse with her hair up in a twist.

“I uhm, I came in with Sam and Ruby so…..” she shuffled closer to the bed, looking as though she might bolt if Lena moved, which was odd considering Lena was the one who had died.

“I understand,” Lena rasped out, and she couldn’t remember much of her ‘death’. Honestly it was just flashes of memory, all jumbled, but she knew that Kara had saved her. “Thank you for saving me.”

Kara bobbed her head quickly, looking a little bit like one of those car bobble head figures that she was fairly sure Michael had on the dash of the Benz.

“Of course. Always.”

They were quiet a few moments, the silence punctuated by the beeping of her heart monitor. Kara was uncharacteristically nervous, fingers ringing and shifting on her feet.

“So, um, why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

She spoke quickly, blushing as she got the words out and lifting her hand to toy with her glasses before ripping them both behind her back.

“I didn’t think you needed to know,” Lena replied, already dreading the conversation. She was not about to tell Kara she was in love with her, no thank you!

“Lena! You’re dying! I deserved to-“

“Deserved?!” And Lena didn’t yell, didn’t raise her voice, she didn’t need to. Her words came out in a raspy croak, not the dangerous growl she was looking for on account of her broken body, but Kara froze nonetheless.

“Deserved?” She repeated and she tried to shimmy upright, wincing as her body protested and her arms shook. Kara, seeing her distress, stepped forward to help but Lena’s glare drove her back.

She didn’t want to be so vulnerable, looking up at Kara, especially when she was weak and injured, but circumstances left her with no choice.

“What part of our friendship made you think you deserved to know I’m sick? The part where you were open about who you were, what you could do? The part where I was welcomed, openly, and without bigotry into your life? The part where you told me you were Supergirl? Or how about when you came to me as two separate people and played them off each other?”

“I thought we moved past that?!” Anger was flaring in Kara’s eyes, and it was a beautiful thing. Like watching a storm on the horizon, power gathering and rolling across the landscape with flashes of light and cracks of energy. Normally an angry Kara was beautiful, but that anger had never really been directed at her, and she decided she didn’t like it.

“Just because I forgive you doesn’t make it hurt less! Just because we are friends doesn’t mean you deserve to know everything about me!”

“You _died_ , Lena!” Kara shouted, voice cracking and there were tears in her eyes. “You died in my arms, and there was nothing I could do!” And there wasn’t really a Super-Secret Identity in the DEO, it was a mood souring thought.

And she hadn’t thought about how it would look to outsiders, to other people watching her inevitable death, and felt the stirrings of guilt in her chest.

No, she shook her head. She had nothing to feel guilty about. Kara didn’t deserve to know she was sick. Who Lena shared details of her life with was up to her, and Kara was hypercritical to judge her for it, and to get angry.

“I’ve been sick for months, Kara,” Lena said softly, pinching her nose and swallowing her anger. She didn’t want to be angry, she really didn’t. She wanted to spend the rest of her time happy, not angry.

“I found out when we weren’t talking, and I certainly wasn’t about to tell you then.”

“Alex-“

“Your sister knows because she saw me one day and refused to let it go. Eliza came in to help.”

Kara glared, pouted, and sat with a slump in the chair Lillian had recently occupied.

“I’m sorry… I… I lost you… and I only just got you back… you know I don’t do well with change…. And loss….” Kara was speaking to her hands, voice low, but Lena heard every word and she hesitated before waving her fingers in Kara’s direction.

There was a blur of movement, a burst of air across her face, and then Kara was sitting right next to the bed, hesitantly reaching out to take Lena’s fingers in her own. The smile as she did so, when Lena didn’t pull away, was relieved and pained in turns.

“What’s wrong with you?” She hesitated a moment. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but I wanted you to know that I’m here for you….”

“So… you didn’t use your Super abilities to access my medical records or eavesdrop?” Lena enquired, brow frowning slightly. She couldn’t picture Kara keeping her nose out of it, and was pleasantly surprised, until a tell-tale blush dusted Kara’s cheeks.

Lena tried to pull her hand away, but Kara chased her fingers and clasped them again.

“You died in my arms, Lena,” she said slowly, softly, and her words were powerful even as her voice wasn’t. “There was nothing I could do to stop it. I didn’t know what was wrong. You flatlined on the bed seconds after I put you down, and Alex tells me you crashed twice in surgery as well. I had to know- not because you think that I have a- have a-“ she paused and waved her other hand around, trying to find the right words.

“Secrets destroyed Krypton,” she said finally, grimacing and there was a familiar pain in her eyes. “And I know it is hypercritical of me to keep my own, but you nearly died because of yours…. And Eliza and Alex and Dr Hamilton knew…. Even Jess and Sam knew! And…. There wasn’t anything I could do about it. I needed to know so… so I wasn’t picking out flower arrangements at your funeral.” And her voice was chocked and weak as she finished and her exhale was shaky. _I needed to know so I could prepare myself_. Were the words unspoken.

“I confronted Alex and Eliza, and I might have yelled a little at Sam too,” and she looked a little sheepish at the last confession, and Lena could picture her furious best friend clashing with her eldest friend until Sam thoroughly put Kara in her place. Still, the conversation with Alex and Eliza would have been one to shake the walls she was certain, and she wasn’t sorry she had missed it.

“They…. Made some things pretty clear and I-” she cut herself off with a sigh and looked away, fingers absently stroking Lena’s. “You’re my best friend, and you died in my arms. And I know I didn’t have the right to know, or to eavesdrop, but I didn’t do it with the intention of hurting you. I never wanted, _want_ , to see you hurt, let alone be the one doing the hurting….its seems its all I’m doing to you lately….”

Lena gave another tug on her hand, unable to hold the hand of the woman she loved and had literally died for when she had no intention of telling her that she was the one Lena was in love with.

Kara reluctantly let her pull away, pouting and turning her fingers up, making Lena drag her palm across the top of them. It was oddly intimate, and she shivered at the sensation, curling her hands onto the sheets to try and comfort herself.

“So, you know,” Lena turned away from Kara, staring down at the rise in the bed where her toes were. What kind of research had Kara done? What had Eliza and Alex told her once she’d screamed her fury to the stars?

“Hanahaki Disease, or at least, that’s the closest to it that you’ve found,” Kara replied softly, and from the corner of her eyes Lena could see she was frowning at her hands.

Lena gave a little nod, dreading the next question, which to her surprise didn’t come, and she slowly turned to look at Kara.

Her best friend had a determined expression on her face, a mixture of Kara and Supergirl paralysing her with the fierceness of her expression.

“You have to tell him,” she said suddenly, giving a little, certain nod. “And… and if he doesn’t love you, which why wouldn’t he, we can get him to fall in love with you.”

And, of course Kara had no idea. How was it that no one believed it wasn’t James? There was some security in having dated men, but Lena had admitted to all of them, and then to Kara, that yes she had an interest in women, so why she didn’t consider herself an option was curious. But then Lena realised, Kara was so firmly against being in love with Lena that it never occurred to her that Lena could be in love with her. Lena let out a shaky exhale in relief, glad to avoid that humiliation. She didn’t want rejection, or worse, pity.

“No, Kara. I’ve made my peace with this, with what’s going to happen to me.”

Kara clicked her mouth shut with an audible pop and her expression sharpened into a glare, but someone, probably Eliza, had likely had a conversation with her about who it was (nt) and that Lena wasn’t going to tell them she was in love with them. Lena was thankful, but didn’t appreciate being talked about behind her back by people she respected and trusted.

“You’re being stupid,” Kara grit out and her hands were fists on her knees, probably to keep her from breaking the chair in her anger. And there was familiar anger there, anger that told of conversations had in the past, and Lena wondered just what had been said between Kara and others while she was out of it. It would be an interesting insight, and she made a mental note to ask Alex when she saw her next.

“My life is my own, Kara,” Lena retorted, the sharp words escaping her lips in a grunt and she winced and braced herself for a coughing fit.

Her body jolted and she gasped, ripping air into her wounded lungs which set of another round of coughing and the agony lacing through her chest was beyond anything she’d ever experienced before. She couldn’t fight the wail she released and knew tears were leaking from her eyes. Kara was standing, a soothing hand on her head and the ice-chips in another hand.

“Shhhhsh, Lena,” she cooed, and Lena listened to her voice, calming even as it was laced with panic, and tried to measure her breaths better.

Exhausted she slumped back on the bed and blinked up at Kara through moist eyes. She was utterly miserable, but Kara still looked like an angel.

“I’ll let you rest up,” she said and she hesitated a moment before reaching out with her hand and gently, ever so gently, touching Lena’s cheek with the tip of her fingers.

“Get some rest,” and then she was gone, leaving Lena alone with her thoughts, like she always seemed to be, but this time there was the lingering imprint of warmth and her cheek, and she smiled as she reached up to touch it.

~*~

“How are you feeling?”

And those four words were starting to get old, Lena thought as she nodded at Alex, who she knew was just checking up on her, but she wasn’t dy-well, she was dying, but not just yet, so they could all stop hovering. She was fine. Her broken ribs were healing nicely and her lungs were clear and she hadn’t had another coughing episode in nearly the two weeks she’d been stuck at the DEO. She was sleeping eight hours a day, wasn’t allowed to work, and had some of the best painkillers she’d ever had on hand. She was fine.

“Fine,” she gave a little nod at a few agents who smiled at her in greeting as they walked past her.

“Well, I’m glad,” Alex replied and finally turned from her tablet to smile winningly at her. “If Dr Hamilton allows it, we can send you home- on _bed rest_ ,” she emphasized and Lena rolled her eyes.

“I’m not that much of a workaholic.”

“Yes, you are.”

The voice that joined Alex made Lena stiffen and Alex glare. Lena took a measured breath and turned to look at her mother.

“Mother….. what can I do for you?”

Lillian was holding a very familiar revolver in her hands and Lena’s heart leapt. Her father’s revolver.

“I’d like a word,” Lillian said, ignoring Lena’s hand which had reached for it. Slightly stung, and feeling chastised, she followed after her mother obediently through the DEO until they came to the entrance.

Lillian didn’t head outside, and instead, ignoring the eyes on her, and the hands on holsters, strode up the stairs, Lena following her like a puppy.

She’d been walking around for a few days, still struggling with quick paces and couldn’t be upright for too long without support, but she was mostly free to go where she wanted. She’d had her ECMO removed the day prior, and so far her lungs were holding steady. When she was lying down she had an oxygen tank connected to her, just to help, but she refused to show more of her weakness to anyone, so she walked out without it. It had been against all medical advice, but she didn’t care.

The entire DEO, and the world, thanks to CatCo, now knew she was sick without having to parade about with an oxygen tank. She was already thinking up new ideas to replace the nasal cannula, probably with some form of face mask which would negate the need for her to have an oxygen tank trailing around after her.

She longed to go home to her own bed, but Dr Hamilton had forbidden it, and Lena wasn’t in any position to argue with the doctor. Plus, both Danvers sisters had looked instinctively frightened when she had threatened Lena with tying her to the bed if tried to leave before it was safe to do so, and Lena had a feeling she’d be good for her threat, and that no one would argue with her. It had been odd seeing Kara, in her suit this time, and without the blood on it, taking a step back from the very human doctor.

It had been nice, almost like having a proper family. Sam and Ruby had been by every day after work with Sam giving her brief updates on LCorp which didn’t tell her anything important.

She’d managed to liaison with her CatCo team and clarify a few things, as well as express her displeasure that they hadn’t cut the recording the moment Supergirl flew her away. Having her death broadcasted on national and then international media coverage had been…. Unpleasant, though her well-paid PR teams were handling that for her… as well as her lawyers.

Eliza was with her everyday, sometimes leaving to teach and sometimes staying on with Alex in the laboratory, and they would both see her on their arrival and exit. Kara, though, Kara had been by every night, and Lena was pretty sure the blonde was sleeping on a bed on the opposite side of the room, though couldn’t properly confirm her theory.

The first night had been after their massive argument, or at least that was what Lena suspected. Truthfully, the fight had hurt her, emotionally and physically, and she’d needed to rest for a long time afterwards. Kara hadn’t been able to apologise, likely frightened away by Dr Hamilton’s imposing shadow, but a brown paper-bag from her favourite bakery in Paris had appeared on her bedside table the next day.

She wasn’t able to eat them at first, and when she did, she only stomached a few bites, but the apology presents continued.

At first she had been angry, thinking Kara was trying to bribe her, and had thrown them away in a fit of anger. But she wasn’t one to waste food, and instead had told her guests, usually Sam and Ruby, to eat them instead. Somehow the message must have been passed on because the food stopped. Instead a large and fluffy bear had appeared the next day. It came with a little note and Lena had read it with shaking hands.

_Lena,_

_I’m sorry we fought. I don’t want to lose my best friend. I won’t mention it again. I’ll respect your wishes. I’m sorry._

_Love Kara_

Lena had sighed, kept the note, and when Alex came in that night, had told her to thank Kara for the bear, that she didn’t want to fight anymore, and told her to come back and see her.

Kara hadn’t been in that night, or at least Lena hadn’t seen her. But she suspected that was the first time Kara had spent the night.

It was a gut feeling she had. Coupled with the Noonan’s recyclable cups in the trash, and the lingering scent that seemed to speak ‘Kara’, and well, once or twice she was fairly certain she’d heard someone lower something into the room and settle onto a bed. She didn’t mind, not after they had hesitantly spoken after the teddy-bear delivery, but she would like to talk to her sometimes, words came easier in the dark. Lena talked, but Kara never replied, and so sometimes she wondered if she was there at all.

Seeing as Kara seemed to be, not avoiding her per say, but she hadn’t been to visit her as much as she would have thought. In her head the image of ‘Kara’ would spend almost 24/7 with her, almost mollycoddling to get the humans she cared about better faster. Eager to please, eager to do anything that could help make it better. She still offered! She brought books and movies and puzzles, but she didn’t hang around after, even though Lena was pretty sure that she didn’t have an emergency to go to. The air between them was still a little awkward, but she wasn’t quite sure how to break it.

Part of her was thankful Kara wasn’t hovering over her shoulder because it meant she didn’t fall more in love with her, but the other part of her was hurt that Kara seemed to be giving up on their friendship without a fight. It was strange, if Kara was spending the night with her, to keep her company, then why was she avoiding her during the day? Maybe watching her die was hard? Especially when she wanted to fix it so badly. Plus, sometimes she would just stare at Lena and then she’d look panicked, clear her lungs, bid a hasty farewell, and then bolt. It was all very strange.

Lena was planning on talking to her about it, properly, when she was discharged. They needed to clear the air, and well, she was finally willing to be blunt. She wanted her friend back, for just a little while longer.

Lena’s lungs strained a little at the incline of the stairs, but soon she was stepping through sliding doors behind her mother, aware of the DEO eyes on them.

The weather was starting to crisp and the blast of cold air that hit her frame had her wishing the sweater was a little warmer. But she refused to show weakness, even when her lungs burnt at the chill of the air and moved to the railing and faced her mother.

Lillian was looking out over National City from the balcony of the DEO that the flyers liked to use as their doorway.

After a moment she looked down at the gun in her hands and Lena had the morbid thought that maybe her mother was finally going to kill her. It wasn’t comforting. And it was confusing, because Lillian had been-well, not with her every day, but she’d been by once or twice since Lena had woken up, usually with a quip about the company Lena was keeping, but always with a sharp eye over her medical charts. Sometimes she brought her food, and once she brought her clothing, throwing it aside as though it had been a careless thought, even though it was designer, was warm and soft and in Lena’s size.

It was like Lillian was trying to show she cared, but didn’t know how to. The two had had a few conversations, never about Lena’s illness or Lex or aliens, but about business rivals and gossip, trivial things that she was certain that mothers and daughters discussed. Lillian would always leave stiffly, claiming that being around all the aliens and alien lovers was bad for the brand, but she always came back.

Part of her was hopeful that seeing Lena dying on National television had brought her mother around, but experience had left her sceptical. Still, she was left feeling lost and confused after every visit from her mother, even though the scathing comments had been kept to a minimum and they had been mostly civil. Lillian hadn’t apologised, she’d never, but the ‘I was wrong about you. You really are a Luthor,’ had been as close to one as she would ever get.

“Its an odd thing, isn’t it, to take a life?”

Lena swallowed and balled her hands into fists as Lillian looked back out over the city again.

“I’ve had people die in theatre, but I’ve never taken a life.”

“A human one,” Lena cut across, wanting to point out that her mother had certainly killed aliens.

Lillian acknowledged the comment with a nod, but without the usual reply of ‘aliens aren’t people’ which Lena was expecting, and did throw her off, but she had a feeling Lillian was on her best behaviour for some reason.

“I would have killed Edge for you.”

“Murder isn’t the only way, Mother,” Lena said with a sigh, rolling her eyes but she was wondering what her mother was getting at. Did she…. Did she know? The way she was holding the firearm in her hand certainly suggested it and Lena gulped.

“No. But it is a certainty. Death, that is. We humans are all so small and insignificant… only a few of us will ever achieve greatness, to be exalted above our peers, to lead the world into the future…. And for that vision there must be sacrifices. Lex understood that.”

“The needs of the many outweigh the few, is that it?” Lena rasped, feeling bitterness ignite in her chest. Her mother hadn’t changed, she was still parading her golden boy as the saviour he liked to think of himself as.

Lillian didn’t reply, still staring out over the city. And it was a beautiful day, autumn fading into winter, and the city was lit with colour. Even as smoke and sirens could be seen from one of the alien prominent neighbourhoods that had been torched a few days ago in an act of hatred. She had asked if her mother had been behind it, but Lillian had said no.

It had been an odd conversation, and Lena had to defend her own mother, stating that Lillian had never shied away from taking credit for acts of violence and hatred, so why would she now? There had been no proof, but Lillian had smirked at them all and told them to halt their ‘Luthor witch-hunt and do your jobs,’ instead of looking at the two Luthor’s in the room.

“Take the fire in Westown. We do what we must to survive, even if it will take years for the rest of the world to see it.”

“At what cost!” Lena bit back sharply, nails digging into her palms. “Lives were lost!”

“Alien lives. Not human.”

“Does it matter? Really, Mother? After everything?!” And Lillian had been there with Lena in the White House with Lex, determined to end him before he ended them both.

“In war there are casualties,” Lillian commented, as though commenting on the weather. “What of the extinction to follow? Could Earth handle another Daxamite Invasion? We must be proactive.”

And Lena winced and looked away, even though her mother wasn’t accusing her, not like she had, they’d already hashed out Lena’s part in the invasion and how her weakness had led to it.

“Kill before we are killed, isn’t that it? Isn’t that the biological imperative of humanity? Of nature itself?”

And Lena couldn’t deny that, couldn’t deny that some of her own technology was designed to be defensive in nature, to protect from some of the same threats her mother and brother had always spoke of, but Lena wasn’t willing to be aggressive unless there was a proven threat.

Still, the world was debating the subject hotly. Sam had brought her papers to whittle away her time in bed, and she knew that most of the world was open to the idea of aliens only if they had weapons to protect themselves with. The Second Amendment protected American’s and their inclusion typically rested on the ability to fight, and kill, any alien invaders. It was polled, 93% to 4%, with 2% remaining undecided.

Her mother had been smug about that, and the resulting news stories, but hadn’t brought it up again.

“That doesn’t make you right,” Lena retorted and she was starting to get cold out in the chilly air of the Autumn day.

“Maybe. But death certainly puts perspective on things, doesn’t it?”

Lena frowned, glancing at her mother again, feeling as though she were several steps behind, and it was a feeling she was used to, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

“After all, it isn’t every day you hold the weapon that murdered your son.”

Lena froze, staring at her mother in shock. She…knew? Was she going to kill Lena with the same weapon she’d used to kill Lex? Lena had to admit, it was poetic. Her spine tightened, she would not feel guilty for killing Lex, or at least not any more than she already did. Her brother was a monster and deserved to die. Lena had saved countless lives in ending his, she _couldn’t_ regret that.

“It took me a while to figure it out,” she continued as Lena shrunk in on herself, clutching her DEO issued sweater tighter, as though to ward off the chill of her mothers words. “But then I realised, you’d already told me the truth… in your own way.”

She looked down at the revolver in her hands and Lena’s twitched at her side, eager to reclaim the gift from her father. It was _hers_. And Lillian had taken enough from her, she didn’t get to keep that.

“You murdered your own brother.”

“Don’t say that as though you didn’t try to poison him!” Lena hissed back, voice lowered into as much of a disrespectful tone as she could muster. Her mother had always made it hard to argue with her, and now, twenty years later, she still struggled with it. Using sarcasm and scathing retorts that never seemed to phase her mother.

“To save us both. Why did you kill him? To save them?” Her mother finally turned to face her, and her chin was high, eyes blazing with grief and rage.

“They’ll never trust you, never treat you as anything less than a Luthor.”

“And whose fault is that?”

Lillian scoffed, rolling her eyes and Lena’s brief moment of strength faded.

“All I had to do was doctor one little video and they came after you like wolves to a rabbit. You’ll never earn their trust. Sure,” Lillian said, stepping closer and Lena watched as her mother reached out to take one of her hands. Her hand was surprisingly warm, callused and worn, but still well taken care of, a manicure had been in Lillian’s recent past.

“They’ll welcome you in because of what you bring to the table. Your intellect, resources, your need to please. But they’ll never truly let you in,” and now Lena got the feeling she wasn’t talking about the world outside the balcony, but rather the group of people inside the DEO. Kara, Alex, Eliza, James, Brainy, Nia, J’onn, the DEO agents she had worked with and helped.

“They’ll use and abuse you, and you’ll keep running back to them, desperate for the affection they so carefully dole out, but they’ll never truly trust you.”

Lillian took a step forward and Lena stared up at her, confused and lost, heart thumping in her chest.

“You killed your own brother, not out of self-preservation like I would have to protect us both, but to protect people who will _never_ feel the same way about you, who will _never_ protect you, who will _never_ trust you, who will _never_ love you.”

Lena let out a little choked sound, eyes burning with tears she didn’t want to shed in front of her mother. Because what Lillian had said was true, all of it. Everything she had given to the Super-friends behind her, to the city and the world in front of her, she received only hatred and violence in the place of love and compassion. Lena Luthor was already cast, had always been forged into who she was always going to be. A Luthor. The name once said with awe, reverence, and jealousy, now spat with vitriol and disgust, suspicion and hatred. Luthor’s didn’t belong anywhere but in the ground, as some had told her, and to her face at that. When all Lena had wanted to do was help people.

“And you will?” She rasped out, blinking back her tears and fighting the urge to wrap her arms around herself in a defensive position.

“I haven’t always loved you,” Lillian handed her the gun she’d held in her hand, nose lowered to the ground and Lena took it instantly, snatching it back as though Lillian would take it from her.

“But I do love you,” Lillian didn’t smile as she said it, didn’t offer any further comfort, just nodded to her cordially and strode regally towards the exit, back straight.

Heart spinning in her chest Lena watched as the DEO sliding doors opened for her mother and closed behind her.

“Hey.”

Lena hurriedly collected herself, wiping at her eyes and tucking the gun into one of the massive pockets of her sweater.

Kara was in her suit, devoid of blood unlike the last time Lena saw it, and she had three, four, five boxes stacked on one hand, balancing them easily. There was a wary smile on her lips, hesitant but hopeful. She was looking well, she always did. Tension in her chest faded at seeing her.

“Hey,” Lena turned away from the door and faced Kara properly. “Hungry?” She let a hint of teasing enter her voice, staring at the boxes of, donuts, if the logo were to go by.

Kara blushed and hesitantly shuffled her feet. “Yeah um. They’re for Pam. She scary when she gets hungry.”

“And not one of them is for you?”

Kara ducked her head, smiling a little more hopefully, happily. “Well, some of them are.”

Kara made no move to enter the DEO and her hesitance was noticed. Lena tilted her head, waiting for her to speak. She was getting tired now, the pain killers were starting to fade, and she could feel a yawn forming.

“I, um, I couldn’t help but overhear….” Supergirl hedged and winced, looking away with a grimace. “Are you… do you need anything?” She was clearly going to ask if Lena was okay. And the answer was no. No, she was not okay. Her lungs were like swiss cheese, she’d be dead in two months, her entire body hurt, and she’d murdered her brother, and now her mother knew. She certainly wasn’t okay.

“How about one of those donuts?” She leant forward and whispered to Kara, who brightened and looked between Lena and the donuts.

“We won’t tell Pam,” she added with a grin and a wink, which she cursed herself for moments later when Kara blushed and her heart cart-wheeled in her chest.

“I brought extra anyway,” Kara beamed and directed her other arm in a sweeping gesture towards the doors.

“Did you, um, did you want to watch some of The Chase and eat them with me?”

It was the first real offer of something more, something beyond just a ‘do you need anything today?’ or a ‘can I get you anything?’ that had been the sum of most of their conversations as of late. Eliza had told her to be patient, eyes shrewd and Lena hadn’t had the energy to figure out why. But since Kara’s mother had assured her that Kara would come around, that she didn’t know how to be around someone who was dying, and dying slowly, without being able to help, she was lost and confused. Not to mention she was trying to face Lena’s death and the loss of her, on top of all her other losses. It wasn’t fair on either of them, but Kara would come around, if Lena was willing to wait. Lena didn’t voice that she’d wait forever, but somehow she knew that Eliza had caught it.

Lena gave a little nod. Truthfully, she couldn’t think of anything better than spending the rest of her day hiding from the world and eating donuts with Kara and watching the game show. It had been a while since they had properly spent time together, apart from a few minutes here and there (and the nights she was pretty sure Kara was spending in her room) and she missed her, and not just because she was in love with her. Or maybe not entirely. Kara made her heart sing, and she missed how her world seemed to brighten around the blonde.

“Cool! Awesome! That’s great!” Kara bounced behind her as she slowly made her way towards the doors and down the stairs.

Kara zoomed off to deliver her donuts and by the time Lena returned to the medical wing and her room, Kara had placed their donuts on the table. The DEO television, which had mysteriously appeared one day while Lena was getting her tests, a few days into being awake and so very bored, was already queued to play the show.

Lena went to the bathroom and climbed back into the bed, pulling the sheet over her and settling in. Then she paused. In the past, when she and Kara had watched movies or tv, they had ended up cuddling and she could see Kara was a little unsure about her place now, as she stood near the bed and her gaze flicked to the chair and back. She was in civilian clothes now, and the difference between Kara and Supergirl was slowly starting to merge into one, but she still preferred Kara over the suit. She was looking soft and hopeful, and Lena was helpless to resist.

Lena knew it was a bad idea, it had been a bad idea when it had just been a little crush, but she patted the bed next to her. Kara’s responding grin was one of Lena’s favourite smiles on Kara, and she shifted a little to let Kara squeeze onto the bed.

It was a little uncomfortable, especially as she pressed up against the edge of the bed to keep her distance from Kara, but it was worth it. Kara smelt like she always did, and she radiated happiness as she chewed her way though her donuts, eyes on the television, occasionally commenting on an answer. Lena usually got them all right, but she had a photographic memory, so wasn’t really fair competition. Kara always liked to gush about how smart she was though. It always left Lena feeling warm on the inside, and today had been no different.

They had slipped back into routine so easily it was as though they’d never left, even though there was two secrets between them and months of pain. It would scare her, how easily she found this, sitting next to Kara as though nothing had changed. It was easier than talking, talking was still hard but it was getting better! But this, this was routine. Easy. It was like nothing had changed. They were just Kara and Lena, eating junk food and watching people answer questions on television while trying to guess the answers. It was just them….

She wasn’t…. she wasn’t feeling love, or at least not any more than she usually did. Instead she just felt content, satisfied, happy.

The donuts were delicious and though she could only stomach half of one, she thoroughly enjoyed it, and watching the pure bliss on Kara’s face as she ate them, savoured them, was worth it.

Eventually she started to doze, and Kara tidied up their mess, lowering the volume so that they could still hear the television, but it could fade into the background if needed.

Lena was feeling warm and sluggish and when Kara hesitantly climbed back onto the bed, she gravitated towards her, settling against her side happily. It was breaking her own rules, but she was dying, what could anyone do? She was allowed a moments weakness, and seeing as Kara wasn’t complaining, and seemed to crave the closeness as well, she didn’t berate herself.

Kara leant into her presence, nearly folding her body around her own and Lena was content as she rested her head back against the pillow and blearily watched the television.

“I’m sorry I’ve been distant,” Kara’s voice was quiet next to her, the smell of her shampoo lingering a little on the pillow next to Lena. “I was mad and scared and I didn’t handle it well. I didn’t know how to be around you without feeling… so much.”

And it was interesting that finally Kara understood what Lena had felt when she had tried to be friends with Kara again. How did pain and anger dwarf so much love and history? But it had, it had eaten her alive for weeks until something else had started to eat at her, and then she didn’t have time to be so mad and hurt. It was easier to release her anger and pain when she had something else to focus on.

In a way she was glad that she’d gotten sick, because she didn’t know what she would have done if she had been left to wallow in her own agony and anger, didn’t know what she might turn into if she had. Hanahaki had, in a way, saved her. Whether it was her life, reputation, or her sense of self, she wasn’t sure, but it had saved her from a dark path. At least now she had family. She had Sam and Ruby, Alex and Kelly, Eliza, she even had her mother popping in and out, and of course, she had Kara. It was worth it, and she didn’t need to fight dying anymore. She was finally at a place where she was happy, where she felt she belonged, where she was loved.

“I’m still mad, _Rao_ am I still mad, and I still think you need to tell him, but I wont push anymore.” And that had been a conversation that Dr Hamilton had had to interrupt, banishing Kara from Lena’s room because Kara had distressed her so much her heart-rate had passed the safe rate and sent the doctors running. It wasn’t anger that had made her heart race, or not entirely at least, but it had certainly been easier to explain why she was upset when she and Kara had nearly screamed the DEO down with their argument.

Kara, of course, was furious she hadn’t been told about Lena’s sickness, but didn’t have the monopoly on secrets so that was an after thought to their argument. Her main point of contestation, and a fair one, was that Lena was going to die if she didn’t tell James that she loved him.

It had lead to the natural progression of all of Lena’s more redeemable character traits and how ‘he’d be an idiot not to be in love with you too,’ and it had been hard listening to Kara say all these amazing things about her, when she wanted to hear them from her coming from her heart. Lena had shouted back that she wasn’t in love with James and Kara should just let it go because Lena would die before she told the person she was in love with and face their rejection. To which Kara had roared, ‘ you already are!’ and, well, it had progressed from there.

Dr Hamilton had stormed in and added to the screaming, ‘Supergirl! Get out! You’re stressing my patient! ‘ before turning on Lena, ‘And you! Get back into bed! You aren’t healthy enough to enter a shouting match with someone who doesn’t have to breathe as much as you do!’

Cowed, and exhausted, mentally and physically, Lena had been guided to bed while Kara’s anger had faded into concern. Still, the Dr had forbidden Kara from coming in and upsetting Lena. They were past that though, and if they ignored the fight, they could pretend it had never happened and that everything was fine. The teddy-bear sat on the other table in the corner, along with a pile of ‘get well soon’ presents that people had brought her and she liked to look at it and be reminded of the ‘love Kara’ that the note contained. It wasn’t the love that she wanted, but she’d take what she was given.

“If…” Kara faltered and Lena heard her swallow, and her heartbeat was under her ear. “I’ll be here for you, ‘til the end. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.” The arm around her tightened once, gently, though, mindful of her healing ribs.

“Mh,” Lena let out a little hum of acknowledgment. Sleepy and content, the latest dose of pain medication taking the edge off and she was warm and happy, snuggled against Kara staring at the television.

There was movement around her and she gave a little grunt as Kara shifted and the bed started to lower backwards. The lights had been turned off, and the blinds pulled even further. Light was still coming in from the hallway, but it wasn’t enough to rouse her.

“Shhhsssh,” Kara soothed as she settled back into the bed, having moved so fast that Lena’s body didn’t even have to fall before she had returned, and Lena’s body adjusted to the new angle easily. Kara’s body, called steel by most, settled with her, and they had never cuddled before, not like this. Not horizontal on a bed. Kara probably just called it horizontal hugging, the thought made her lips curl, but she was too tired to question their position. Maybe it was intimate, maybe it was innocent. She was to close to sleep to care.

She really shouldn’t be sleeping this much, not when there was work to be done, but Kara was warm and soft and she smelt good.

Sleep was summoning her and she felt safe enough to close her eyes, just for a moment. They felt heavy and keeping them open was a struggle.

“I was so mad that you didn’t tell me, but I know I don’t have a right to be. I just… you’re gonna die, Lena and I can’t-“ her breath caught a moment and Lena stirred, the urge to comfort Kara pulling her back into wakefulness.

Her hand moved across Kara and sought out her hand. Kara linked their fingers and Lena let out a contented sigh.

“I can only watch and be here for you. I hate it.” Kara murmured from somewhere above her and Lena knew it was dangerous, knew it was weak, but part of her longed to be comforted, to be taken care of, for once in her life. She snuggled in closer to Kara’s warmth, and how someone who was bulletproof could be so soft, Lena didn’t know. Kara’s arm settled lightly around her and she gave a little contented sigh as she cautiously began to play with her hair.

“Mh.”

“But I will be here for you. I’ll stay with you for as long as you want me. I won’t bring it up again, unless you do, and I’m here for you however you need, whatever you need. You’re my best friend.”

Lena was fighting sleep and was struggling to focus. Kara was still an angel, even angry with Lena for refusing to cure herself, for letting herself be vulnerable and risk rejection, she was still willing to stay with her. “Mh’kay,” she agreed. Kara’s hand in her hair, lightly scratching her scalp felt heavenly.

There was a clicking sound outside and the door creaked a little as it opened, but Lena was too far gone to register it, but she did register Kara stiffening, and the hand in her hair stopped.

She mumbled in protest and nearly purred when the hand resumed its cautious ministrations.

A moment later and the door closed, and the tension leaked from Kara’s body.

“I love you,” Kara whispered into her hair and there was a faint pressure, lips maybe, before they were gone.

“Love you too,” Lena mumbled, and there was a heavy exhale above her, as though Kara had found her sleepy self’s slurred words charming.

“Sleep, Lena. I’m not going anywhere. Khap :zhao rr _i_ p”

Lena finally let sleep claim her, lulled into painless dreams with warmth and gentle comfort. Kara loved her, and that was all she wanted. English was a stupid language which only had one word for love, all types of it. It was clearly an oversight, and Lena was too asleep to properly register the translation, and maybe if she had, her life would have been easier. Because :zhao wasn’t platonic by any means.

~*~

When she awoke next it was the middle of the night, according to her watch, and she grunted, peering at the fuzzy numbers before dropping her arm in annoyance. She’d slept for… well, at least six hours, and she was annoyed because she was supposed to be going home today.

There was warmth at her side and she tilted her head to see Kara was still with her, sleeping peacefully with her head on a pillow partially stuffed under her head, and Lena had the thought that it had been Alex to put it there and felt a rush of warmth for the two remarkable women she had welcomed into her life.

She was still tired, but her bladder was calling to her, and she hesitantly clambered out of bed, heart tripping when Kara’s arm tightened, and she gave a sleepy protest as Lena exited the bed.

“I’ll be back soon, darling,” Lena reassured, the safety of the night and darkness giving her courage to whisper those words. Kara mumbled something, a sleepy crinkle between her brows and Lena ducked away to use the bathroom. She navigated mostly by dark and soon returned to the bed. Kara had turned partially in her sleep, arms reaching out for the spot Lena had occupied and the crinkle in her eyes had deepened. Lena had the thought that it was because she was looking for her, and couldn’t fight the thought before it formed and her heart twisted in her chest.

She stood there a moment, debating the wisdom of returning to Kara’s embrace when the woman grumbled out a sleepy demand. “Come back to bed.”

And Lena was helpless to resit how adorable Kara sounded, voice thick with sleep and with a petulant pout, and Kara was warm as she wrapped back around her, gently pulling her close, though mindful of her injuries.

Lena let out a content sigh as Kara buried her nose back into her hair with a happy hum, and knew that this was it. This was what she wanted for the rest of her life, even if it wasn’t going to be much longer.

When she awoke again it was morning and Kara was gone. Her body was stiff and sore from where she’d been lying for so long, but it was easy enough to ignore.

“Good. You’re awake.”

Lena flicked her eyes over at the chair her mother had claimed to find Lillian sitting there with a tablet and a coffee, with a rolled up paper next to it.

As Lena stirred awake Lillian removed her glasses and slid the tablet into her bag.

“Mother. You came back.”

Lena was a little surprised and hoped to any god that could be listening that her mother hadn’t seen her and Kara cuddling on the bed, she didn’t want to listen to another rant…. Though to be fair her mother had been silent on those recently.

“I’m heading out today, and thought I’d say goodbye.” She tossed the paper onto Lena’s lap as she gingerly forced her body upright. Being vulnerable around Kara and her friends was one thing, being vulnerable around her mother was another thing entirely.

“Where are you going?” Maybe her mother could tell her what her next plans for CADMUS were, or even where she had been. Her mother probably only had other xenophobes and Lena, so maybe they could, I dunno, skype weekly or something. It had been strange having her mother around, weird that she was sticking around just for Lena, and it left her feeling confused but hopeful, the traitorous organ in her chest wistfully hoping she finally had her mothers love. Her brain knew it to be false, but her heart ruled her head.

“I’m not going to tell you my plans,” Lillian comment with mild reproach and Lena slunk back in the bed, the words hitting perhaps harder than intended. “There is still a war to fight.”

“There doesn’t have to be,” Lena tried. And she’d had variants of this conversation for years and always seemed to come out overcome, but she had to try.

“Yes, there does,” Lillian shouldered her bag and picked up her coat.

“They aren’t all bad,” Lena offered once more, defeated, and it had always been the last thing she said to her mother or brother. Not the best of arguments, but one based on emotion than logic.

Lillian stepped closer to the bed and Lena gazed up at her, and her mother towered over her, especially in her heels.

“In war there are casualties,” she echoed from their conversation on the balcony, and there was…. There wasn’t warmth in her eyes when she gazed down at Lena, but there was an absence of coldness. “But… I don’t want you to be one.”

Lena’s heart twisted in her chest at that confession, as good as she would ever get to Lillian admitting she cared about her.

“Then stay!” She said abruptly, sitting up further and then recoiling in pain as her body protested and she grunted and tried to curl into her side.

It took a moment for the flare of pain to subside and when it did, she was left panting and feeling grotty.

“And watch my daughter die?”

Lena blinked up at her and Lillian let out a sigh as she started to pull the blankets back up and adjusted the pillow under her head, helping her upright. Bemused Lena allowed it. Her mother didn’t look her in the eye as she helped her get settled, and her bed manner was professional and curt, but servants had always tended to Lena, never her mother. Mother had always soothed Lex’s fevers though, brought him soup- not that she had cooked it - and sat with him when he was sick.

Feeling distinctly out of sorts Lena could only stare at her mother in confusion. Lillian didn’t meet her eyes.

“You’ll be dead by December, you have, maybe, five weeks,” her mother told her coolly, as though reading out the weather and Lena looked away, fiddling with her hands on the top of the sheets. “I can’t stay, I won’t stay and watch it happen, especially when there is a cure.”

“Mother,” she whispered. Hearing the words hurt. She had thought that maybe Lillian would at least stay with her as she died, if only to offer uncomplimentary comments on how she was handling it, and how LCorp fell apart, or maybe even her friendship with Kara, Alex and Sam.

She would have stayed for Lex, a small part of her protested and she fought the urge to fold her arms over her chest. Only Lex could get away with being petulant, and the thought hurt before she remembered he was dead and then it hurt more, and then she felt guilty.

Balling her fists she closed her eyes, turning away from the conversation.

“Thank you for staying,” she whispered, and she was thankful. It had been nice, if not a little confusing and sometimes stressful. She’d hoped that maybe now that all they had was each other that her mother might come around, but obviously not.

“Well,” Lillian said and Lena’s eyes flickered open. Her mother brushed creases from her clothing and laid her jacket over her arm, slinging her handbag back into place. “Let’s not wait until you’re dead before we talk again.”

She looked uncomfortable at the thought, of staying with Lena while she was sick and Lena wasn’t sure what to feel. Did she not want to waste her time with Lena as she died? Or was it something else, and her heart twirled hopefully that it was Lillian not wanting to watch her daughter die that drove her away. It was a nice thought. Dreams were free.

“Thank you,” Lena whispered, and Lillian jerked her head in an uncomfortable nod as she reached the door.

“You should tell her,” were Lillian’s parting words and the stiff way she spoke them said she didn’t really believe it, but she had said it regardless. “She feels the same.”

Lena blinked owlishly after her mother, watching as her back vanished between the doors and down the corridor until Lena was left staring at the shut doors. Huh?

Had…. Had that just happened?

Her mind was firing. Her mother knew what Lena had, that much was obvious as she had berated her earlier in the week for being so foolish as to fall in love. But Lena was a helpless romantic and her heart ruled her head, so she wasn’t sure why Lillian was surprised.

She would have done her research on Hanahaki, and Lena had shared what she knew with her mother because Lillian was brilliant when she wasn’t trying to kill all aliens on earth or frame her daughter. Lillian had been intrigued, most people were, but had come to the same conclusions that Lena, Alex, Eliza, and Dr Hamilton had. Lena had no hope of living, especially now. Her lungs were almost torn to shreds and she wouldn’t survive another growth spurt. To her surprise Lillian hadn’t even enquired about who it was Lena was in love with, but… a mother always knew, or at least her mother seemed to. The disgust Lillian had for her was magnified in knowing that Lena was in love with Kara.

And she was telling Lena she should tell Kara, which no. That wasn’t about to happen.

And Kara didn’t feel the same. Lena had no idea where her mother had gotten that idea.

Besides, even if Lillian did know, there was no way she’d encourage Lena to go for it, would she?

~*~

Kara bent over the vanity, mindful of her strength as she coughed and spluttered, and she tore her contorted expression from the mirror and over the sink. It was awful. Her lungs were burning and straining and desperate for air, which was stupid because she didn’t actually need air all that much, and here she was choking.

There was movement at the door, and she tried to rasp out a warning, ordering whoever it was to stay away, but her words were lost in a coughing fit.

The door opened anyway, and what was it with the DEO building and the creaky hinges? She resolved to get some CRC and do all of the hinges, especially the ones to Lena’s room.

“Kara?” Eliza’s voice was curios and then came again, panic entering her tone. “Kara?!”

Eliza settled in at her side with a whiff of perfume and carefully held Kara’s hair back as something caught at the back of her throat and she tried to expel it. It was worse than the time Alex dared her to stuff as many pot stickers into her mouth as she could, she’d managed eight and ended up blocking her entire oesophagus, but learnt that she didn’t need to breathe as much as humans did, so that was a bonus.

Something was trying to force its way out of her, and it hurt, and it shouldn’t hurt. She was confused and scared and panicking, but Eliza’s hand on her back was soothing. It guided her enough to cough and splutter and spit out the foreign object into her hands.

She took a moment to breathe, eyes closed and then looked over at her foster mother, tears in her eyes.

“Oh, _honey_ ,” Eliza said softly, voice layered with pity. And Kara looked back at the flower in her hand, the one she’d just coughed up. It was a plumeria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....Oops? Another cliffhanger? Sorry!
> 
> Also... wasnt entirely happy with this chapter but.....eh. Also, I'm researching (read: watching the Clone Wars) for my SW AU fic :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the song at the end of this chapter is called So Close, and is THE song of the Enchanted SoundTrack. Listen to it. It is perfect :D   
> And lets assume the CATCO mics had the range needed.

Lena was dreading this conversation and from the cautious way Sam was looking between her and Ruby, she knew Sam was worried too.

It had been two days since she’d been released from the DEO and sleeping in her own bed was an absolute blessing. The DEO might have a Black Ops budget, but federal accountancy had nothing on Luthor wealth, and she had missed her bed. She had missed all of her apartment actually, none more so than her cabinet of scotch and her private laboratory.

On her release the DEO had escorted her back to her building, parting the mob of paparazzi with ease in their unmarked SUV’s, and Lena had been thankful that Alex had arranged that for her. She hadn’t been interested in facing the press after being so sick, plus she needed to catch up on what had been happening in her absence before she spoke to anyone.

Her security had taken over from the DEO when she was in the elevator and had assured her that extra measures were in place, so no one snuck up to her floor or was loitering around the lobby. Already a few had been issued with trespass notices, but Lena knew it wouldn’t stop them.

Her apartment looked lived in, it was the first thing she noticed. Sam and Ruby had made themselves at home, as they well should! And bits and pieces that didn’t belong to Lena were scattered here and there. It was…. It was nice to see and she felt warm at the idea.

Sam was at work, keeping LCorp floating, while Ruby had been left at home, with very strict instructions to not go out. Lena didn’t think the girl would complain all that much though. Lena had a massive television, and had all the streaming services one could think of, and judging by the game Ruby was playing when Lena came home, she’d been making the most of it.

She was on the couch, tongue partially peeking between her lips as she moved her controller around and there was a person in armour that she was fighting.

Not wanting to distract her Lena quietly stepped into the kitchen and set about making herself a smoothie. The food at the DEO had been subpar, and she was wanting a smoothie.

As she set about cutting some fruit and vegetables she could hear Ruby cursing at the television, telling someone to ‘shut the fuck up, Lydia!’ Amused by the language, and in no position to discipline the girl, Lena carried on, surprised Ruby hadn’t heard her yet.

She heard her when the blender started and was soon in the kitchen, staring at Lena.

“Hi,” she said quietly and her posture was off. Lena ran her eyes over her to make sure she was okay but couldn’t find anything visibly wrong.

“Hi, Ruby. Are you winning?”

Ruby frowned at her, toying with the bottom of her shirt. “Winning?”

“In your game?” Lena dolled out some of her smoothie. “Did you want some?”

The girl shook her head. “No. Its not that kind of game. I was just in a tower.”

Lena didn’t quiet understand but nodded anyway.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” the girl said, and she was still hovering at a distance, where as usually she was comfortable around her.

Lena nodded, a little bemused, as Ruby nodded at her and then scurried back into the lounge.

Huh.

She got the distinct feeling that Ruby was mad at her, and that feeling only intensified when night came and Sam came home.

Lena had spent the rest of the morning showering, and blitzing the smell of hospital from her, and thoroughly washing her hair. It had been hard. Her ribs hurt whenever she breathed and they ached when she lifted her arms, but she managed. Keeping water from getting into her bandages and cuts had also been a challenge. Then she spent the rest of the day working. She ordered take-out for Ruby, not hungry enough to cook and didn’t want the girl to continue to work her way through her horde of snacks on the couch.

Most of her time was spent in her office, sipping at a glass of scotch to keep her occupied while she read all of her reports. Sam had done a great job, like she had known she would. And though the board had complained a little, especially once Lena’s death had gone viral, her lawyers had kept them in line. Still, Lena had a bit of a mess to clean up, but it was nothing that she hadn’t expected. Ideally CatCo wouldn’t have released the audio of her death to the public, but their viewership had skyrocketed with the soundbite, and while she was annoyed, at least it meant CatCo was doing better.

Still, she would be having some words with her staff. She had nearly died on camera, and had then died on their audio, and they had posted it. Her stocks had taken the hit and she would consider suing if she didn’t own the damn company. It was a mess she was going to let her lawyers and HR teams sort out. It was what she paid them for.

When Sam got home she had carefully hugged her while Ruby looked on, and from the frown Sam had shot at her daughter, who was moody and sullen all night, Ruby was acting oddly. Lena figured it was a teenage thing and left it. But on the second day when Ruby still wasn’t talking to her, except in short, sharp answers, Lena quietly asked Sam what was wrong.

Apparently Ruby was furious that Lena hadn’t told her she was dying and had let her carry on like everything was fine when it wasn’t. The girl had gone to the movies that night with friends from school so they hadn’t had a chance to talk, but this morning they were.

Sam was delaying her arrival to LCorp and Lena had nothing better to do as she had been forbidden from returning to LCorp until the new week, which was a weekend away. With Ruby’s friends at school it left her with her school work and Lena’s entertainment system.

Ruby was working her way through her cereal, some protein biscuit with an athlete on the box and it had turned her milk into chocolate while Sam had a coffee in a travel mug.

Lena was carefully sipping at a soup.

“Ruby. Lena and I would like to talk to you.”

Ruby grunted, glancing up and then returning her attention to her bowl. And maybe it was too early in the morning for the teenager to function, but she was being rude and Sam’s warning ,’Ruby!’ had the girl straightening on instinct.

“You haven’t been treating Lena very nicely, and we’d like to talk about it.”

Lena had little experience with children, and when she was with Ruby, she was usually the cool aunt and Ruby was on her best behaviour because Lena had cool stuff and brought her things. She would let Sam lead this for now, butting in where necessary. She wasn’t quite sure on how to approach the subject anyway.

“Nuthin to talk about,” Ruby grumbled into her bowl and Lena saw Sam’s gaze sharpen.

Ruby glanced up, looking substantially chastened and lowered her head again.

“Ruby,” Lena began, trying to find the words. Be what she had needed, she decided. Talk to her like she had wanted to be spoken to when she was younger.

“Ruby. I know you’re unhappy, and I think it has something to do with me. I’m not sure what I’ve done but-“

“You died,” Ruby cut across, lifting her eyes mutinously from her cereal and she swallowed. “You died on national television.”

Lena grimaced.

“And, and Supergirl was covered in your blood when she came to LCorp for that machine. She said your heart stopped! I heard the recording, okay?” Ruby dropped her spoon into her bowl and sat back with a huff, tears in her eyes and she sniffed.

Lena bit back a growl. That damn recording! It had gone viral within hours, reached millions of views within the day, and by the end of the week Lena was sure that no-one in the world hadn’t heard it. It was humiliating! She felt her cheeks burn at the reminder. She’d died in front of the entire world, and almost helped expose the DEO to the world, because Kara was many things, but subtle wasn’t one of them. People were already speculating about where Kara had taken Lena and why- because no hospital had seen her and Sam had released a statement saying that Lena was alive, critical but stable, at a private facility. She was dreading that discussion with her PR team as well, and had already drafted a few speeches in her head.

“Ruby,” Sam’s voice was gentle as she rounded the table to wrap and arm around her daughter. Ruby leant into the comfort but was still pouting with her arms crossed.

“You’re dying and you never said anything! I had to find out when you died!”

And that was it, wasn’t it. Lena died on national television and there wasn’t anything anyone could do. She had known it was coming and had informed the adults in her life, had told Sam, and had carried on like nothing was wrong. Ruby was angry. Ruby was scared.

Lena let out a sigh and winced before waving off Sam’s concerned look. Ruby was more important than Lena’s momentary discomfort.

“There are certain things that children don’t need to know,” Lena said softly and Ruby glared at her, safely under her mothers arms. Sam couldn’t see her expression but her arm tightened in warning nonetheless.

Lean wasn’t phased. Lillian had looked a hundred times worse on one of her good days.

“There are burdens adults face that they don’t want to give to their children, they don’t want them to worry. It isn’t your job to worry, as much as you might think you can. Your job is to be a child. To play and learn and laugh. Our job,” she pointed at herself as an adult in Ruby’s life. “Is to make sure that happens. The world gets hard soon enough, Ruby. Your mother and I didn’t want to burden you any more, especially after Reign.”

“There was nothing you could have done, Ruby,” Sam said and rested her chin on her daughter’s head, both of her arms around her daughter now as Ruby was crying quietly.

“There isn’t anything anyone can do.”

“We were going to tell you everything when we were sure,” Lena admitted quietly, and Sam looked at her with a brow raised. “I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”

Ruby gave a little sniff and wiped her eyes with her sleeve in a move that would have given Lillian an aneurism had Lena been caught doing it.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I-“ Lena paused and glanced up at Sam who gave a little nod. “I have Hanahaki Disease. I’m sure you’ll go off and Google-“ already the girl had her phone out and was likely searching for answers.

“So who is it?” Ruby asked after a moment of reading and Lena knew she was remembering Alex’s comment at Noonan’s the other week.

“Honey, Lena doesn’t have to-“

“Kara,” Lena replied easily and Sam’s mouth shut with an audible click.

“Kara? Kara-Kara?” Ruby’s expression twisted into thought and then brightened. “Oh my god, that’s so obvious now!”

“Thanks,” Lena muttered wryly as Ruby turned around to look up at Sam.

“They’ve been smitten for each other for ages, didn’t I tell you?”

Ruby turned back to Lena with a big grin. “You can tell her and then everything will be fine!”

Lena’s brain was still turning over the ‘ _didn’t I tell you_?’ and knew she was going to have a little chat to Sam later. She hadn’t been that obvious, had she? What if the group knew? God, what if _Kara_ knew and was just keeping quiet to save Lena the humiliation and maybe spare her life in case the rejection killed her then and there?

“Lena isn’t going to tell Kara,” Sam said and her expression soured. “Even though it’s stupid. And you can’t tell her either,” she added, foreseeing Ruby’s next comment.

“But-“

“No, honey. Lena is trusting you with this and if you have any respect for her, you’ll follow her wishes,” this was punctuated by a mother-daughter glare directed at Lena. She nearly smiled at their identical expressions.

“My reasons for not telling Kara are my own, Ruby,” Lena said gently and pretended she didn’t hear Sam’s muttered, ‘stupid reasons’. “I don’t want you telling her either. Or telling anyone else, okay?”

Ruby was scowling but she understood the privilege she had been given and jerked her head in a nod.

“Ruby?” Sam prompted and the girl huffed out a dramatic sigh.

“Fine. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you,” Lena replied with a small smile. And she really was growing up so fast.

“Sooooo, can I have a look at the flowers?” Ruby asked after an awkward silence fell across the table.

“I’ll bring them here when I next go to LCorp,” Lena promised.

Ruby nodded and then, “Can I go play PlayStation now?”

Sam shooed her off and glanced at her watch as Ruby thumped down onto the couch and turned the tv on. “Shoot. I have to go. Call me if-just call me,” Sam said and darted around the table to press a kiss to Lena’s head, walked over to the couch and laid one on Ruby, and then left the apartment.

Lena was at a loss of things to do. In the two days she’d been off she’d already caught up on all she had missed at LCorp, and Jess had been instructed to send her updates, so she wasn’t sure what she should do now. Usually her life consisted of work and whiskey, and now she wasn’t allowed both (Sam had caught her sneaking a glass of scotch and had promptly poured it down the drain and the next day all of her liquor had mysteriously disappeared. She had her suspicions though. The ‘ **Thanks for the booze ;)’** from Alex had been telling).

Deciding she’d like to catch up on some light reading, she asked Ruby if it would be alright if she joined her in the living room, and remained there for the rest of the day slowly working through her journals.

Her weekend was much the same. Sam and Ruby had breakfast with her and then did their own thing, and at night the three would watch a movie and play boardgames. It was nice. Though Lena wasn’t blind to how she’d catch them both staring at her as though trying to imprint the moment in memory, and Ruby often had her phone out recording them. She knew they were trying to make good memories, so she didn’t comment on it, and willingly participated in the family time.

When Ruby hugged her goodnight she always lingered a while, often squeezing so hard that Lena had to fight her grimace, but she’d endure a bit of pain for the sweet girl.

With Monday she was ready to return to work. Light duties only, and Sam was going to make sure of it! She had a sneaking suspicion Jess and Sam had worked together to lock her out of some of her projects, but she’d find a way around that when she got there. They had also booked a press-conference for eleven, and apparently Lena was going to take Ruby to her lab and show her around. It was a clever way of keeping them both occupied, and when Sam had suggested it Lena had narrowed her eyes but didn’t comment.

She had another smoothie while Sam had a coffee and Ruby devoured another bowl of her processed cereal. Lena wasn’t sure if it was ideal for the girl to be eating so much sugar but didn’t comment, and Sam made sure she ate her vegetables, so there was probably a balance there. Ruby had been thrilled to find another packet had appeared with the groceries and her’ awesome! I don’t get this very often at home’ had been enough to reassure Lena, even though it wasn’t her business.

The three of them drove separately. Sam and Ruby took the Mustang while Lena had Michael drive her. He had been happy to see her, smiling and offering her a Tupperware container from his wife containing some cookies. ‘Welcome back, Miss Luthor. To LCorp?’

She had taken the Tupperware with a confused smile, acknowledging his words with a little nod. ‘Yes, thank you Michael.’

She was glad that she and the Arias’ had come separately because there was a large crowd outside LCorp and she groaned. Wonderful.

They had to carefully shuffle into the garage and some of her security had to come out and get the paparazzi out of the way.

They even boxed in around her, three people deep, to get her to the elevator and up into her office. There they left her, telling her they were on high alert and welcoming her back.

It was nice to be appreciated. Jess gave her a hug, wiping away tears before returning to her work and Lena was left with entertaining Ruby- which was clearly a ploy to keep her from actually working, and she had to take her hat off to both Jess and Sam for putting it together. The two were formidable and would see LCorp well when she was gone.

At ten to eleven Lena and Ruby left her lab and made their way to one of the conference rooms on the ground floor. Already she could hear the murmur of the press inside and she could feel a headache coming on.

“Hey.”

Feeling a smile rising to her face Lena turned away to see Supergirl standing in the corridor with a cup in her hand. “Alex said you could probably have one of these if-“

Lena didn’t bother to let her finish, snatching the cup and inhaling the coffee with a sigh. “Mh.”

“If you were up to it,” Kara finished and she was smiling at her. Ruby was staring at her hero shyly and Kara gave her a little wave. “Hello Ruby, been taking care of Lena?”

Ruby nodded, eyes wide and pleased.

“Thank you, darling,” Lena took a little sip and Kara shuffled on her feet, ducked her head shyly and glanced at Lena through her lashes. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but was there a reason you are here?”

“Oh, um,” Kara straightened and placed her hands on her hips. “I heard about your press conference and I came to um, head off questions about where I took you.”

Lena let out a little chuckle. “Did Pam give you notes?”

Kara blushed and Lena’s lips twitched.

Lena lifted a brow.

Letting out a huff Kara waved her hand and some flash cards appeared. Lena laughed again.

“What angle would they like me to spin it, if I need to?”

“The usual black ops answers. You’ll be able to answer better than me.”

“Will you be in the crowd or-“

“I’ll stay with you,” Kara answered quickly and then blushed again. “If that’s ok.”

“Of course.” Lena looked at Ruby, who was frowning a little at Kara but she shook her herself at Lena’s question. “Did you want to watch the press conference or go back upstairs?”

“I’ll watch,” Ruby said and her eyes were narrowed suspiciously. Confused, but not wanting to divert the energy to figuring out the teenage mind, Lena turned back to Kara.

“Shall we?”

Kara stepped in close to her as the three walked down the hall, and when they got to a door Kara opened it for her, guiding her through with a gentle hand on her back.

It struck her that she hadn’t had contact with Kara since they’d snuggled together on the bed and she could feel her face heat and stomach twirl in memory. Things had been a little busy for them to catch up again, with Lena being discharged and going home, and she was looking forward to their next catch up. Maybe they could watch a movie tonight?

The eyes of the press followed them over to the stage and Kara moved her hand, though she hovered behind her just in case. There was surprise at Supergirl’s presence and she ducked down to whisper in Lena’s ear, “Picture them naked.”

Lena nearly snorted and tilted her head to murmur back, “you want me to picture your boss naked?” Because she’d seen Snapper Carr near the front row, along with Nia, and James was taking pictures. They gave a little wave as they saw her catch sight of them. It reminded her that she needed to go to CatCo and have a meeting there, maybe even discipline the moron who thought it was a good idea to keep recording Supergirl’s audio, (and even clean it up so the sound of glass shattering and the wind didn’t deafen anyone) and then release it. It wasn’t a good way to keep your job, that was for sure.

Kara’s sharp inhale was enough to let her know she’d caught her unawares.

“Tell me,” she whispered back, tilting her head towards Kara. “Did you ever do that in school on accident?”

Kara choked and Lena had her answer, unable to fight her smile she spun around to Supergirl.

“Really!?” She asked, delighted by the turn of events and how red Kara had gone.

“Its not funny! I got confused, okay?!” And she was clearly flustered and Lena was picturing a teenage Kara who had to give a speech or presentation and had taken literally, the words ‘picture them naked,’ and had maybe looked out over her glasses at her classmates.

She couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. “Oh my god!”

“Lena!” Kara barked back but she was blushing and was trying not to laugh as well.

“What else did you take literally?” And now Lena really wanted to know. Kara looked away, tilting her chin determinedly and Lena nudged her.

“Come on, you can tell me.”

Kara shook her head sharply, still red and her hand lifted before changing course to scratch her head.

“I can keep a secret,” Lena sang and tilted her head. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”

Kara let out a huff and murmured something.

“What was that?”

“I thought humans ate caterpillars! How else did you get butterflies in your stomachs!”

Lena let out another giggle and shook her head fondly at the woman in front of her. “Oh my god. If only Lex had realised you went around planting eggs in the ground and thinking we ate caterpillars.”

Kara pouted at her, folding her arms. “Egg and plant, Lena!” She said and opened her arms again, keeping her hands close together as she jerked them to her left and then to her right. “Egg, therefore, needs to be planted into the ground to grow!” And the thought of a teenage Kara burying a chicken egg in the ground and watering it in the hope that it would grow into an eggplant was far too sweet to think about. Their conversation was different, playful in a way that theirs usually weren’t. Usually Lena gently teased Kara and Kara blushed, and sometimes she’d tease her back, but normally she didn’t. And Supergirl certainly had never. It was different but it was nice, and Lena let her eyes linger on her friend.

“Excuse me, Miss Luthor,” an employee interrupted their conversation, having finished setting everything up. “Everything is ready when you are.”

Lena let her amusement fade and shook her head fondly at Supergirl, who shrugged helplessly at her but couldn’t hold her smile.

“ _Idiot_.”

She was fighting back her smile as she stepped up to the dais.

“Thank you for coming today. I’ll make this brief and then we can move on to questions.” She took a moment to gather her thoughts. She’d already written her speech and memorised it, so it was no trouble for her to continue.

“I have Hanahaki Disease, as impossible as that is, or was,” she said, getting straight to the point and caught Kara folding her arms out the corner of her eye. The press was clearly confused and she could see them stirring, ready to interrupt and ask her questions. If there was one thing she hated it was being interrupted. Nia, however had frozen, hand digging into James arm, and Lena figured the young girl knew a bit more about fan culture than most.

“To save time, the Urban Dictionary defines it as this: A fictional illness born from unrequited love where the recipients throat will be filled with flowers, and they will cough up the petals and sometimes entire flowers. The only cure is to have them surgically removed, or have the object of the love return the love.” Lena let out a little sigh. It wasn’t pleasing to bare this side of her to the public, to tell the world that she was in love with someone who would never love her back, but her PR team had discussed it with her and it was the more acceptable of the options they’d come up with.

Plus, she had been recorded coughing up blood with Supergirl flying her to a secret facility where her heart stopped, and the audio had also provided some reference for whatever Lena had. (And she had seriously considered buying out the company that made the microphones have a seven kilometre max range, because there was no way a media company needing microphones that had that kind of range, maybe the military would, but not a media company. She was still bitter about it. )Alex hadn’t known about the microphone when she had yelled for blood or for the defib, so she wasn’t to blame either. It was an unfortunate situation, one that left Lena embarrassed and humiliated, not because of her feelings, but because her private business was shared to the world through no consent of her own. People had already speculated, and others had celebrated. The internet was a cesspool, and Lena knew this information wasn’t going to make anything better, but it might not make it worse. Either way, it gave them something to look into.

“My disease hasn’t quite taken those paths. I cough up different flowers depending on what emotion I have felt deeply. Surgery has been…. Partly successful. With radiation therapy we were able to neutralise the buds, but the sheer scale of them will result in my being in surgery every other day. Eventually, I will feel too much, and what happened to me live on CatCo television,” she said with a wry smile, at least it was her own business, “will happen again. I’m told my lungs look like swiss cheese. Eventually it will kill me. Questions?”

Immediately there was a roar as the reporters stood and all tried to get her attention.

Pinching her nose she held up a hand to wave them off. “I’m in too much pain to deal with that nonsense,” she said sharply, ignoring the questions still being shouted at her. “One at a time or not at all.”

They didn’t listen to her and she wasn’t surprised. Honestly. Vultures.

Kara let out an ear piercing whistle that had Lena wincing at the volume.

“One question at a time,” she ordered, eyes narrowing as she came and stood up next to Lena, and her presence was comforting. “Raise your hand like civil people.”

And that might get people talking as well. Lena’s PR team had commented on how Supergirl had seemed panicked at the thought of her dying, and had expressed an interest in spinning her relationship with Supergirl to her benefit. Lena had told them the truth, that they were friends, and said they would not be using Supergirl for anything and that was final.

Hands shot up like they were in school and Lena was amused by how quickly they fell into line.

“You,” Kara pointed for her and Lena glanced at her and nodded in thanks. Supergirl could help keep the masses in line.

“Nia Nal, CatCo Media,” Nia gave a little goofy smile at her title and Lena nodded at her. “Miss Luthor, how did you first know you had Hanahaki? It isn’t a well-known disease, even among fandoms, so how did you figure it out?”

“Well, Miss Nal, I did what I suspect the rest of your colleagues are doing,” and she gave a little smirk at the reporters who were mostly on their phones, either Googling or getting someone else to google for them. “I Googled…. After thoroughly exhausting every other avenue I could think of.”

Kara pointed out another hand.

“Ben Myers, Channel 3. Miss Luthor, in what ways has your disease differed from the standard?”

“It’s a fictional disease, Ben. As far as I am aware, I am the only real world case to ever have existed, and I have taken steps to document my progress and anything we discovered, to be released upon my death.” Lena paused and thought for a moment. She was willing to tell them enough, but she wasn’t going to give them everything and she had to be careful of her words.

“I have determined specific flowers to corelate with certain emotions, enough so that we have been able to trigger growths by having me focus on certain memory’s or feelings. And no, I won’t be sharing what flowers I have, only that they exist in the real world.”

Another rush of hands and Kara pointed to the next reporter.

“Where did Supergirl take you? You weren’t admitted into any local hospital yet you must have been taken somewhere.”

“I flew her to a secure facility with people I trust… people who have familiarity dealing with…unusual cases,” Kara cut in, voice strong and clear and her eyes daring anyone to comment further.

“You,” she pointed to another person and the questions continued. So much for being brief.

‘ _Who is it_?’

“I’m not going to answer that question, but it isn’t someone I’ve been associated with in the past.” Lena kept her voice sharp, making it very clear she wasn’t about to share that information with anyone.

‘ _How long have you had the disease_?’

“Since August. “

‘ _You mentioned ‘we’ who else has been working on this with you_?’

“After I realised that I was hopelessly out of my depth, I called in a few friends for help. All are experts in their fields and are people I trust.”

‘ _So, you think you’ll get two months of life? Have you thought about what you’re going to do with the time you have left_?’

“I’m spending time with the people I care about and making sure LCorp is ready for my…departure.”

There were a few more questions as the reporters caught up on what Hanahaki was and were able to ask more in-depth questions.

‘ _You said you were able to trigger the growths, how does that work? What technology have you been using to monitor the disease_?’

“Basically, I think of the person, and associate them with a particular emotion, and it triggers the bud to grow. A machine of my own design has been used to map the flowers progress and render it on a computer.”

‘ _Have you not told the person you’re in love with or were you rejected_?’ Was a final question and though the entire audience seemed to take a breath at the brazen and immensely private question, they all looked at her with wide eyes.

How juicy!

Either Lena was too much of an insecure coward to tell the person she was in love with, or, she’d told him and he’d rejected her. Either way, it was great news!

Lena’s eyes narrowed in on the reporter, who was trying to face her bravely but was slowly quailing under the weight of her glare.

“That is for the two of us, not for you. Any further questions can be directed to my PR team. Thank you.” Lena gave them a little nod and they tried to ask her a few more questions, but for the moment the information they had was all they were going to get, and to be honest, it was enough for them to write articles on.

Kara stepped in next to her as she exited and Ruby trailed along behind them as security blocked reporters from following them.

“I still think you should tell him… or her…” And Kara wasn’t really bringing it up like she had promised, but she was alluding to it. Still, Lena was in a good mood so she allowed it, for now. If Kara continued to push then Lena would remind her of her promise.

“You and my mother both.” Lena replied dryly as the noise of the reporters was blocked by the door.

Kara froze. “You told your mum?!”

Lena shook her head as she started to walk towards the elevator. “No. She just knew… she always knows.” And at least Lillian hadn’t bribed Kara to stay away from Lena…. But, to be fair, she’d tried to kill Kara so…. but that was probably an alien thing. What would Lillian do to Kara if Lena’s love was mutual, she wondered. Would she be supportive for the first time in her life, or would she try to kill them both?

Lillian’s comment about Lena needing to ‘tell her. She feels the same’ was suspicious though.

There was a moment of pause. “And she wants you to tell them? Does that mean she approves?”

Lena halted and turned to face Kara, aware of Ruby trailing them on her phone. “I…. actually hadn’t thought of that. Probably not,” she gave a little shrug and kept walking. Lillian probably thought she loved someone else, besides, she’d have no proof of it being Kara.

“Besides,” she said as she placed her hand on the biosecurity for the elevator. “I can’t tell them anyway. It’ll kill me.”

“What do you mean?”

“We think that my heart won’t take the rejection. The resulting heartbreak will trigger more buds and I won’t survive the bloom. I’ll literally drown on my own blood as my lungs are ripped apart,” and she grimaced at the visual image, resisting the urge to rub at her chest. She wouldn’t survive another blooming, and dying in that much pain, and drowning on her own warm blood wasn’t an outcome she was looking forward to.

Kara took a step forward, putting her arm in the doors to stop them closing. “You have to tell them! Otherwise… otherwise….. I don’t want to lose you again,” she finished, voice lowering and sad, pleading entering her tone.

“We talked about this, Supergirl,” she said warningly and Kara sagged a little, but gave a begrudging nod.

“Can we talk later?”

Lena nodded with a little smile. She’d like that. She’d like that a lot. “I’ll ring you.”

Kara stared at her a while, and it was more intense than usual. Lena held her eyes, feeling a little shy but not wanting to look away.

“Can I go for ice-cream?” Ruby interrupted Kara and Lena’s stare off and Lena glanced down at her.

“I- don’t know if that is a good idea, Ruby. The paparazzi are still hanging around and I don’t want them to come after you.”

“Supergirl can take me, right Supergirl?” The teenager was looking challengingly up at Kara and the bewildered blonde glanced between the two of them.

Lena placed her hand on the door to stop it closing, thoroughly bemused. Lena wouldn’t be going outside alone for a while, and as much as she’d like to spend more time with Ruby, the girl was growing bored of LCorp. Spending some time with Kara might be good for her, and maybe Ruby could improve Kara’s mood.

“Are you actually going to turn down ice-cream?”

“I mean… I guess…. You’d have to make sure its okay with your mum….” Kara hedged, looking confused but also perking up at the idea of ice-cream.

“I can’t get any safer,” Ruby said and she dug around for her phone. “I’ll text her now.”

“Did you want to come?” Kara asked her hopefully, a small smile on her face and Lena shook her head, ignoring how Kara’s shoulders slumped.

“I really do have work, and I’m not interested in being accosted in public.”

Kara pouted but didn’t say anything further and soon it was decided. Lena handed Kara a fifty, knowing Ruby didn’t really carry money around and that Kara shouldn’t be expected to pay for Ruby and herself when it hadn’t been her idea.

“I know your salary,” Lena said cutting off any protests and Kara rolled her eyes but accepted the note with a cheeky smile. “You two have fun,” she smiled and let the door finally close. No doubt both Kara and Ruby would tell her what their ice-cream date was like, part of her would have liked to join them, but Lena knew it was a bad idea. Lena Luthor, Supergirl, and some kid getting ice-cream would draw too much attention to them, at least if it was just Ruby and Supergirl, maybe there would be more attention on Kara than Ruby.

She’d warn security to tail the two and keep an eye out, and she called her security to instruct them to do just that as the elevator rose into the tower of LCorp.

Satisfied that her day was going to plan, Lena continued into her lab ready to finally tackle some work that she’d had to leave. Ruby deciding to take Kara out for ice-cream got rid of them both for at least half an hour, and Lena was going to use that time to knuckle down and finish some projects.

She briefly wondered what the two had in common, before deciding that Kara would ramble enough for the both of them, and resolved to tease her about it later. Ruby would certainly keep the hero on her toes, and the thought made her smile as she entered her lab, but then again, thinking about Kara always made her smile.

~*~

Supergirl was awkward, or at least Ruby thought she was awkward, as the two exited LCorp.

People were staring at them both and Ruby straightened at the attention, she liked that people were looking at her with Supergirl and wondering if she were someone for knowing the hero. Her friends would be Super jealous. Smiling to herself at the pun she looked up at the hero.

She cut an impressive figure, taller than Ruby and almost glowing in the sunlight. Her cape hung across her shoulders, and instead of making her seem something out of a comic or superhero movie, it made her seem more real and Ruby kinda wanted to touch it, just to see what it felt like, but she didn’t want to be rude. The entire suit was an upgrade from the cheerleader get up and Ruby decided to break the awkward silence between them by commenting on it.

“I like the new suit.”

Supergirl brightened. “Yeah?” And she was smiling as she looked down at it.“ It has pants!”

“Does it have pockets?” Ruby wanted to know and Supergirl frowned, it was actually kind of cute.

“No,” she was pouting and the face was familiar. Then she beamed. “I’ll ask Lena to add some!”

Ruby blinked and her eyes narrowed. “Aunt Lena made it?”

“Yup!” Supergirl replied, popping the ‘p’ and grinning. “She’s the best!”

Frowning suspiciously at Supergirl Ruby waited for the lights to change, now ignoring the people with their phones out at pointing at them. She had a sneaking suspicion Supergirl had a crush on her aunt Lena, and that was unacceptable!

Ruby loved Lena, she really did. Her aunt was awesome! And if her aunt was in love with anyone else, anyone other than her other aunt Kara, then Ruby would be _stoked_ to have Lena end up with Supergirl. The woman was a literal hero, and she was so cool! But!

Lena was in love with Kara, and she didn’t need some goody two-shoes in a cape trying to interfere in her relationship, so it was up to Ruby to make sure she was right, and then to make sure Supergirl knew to back off.

“So…..” Supergirl began after a few minutes walking towards an ice-cream store a few blocks from LCorp. “Not that I mind, but why did you want to have ice-cream with me?”

Ruby glanced at the hero but kept quiet.

“I mean, Lena could get Jess or someone to go and order what you wanted… so why get me to come with you?”

“Because I wanted to talk to you,” Ruby said honestly and Supergirl looked confused.

“Okay…. Why?” She wasn’t accusatory, just curious and Ruby appreciated that. Usually adults, apart from her aunt Lena, were suspicious of her when she wanted something, but Supergirl seemed to think she had something to say. It was nice to be treated like an adult.

“I think you’re in love with my Aunt and I want you to stay away,” Ruby informed her as she opened the ice-cream store.

And, it had been an idea thrown around on Twitter after the audio of Lena’s death had gone viral. Ruby had hated listening to it, but couldn’t deny that it had been enlightening. Plus she had gone to the DEO and seen some of the people in the audio, and seen the machines that kept Lena alive. Plus she had googled and it had all formed a rather gruesome image for the teenager. But most important, to her friends at least, had been how…. Anguished Supergirl had seemed at the thought of Lena dying. The way she had demanded ‘Alex’, who Ruby now knew was her other Aunt Alex, which was so cool, tell her about Lena, as though she cared about her as a friend, or maybe more. How she had been audibly relieved when Lena’s heart had started, how she had frantically flown a machine across the city to help Lena.

It had painted a picture of Lena Luthor and Supergirl being more than friends, or at least on the Super’s part, and, well, the Super had basically confirmed it. Supergirl looked at aunt Lena like Flynn Rider looked a Rapunzel. It was sickeningly sweet.

Supergirl had frozen on the pavement, ignoring the people around her as she stared after Ruby, mouth agape.

“What?!” She let out a strangled cry, glanced around her at the people staring at her now, and sheepishly ducked into the store after Ruby.

Ruby was already in line staring up at the board and trying to decide what she wanted. Money wasn’t a problem, Lena was paying, and there was no way she could spend over fifty dollars on ice-cream though she suspected Supergirl could, so there was plenty to spare.

“Ruby!” The hero hissed as she came in behind her and Ruby ignored her, knowing that the hero wouldn’t dare leave her unprotected, and now it was very clear why the hero seemed to hang around Lena all the time!

“You haven’t denied it yet, Supergirl,” she commented absently as she tossed up between strawberry and caramel sauce.

There was spluttering behind her and it would have been endearing if she hadn’t seen the same spluttering early when Supergirl was talking to Lena. Another point on the ‘Supergirl is in love with Lena’ list.

“I’m not -I mean I don’t- we aren’t- I don’t know why you’d think that we- not really appropriate for a teenager- your aunt- love with someone else- I’m not even-“ the Super was a rambling mess behind her and it reminded her of a boy in school back in Metropolis who was shy but liked to talk to her about anime shows. She liked him, he was nice and kinda cute in a nerdy way.

She stepped up and ordered while the hero behind her tried to collect herself, and it was always amusing watching an adult, who is supposed to be all knowing and powerful, blush and stammer and look all together frazzled.

“Are you gonna pay?” She asked when it looked like the hero was still having a brain fart, and Ruby waved a hand in front of her face.

Almost absently Supergirl handed over the fifty, where she had hidden it Ruby didn’t know, and Ruby passed it to the wide-eyed clerk with a smile. “Are you getting anything?” She asked of the hero and Supergirl was quiet, still in a clear state of mind blank.

“Okay,” she turned back to the store assistant and accepted her change, stuffing it into her pocket and then reaching back to drag the hero along behind her.

“Come on,” she grunted as she tugged on the woman, who stumbled along behind her on auto pilot and forced her into a booth. People were staring at them and Ruby was careful to keep her voice down as she slid in across from Supergirl.

“It isn’t that big of a deal,” she began and placed the order card into the holder and moved it to the edge of the booth so the server could see it, but she doubted they’d miss her. She was with Supergirl after all. And really, it wasn’t. People fall in and out of love all the time, and it was cool that someone as awesome as Supergirl loved her aunt, but she just wasn’t the right fit for her. Lena had gushed over Kara _heaps_ , so Lena was pretty smitten with the reporter, and, well, Ruby shipped them.

Supergirl was still frozen with wide eyes and Ruby was starting to get a little worried. Did she need to blink?

“Are you even breathing?” The thought was a little amusing, but she was also curious. Did Supergirl even have to breathe?

“I-I-“ her mouth was still gaping and it reminded Ruby of one of those arcade games at the carnival, where you had to throw a ball into the open mouth of a clown.

“Here you go,” her server arrived with her monstrosity and Ruby’s eyes lit up before she glanced at the nearly catatonic Super. She’d heard that sugar was good for shock, maybe the hero could use some.

“Actually,” she hesitated as the young man walked away and her looked at her politely.

“Can I get another one, please?” She crammed her hands into her jeans for her change and started to pile it onto the table. “Just, whatever all of this gets me please?” She looked at Supergirl, who had at last closed her mouth, but she still looked very shocked. “I think she needs it.”

The boy glanced between them and gave a little nod, sweeping the money into his hands and walking swiftly back to the counter. It probably wasn’t protocol, but Supergirl was in the store so he’d probably get away with keeping her happy, because of the business she’d bring in.

“Um, Supergirl?”

The hero blinked a little, coming back to herself and Ruby looked at her nervously. “Are you okay?”

“You- I- Lena- its not like I-“ she cut herself off with a shake of her head. “What, um, made you come to this conclusion?” She was clearly trying to adopt a professional air with polite interest, but her words came out in a squeak.

“You know in movies when the guy looks at the girl and just stares? You do that. So I just figured,” Ruby gave a little shrug and dug her spoon into her ice-cream.

Supergirl had turned red across from her and spluttered a little. It was a habit of her hero, who knew?

“No I don’t- why would you- you don’t even have any proof!” The hero retorted, finishing smugly and crossing her arms. It sort of reminded Ruby of tv shows where one sibling tried to gain one up on the other, and the thought was amusing.

Oh, so that was how it was? Didn’t Supergirl realise she who she was talking to? Everyone knew the Gen Y were glued to their phones, and Ruby had started hers recording from the moment Supergirl touched down near Lena earlier in the morning.

Playing the video, which she had started when Supergirl had placed her hand on Lena’s back as they walked through the door, she turned it to face the hero.

It didn’t catch all of the words Lena and Supergirl had spoken to each other, especially not in the beginning, but Ruby had tagged in close enough to catch the bit where Supergirl was explaining her confusion with English idioms, and catching her blush and shyly glance away at Lena’s laugh, only to dart her eyes back as though she couldn’t keep her eyes off her.

Eventually the recording ended and Ruby took her phone back. “Do I need to show you photo’s?

“Rats,” Supergirl muttered and she’d slumped in her seat. Ruby actually felt sorry for her. It wasn’t her fault Lena was in love with someone else, and that other person was _waaay_ cool, and she liked Kara, she did! But if it were anyone else, Ruby would probably ship Lena and Supergirl. She hadn’t seen Lena smile like that. Ever.

“Do you actually have photos?” Supergirl asked after a few moments, sounding a little pained and Ruby nodded.

“Do you want to see them? Actually, you look kinda smitten in most of them.”

Supergirl shook her head, mumbling something else and then she straightened.

“You can’t tell anyone about this, Ruby,” she began, and it was like Ruby was having the same conversation only a few hours later.

“Telling anyone would be a breach of your trust and privacy and if I have any respect for you as a person, I won’t tell anyone,” she parroted and Supergirl blinked a little and titled her head.

“I had that speech this morning,” Ruby complained and took another bite of her ice-cream. She was glad she’d gone with the strawberry sauce, it set off the sweetness nicely.

“You…had that speech this morning, ho-Lena?” Supergirl leant forward, suddenly intense and Ruby pressed back into the booth, not frightened, but certainly cowed by the powerful presence sitting across from her. “You know who it is?”

“I can’t tell you!” Ruby let out a squeak and Supergirl blinked and sat back in the booth and Ruby could breathe again. Woah! That was intense! She hadn’t felt in danger, but Supergirl’s entire aura had seemed to swell with… something otherworldly.

“No,” the hero muttered, frowning down at the table. “That would be… that would be wrong.” She lifted her head and smiled at Ruby. “It is good of you to keep that secret. I’m sure she appreciates it.”

Ruby let out a shaky breath. She wasn’t sure she could deny Supergirl anything, but she was pleased the hero hadn’t asked about who Lena was in love with. It certainly gave her a point in Ruby’s book. Not enough to have more than Kara, but enough that Ruby didn’t mind the hero for her aunt.

The server returned with Supergirl’s ice-cream and she glanced at it a long while, it was three times the size of Ruby’s and she wondered how the hero was going to eat it all.

“Is this for me?”

“You looked like you needed it,” Ruby pointed out, and dug her spoon into her ice-cream.

“Thank you,” the hero seemed touched, and Ruby shrugged as she started to eat with gusto. She watched with fascinated disgust as Supergirl demolished half of her massive bowl in record time, spoon dropping into her own bowl.

“So,” Supergirl liked at her spoon and pointed it at Ruby. “Does this person love Lena? Do you have a plan to get them together?”

Ruby scowled at her, affronted. “I would never!”

Supergirl just lifted a brow and Ruby huffed, Lena did it better.

“I was a teenage girl once,” the hero pointed out and Ruby sighed and picked up her spoon before grinning up at the hero.

“Of course, I do. Mum told me to stay out of it, but I don’t want Aunt Lena to die and I want her to be happy!”

Supergirl grinned and leant forward. “What have you got so far?”

Ruby opened her phone to the notes she’d already taken, trying to figure out a way to get Kara and Lena together without either of them aware of her manipulating the scenario.

“I thought I could get them to take me out to like, the movies or something, and then bail. Or get them to sit together behind me or something.”

Supergirl was nodding very seriously, occasionally taking a spoonful of her ice-cream and it made Ruby feel important, that such an important and powerful person was giving her their full attention, listening to what she had to say.

“That could work… any romantic films on at the moment?”

Ruby happily told Supergirl all of her plans to get her aunts together and though she knew most of them wouldn’t work, it had still been a fun experience, and Supergirl was fun to plan with.

By the end of their ice-cream date Ruby was one-hundred percent sure that Supergirl had a little crush on her aunt, but she hadn’t acted on it. Instead she was trying to help Ruby get Lena and Kara together. She hadn’t asked any further about Kara, and had instead provided valuable insight to things Lena liked, things that made it obvious the Super was far more invested in Lena than perhaps the woman herself had thought. She knew little, intimate details about Lena’s likes and dislikes that could only come from knowing her well or watching her closely. Ruby might have been a little worried about it, but the Super was genuine in her desire for Lena’s happiness, and Ruby was pretty sure she didn’t have a sinister bone in her body.

She suggested big, grand gestures, willing to provide ‘air support’ and be a ‘wing woman,’ to help with any heavy lifting or planning, and Ruby found herself giggling at the Super’s antics. It was nice to have someone else invested in Lena’s happiness, even at the expense of her own, because Supergirl was firmly in Lena’s corner, and if Kara made Lena happy, then she was in Kara’s corner.

Ruby was still cautious not to mention any names, she knew that Kara and Supergirl occasionally talked, and didn’t want to tip the Super off. Eventually they ignored the large, bold gestures of love that were rom-com worthy, and instead tried to figure out what would suit Lena and Kara. It was a little harder for Supergirl with her handicap, but she suggested things she knew Lena liked, and honestly if she didn’t love Kara so much, Ruby just might be willing to forget the whole Hanahaki Disease and try to set up Supergirl with Lena, because the woman was absolutely smitten.

Time passed and Ruby was full, though the Super had patted her belly happily as she had finished her last mouthful of ice-cream, she did glance longing back at the counter.

“Are you still hungry?!” Ruby had to demand in shock.

Supergirl just grinned. “Shall I take you back to LCorp?”

Ruby nodded and they two exited the booth. People were looking at them again and Ruby heard the curious comments, but paid them no mind.

In the sunlight Supergirl seemed to draw the sun to her and she turned to Ruby with a sly smile.

“Do you want to fly there?”

Did she ever!

Ruby’s eager nod was joined by laughter as Supergirl stepped closer. “Okay, just hold on tightly. Let me know if you need me to put you down.”

Ruby was already stepping closer and wrapping her arms about the hero, under the cape, and the suit had a rough, strong texture that felt odd under her fingertips, and hugging the Super felt like hugging a steel beam, only one that was really, really warm.

“Ready?” Supergirl asked and Ruby was pretty sure she couldn’t stop grinning.

“Yup!”

And their feet slowly left the ground and Ruby let out an excited squeal.

Supergirl laughed above her and angled them away from the street and yeah. If Kara didn’t snatch up Lena, maybe Supergirl would. Afterall, it would be awesome to have a Superhero as an aunt!

~*~

When Lena opened the door, Kara held out a bottle of Lena’s favourite whiskey in victory.

“You never said that you’d had your family home rebuilt,” and she was pouting a little as she stepped into the hallway. “I had to break in through a window.”

Lena let out a little laugh, picturing the Super creeping down the hallways of her childhood home, avoiding the paintings of Luthor’s past, and then making her way into the cellar for the bottle she handed to Lena.

“Well, thank you,” she said and let the door shut behind Kara. “I haven’t had the time to go and get some more myself.”

Kara assured her it wasn’t a problem as she removed her coat and hung it on the coat-wrack. “No Sam and Ruby?”

“Ruby’s staying with a friend, and Sam, Alex and Kelly are going to a show.”

“Oh, yeah. Alex said something about that. Guess its just me and you.”

She hesitated a moment before ducking in and pressing a kiss to Lena’s cheek, dangerous close to the corner of her mouth, which was clearly an accident because Kara flushed and darted into the apartment, leaving Lena to calm her racing heart.

Lena let out a little hum as she followed the super into her apartment, Kara’s nose leading her to the kitchen where Lena had some snacks. She had a giant pile on the kitchen table and Kara’s eyes lit up.

“You came prepared,” she turned to grin at Lena who leant against the kitchen wall as Kara opened a bag of M&Ms and promptly tipped it into her mouth.

Well accustomed to the dangers of keeping Kara from her snacks Lena was content to watch as Kara dove into her horde and dug out personal favourites. So maybe she had gotten her house-keeper to stock up just for tonight, but it was Kara, and she always had Kara’s snacks on hand.

“Pizza is on its way,” Lena assured her, heart warm at seeing Kara turn to her, face like a chipmunk and grinning through her chocolate.

“I wuv wu.”

Shaking her head fondly, and ignoring how her heart summersaulted- Kara threw those words around as though they were worthless when they were really the most precious of all- and made sure to clarify, “me or the chocolate?”

“Both!” Kara replied to her teasing with a shrug and crammed another lolly into her mouth. “Yer de besd!”

“I know, Darling,” and the nickname fell from her lips with ease, almost replacing Kara’s name in her mind. She nearly kicked herself for letting it slip, but Kara’s grin at her was dopey and Lena felt that she didn’t mind, even though Lena had no right to call her something so affectionate.

“What are you planning on us watching, tonight?” And Kara had decided to make a thing of it. She and Lena met twice a week, at least, to hang out together and watch all of the movies Kara was disappointed that Lena had never seen. She also took the time to feed Lena so much junk food that Lena had to offer a wry comment, ‘Are you trying to fatten me up so I can’t get away from you?’

Kara had looked at her in full seriousness, shifting away from their mock battle over the red-vines. ‘More of you to love. Besides, I’m never letting you go.’

And Lena’s heart had loved that. She had to subtly jam her hand into her broken ribs, and deal with the accompanying pain, in order to stop that train of thought. It wasn’t healthy, but she knew how to distract her mind from thoughts of Kara when they grew to strong. All she had to do was touch her ribs and her mind would flood with pain, taking away the intense feelings associated with Kara.

So far no one had figured that out, and they were surprised that she hadn’t had any more coughing fits, but seemed to think that the radiation therapy she underwent several times a week was keeping them at bay. It was like putting duct tape over storm drain. It would hold for a while, but it wasn’t a solution. Eventually the build-up would smash through the blockage, and then all of the water would come storming out. Lena wasn’t looking forward to that, but for the moment she was content to enjoy time with the people she cared for.

“Enchanted,” Kara said with a grin and bounced over to the couch, carrying an armful of snacks with her.

Lena was already accustomed to Kara’s habits, and there was a few bowls there ready for her, and the television was already on, ready for Kara to find the movie.

Sometimes Sam and Ruby had joined them for their movie night, but Sam usually kept her and Ruby away on the nights she knew that Kara was coming over, subtly not being her strong point.

When Lena had asked her about it, Sam had denied trying to set up anything, and had just commented on wanting her to spend more time with Kara, nothing else to it. The group spent time together at least once a week, and she wanted the time for Lena and Kara. Lena appreciated it, even if it did feel more date-like with the acknowledgement of her feelings. Still, Kara was always happy to have her to herself, and Lena was helpless in the face of Kara’s enthusiasm, so had made no further move to include anyone else apart from half-hearted attempts to invite Sam and Ruby.

They always had it at Lena’s house, as Lena’s house had the big television and all the streaming services, and because Lena was more comfortable in her own home. Something about a home advantage, or something. Once or twice Kara had carried her to bed, the radiation therapy still taking its toll on her, and she tucked her in.

It wasn’t something they talked about, she didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to rock the boat. Friends slept next to each other all the time, and she liked how close she and Kara had gotten. Kara was even more attentive than normal, as though knowing Lena was dying had increased her desire to spend more time with Lena. Lena wasn’t about to complain about it, it soothed her heart to have Kara near her, made her soul sing, even as it dug her even more in love with Kara every day.

When Kara did stay the night, sleeping silently on the other side of the bed, Lena would sometimes stay awake to absorb her presence. Sometimes she’d cry silently, but Kara never stirred. It had started with Lena yawning after their movie, the recent radiation therapy hitting her harder than usual, and Kara had called an end to the night, wanting Lena to rest. Stubbornness was a Luthor trait, ‘I prefer determined, Lena,’ as Kara had told her, and Lena hadn’t wanted the night to end. Kara had suggested the bed, and Lena had agreed. She was tired but didn’t want Kara to leave just yet, and so they had migrated to Lena’s room.

Her bed was large with enough room for four, let alone the two of them. Lena had directed Kara to the other side of the bed and laid facing her, and they had talked until Lena had fallen asleep. It was a tradition now, after the movie the two would retire to bed and talk until Lena fell asleep. Sometimes Kara had stayed, and they’d join the Arias’ for breakfast, and sometimes the other side of the bed had vestiges of her warmth. Her sheets smelt like Kara now, and she didn’t mind it, only it made her heart ache with a longing she couldn’t voice. Still, Lena would take what she could get.

“It’s one of my favourites,” Kara added, setting herself up with her snacks all around her and pulling the coffee table closer so she could put more snacks on it. Lena had a little bowl and grabbed a few of her favourites, and Kara was always willing to share her snacks with her, which was sweet. Indeed, she tried to feed Lena more than Lena could sometimes eat, and Lena had eaten more sugar in recent weeks than she had in her entire life. Her body wasn’t showing it yet, as she still couldn’t eat much on account of her surgery, but Kara seemed to appreciate her trying her favourites. Even if the combinations, ‘Maltesers and popcorn, Kara? Really?’ ‘Its amazing, Lena! Just wait!’ were a little odd. And yes, Lena had conceded. Maltesers and popcorn was a very yummy combination. Kara had been smug all evening.

“I watch it at least once a month.”

“Well,” Lena settled in on the other side of the couch. And sleeping in the same bed was one thing, but Lena always kept food between them so she wouldn’t be too tempted to curl up next to Kara, even if she sometimes found herself snuggled up to Kara during the night. It wasn’t fair to her friend, to betray her trust with her own feelings, and Lena couldn’t bear it if Kara rejected her for it. So, no. Distance was good.

“I’m honoured to share it with you, Miss Danvers,” she lifted her glass of whiskey in Kara’s direction and was rewarded with a giddy smile.

“You’ll love it! You wait!” Kara had promised and the movie had started.

Kara liked to have a running commentary during her movies, and while it might annoy some, Lena found it endearing. Especially when Kara mouthed the words to herself, and even more so when she sung along. Kara had a wonderful voice, and Lena loved to listen to it.

“She looks like Lois,” Lena pointed out as the movie got into it and Kara turned to her with wide eyes.

“Right?! That’s what I told Alex, but she didn’t agree with me.”

“Your sister has had a crush on Lois for years,” Lena pointed out and Kara nearly choked on her liquorice.

“I-she-what? No, she doesn’t,” and she shook her head adamantly and Lena spared her a pitying glance.

“Yes. She does, Darling. You just never noticed.”

Kara’s brows were tight with thought while the movie carried on in the background, and while Lena was interested in the film for the films sake, it was much more interesting watching realisation play across Kara’s features.

“Oh,” she concluded after a few moments of thought, expression twisting before she grinned. In typical sibling fashion she was eager to hold it against Alex, “Oh, I can’t wait to tease her about it!”

“Make sure you take a picture,” Lena had requested, and she’d like to see the look on Alex’s face when Kara confronted her. It would be hilarious, and definitely wedding worthy material for Kara to hide.

The movie carried on, and Lena could already pick the plot but she kept quiet for Kara’s sake. And watching a movie with Kara must have been like watching a movie with a child, she was the ideal audience. Gushing when necessary, swooning at pivotal points, and calling out, ‘ha! Take that bad guy!’ when good triumphed. It was charming and Lena was thoroughly enamoured.

“I’ve always wanted to dance to this song,” Kara’s voice came a while later, wistful and filled with soft longing.

There was a ballroom scene, a pivotal moment of the movie Lena knew, and it was building into the final arc. Lena hesitantly glanced at her. Kara was staring at the screen, enthralled with the ballroom and pretty gowns and clothing. And Lena knew that Kara hadn’t had the best experience at her high-school dance, having stood on one boys foot and broken it, and even though she was pretty and sweet, she had still been odd and weird so she and Alex had gone together to the dance. It was something she had wanted, Lena knew, to fit in, to be part of something, but even a few years on earth hadn’t changed her enough that people didn’t pick on her or think she was weird.

Kara’s sigh was heavy and there was a sadness to her eyes as the couples started to dance and Lena’s heart spoke before her brain. “Did you want to dance with me?”

Kara went still, head snapping around as the two main characters slowly took up position, hesitant and filled with longing, and Lena swallowed.

Oh, god. This was a bad idea. Her heart tripped over itself and started to run as Kara stared at her, her surprise fading into hope.

“Would you?” And she was already kicking off her blanket, ready to stand and Lena was helpless to anything that would put a smile on Kara’s face.

She gave a little nod, she could do this for Kara, even if it was a little out of the boundaries of being friends. For Kara she’d do anything. Kara’s face lit up and then she was a blur.

Lean gave a yelp and glanced around her. Kara had moved all of the furniture against the wall, even the couch they were sitting on, and Lena frowned at her friend who grinned at her sheepishly. She was standing in the centre of the living room, toes digging into the rug with a hopeful smile and Lena hadn’t realised how much Kara had wanted to dance.

“I don’t dance,” Lena warned, setting her bowl aside and slowly getting to her feet. Her body protested at the movement, like it always did, and she grimaced.

Kara was frowning, eyes lowered to her chest when she stood, “Maybe we shouldn’t-“

“Kara,” Lena chastened gently, “don’t tell me you moved all of my furniture for nothing?” On screen the people were still dancing together, a spotlight following the main pair around the ballroom, and it really was pretty.

Kara ducked her shoulder a little but nodded and held her hand out to Lena.

Heart thumping Lena took it, it was warm and soft, and let her guide her in closer. She was nervous, scratch that, she was beyond nervous. She was terrified of being so close to Kara, of being so close in such an intimate way. You can hug people, even hug them horizontal as she had cuddled with Kara a few days ago, and they always found each other in Lena’s big bed, but this… dancing... slow dancing and to a romantic song… was more than friendly. She wasn’t sure she could rationalise her way out of it.

“Wait!” Kara exclaimed and Lena started, had she changed her mind? Part of her was thankful, the other part was disappointed.

“We need music,” and then she was gone, dashing off to her phone and pausing the movie.

“Here!” She returned and had her phone in one hand and hesitantly offered Lena her other one.

This time Lena hesitated. Was she really about to slow dance with Kara in her living room?

Kara’s fingers were upturned, and she abruptly remembered how they felt as she dragged her palm over them while she was in bed at the DEO. Swallowing she nervously accepted her hand, feeling like a damsel, like a lady from some great tale of legend while Kara was clearly her knight in shining armour.

Kara smiled at her, taking a breath and Lena swallowed again, suddenly feeling unable to breathe.

All of the moisture in her body felt like it had fled her mouth for her hands, but Kara didn’t comment. Instead she was smiling at her phone, hadn’t stooped smiling since Lena took her hand, and tapped a few buttons.

There was an odd, musical sound that signalled the start of the song, and Lena had the thought that it would belong at the start of a Disney movie.

“Do I need to worry about my toes?” She teased, or tried to, her voice was a little too breathless to come across as confident.

Kara’s hand in her own was powerful but soft, holding but not restraining, keeping her fingers in a gentle embrace.

Kara let out a little chuckle and slid her phone into her pocket and placed her hand at Lena’s side, ghosting over her ribs, a guiding presence but not enough to cause her discomfort.

“I won’t step on your toes, I promise,” and Lena lifted a brow sceptically but Kara’s gaze was warm and soft and confident as she stared down at her and Lena hesitantly reached up and placed her hand on Kara’s arm. It would have worked better if she were in heels, or if Kara weren’t so damn tall! But they made it work.

The piano started and then a voice started to croon.

‘ _You’re in my arms and all the world is calm. The music playing on for only two_.’

Kara’s hand was devoid of marks and blemishes, even calluses, her skin was soft and smooth and warm. Nothing like Lena’s own, who she was sure were sweaty and worn and callused from all the work she did.

Lena was willing to let Kara lead, and Kara hesitated a moment, before a goofy smile took over her face and she led them to start swaying. Lena was thankful that they were starting slow and steady, her heart still wasn’t settled at being so close to Kara, and dancing with her.

 _‘So close together, and when I’m with you, so close to feeling alive_.’

“You’re nervous. Why?” Kara asked after a few moments of swaying, and it was well past the point where they should have done something, anything, else. But Lena was unsure, she didn’t dance. She typically avoided it, even when it was expected, because she had tried to learn as a child and had failed terribly. She didn’t have the grace of her mother, or Lex’s commanding presence, so she tended to hide.

“I don’t dance,” Lena let out a shaky laugh and clutched a little tighter at Kara. “I was never any good. I would always embarrass myself, so I stopped.”

“No one to be embarrassed for,” Kara slowly pulled on her hand, trying to guide her out of their box and Lena hesitated. “Just me.”

Glancing up into Kara’s warm gaze Lena gave a little nod and let go, letting Kara guide her out of the space they had occupied, stepping out to the side with one step and then with a smaller step.

Kara was a marvellous dancer, but Kara was good at everything, and Lena felt a little of the tension in her shoulders fade.

‘ _So close was waiting, waiting here with you. And now, forever, I know_.’

She stepped in slowly and Kara met her with gentle but firm hands and there was a contented smile on her lips, starting at her eyes.

‘ _All that I wanted to hold you so close_.’

With a little quirk of her brow Kara spun them out into the space of her living room, guiding her strongly around the outskirts of the little dance-floor she’d made for the two of them with Lena’s furniture.

Lena let out a little laugh. This was fun, and Kara was overjoyed, smiling widely as they spun around and then she tilted her head, lifting her arm out in question and Lena allowed herself to spin out and around. When she stepped back in Kara was closer than before, close enough that Lena could feel her heat.

‘ _So close to reaching, that famous happy ending._ ’

She stumbled a moment, catching her feet on the slightly raised part of carpet, but Kara caught her and guided her through it, spinning them around again, and the smile was gone from her face. She wasn’t…mad, or angry, instead her eyes were locked on Lena’s as though there was nothing else in the world, and she guided them blindly. Lena might have become dizzy, but Kara’s eyes shone and kept her steady and strong.

On her next twirl she slowed them, pulling Lena even closer, not that it was hard. Where Kara went, Lena would willingly follow, and they were even closer now, and Lena lowered her head, tucking it into the space between Kara’s neck and shoulder.

‘ _And look how far we’ve come, so far we are, so close_.’

This was stupid, she told her traitorous heart, which had thought this was a magnificent idea, and was still singing at how close Kara was. She was surprised Kara couldn’t hear it. Lena was pretty sure it was pounding out the same joyous rhythm in her entire body. Maybe Kara was just being polite.

Her breathing was getting difficult, and she wondered how long it would take until Kara stopped them and tightened her grip. Kara pulled her a little closer, and they were swaying again, a slow and steady move, as powerful and certain as a wave. Lena didn’t want to stop.

Kara’s cheek was pressed against the top of her head and it was easy enough to hear her humming the words to herself, and Lena couldn’t help but sigh and smile, leaning her head into the pressure.

Kara returned the head nod with a little nudge of her own as the lyrics took a break and the music built.

Stepping out with confidence which was so rarely found in her Kara Danvers persona, Kara spun them both around, twisting Lena in her arms, and Lena moved confidently and powerfully because Kara was with her, Kara would met her, Kara could catch her.

Smiling, because this was fun, Lena let out a little giggle and Kara was ginning back at her as she spun her around again, taking a moment to twirl herself as well, and still manage to be in place to catch Lena again.

And then the music softened again, turning intimate and lazy, soft and sure.

Lena let out a little sigh, twinging slightly at the unfamiliar movement and her grimace was caught by her dancing companion.

‘ _Reaching that famous happy ending_.’

“Lena?” And she faltered, as though to stop them but Lena shook her head, slipping into a leadership role for a moment to pull Kara after her. The blonde kept up with her and resumed her role, taking to leading them again and Lena hid her wince in Kara’s shoulder.

She smelt like her usual perfume, something sweet like the woman herself, but it wasn’t a fake smelling scent. It was subtle and Lena breathed carefully, aware that she had probably pushed herself, but unable to regret it. She would treasure this moment for the rest of her life, no matter how long that was.

The thought made her eyes water and she didn’t fight it.

‘ _For we know we are_.’

“Lena,” Kara let out a choked sound somewhere in her hair and Lena shuddered, letting her tears fall.

‘ _So close_.’

Kara just held her closer and they weren’t dancing anymore, they weren’t even swaying. Instead they stood there, arms around each other and breathing in the others presence.

‘ _So close_.’

And wasn’t that the crutch of it? Lena was helplessly in love with the woman in her arms and she couldn’t do anything about it because Kara didn’t love her in that way. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have kept that secret for so long, she would have wanted to share all who she was with Lena. And if she did… it meant Lena was a better person than she was, because the person who had Kara’s love would be a marvel, and Lena was not that person. She wasn’t brave or strong or smart-well, she was smart, but two out of three wasn’t the best odds. If Kara loved Lena, then it would be a lie, because Lena wasn’t worthy of Kara’s love and she never would be, as much as she longed to be.

‘ _And still so far_.’

A violin and piano combination heralded the end of the song, Kara’s phone went quiet. And Lena sniffed, letting out a shaky exhale into Kara’s shirt.

“Shhhhhsshhhh,” Kara soothed, and Lena let herself cry. Let herself quietly love the woman who held her so gently but firmly, who loved her so much when she didn’t deserve it, when all she wanted was all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and Comments! You guys really liked the last chapter lol. Have a nice Weekend! Not long to go now :D


	20. Chapter 20

“Did you know Supergirl has a crush on Aunt Lena?”

The glass Alex was holding shattered in her hand and she winced at the action, but the rest of her body was frozen staring at Ruby.

It took her a moment to process and then she was jerking her hand away, the liquid dripping from her hand onto the concrete.

“Alex!”

“Are you okay?”

“Aw, shit! Sorry, babe!” Alex slowly lowered the pieces of glass onto the table as serviettes were thrust at her in an attempt to keep the drink from her clothes. They were partially successful.

Kelly waved off the apology, more concerned with her girlfriends hand rather than the iced-tea she’d just spilled all over her wrist.

A near-by waiter caught the shatter and rushed over, and soon a replacement drink was being handed over.

The table took a moment to collect themselves while Ruby sipped at her straw and looked at the three adults with wide eyes but didn’t say anything. Apologies were made, ‘the glass must have had a crack in it’ and plasters were brought for Alex and then the table gave Ruby her attention again.

“She, what?”

Ruby sipped at her shake, glad to have everyone’s attention on her. “Yeah, she’s like, in love with her. It’s kinda sweet.”

Sam and Ruby had joined Alex and Kelly for an afternoon out. It was a few weeks after Lena’s return home, and while the group had all hung out together before, it was the first time the four of them had gotten together. Kara and Lena were off doing their own thing (and they had been doing that a lot lately), and it had been Kelly’s idea to go out together. Ruby had instantly voted for a bike-ride, and so here they were after cycling around the park, settling in at the café near the lake and cooling off.

Alex had gone for a beer while Kelly had an iced tea, Sam had a coke, diet because the flavour was better, and the youngest had a berry shake.

“You think Supergirl…. Is in love with Lena? Like, love-love?” Alex hedged and her tone was slow and suspicious, disbelieving.

“Yeah,” Ruby gave a little shrug. “She’s like, smitten. Its sweet. If Lena wasn’t in love with-“

“Ruby!” Sam finally interrupted her daughter with a warning glance that made the teen grimace and shrink into her seat.

She cleared her throat. “Right, um, er. I’d ship Supergirl with Aunt Lena if Aunt Lena wasn’t in love with someone else,” she said and her expression was twisted into an apology, directed at Sam for nearly outing Lena to Alex and Kelly.

“Supergirl isn’t in love with Lena,” Alex scoffed and Ruby frowned.

“Why cant she be? You didn’t see them the other day,” she added and she was already digging for her phone.

Kelly and Sam shared a look while Alex blinked owlishly at Ruby.

“She’s not in love with Lena,” she repeated with a little shake of her head, brows tightening. “She would have told me.”

“I didn’t know you knew her that well,” Ruby paused and looked at Alex. “That’s pretty cool!”

Kelly was a little sceptical, but giving her more credit, which was nice. “What makes you think that Supergirl is in love with Lena?”

Ruby dug her phone out with a flourish. “I recorded.”

“Ruby,” Sam chastised with a warning growl and Ruby shrugged.

“You didn’t see them mum. And Supergirl couldn’t shut up about her smile.” Ruby frowned as she tapped in her password and found the gallery. “I actually feel sorry for her. She’s so invested in getting Lena with,”-she cut herself off, “Lena with the other person that I don’t think she even realises that she’s in love with her. Its actually kinda sad. She seems really nice and anyone who loves Aunt Lena as much as we do deserves to be happy.”

Alex let out a strangled sound and she was looking a little pained, or maybe a bit constipated. Ruby wasn’t sure which.

Kelly leant forward. “Lena told you who it is?”

Both Arias’ nodded and were thankful that neither woman asked for who it was. It was a sign of their respect for them both and for Lena. Her mum had really cool friends, Ruby thought.

The audio was a little fuzzy, what with the distance the two of them had been from the microphone and with the sounds of the ice-cream store, but the group was able to hear most of the conversation, and when it was over the adults sat back.

“We are going to talk about privacy later, young lady,” Sam growled and Ruby frowned at her but didn’t comment.

Kelly was looking pensive, and she seemed like she agreed the most with Ruby, while Alex just looked like she’d swallowed a lemon.

“It seemed friendly, but I’m just a kid, so what do I know?” Ruby asked out loud and the adults all shared glances, glances that spoke more than the words they said did.

The last photo she’d been able to snag of Lena and Supergirl had been after Supergirl had flown her back to LCorp (directly to Lena’s balcony!), and she’d been holding on to it for weeks, wondering what she should do with it. The CEO had been present, unsurprisingly hard at work and Supergirl had sighed when she entered in through the door.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“Shouldn’t you use a proper door? Maybe I should get that one engraved,” And Lena had pushed away from her desk with a smile, standing to lean against it with her arms folded.

“I knocked,” Supergirl had replied and Ruby had trotted after her into the room, heart racing and skin flushed.

“How was it?”

“It was awesome!” Ruby nearly bounced across the room. “Flying is awesome!” She spun back to the hero. “Can we go again sometime?! Please?!”

Supergirl grinned while Lena looked a little ill. “As long as your mother is okay with it.”

Lena murmured something under her breath which had Supergirl turning to look at her, pleased expression fading into something a bit more intense. “I’d never let anything happen to her.” And it was how she had looked when she had been leaning forward over the booth to Ruby, quietly discussing what Lena’s favourite foods were and why. Intense and powerful, something untamed restrained in blue and red fabric.

“I promise.”

“I know, Darling,” Lena gave a little smile, but it was in her eyes more than her lips.

Supergirl brightened at the pet name and then was beaming back at Ruby. “I might not be able to take you every time I see you, but if I’m free and you’re around, and your mum is okay with it, I’d love to take you flying again. This one,” and when had Supergirl moved so close to Lena? Close enough to gently hip check her, share a smile, and then look back at Ruby. “Refuses to come with me.”

This was said with a pout and the most lethal version of ‘puppy eyes’ that Ruby had ever seen.

“You’ll excuse my reluctance for flying with Air Krypton when every time I’ve been in your arms has been after someone has tried to kill me,” Lena replied dryly looking up at Supergirl through her lashes.

Supergirl planted her hands on her hips. “That’s not my fault. Causation and correlation, Lena! You should be thankful I managed to catch you in time!”

“I am,” Lena’s reply was gently, head ducking down slightly and Ruby would say she looked shy, if Lena even could look shy. “Still, I am scared of heights.”

“I’d never drop you.” Supergirl said instantly, almost affronted at the perceived insult, though her expression softened. “If you spent time in my arms without someone trying to kill you, I’m sure you’d like it. I would never let you down. Never again.” And the way she had said it sounded like a vow, and then she realised what she had said, and she went red. It was okay, though, because Lena was blushing as well.

Soon after Ruby had been urged to go and see Sam, to talk to her about her ice-cream date with Supergirl, but before she left, she had angled her phone to catch one photo of the hero. She hadn’t needed to be sneaky. The moment she had been dismissed the two had eyes only for each other, it was like she’d been forgotten. Normally it would annoy her, to be brushed aside so easily, but it let her sneak the picture she was showing the adults she was with.

Lena was resting against her chair, arms folded lazily while Supergirl was looking at her softly. Neither of them were smiling, or at least they weren’t with their mouths, and Ruby felt like she was interrupting, even though she’d been in the room with them, and so scurried away to talk to her mum. Still, the picture had lingered at the back of her mind. Aunt Lena was in love with Aunt Kara, and yet…..

“That doesn’t make sense,” Sam muttered, frowning after having looked at the picture. “Lena’s in love with….with…..” and then her eyes went wide and her lips split in a silent ‘oh’ of realisation. “Wow….. okay,” and then a slow and winning smile broke out across her face and she let out a little laugh.

Ruby frowned at her, a little confused and feeling like she was missing something. “What?”

Sam came back to herself and shook her head. “Nothing, honey. Don’t worry about it. I think Supergirl and Lena are just very good friends.”

Ruby took her phone back with a disgruntled frown. It didn’t look like they were just good friends, and maybe Supergirl had a crush, but she might just be a ray of sunshine and puppies. The adults would know better, right?

~*~

“I had an interesting conversation with Sam and Ruby the other day,” Alex began, twisting her bottle cap off and tossing the cap in the general direction of the trash. She missed and frowned at her aim before shrugging and taking a swig of her beer.

It was sister night and Kara had just returned on a pizza trip and had piled the boxes on the table while she got changed.

“Yeah?” And she had already started on her pizza, tomato sauce around her lips and a piece crammed into her mouth as she turned the television on.

They were gonna re-watch some House. Alex’s idea because she enjoyed his antics, even if she found him an asshole. It also helped that both she and Kara had already watched all of it and it didn’t require their full attention, because Kara had some explaining to do.

The photos Ruby had shown her, and the ones she had found on the internet, plus a difficult conversation with Kelly, had led Alex to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, Kara had a crush on Lena.

It wasn’t a far fetched idea, Alex had to admit. Lena was…. Lena was brave and strong and smart enough to keep up with Kara. And now that she knew about Supergirl, there was an entire part to Kara that Lena could know and learn to love. She already loved her, that much was obvious from her actions before their split, during it, and after. Kara had been even more attentive in the weeks following Lena’s incident, and the two had certainly grown closer, but Alex wasn’t sure on the details. All she knew was that at least twice a week Kara stayed over at Lena’s.

She knew they ate food, lots of the junk food that Lena usually denied herself (but it seemed as though death had loosened her restrictions. She has reduced her work hours and was spending more time with the people she cared about), and they watched a lot of movies.

Alex hesitated and then changed her mind. She wouldn’t accuse Kara of anything, instead she would lead into the conversation and see where it led. She was a literal secret agent, so maybe it was time to put some of her training to use, even if she did feel guilty for using it on her own sister.

“Lena’s been spending a lot more time with us,” she offered as she took a beer from the fridge and closed the door with her hip.

Kara was already nodding, another piece of pizza already with a sizable bite taken from it.

“Iss good,” she mumbled and crammed a bit of cheese into her mouth. It left a grease stain on her chin, but eating pizza with Kara usually meant copious amounts of napkins and a face wash later on.

“She hasn’t told you who it is, yet, has she?”

Kara deflated, shoulders slumping and she slowly shook her head. “She changed the subject so much that I don’t ask her anymore. We just… we just spend time together,” and there was a wistful smile on her sisters face as her gaze unfocused.

“Its been really nice,” Kara added as she came back but she was staring down at her piece of pizza with a pensive expression that slowly twisted into heartbreak.

“Kara…” Alex hedged and placed her beer on the table before reaching for her sister.

“She’s dying, Alex,” Kara whispered and there were tears in her eyes. “And there isn’t anything I can do about it.” She coughed a little and cleared her throat, but Alex thought nothing of it.

“Shhhhsh,” Alex soothed, tucking her sisters head into her shoulder and wrapping her arms around her. Sometimes she wished she had Kara’s strength, if only to hug her tightly enough that she could feel it, that she could feel the love that Alex had for her.

“I’m never gonna see her again and all I can think about is that she’s- she’s-”Kara let out a choked sound, a whine parting her lips and Alex squeezed even tighter. “I _can’t_ lose her, Alex. I just can’t.”

“We are going to find him,” Alex said fiercely into Kara’s hair as her sister cried and clutched at her desperate for comfort Alex couldn’t provide. There was a tension in her own chest, a tickle at the back of her own throat as she thought of how soon Lena wouldn’t be in their lives and she blinked to clear her eyes.

Kara coughed again, tensed, and then quickly left Alex’s arms. She zipped to the bathroom and Alex looked after her confused but figured she had to use the bathroom. The sound of running water soon followed.

James was a fucking moron for ignoring the amazing woman in front of him, and if Alex had to go and smack some sense into him, she would. Black Belt he might be, but she was a secret agent and had the training to match it. He wouldn’t even know what was coming for him. Clearly Lena was still hung up on him, the Hanahaki made it obvious, and she only denied that it was James because she was a proud and stubborn woman and didn’t want to admit it and look weak in front of all of them.

“We’ll find him and –“

“It might not even be a him,” Kara nearly wailed on her return, and her cheeks were red, eyes damp. Alex’s brain drew to a scrambled halt as Kara burrowed into her arms again.

Huh?

It took her a moment for her brain to refresh. What? Lena was into chicks? Why hadn’t that come up before? She’d never said. Alex had never noticed. Not that Alex was the most observant of these things. Her gaydar was broken, according to Kelly, who had lovingly kissed her and told her that that was why she kept her around, so she could point out how glaringly into chicks Vasquez was. And Alex had no idea her loyal agent was a lesbian, but, yeah, when it was pointed out to her…..

So her gaydar was a little haywire, it wasn’t her fault. She’d thought she was straight until she met Maggie, and its calibration was still off. Still! She should have figured out that Lena Luthor wasn’t that straight, one night stand with Sam notwithstanding. The woman was powerful enough to have whoever she wanted, and some women liked the power she effortless wielded, even though the woman behind the mask was soft and squishy.

Huh.

“Well,” she rallied quickly, mind firing. Maybe she had told that to Kara to keep her from forcing the James issue, like Kara had bemoaned to Alex many times since the reveal. “We’ll just have to find him or her and knock some sense into them.”

“Yeah,” Kara agreed weakly in her arms, nuzzling in as close as she could get, and it reminded Alex of when Kara was a teenager, frightened of the noises or waking from a bad dream. She’d seek comfort in Alex’s arms, seeking out her heartbeat to ground herself.

“Its’ not like she has many people in her life anyway,” Kara whispered into her collar, and she was certain their pizza was getting cold and her nose wrinkled. Ew, cold pizza. But Kara was worth it, and well, they had a microwave or heat-vision.

Alex had to agree. I mean, there was really only their group and maybe Lena’s assistant, Jess. It wasn’t a big pool to choose from, and her and James had history. But, if it wasn’t James, then who could it be? Who was worthy of Lena?

There was a beeping of Kara’s earpiece and the two of them frowned over at it.

Reluctantly Kara detangled herself from Alex’s arms and wandered over to place it into her ear. She listened a moment and then nodded. “Okay. I’ll be right there.”

She turned back to Alex and there was a blur before Supergirl was in Kara Danvers’ living room. “There’s a crash. I’ll grab some ice-cream on the way back.”

Alex was still trying to puzzle Lena’s mysterious love interest and distractedly nodded a farewell. “Stay safe.”

Kara was a blur of blue and red and the curtains waved her departure while Alex slowly sat down. There was a thought ticking away in her brain but she couldn’t quite grasp it.

Her phone rang and she was smiling as she dug into her pocket. It was Kelly calling, she knew it from her ringtone.

“Hey Babe, what’s up?”

‘ _Hey. Have you seen my phone charger_?’

“Oh, oops. It should be by the coffee table. Sorry, I needed it.”

Kelly’s voice was a little muffled and there was a creaking of furniture and then she was returning victorious. ‘ _Got it! How’s sister night?_ ’

Alex glanced at the open windows. “Kara’s just out for pizza. She got held up.”

‘ _So you have time to talk_?’

“For you, always.”

The two of them chatted about their day, having not caught up since breakfast that morning, while Alex made her way to the couch.

As she was walking she tripped over Kara’s shoes and stumbled to catch herself.

She dropped her phone and sacrificed her shirt in protecting Kara’s nice new throw rug from the pizza.

‘ _Babe, you okay_?

Cursing in annoyance she set her beer and the pizza plate down and grabbed the phone.

“Sorry, just spilt pizza on myself.”

Kelly gave a little laugh but bid her farewell, telling her she’d see her tonight and maybe promising to help clean her up if she needed a shower.

Alex was blushing when she made her way to Kara’s bathroom to try and wash out as much of the tomato sauce stain as she could.

It was as she was reaching for the tap that she saw splatters of faint red coating the sink.

Huh?

She was instantly suspicious and stared at it for a long moment, trying to place what it was, because her brain knew exactly what it was. Blood.

Slowly lowered her head to the vanity and reached for the handle. Her had shook slightly and she already knew what she was going to find before she pulled the drawer open. Sitting on top of Kara’s make-up bag was a singular five petaled flower.

Gently, reverently Alex picked it up and brought it closer for inspection. It was a five petaled flower, of pure white, with a golden sun in the centre.

Entranced Alex slowly spun the flower as her heart and mind raced. Her sister had come into the bathroom to cough, clearly, and had used the running water to disguise the sound and hide the evidence- not well enough obviously. Alex might not be as smart as Lena or Kara, but she wasn’t stupid. Even she, with pieces of a puzzle clearly designed for children, could put them together to form a picture.

These were the facts;

Hanahaki was a disease where the recipient coughed flowers.

Kara coughed before vanishing into the bathroom.

There was a flower hidden in the vanity, recognisable as one pacific island nations liked to wear about their necks, heads, or in their hair, or so media would have her believe. She was also pretty sure she’d seen some in Lena’s house before, they were some of the brunettes favourites, according to Kara.

Therefore, Kara, Supergirl, her sister, had Hanahaki…. And was already coughing flowers. It meant her outlook wasn’t good, if they could even do anything about it. To even get near Kara to operate would mean… would mean….

There was a woosh and then her sister was calling out, “I’m back! And I got ice-cream!”

Alex slowly made her way from the bathroom, ignoring the sauce staining her shirt.

Hanahaki was almost impossible to cure for a human, what methods could they successfully and practically use on a Kryptonian? What could they use to cut her open, to take the buds from her lungs? What could they use to target the specific cells without destroying all who Kara was? There would be nothing they could do…

Kara was offloading a few tubs of ice-cream into the freezer and had set a plate of pizza to microwave, while another box looked like it had already been treated to heat vision.

“I hope you saved me-“

She froze when she turned around and saw Alex holding the flower, and Alex knew, knew without a doubt that it was true, even as Kara’s smile fled her face and her eyes went wide. It was an expression she’d grown up with when Kara had accidently broken something.

Eyes wide, brows high, lips parted and body language open before turning defensive and protective.

“Alex,” Kara let out a hoarse whisper. Alex’s name lingering on the air as though to reach out for her sister.

Heart pounding in her chest Alex had to know, had to know who was sentencing her sister to certain death, because a Kryptonian with Hanahaki was beyond the capabilities of the DEO. Beyond anything Alex could fix, or even try to fix. Kara, Supergirl, her _sister_ , with Hanahaki was a death sentence.

“Who?” She asked quietly, voice measured and soft, giving no insight to the turmoil within her.

Kara’s jaw worked and her tongue darted out to wet her lips, but there was no shame or regret in her eyes as she answered, there was only love. Love for Alex, for herself, and for the person who had captured her heart.

And Alex already knew the name before it parted Kara’s lips, because, really, could there ever be anyone else?

“Lena.”

And part of Alex found it mutinously ironic, that the only Luthor to kill a Super was Lena, and it wasn’t hatred that would kill her, it was love.

~*~

“I have something I’d like to show you,” Lena asked, and Kara had already started to nod before Lena had finished speaking.

“Of course! When? Now?”

And that had been her response, or a variation of her response to everything Lena had asked of her. ‘ _Yeah, sure. Whatever you want, Lena_.’ It would be annoying if Lena wasn’t a few weeks away from dying. She didn’t want a ‘yes ma’am’ for a friend, she wanted an equal. But Kara was always happy to help, and seemed to love to spend time with her, and Lena was selfish. She wanted Kara all to herself, so she was content to do the things she suggested with Kara, after all, Kara would have others when she was gone.

Radiation therapy was failing, enough so that Lena had had her last session at the end of last week, and it had been a fucking fantastic way to welcome in December, Friday the thirteenth indeed. She’d already done all of her Christmas shopping, and with it now less than a week until Christmas LCorp had basically shut down, so there was hardly any work for her to do.

CatCo was the same, all the paper was running was variants of Christmas themed stories, which was a plus considering most of the rest of the cities papers, and some of the worlds, were having a running countdown of Lena’s life. There were bets, which actually fucking sucked, but it wasn’t something she was unaccustomed to. Kara had been furious and warned the CatCo team if they even thought about placing a bet or writing a story on Lena then she’d have words with them. Lena hadn’t been there to hear her shouting in the bullpen, but Nia had told her what had been said and that the entirety of CatCo had frozen at her roar, and vowed to never get on Kara Danvers’ bad side.

Lena had thanked her friend by sending her a box of cupcakes, but they had done little to improve Kara’s mood. Lena had to admit, having people place bets on her friends life would have infuriated her too, and she’d have done more than yell at her co-workers. Still, Nia had said that no one had dared, and CatCo remained respectfully silent on its owner’s impending demise.

Lena hadn’t given an interview since the first one, and not for lack of their trying, but she had just issued a statement, asking to be left alone with the people she cared about. Some people had respected her wishes, most outlets hadn’t, and her security had issued no less than a dozen trespass orders on people who didn’t get the hint. Publications were speculating who it was still, and a few had suggested it was Kara, who was seen spending even more time with Lena, but as she was spending time with all of them, Alex, Eliza, Sam and Ruby, Kelly, even Nia, Brainy and James, they didn’t think it was anything more than speculation.

There had been an extremely uncomfortable conversation to be had with James, and she ended up being very blunt with him. It had been a little awkward afterwards, and he had kept a polite distance from her, which she had appreciated.

She wasn’t in love with him, and she’d needed to be very upfront about it because he had seemed to think she was. Men.

She’d laughed about it with Sam later, and had then cried, because her time was running out and it seemed to be all she wanted. Time. More time with the people she cared about, and she’d never understood the need to try everything humanity had to offer, but she did now. So many years had been spent on work, on people who didn’t care for her, when the world was waiting. It had so many peoples, so many tastes and sounds, so much music, so much life, and Lena would miss all of it.

It was, perhaps, her only regret. That she didn’t have more time to see all there was to be seen, to live all that earth had to offer. She’d like so company when she did, but honestly it wasn’t necessary. She could walk her own path, alone like always, but it would have been nice. There wasn’t a Kara shaped shadow at her side when she thought about it, there _wasn’t_. There totally was, but Lena would never ask Supergirl to come with her, and she didn’t have the time now. And she was liable to cark-it* at any moment, so she was sticking to National City.

She was barely alone now. Her days were filled of Sam and Ruby, Alex and Kelly popping in every few days, Eliza showed up to. Her mother had come to see her once or twice, and Lena suspected Lillian was just waiting for her to die…. Which wasn’t a nice thought, but at least she’d come back. It was the first time Lena had been picked over Lex, but, well, Lex wasn’t an option.

Her mother had said that she should tell the person she was in love with but was the only one to respect her wishes and tell her once. Everyone else had, at some point, tried to get her to come clean, often multiple times. That Lillian had been the only one to not, had been a surprise, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Instead she came sauntering into Lena’s life, took her away from everyone else for a few hours of uncomfortable conversation- usually about business, or LCorp( and her mother was taking an interest now that she was dying, which raised a lot of unpleasant emotions she cried to Kara about).

Lillian was trying, it was clear to see. She still thought Lena was a silly girl but she left it at that. She had also commented on the mask Lena had taken to wearing, as she refused to use a nasal cannula and wouldn’t go out with an oxygen mask screaming to the world how sick she was. The mask looked like a wind breaker, but without making her look like she was getting ready to rob something. It curled down under her eyes, across her cheeks, and over her nose, cupping her chin and mouth in its embrace. It wasn’t perfect, but it did the job. Kara, at least, had thought the mask was cute. Said she looked like a character from Star Wars, and that it had been that.

Kara was with her every day. Truthfully, she’d become addicted to the blonde’s presence. It was soothing like nothing else, and she coveted every new thing she learnt about her. Kara, it seemed, had taken to heart Lena’s vow of taking anything Kara told her about Krypton to the grave… or, more likely, she wanted to share all of who she was with Lena.

It was one of the many things they talked about, alone in the dark together. Lena’s room sheltering them from the world.

Kara told her about… everything, everything she could remember. She talked about her schooling, things that made Lena itch to get her hand on the technology, or somehow see it for herself, and she mourned how Kara’s intelligence was glossed over.

‘ _I don’t mind though_ ,’ Kara had assured her with a little smile. ‘ _Earth had so much to learn, and it was easier to just… just forget how smart I was, am…. I needed to fit in._ ’

Lena had come back the next day with some of the most complex problems her research and development teams had faced, and she and Kara had worked on them. Kara had loved the challenge, hugging her afterwards and thanking her. Lena had resolved to engage Kara’s mind on a more frequent basis, and in between talking about their childhoods, they would debate all sections of earth science. Lena was often left feeling a step or two behind, but she had loved learning that about Kara had had loved seeing Kara light up with the thrill of a mental challenge.

They talked about how hard it was to fit in when you were adopted, feelings of being unwanted, and if Lena had the energy to pick a fight with Superman she would have flown to Metropolis and punched the Man of Steel in the face. A good man he might have been, and he was right in not keeping Kara to raise as he was woefully unequip to help her, but he didn’t have to keep his distance. Having Kara break down in her arms over that had made Lena wonder if her own rage towards Superman eclipsed Lex’s. It had been a sobering thought, and Kara’s need for her had calmed her down slightly, but if she ever saw Clark Kent again…. He’d better look out!

Kara’s stories of middle and high-school had been parallel to her own. Lena hadn’t been bullied per say, but she had been left out of some things on purpose, and was mostly ignored by her peers, too scared of her last name to go beyond teasing, but Kara, poor innocent and sweet Kara…. If she ever learnt the name of Kara’s school bully….

Kara had pulled her close after that, kissing her hair and there had been a smile in her voice when she had warned Lena, ‘ _I wont tell you her name so you can ruin her life._ ’

Lena had grumbled about being a Luthor and hiring an assassin. She was joking. Mostly.

Kara’s college experiences had been something else. Lena had never gone, as she’d returned to LuthorCorp and descended into her dungeon to help in the laboratories after Lionel had died. She’d gotten her degrees by correspondence; it was easier that way. She could do the work in her own time and work for her family’s legacy.

And Lena had never actually had a job, to which Kara had teased her about being an elite snob. But she’d shared her stories about working in customer service at Noonan’s, and how it had helped her deal with Cat Grant. The customer was never right, but if you treated them like they were, you could complain about them later to your co-workers.

And Cat Grant knew about Kara, or at least Kara was pretty sure she did. And while Lena didn’t think Cat Grant was a particularly nice boss to have, her standards were high and she had little tolerance, she had helped shape Kara into the reporter and Super she was, so she had gained a little more respect in Lena’s eyes.

Learning about James had been a little uncomfortable, but Lena had listened to her friend talk about him and what he had meant to her.

It was hard learning about Kara’s conflicting feelings for the man she had also had feelings for, and Lena learnt why people didn’t talk about their exes in that moment, lying in the arms of the woman she loved while they both discussed their mutual ex.

To say that their nightly chats while they took comfort in each others arms wasn’t the highlight of her day would be a lie. Lena was perfectly content to go to bed every night with Kara for the rest of her life, though she never mentioned it.

Kara still kept odd hours but she never let her Supergirl duties keep her from Lena. Not now, at least. When they were apart Supergirl was doing her bit for the city, but even the people had noticed Supergirl had withdrawn from her duties. When Lena had asked her about it, concerned that people might need her help while she was with a dying Luthor, Kara had reassured her.

‘ _National City was fine before I came along, and they’ll be fine long after I’m gone. I’ve talked to the DEO. I’ll only go to emergencies_ ,’ and Lena had rested her head on Kara’s chest, letting her card her fingers through Lena’s hair. It had taken a while for her to be comfortable enough with her affection for the blonde to cuddle up to her when she was awake, but Lena liked hearing Kara’s heartbeat.

She liked their easy affection now. It came to her easily, or at least it did when they were alone. When they were with others she sometimes slipped and called Kara ‘Darling’ and she always sat close to her, and they touched like they used to, but they never cuddled while other people were around. Their time was just for them, and no one else would understand it. And Lena didn’t want to have to defend herself, clinging to Kara when she was in love with someone else and was going to die would only hurt Kara, so she tried to keep her distance.

Kara was a naturally tactile person and encouraged the contact, seeking it out herself. And Sam had commented, once when she came home to find Lena asleep in Kara’s arms on the couch, that it was a bit more than ‘just friends’ and that Lena had to stop deluding herself.

Sam was firmly in the ‘Kara’s in love with you too,’ camp, and kept giving her evidence to support it. Lena disagreed; Kara loved her but wasn’t in love with her.

Sam thought she was being stupid and had cursed and cried but had kept her silence. Kara had no idea that she was the reason Lena was dying, and she would never find out. At least she wouldn’t from Sam.

Kara was just clingy because she knew that Lena was going to die soon, and she was trying to cram as much affection and love and time in with her as possible before the inevitable happened.

Sam had thrown a dish-washing sponge at her in disgust when she had explained that and had told her she was a stupid genius.

Still. It was the truth. Kara knew Lena was dying and knew there was nothing that could be done, so she spent as much time with her as she could.

‘ _Friends don’t cuddle, Lena! They don’t sleep in each other’s bed every. Single. Fucking. Night! Jesus fucking Christ_!’

Lena had been slightly offended by the comment and had retorted, ‘ _we have._ ’

‘ _When we had sex, you idiot! But I don’t wanna sleep with you!’_

 _‘And Kara does?_ ’ Lena had scoffed and Sam had let out a scream of frustration which had made Lena thankful that Ruby had been out, and that the group was coming over later, much later, because Lena was pretty sure that the floors beneath her could hear the argument.

‘ _Yes_!’

But Kara didn’t, and that was final. Kara didn’t love her like that, she was just clinging to what she knew before she lost it, because she coped terribly with change, and could probably use a therapist.

Still, it meant that she was spending all of her time with Lena, and Lena sucked up her love and easy affection like a sponge.

“Not now,” Lena said, and they were lying in her bed, arms casually draped around each other.

Kara was on her back with Lena curled into her side, and one of Kara’s arms was around her back, gently playing with strands of her hair. Kara’s other hand had been caught by one of Lena’s, and she was absently tracing patterns into its palm.

“Later?”

“Mh hm,” Kara gave a little nod and placed a kiss on her hair and Lena let out a contented sigh, the breath hitting her lips as it hit her facemask.

She loved their mornings like this, when she was sleepy and warm and blissfully content. Cuddling with Kara was nothing more than a consequence of being so touch starved throughout her life, she craved the affection Kara willing gave her. And Kara needed touch to ground her, to let her know she was real and was present, to let her know she wasn’t alone. It was how she showed she cared, after spending so long afraid to even ask for a hug, she needed it now. Really, the two were a match made in heaven.

“Come by LCorp later,” she mumbled, fighting a yawn and she stretched out next to Kara, feeling thoroughly content.

“Mh,” Kara gave a little nod and the two lay there together until Kara’s alarm sounded.

Groaning in annoyance she shifted and Lena pulled her arm back, missing Kara pouting at her as she rolled to her side of the bed and flipped her covers off.

“Do you want to shower first or shall I?”

And having Kara use her shower was just practical. Ruby and Sam shared the other one, and it wasn’t fair to ask Kara, who had shared her bed, to go and use their shower. Besides, she liked the thought of Kara using her shower, and she even more liked the thought of Kara using her showering products. There was something very satisfying about Kara smelling like her favourite body wash.

It was thoughts she had given up on fighting, and instead it just made sense. Lena had a shower with the appropriate washing products, and Kara needed to wash. Therefore, she would use them, there was nothing more to it. Still. Her heart always twirled in satisfaction whenever Kara emerged from the shower with her hair in a towel and smelling like Lena.

“I need to get some clothes. I’ll shower at home. Thanks though.”

Yawning and stretching, Lena turned to face Kara and gave her a smile even though she couldn’t see it. Kara was already looking at her, a soft expression on her face.

“I’ll see you later?”

Kara gave a little nod and Lena waggled her fingers in her direction as she moved to the bathroom. She had plans for today, plans she needed courage for.

She wasn’t going to tell Kara she loved her, she didn’t have the courage for that, but she was going to show her the flowers that had torn her lungs apart. It was a little side project of hers.

The roof-top of LCorp hosted a helipad and not much else, so Lena had claimed the space for herself.

It hadn’t been difficult, she only had to pick a space that she wanted to transform and then go shopping. She hadn’t gone in person, obviously, that would have been a riot, but online shopping was a lifesaver. Maybe she’d gone overboard when she’d looked, but hey, she was gonna be dead in a month, so it hadn’t mattered.

The internet had been wonderful for inspiration and she had found a landscaper and had sent them the designs. They had been quietly thrilled to land an LCorp contract, and had set to work with gusto. Her rooftop was now a patch of green in an otherwise jungle of steel, stone and glass.

She was surprised Kara hadn’t commented on it, to be honest. It must have looked pretty from the sky.

Showering and changing, she made sure to dress to impress, and was soon taking her car to LCorp. She’d refrained from driving herself in case she died at the wheel, she’d hate to hurt someone as she died, and so had her thoughts for company as Michael drove her to work.

She’d felt bad about getting him to drive her, but she hadn’t wanted to disturb Sam, and she’d never use an Uber, not now anyway.

Michael hadn’t minded, his son and daughter-in-law weren’t flying in until Monday, so he was happy to drive her around, even though he was technically on holiday.

Promising she’d find her own way home she left him at the LCorp doors. There were members of the press there but Lena hadn’t wanted to keep Michael for too long, and going through security and into the garage would take longer, especially as most of the building was closed now.

She greeted a few of them and ignored the questions, though did wish them happily holidays if they offered her the same.

LCorp was silent, though a massive tree in the corner of the lobby winked at her with colourful lights. It was almost an eye-sore, but the boxes beneath it would be donated to the children’s hospital, so it was worth the PR stunt. Plus, her staff each had gifts under it.

She took her elevator down to her labs, and walked over to her latest project.

It had been Ruby who had suggested that Lena try and grow the flowers that had torn her lungs apart, and Lena had been morbidly curious enough to try it. To her surprise, with a bit of fertiliser, the flowers had grown, staying alive in the dirt. Which broke all of the laws of biology Lena knew.

The flowers were made up of her DNA in their entirety, it should have been impossible for them to even exist, let alone live outside of her body and in soil, but they lingered.

She now had pots of flowers which defied nature, still in full bloom as they had been when they came out of her. It was fascinating, but also beautiful, and she wanted them to see the sun.

Taking a cart, she started to load the pots onto it. Her hands got dirty soon, but she didn’t mind it, and soon she was taking the elevator up to the top floor and tugging the cart along with her.

It was a massive security risk to have elevator access to the roof, so she had to carry each individual plant up the stairs and onto the roof, but she managed it. It only took her an hour, and she enjoyed the exercise, even if she did have to stop a few times to catch her breath.

The flowers in her lungs were strong, resisting the radiation therapy, and so her lung capacity was decreased. She had taken to wearing a face mask of her own design, which hooked in at her ears and covered her mouth. It was a modified nasal cannula, and meant she didn’t have to lug a tank of oxygen around with her. It was all in the mask. She figured she could modify it further for firefighter use, and had plans to do so, but didn’t think she’d finalise it before she was dead. But she’d left instructions for it for the future.

Once all her flowerpots were on the roof, she had to carry them through the vents and to the garden, but it was a beautiful day, if a little chilly, and the exertion kept her warm.

The landscaping business had done a stellar job, and she was proud of her garden.

It was mostly wood and paving stones, as she wasn’t interested in adding lawn mowing to maintenance’s job description, but they took care of the plants in the building, so she would just add the rooftop trees to the list. The trees wouldn’t grow excessively big anyway, or so she had been assured. They might grow big enough to provide a bit of shade, but otherwise they’d stay at two meters high, and only require regular pruning.

There was a table and chair set, and solar lights were curled around the pergola above it.

A small water fountain bubbled near-by, solar powered as well, and Lena had requested that the other flowers planted be bee friendly. A little garden bed had been left empty, at Lena’s request, and she eyed it a moment before nodding.

She had a dozen and a half flower types she wanted to plant, and she needed to prep the bed before she could plant them.

The bags of fertiliser and clean fill were a bit awkward for her to carry, and after lifting a dozen twenty kilo bags her arms were feeling the strain. She had to sit for a minute, maybe a bit more, to catch her breath before she could continued.

The sun was warm, even if the day wasn’t, and she slowly and carefully took her flowers from their pot and planted them.

She was very specific about the order she wanted. She wanted them to tell a story. She toed off her heels to make it easier, and though she could have worn something more practical for outdoor work, she’d need the comfort of her business attire later, even if it would be dirty and smelly.

The rest of her morning was spent planting the flowers, gently guiding them into the new embrace of dirt before moving onto the next one.

She was deathly thirsty by the time she’d finished and flopped down onto one of the seats, taking comfort in the slight breeze at the back of her neck.

“Hey.”

She lifted her eyes to see Kara making her way down the path, and she was carrying a paper-bag in one hand and a drink holder in the other.

“Hello, Darling,” she greeted tiredly, aware of how muffled her voice was though her mask and she didn’t think for more than a second before she was taking it off.

“This is amazing,” Kara was gushing as she looked around and the smile on her face slipped as she saw Lena had removed her mask. She wisely didn’t comment, only placed the drinks and bag on the table and darted forward to press her lips to Lena’s cheek.

“I saw you working and decided to get you something.”

Lena let out a soft sigh at the contact. Kara’s lips were cold, likely from the drink she had.

“Here. Iced tea and a blueberry muffin.”

“I love you,” Lena replied and reached for the drink, and Kara blushed and fiddled with her glasses.

Lena had taken to confessing more often now, it was easy when Kara and Alex threw the three words around like they were nothing, and Kara thought nothing of it. But she still went nervous and shy whenever Lena said it.

“Taking up gardening?” Kara asked, sipping her drink and looking around while Lena let the cool drink soothe her mouth and throat.

Breathing was a little harder outside of her mask, but she wanted to be free of it for the conversation she wanted to have.

“Bit over dressed, don’t you think?”

Lena hummed in reply and let herself rest a moment, closing her eyes and letting the peace of the rooftop settle over her. The little water fountain bubbled away, and it really set the scene. If Lena lived, she could imagine coming up here to relax. It had a great view of the city, down to the sea, and even to the mountain ranges in the distance.

Kara was fiddling with the cardboard carry container and Lena finally opened her eyes.

Her eyes, as always, found Kara and lingered for a moment.

The blonde had her hair down, strands from the front gathered at the back in a plait, and was wearing black jeans and a flannel shirt.

“The first flower I coughed up was a camelia,” Lena began, and she needed to get this out before her courage fled her.

Standing abruptly she walked over to the flowerbed she’d just left and Kara’s chair screeched across the wooden planks as she hurried to catch up with her.

She didn’t have time to put her heels on before Kara showed up, so she was aware of the blonde’s shadow coming up behind her.

“It wasn’t the first petal, but it was the first flower.”

Lena gazed down at the yellow carnations at the left of the flower garden.

“Yellow carnations,” she parroted quietly and Kara’s inhale was a sharp sound. “It means rejection and disappointment.”

“Lena…” Kara let out a little whisper and hovered near her, but Lena couldn’t answer, couldn’t look away from the yellow flowers loving nestled in fresh fertiliser. It was hardly the season for flowers but they were at full bloom, as beautiful as the day she’d choked them up.

Next to the yellow flowers were red ones, anemone’s. “Forsaken love.”

Kara’s body was tense next to her but she didn’t say anything as Lena went to the next one. “Camellia’s,” and she reached out to gentle stroke the petals. “Longing.”

Her chest tightened and she forced down the feeling. She didn’t need to a physical reminder of the very feeling for the woman next to her.

“Daffodils, eternal love.”

“Lena, “ Kara let out a choked swallow. “Why are you-“ Kara cut herself off with a little cough and Lena continued.

“Red dahlia’s, betrayal.”

And so Lena went down the row of tidily planted flowers. They were a mixture of colours, shapes and sizes. Some had no business being planted in a coastal city, others were so out of season it was painful, but they all meant something, they’ll all been coughed up at some stage.

At the end, Lena paused. There was a gap here for the final flower.

Kara was quiet next to her, repeating the meanings of the flowers to herself and gently touching the petals as they went down the list.

“Lena,” she asked in a broken whisper. “Why are you showing me this? Why are you telling me this?”

Lena thought for a long while, unable to look at the woman next to her, but drawing comfort from her presence.

“I’m not brave, Kara,” she said after a long moment and she eyed the dirt under her nails, picking at them in annoyance. She really should have thought it through, but hindsight.

“I don’t… I can never tell the person I’m in love with how they make me feel.”

“I can tell them with you,” Kara said suddenly, and her expression was fierce. “You can tell me, and I can go with you, we can tell them together! I’ll be by your side the entire time!”

She took a step forward and took Lena’s hands in her own, uncaring of how dirty they were. “I’ll be by your side, you don’t have to be afraid!”

And Lena’s heart twisted. What had she done in another life to be deserving of Kara? Of course Kara was willing and ready, eager even, to hunt down the person Lena loved and to convince them Lena was worth their time.

Lena slowly shook her head and tears were forming at Kara’s eyes, and they lit up angrily.

“Why are you so willing to die!” And Lena had a feeling Kara’s silence had hit a breaking point. It had taken far long than Lena had thought it would. She’d thought that Kara wouldn’t respect her wishes and would badger her day and night to know who she loved, if only so that she could play cupid and make Lena happy. But how had she not realised that she made Lena happy? Lena wasn’t that good of an actress, and it wasn’t like her heart didn’t do a little happy dance whenever she saw Kara, didn’t wriggle with joy whenever they touched.

“Who could it be that you would rather die than tell them that you love them?” Kara’s voice had turned desperate and the grip she had on Lena had tightened almost painfully, and all Lena could do was stare up at her in awe. How did Kara exist?

“You said you didn’t want them to know, and I kept quiet because you asked me too, but you’re gonna die, Lena! You’re gonna die and there isn’t anything I can do about it!”

And she was openly crying now, and it wasn’t the soft and gentle tears they had shed together after dancing in the living room. This was open and messy, emotional and raw.

“I _can’t_ lose you!”

“Kara,” Lena choked out and Kara released her to start pacing, angrily storming up and down the small length of the flower bed.

“No! Don’t you ‘Kara’ me! Is it someone we know? Is it- is it Sam?” She let out a growl, spinning to face Lena and she was beautiful like this, fierce and angry and so powerful.

Sam?

“Sam?” Lena started a little confused. “What does-why would?” She shook her head. “No,” she let herself smile a little. What a silly thought. She loved Sam, loved her with all that she was, but she wasn’t in love with Sam. “I’m not in love with Sam.”

Kara let out a little, “oh”, gave a nod, and then slumped. “Then who is it?!” Her energy was back, and with it her anger.

“Does it matter, Kara? I don’t want them to know!”

“Of course it matters!” And Kara was shouting again while Lena was wondering where all this rage was coming from.

“Who could be so horrible that you would rather die than tell them you love them? What kind of person could have your love and not want it?”

“I don’t want to fight, Kara,” Lena said, and she was so tired. She really wanted to sit down. Maybe it was heatstroke?

“Well I do! You’re in love, Lena! In love with someone so much that your growing flowers in your lungs, that’s incredible!”

And of course Kara would find the impossible to be amazing, even if it was killing her. Kara would see it as a sign of Lena’s capacity for love, always able to spin things to paint Lena in a positive light.

“You’re the most incredible person I know, and the person you love must be equally as amazing! How could you not want them to know how you find them?”

“Because they could never love me,” Lena let out a little, defeated sigh, and finally told Kara the truth. Kara froze mid rant, hands nearly at shoulder height.

“Are you fucking kidding me!”

Lena started and stared. It was the first time she’d ever seen Kara swear, and she looked outraged. Her eyes were sparking, literally sparking, and the air about her body seemed to quiver with the power she was barely containing as she panted in rage. She spluttered for a long moment, words failing her in her fury before she straightened.

“HOW DARE YOU!” Kara roared, and seagulls on the nearby buildings took to the skies, squawking in fear. “How dare you imply that you aren’t worthy of love!” And Kara had found the truth within the truth. Lena was too afraid to confess her feelings for someone she loved because she didn’t believe she deserved it. Because no one could ever love someone as broken as she was, someone as undeserving of love as Lena Luthor.

“Don’t you ever imply that you aren’t worthy of being loved, Lena Kieran Luthor!” And she was shouting, words cracking with the effort of her voice. Lena was still, paralysed in shock as Kara utterly and completely lost her temper.

“You are one of the kindest, smartest, sweetest people I have ever met and you deserve to love and be loved!”

Kara started to rant, and it was a thing of beauty once Kara got going. There was no stopping her, and Lena was treated to a five minute, yes, she counted, roar of how beautiful and amazing Lena was. It would almost be embarrassing if there was anyone around to listen, but it was just Kara. Kara who was saying the most amazing and wonderous things about her that no one had ever said before, had ever come close.

She remained, recoiling into the wooden frame of the flower bed as Kara shouted at her. She wasn’t afraid of Kara, would never be afraid of Kara, but she was afraid of her words, of the truth she was speaking.

“How dare you think we don’t love you! How dare you think we don’t think you are worthy of our love for you!”

Kara stormed away, made it to the end of the path, before she came roaring back. “I’m still mad, but I’m not going anywhere! You’re stuck with me! Until, until- ” and she cut herself off with a furious cry, wiping angrily at her tears and then she started to cry, broken, heaving sobs.

Lena pushed off the flower bed and rushed to her, worried she’d be pushed away but needing to provide comfort. It was Kara, for Kara she’d risk anything…. Except her heart. Which, honestly, made her a bit of a hypocrite, but she was doing it to protect Kara. When Kara rejected her love, and Lena died, then Kara would feel guilty.

“Shssshhh,” Lena soothed and now she was crying, her heart hurting at how badly Kara was hurting.

“You’re deserving of love,” Kara choked out through her sobs, and Lena held her as close as she could, not carrying for how her ribs were screaming at her for holding on too tight. She needed this, needed Kara. What was a little pain in the face of Kara’s pain?

And Lena might not be able to confess to Kara who it was, but she could explain why. It was a piece of her she could give to Kara, especially when she would give her everything. The two of them clung to each other and slowly slid to the ground next to the flower bed, crying into each other and taking and giving comfort.

“I am never going to beg anyone to love me, never again,” she said slowly, voice a little choked from her own tears, and she wiped her eyes on her sleeve. There was a softness to her words, a calm acceptance.

“I can’t do that to them, not because I don’t need saving, but because I’d never take that choice away from them. Because in knowing the truth, they’d want to save me, even going so far as to convince themselves they love me. And they can’t. And when I inevitably died, they’d feel guilty for not loving me enough, for not being enough when they are _everything_ ,” Lena said fiercely, clutching Kara tighter. Kara had her head in the crook of her neck, her tears wetting her suit, but it was okay. It was only a suit.

“And I couldn’t, can’t, do that to them. Because they love so much, with all that they are, and I couldn’t-“

“Anyone would be honoured to be loved by you,” Kara mumbled into her shirt, fingers clutching her tighter and Lena warmed at how protective Kara was of her.

Lena pressed a kiss to her hair and kept talking, tears slowly falling.

“I know they could never love me the way that I love them, and that is okay. I’d rather spend my time with you, with Alex and Sam and Ruby, with the people I care about, than risk-“

“If they are half the person you think they are,” Kara pulled back, glasses crooked but eyes fierce, “then they love you. How could they not?”

Lena just smiled at her sadly. “She’ll never love me the way I love her, and that’s okay, Kara. She deserves to love and be loved, wholly, and without a shred of doubt. I couldn’t take that away from her. She’d always wonder why she wasn’t enough, why she couldn’t force herself to love me, and she doesn’t deserve that doubt. She deserves all the best things in the universe, and I couldn’t take that from her.”

Kara’s crinkle was present as she looked at Lena. Lena thought she was articulating, but maybe not enough. Kara would never love her in the way that Lena loved her, and that was ok. Lena wasn’t about to risk Kara forcing herself to love her, and then finding someone else. If Kara did find someone else, she’d never let herself love them properly because if she did, then Lena’s life would be at risk. She also didn’t want to force her into anything she wasn’t willing to enter. If Lena did die, because Kara couldn’t make herself be in love with Lena, then she’d feel stupidly guilty over it for a long time, because Kara was like that. Always trying to save people, to protect those who needed help.

“And maybe I’m too much of a coward to risk loving her and not having it requited, but I don’t need her to love me like that. I just need to see her happy. To see her love and be loved, even if it isn’t with me, especially if it isn’t with me,” and maybe she was confessing too much, too fast, because Kara was oblivious, but she wasn’t stupid. She’d figure it out.

“Is it… Alex?” And her expression was pained.

Lena let out a snort. “No, Kara,” she shook her head fondly. “I’m not in love with your sister.”

Kara let out a relieved breath. “Good, ‘cause that would be a bit awkward.”

Lena let out a little chuckle, she couldn’t agree more.

“So what you’re saying, “ Kara said after a few minutes of them holding each other on the wood. “Is that you’re scared of rejection, don’t think she could love you in the same way, don’t want to force this woman into something she might not want because you think she’ll feel guilty about letting you die, and you don’t want her to force herself into it in case you do survive and she’ll never be able to love anyone else because your life will hang in the balance.”

It was…. That was basically it. It sounded stupid coming from Kara’s mouth and she flushed a little. Feelings were stupid but that didn’t invalidate them.

“Basically…..”

Kara scowled, but it was more of a pout. “That’s stupid. You’re deserving of love.”

“Thank you, Darling,” Lena’s voice was hoarse and she was breathing quickly, and she should probably put her oxygen mask back on because she was sure her body was starting to struggle.

Still, she didn’t want to move. Any time spent in Kara’s arms was time well spent, even if it was after someone had just tried to kill her.

“There was some space at the end of the flowerbed,” Kara said after a few minutes and Lena groaned as she slowly got to her feet. Kara zipped up and held out a hand to pull her up.

“Note to self, lets not sit on the ground,” Lena grunted and wiped her hands on her suit. It was already ruined, but she wanted the grit off her hands.

“What flowers go in the corner?” Kara asked and she was looking around for the flower pot.

Lena had placed it out of the way near the remaining bag of fertiliser and walked over to grab it, she was panting a little, and really needed to put her facemask back on, but it was itchy and warm and constricting. She didn’t like it much, even if it helped her. She’d put it back on as soon as she’d planted the last flower.

It was just the one flower, the one that had nearly killed her as it bloomed in her chest. It was one that she didn’t know, one that no one knew. It was beautiful, even having come from her lungs and nearly killing her in the process. It was designed like a star or a frangipani, with each of the petals curling around, almost like one of those fidgeting spinners that Ruby liked to play with. From each branch there was a magnitude of slender petals, individually joining each petal in the middle. They started a dark black, an almost blue sheen to the colour, and the black bled away into midnight and shifted into lighter and brighter colours until it looked as though the flower held the entirety of a flame in its form, starting with coal, then embers, then flames. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

Kara couldn’t take her eyes off it.

“ _Lena_ ,” she let out an awed whisper as Lena carried it closer. There was an odd expression on Kara’s face, shock and wonder blurring into something else, something…. powerful, something revelatory. Lena had never seen such an expression, not even in media. She’d seen surprise morph into dawning wonder and then joy, but she’d never seen the like of Kara’s expression. She looked…. She looked like she’d found all the answers to the universe in the flower in Lena’s hands.

“That’s from Krypton.”

And Lena’s world came to an abrupt halt. Well, that would actually make a lot of sense, she rationalised as she stared down at the flower in her hands, unwilling to look at Kara and see the realisation on her face. Because if Lena was growing flowers in her lungs, and grew an extinct flower from another planet, then it could only be one person, well, technically two, but she wouldn’t go near Clark Kent with a bargepole.

Lena kept quiet, certainly her heart was doing all of the speaking necessary. She felt kind of lightheaded and maybe a little sick. A trembling hand passed by her vision, gently, ever so gently, touching the petals of the flower and Kara choked on a sob.

“Lena,” Kara’s speaking of her name was a strangled whine and it was so startling that Lena had to glance up at her, afraid to look in her eyes and see the rejection, but agonisingly curious as to what could make Kara make a sound like that.

Kara was staring at her like she’d never seen her before, eyes glowing a bright blue beyond her glasses. She wasn’t smiling, but she wasn’t frowning. Instead her expression was… searching… and Lena swallowed, aware that Kara could see into her soul and see the hesitant woman behind the mask, behind the power suit, shyly reaching out to her, petrified of rejection but filled with longing. Her heart was hammering in her chest, shockwaves of its strength rippling through her blood stream and her lungs strained for air.

“ _Lena_ ,” Kara breathed and she let out a huff and then she was smiling, a symphony of realisation and joy and wonder all combining in a dawning across her face. It was the rainbow after a storm, the sunrise after a dark night. It made Lena’s heart shake. She rubbed absently at her chest, frozen as her heart roared and shook, and she couldn’t breathe.

“I love you.” Kara confessed in wonder, almost surprised by her own confession but she didn’t falter, instead she was gazing at Lena with a soft awe, as though Lena existed purely for her to gaze upon, as though she were the most sublime creation in all of the universe, as though the stars, the sun, the moon, all were dwarfed by how mesmerising she found Lena.

It _hurt_ to be gifted such a look, from someone who deserved entire worlds when Lena could only ever give herself, and Kara’s face in her vision was shining while the rest of it was going grey.

“I love you,” Kara repeated and there was no hesitation, no wonder, just absolute certainty, and love.

Lena, who had longed for those words for years, promptly fainted, though it wasn’t just from the shock of it.

She came around slowly, body resting on something warm and hard, with arms around her.

“You scared me,” Kara whispered the moment she roused, and Lena blinked a while, trying to unscramble her brain. Oh, she’d fainted.

How?

Reaching up she felt the mask over her mouth and rolled her eyes at her own foolishness. Of course, she’d fainted. Her lungs were struggling enough as it was, and she hadn’t been wearing the face mask to offset the strain. Oops.

“Kara?” She rasped and reached up to move the mask but Kara was glaring at her.

“Don’t you dare remove it! I don’t want you to faint on me again!”

Lena glared back at her but gave a little huff and tried to gain her bearings.

She was lying mostly on Kara, cuddled into her lap while the flower was cradled against them both and Kara had her arms around her. She tried to shift out of Kara’s lap, but arms of steel tightened and kept her in place and Lena hesitated before sagging. She was self-conscious of her weight but knew that it wouldn’t bother Kara, still.

So….. did she comment on what Kara had said before she fainted, or did she just…. Avoid it and hope it was never brought up because she wasn’t sure what to think and now that Kara knew the truth, what was she going to do?

To her surprise, and she’d find out later that she had Eliza to thank for her bluntness, Kara bit the bullet.

“I have Hanahaki too.”

Lena leant back so fast she was certain even Kara couldn’t see it and stared at her friend aghast.

“What?! Who?!” And this was fantastic news! Kara was in love! And then it was tragic news. Someone she loved didn’t love her back. And then rage overtook the shock. How dare the person Kara loved not love her back! It was far easier to ignore her own disease when Kara had it. Lena wasn’t important, but Kara, Kara was everything.

Eyes narrowed Lena looked at Kara, who had a goofy, war-ending, sickness-healing smile lighting her from the inside.

“For a genius you can be really dumb,” Kara shook her head fondly at her, and she was still beaming. Lena almost needed sunglasses to hide from the brightness of Kara’s smile, but another part of her wanted to soak up Kara’s joy, a plant to the sun.

“I coughed up my first flower the night after we fought,” Kara told her softly, eyes seeking Lena’s and holding them. “I knew I’d never be able to change your mind and I-“ she cut herself and her shaky exhale fanned Lena’s face. “I knew that you were going to die and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.” She finished and her swallow was audible, tears shining in her eyes.

“ _Kara_ ,” Lena began, and Kara shook her head. Lena fell reluctantly silent. She didn’t like intimacy, didn’t like sharing, and she didn’t like doing it now, out in the open and in the daylight. There was safety in talking at night, in the cold and unknown comfort of darkness. It was easier to bare her soul to the woman she loved when she didn’t have to see her reactions.

“I knew that I didn’t want to live without you, and…. I coughed up the first petal then.”

Kara’s arms tightened and Lena wrapped her own arms around Kara, trying to be mindful of the plant between them, but it was an afterthought to Kara.

Did she dare to believe what Kara was telling her? Her traitorous heart was doing cartwheels, dancing through the bone amphitheatre of her chest and throwing ribbons of rainbows all through the sky, the music in her heart was joyous and bright.

Kara wouldn’t lie to her, would she? Part of Lena was desperate for it to be the truth, but two decades of abuse and conditioning did not a loud voice make, and her doubts and fears threatened to drown her.

Kara was only telling her this because she was dying, because she had seen the final flower and known that Lena was in love with her. She was doing what Kara always did, saving her.

“My disease progressed much faster than yours,” Kara told her and Lena wanted to bury her head in Kara’s neck, hide from the world and take comfort in the presence of her best friend. But she didn’t deserve Kara’s comfort, not when Kara was trying to spare her a gruesome death, when she was trying to convince herself that she loved Lena more than a friend, that she could love her in the way Lena longed for.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

And she wasn’t sure she 100% believed what Kara was telling her, because Kara could have anyone she smiled at, and they’d be honoured to be loved by her and would spend the rest of forever trying to be worthy of her laugh, to earn her smile, to bask in her love.

“Because you were in love with someone else,” Kara said simply and leant forward to press her forehead against Lena’s. The angle was a little awkward, but they made it work.

“As though I could ever love someone that wasn’t you,” Lena confessed, and how could she not? Kara knew the truth now, knew that each and every flower Lena had choked on had been because of her, because Lena was helplessly and irrevocably in love with her. Stupid physical manifestation of feelings. There was no denying it now.

Kara gave a little chuckle; it was a bit wet, and heavy with unrestrained emotion.

“Eliza told me I was being stupid, that even if you didn’t love me, then I wasn’t losing anything by telling you but-“

“You thought I was in love with someone else,” Lena finished, and Kara was so blind sometimes. She was a bit offended to be called dumb, to be honest, when Kara was the smartest person she knew and had no idea that she was Lena’s everything.

Kara gave a little hum.

With her eyes closed Lena could pretend it was night, that she was curled up with Kara in her bed and talking about someone else, and it gave her the courage to continue. That and Kara’s hand pressed against the back of her head, keeping her close and making her feel protected and cared for.

“You thought it was Sam.”

“Can we-can we, like, not tell her?” Kara asked quietly, and Lena liked the idea of ‘we’, even if it was a lie.

“She’s known for weeks.”

Kara gave a little, contented hum. “Mh, I figured as much. Explains why she yelled at me.”

And picturing her friend yelling at Kara made her smile. She really didn’t deserve Sam. She didn’t deserve any of this, and the thought made her stiffen.

“Hey,” Kara’s voice was gently but layered with warning. “What’s going on in that big brain of yours?”

Was honesty a side-affect of Hanahaki? Which made all of her inhibitions fade and confess to all the shadows in her heart and ask Kara to love them anyway? Or maybe it was that she was just so tired, so ready for the end that she wasn’t afraid of sharing anymore.

“This isn’t real. You can’t- you can’t love me,’ she whispered and turned her head into Kara’s shoulder, trying to hide from the world, from Kara.

“You don’t get to decide that,” Kara replied, and her voice was saddened, not angry. “You don’t get to decide how I feel about you.”

Lena shook her head, tears leaking from between her lids. She didn’t deserve Kara loving her, didn’t deserve to have any part of Kara’s light, when all she was, was a shadow. Light cast away shadows, it didn’t illuminate them, didn’t love them.

Kara was silent for a long while as Lena’s silent tears dampened Kara’s shirt.

“Do you- will you let me go and get something?”

And that was it, Kara was leaving, wasn’t she? And she wasn’t going to come back. Lena shook but slowly loosened her arms. She’d never beg anyone to stay with her, not again, and she’d never ask it of Kara, because Kara would stay.

“I’m coming back,” Kara breathed into her hair and Lena slowly slid from her lap, looking away and folding her arms around herself.

“Lena,” she reached down, fingers gentle as they guided Lena’s chin around and up. She was blocking out the sun, so Lena didn’t need to squint, but the brightness was enough to make her twitch away.

“I’m coming back. I promise. Okay?”

Lena glanced up into Kara’s eyes, earnest and hopeful, warm and soft, and gave a little nod. She took a breath. She believed in Kara like nothing else.

“Hold this,” Kara gently placed the flower into her arms and then she was gone in a blur.

Lena slowly got to her feet and, clutching the plant like a life-line, a symbol of Kara’s promise to return, walked over to her abandoned drink. It was a little warmer now, and the condensation on the cup mixed with the dirt on her hands for a muddy print.

Grimacing she lowered her mask a moment to take a long pull and untied her mask. She didn’t want a barrier between them, for good or worse.

A gust of wind announced Kara’s return and Lena slowly turned to face her, worried about what she might find, but at least in knowing there was truth. The unknown was scary.

But she needed to be here for this, needed to look Kara in the eyes as she offered her, her soul.

Lena didn’t deserve it, but she’d be damned if she didn’t give it her all.

Kara was standing awkwardly a few feet from her, far enough away and yet not close enough, she was shielding something in her hands and Lena glanced down at it before being caught by Kara’s eyes.

“I…”Kara hesitated and she was looking so very shy and unsure, but there was hope curling her lips, love shining in her eyes. “Here.” And she held out a very familiar flower, one Lena would know anywhere by sight and by scent.

It’s petals were split into five, curling in the edges in bright, vibrant white, and in the centre was a golden sun. It was the most photogenic Frangipani she’d ever seen.

“Plumeria’s… they can mean a lot of things… but I prefer the promise of a bond and love between two people.”

Lena slowly reached out and accepted the flower, gazing at it and darting to look at Kara.

“ _Lena_ ,” Kara took a hesitant step forward as Lena raised the flower to her nose. It smelt just the way it should and part of her purred at the pleasant smell. It never ceased to remind her of Kara, and maybe that was fate or something similar.

“I-,” Kara’s gulp was audible and she wet her lips nervously. “I love you, am in love with you, and it would be an honour to spend the rest of my life proving that you never need to beg anyone to love you ever again, because I do.” She let out a little, weak laugh, a disbelieving huff but her words were strong, and her smile even stronger as she shrugged, helpless in the face of her confession. “I love you with all that I am.”

Lena’s heart was thumping in her chest, joyously singing and dancing to a music that only played when she was around Kara.

And…. Kara having Hanahaki for her was a bit more…substantial than just a confession. It was almost enough for her to believe, almost enough for her to drown out the voices in her head, to swallow the doubt that lingered, to chase away the feelings of unworthiness. But still…

“I know it isn’t going to be easy, but…” Kara hesitated and took another partial step closer, and she slowly took of her glasses, tucking them into her collar.

And Lena had always loved Kara without her glasses, especially once she knew the truth, because Kara would go shy and nervous and hesitant, almost afraid now that she didn’t have a shield protecting her from the world, and Lena loved that she trusted her enough, was comfortable enough with her to be that vulnerable, to be Kara.

“I… I want to try,” and her voice and hand was shaking as it slowly crossed the scant space between them to flirt with her skin.

Lena’s heart was roaring at her, telling her to go for it, to accept the gift she’d been given, but her head was snarling back, telling it that Kara’s love couldn’t be real, because if it was, what did that make Lena? Because only someone good and kind and smart and without the Luthor darkness that seemed to cling to Lena could be loved by Kara. And Lena… Lena wasn’t any of those things. She was smart, yes, but she was kind because she had to be, she had to make up for what her family had done, and she was generous on the same vein, because how else would she be a good person unless she gave herself away in penance?

“Kara,” Lena’s eyes burned and she swallowed, tongue darting out to moisten her lips. “I can’t- you don’t-“

“Do you think I cuddle with all of my friends?” Kara’s voice was a soft whisper between them, a puff of air over her lips that made them tingle.

Lena trembled and felt the walls around her heart shudder in response.

“Do you think I take them into bed and hold them in my arms?”

Kara’s touch grew firmer and her palm slid deliciously soft over Lena’s skin and across her jaw, a thumb coming out to trace Lena’s parted lips.

“Do you think that I could feel for anyone else what I feel for you?”

And Lena let a tear fall from an eye, blinking slowly at Kara, looking at her in awestruck wonder, almost daring to believe.

“I love you,” Kara repeated, voice cracking even though her voice was a whisper. Lena’s blood was racing through her veins, singing and shouting and dancing in a way that only happy people could.

“You’ll never have to beg, not for something so freely and willingly given. You have my heart. My love. All of me.”

And the last vestiges of reluctance melted away. Did she deserve this? No, she really didn’t. But would she try every day to be worthy of what Kara was willingly giving her? She’d spend the rest of her life striving to bring a smile to Kara’s lips, to pull a laugh from her eyes, to be worthy of her love.

“Okay,” she breathed and smiled up at Kara, who had frozen at her words and then come alive, and in that moment a second sun had graced Earth, because Kara glowed, radiated absolute joy and love.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Lena agreed with a little, nervous nod and then Kara was laughing, a wonderous, exuberant sound and guided Lena closer.

Her heart hammered at the closeness, but Kara wasn’t angling for a kiss, and somehow it made it better when she pressed their heads together.

It was a little awkward, with Lena still holding her pot with one hand, curled against her body to brace it, and the flower with her other, but they managed.

“I love you,” Lena admitted, and it cost her nothing to confess, not when Kara’s smile pulled wider, almost giddily so.

“I love you, too. Khap :zhao rrip.”

Lena mouthed the words before smiling and she wasn’t even self-conscious. It was just her and Kara, and she’d never shy away from anything that Kara made her feel, never make Kara feel as though her love wasn’t enough, even if Lena would still struggle with it.

One of Kara’s arms was loose around her, the other cupping her cheek and keeping her close.

“Khap :zhao rrip,” Lena repeated quietly, carefully, and while she wasn’t sure she got the pronunciation right, Kara’s answering smile was blinding. In that moment she resolved to learn Kryptonese as soon as possible, even if she had to go and talk to Clark Kent about it, she’d do anything to see the smile on Kara’s face as she talked to her in her mother tongue.

Kara repeated the words to her, tumbling them all into a giant mess as she said them through her smile, over and over and over again.

Eventually the blinding, overwhelming joy settled into something calmer, something softer, something easy and Lena let out a sigh, nuzzling into Kara’s neck and wrapping the arm that held the flower around her.

Kara placed a kiss on the top of her head. “I love you.”

Lena turned her head, grateful she’d removed the mask because it allowed her to feel Kara’s warm skin under her lips, feel the way Kara’s heart raced beneath them and she smiled. She wasn’t kissing her yet, she wanted to make sure it was okay first, but she was resting her lips against Kara’s skin, content and happy and safe.

Inhaling she felt her lungs strain and wondered if she’d faint again, but at least Kara would catch her. The thought made her smile before she realised she was being the typical damsel, swooning, and then she scowled.

“What are you thinking?” Kara held her tighter, and the plant between them protested but neither of them cared.

“You made me swoon,” she mumbled, a little embarrassed but not willing to hide the truth. Kara paused before she started to chuckle, and it was a beautiful thing, starting low in her belly and bursting from her. Lena smugly pressed even closer, stupidly pleased to be able to make Kara laugh like that.

“Mh,” Kara let out a little happy sigh and they stayed there like that, embracing contentedly, for a long while, until Lena started to pant. Groaning she pulled back and Kara was already looking at her worriedly, hand on her cheek and eyes searching.

“Mask,” Lena said simply and could see Kara’s confusion, frustration, and then she looked sad.

“Love isn’t a cure-all, Kara,” Lena explained and really, her flowers weren’t going to magically vanish with a single love confession. From her research Lena knew that she had to believe it, truly and wholly believe it, and even Kara wasn’t enough to erase decades of manipulation and neglect, but she was a good place to start. Lena trusted her enough to let her in, to let her prove her love, to convince Lena it was real, and that had to be enough.

Suddenly feeling playful Lena brought the flower to her lips and gave it a little kiss, eyes on Kara’s the entire time. Kara’s lips parted and her eyes were intense, and Lena gently laid the flower over her lips, pressing it there with intent. Kara’s lashes fluttered and her smile was goofy at the kiss Lena had just given her.

She took the flower without prompting and Lena could feel her eyes on her as she walked back to the table put the pot down. With a well-practiced moved Lena pulled the mask over her head and breathed as deeply as she could for a moment, feeling Kara come up behind her.

“I love you,” Kara said, and Lena got the feeling she was saying it just because she could. The thought made her giddy, glowy, and she wondered how it were possible to feel so…. golden when she was a shadow.

Kara’s arms came around her and Lena leant back into the embrace, asking for more and Kara willingly tightened her arms.

Spinning in her embrace Lena looked up at Kara, who she didn’t think had stopped smiling, and felt a smile of her own rise in response.

“Hi,” she whispered, snuggling in closer and if this was heaven, Lena never wanted to leave.

Kara kissed her forehead and Lena’s eyes closed at the gesture. “Hi.”

One of Kara’s hands moved and Lena opened her eyes curiously as she felt something at her ear and Kara’s eyes were narrowed in concentration as she placed the frangipani behind her ear before giving a little satisfied nod.

“Goof,” Lena smiled, and Kara beamed back at her.

“Have I told you, lately, that I love you?”

Lena let out a little chuckle, even as her heart twirled at the words. “Only thirty seconds ago.”

Kara gave a thoughtful hum, expression taking on exaggeration consideration and she gave a little nod. “That won’t do. I love you!” And Lena was feeling playful, giddy and high and floaty so she reached up and linked her arms behind Kara’s neck, who went still at their proximity and swallowed, looking a little nervous.

“Do I make you nervous?” Lena smiled as she toyed with a few strands of Kara’s hair.

Kara gulped, eyes wide but gave a little, breathless agreement. “Yes.”

“Why’s that?” Lena purred, delighting in the affect she was having on Kara, who’s hand’s constricted at Lena’s tone. Oh, yes, this was going to be fun. Teasing Kara was one thing, turning Kara into puddle of goo was another, and Lena ached to see how long it would take, and how responsive Kara would be.

“I love you and you’re so smart and pretty and funny and I like how you look at me like I’m everything and it always makes me feel important when you give me your attention and-“

Lena cut Kara’s rambling off with kiss, ripping her mask off one side and letting it dangle down her jaw line.

Her kiss hadn’t landed anywhere unwelcome, just at the corner of Kara’s mouth, but the ragged inhale the blonde gifted her with was telling and Lena slowly, ever so slowly, giving Kara plenty of time to change the angle, turned her head and pressed her lips to Kara’s.

Kara’s shaky exhale was caught by Lena’s lips and she pressed them a little firmer, testing the boundaries. Kara’s enthusiasm, once she registered what was happening, was comparable to her enthusiasm for pot stickers. Tilting her head, Kara leant in and kissed her properly, nothing chaste about it. Lena was, selfishly, delighted. Of all the things Kara would show confidence in, she hadn’t thought it would be kissing, and smugly lost herself in the taste and shape of Kara’s mouth.

It took less time than expected, for her lungs to strain and her limbs to become heavy, and Kara was the first to pull away, their pants colliding in the air between them before Kara reached around and replaced Lena’s mask.

Lena pouted, as ineffective as it was behind the mask, because while she really needed to breathe properly, she was quite happy with her previous situation.

Kara’s eyes crinkled and she ducked her head to place a kiss on the top of Lena’s nose, letting out a very happy sigh. Lena’s pout melted away and she soaked up the affection.

“I love you,” she said, and she said it like a promise. Kara’s eyes shone with love and she ducked her head again, and Lena curled up into the shelter of her embrace, warm, happy, and loved.

She would listen to Kara, try to believe her when she said she loved her, when she said that she had a beautiful heart, a kind soul.

Love wasn’t a cure all. It took time and effort, but Kara was in it for the long haul. Day by day, and with gesture of unconditional love and support, the buds growing in Lena’s lungs slowly faded, leaving her body as it had once been. Lena never had to beg anyone to love her again, and though Kara would grow concerned whenever she caught a sniffle, the flowers never returned. How could they grow when the only thing Lena could feel for Kara was love?

*cark- it. Australian and New Zealand slang for die. Which I thought was a nice touch, considering she did go to boarding school in Aus. Must have been a bit of a culture shock lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thats all folks. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed it! I think this work is my favourite thing I've ever written and I'm flattered by the feedback. This has been a wild ride and I've thoroughly enjoyed it :D 
> 
> Look out for my contribution to the SuperCorp Big Bang in a few weeks, and I'll see you all at the next fic!
> 
> Thank you for the Kudos and Comments!
> 
> Mwah! <3


	21. Epilogue: The Wedding

The wedding of the century, by **Cat Grant** , _CatCo_

There is an island nestled in the Atlantic Sea, small, secluded, and private. A home away from home. Sheltered in between palm fronds and white beaches is a luxurious modern house made of wood and glass, with stone accents and sleek décor. It has a pool, jacuzzi, pool table, spacious kitchen, several guest rooms and bathrooms, and a decadent master bedroom overlooking a well maintained lawn.

A white dog plays there, a toddler chasing it with glee while adults keep a watchful eye over them both and greet each other as more guests arrive.

It’s a private affair, less than two dozen guests in attendance, and most had to be flown in by helicopter from a larger island near-by. The intimacy of the guest list does not lessen the formality of the occasion.

The men are dapper in suits, and the women are radiant in their own formal wear, even Clark Kent and Lois Lane-Kent’s boy, Jonathan, has his own suit tucked away somewhere, currently avoiding the grass stains of play. And it is a strange guest-list indeed. Years in the past, and indeed, less than five, would have seen Luthor, Lane, and Kent at each other’s throats, or at least, at Lena’s, but love binds them all.

Included in the guest list are doctors, aliens, and time-travellers, a mix of people and professions all coming together for two women; Kara Danvers, and Lena Luthor.

Neither woman can be found, so close to the time, and I have had the pleasure of viewing Kara before she walks down the aisle, her sister Alex at her side. The guesthouse is a few minutes’ walk from the main house, the path clear and defined, and is in miniature of the main house.

Kara is radiant, laughing, happier than she has ever been, and for any who know Kara Danvers, soon to be Luthor-Danvers, that is saying something. Kara has her sister, sister-in-law and mother with her, and there is no place for me. I have no place in tearful reminders of family lost, and, indeed, find the high emotions of a wedding day to be exhausting, and make my retreat up to the main house.

There is no less chaos there. Lena’s friend and former assistant Jess, and now COO of LCorp, runs a tight-ship and there is no doubt both brides will be at the isle on time, even if she has to drag them there herself. Samantha Arias, Lena’s long-time friend and Best-Woman, who is also walking her down the aisle, is wearing a sleek black suit for the occasion, and rolls her eyes at me as I hover at the door.

Lena isn’t dressed yet, nor was Kara, but she has her make-up done and she’s looking beautiful, with an inner peace so rarely seen in the busy woman’s life. It occurs to me that I don’t think I’ve ever seen Lena Luthor this happy, and I am beyond happy to see it.

Lena’s hair and make-up artists finalise as I linger, and with pleased smiles they take their leave and Lena eyes the white bag containing her wedding dress.

As she stands she catches my eye and raises a devastatingly attractive eyebrow. “Cat. Has my wife-to-be done a runner yet?’

She says this in response to many of the worlds media throwing her and Kara’s relationship under the proverbial bus, and warning Kara to run from the last Luthor standing. Not that it would ever happen, I can personally confirm that Kara Danvers is Lena Luthor’s most devout believer, and that was before the Disease that threatened to rob the world of the brilliant philanthropist and scientist.

It became common knowledge a little over a year ago, that an increasingly ill looking Lena Luthor was dying because of fictional Disease, Hanahaki. Since she never succumbed to death, and the joyous occasion I am present for, I can attain that the woman Lena was in love with was Kara, and after a lot of pining, the two of them finally got their act together. I’ll take a moment to say now, that they are extraordinarily well suited, and have a love and bond not often found between two people.

‘I’m certain she’s eaten the buffet,’ Sam comments as she unzips the dress and we all share a laugh. Kara’s appetite is well documented, especially when she is nervous. I’m told the chef’s had strict instructions to double the food order for the guesthouse and to not let the plates run out, though it may just have been Kent poking fun at his cousin.

And this family has talent. Lena is famously known, but Kara is one of CatCo’s own Pulitzer prize winners in attendance, the other is Nia Nal, and even Lois Lane, of Daily Planet infamy, is here, husband of Kent, who is Kara’s cousin. It is truly a small world. Lane’s sister, a US Army Major was speaking to the Martian known as J’onn, who once headed the DEO when I arrived, and there is another alien who will show up to give her regards. Supergirl assured me she would be present, but I have yet to see the hero who had helped pull these two remarkable women, and people, together.

‘As long as she fits her dress,’ Lena laughs and from the look she shoots Sam, I know it is a conversation the two have had already.

‘I’m still not telling you what it looks like. And I didn’t tell her what yours looks like.’

It is all in good fun, casual jibes between friends and I take my leave. I’d like the full effect of the dresses when they walk down the aisle.

Out on the lawn there are white chairs, ‘pick a chair, not a side,’ was what I had been told, and it is soon obvious that Luthor’s family, namely her mother, isn’t present. Instead she has Jess, Sam, and Sam’s daughter, Lena’s god-daughter, Ruby to stand with her.

The two will take their vows under an arc, lathered with flowers of bright white with yellow in the centre, and if any colours should represent this wedding, it is those. The sun is setting when we are all asked to take our places, and it provides the most glorious backdrop leading down to the ocean.

There are smiles all around as everyone takes their places, and James Olsen, award-winning photographer and close friend of the couple, has his camera ready. He had refused to give up his camera for this event, though had been made to promise to get in some of the photos later.

Kara is first down the aisle, grinning so wildly it almost hurts to look at her, and she looks radiant.

Her dress is long but simple, with lace around the bodice, along her shoulders and down her arms. Her hair is up and there is silver glinting at her ears and neck, simple yet elegant.

Alex Danvers is also wearing a suit, though I am told neither her nor Sam co-ordinated their looks to match the brides dress.

Kara is nearly vibrating when Lena arrives and if there is any doubt of the love these two share, let it be waved away with the look in their eyes as Lena walked up the aisle.

Luthor has never been known for overt displays of emotion, instead her smile starts at her eyes as she gazes at Kara.

She looks ethereal in her dress, and it is simple as well, and I suspect this falls fashion may follow a similar trend when these photos go public. There are little diamantes in her dress and they curl around her waist and over her bodice where they wink as she walks.

Kent has been given the honour of marrying them both, and he is teary-eyed as he speaks the words of vow in Kara’s native tongue. Kara is a second-generation immigrant to the United States, adopted by the Danvers’ when she was a girl after her parents’ death.

Kara replies in kind, and then begins to cry when Lena answers her own vows, asked by Kent in English, in the same language, and few spouses have time to learn a new language as well as run one of the largest companies in the world.

There is not a moist eye in the audience when the vows are finalised, and I should like to state, for the record, that sand had caught my eye and that was why I had to touch it. I was not crying, Lane.

After there is only joy and laughter and the guests linger with each other, completely at ease and there is delicious food to be had. Stories are shared, and I learnt more about the mutual pining the two had for each other, long before they went public, and @the CatCo betting pool, I’ll take my money as soon as you come into work on Monday. There are a few embarrassing stories, mostly featuring an oblivious Kara who suspected, much to their amusement, Sam and even her own sister of being the object of Lena’s affections. Kelly, Alex’s wife, takes it in her stride and we must remember that this woman saw pictures of Alex with Lena after buying lingerie and merely laughed it away.

The guests take turns speaking, and Luthor and Danvers, or Luthor-Danvers’ as I should call them, only have eyes for each other, their hands interlinked. There is more laughter, some tears, and then the two are ready for their dance.

At this Kara speaks to Lena quietly and then someone presses a button. A previously unnoticed square on the ground lights up, and a band materialises, literally. (and LCorp will be going public with the technology later in the year, the article is to come)

A twinkling sound, one you’d expect from a Disney movie, heralds a piano and Lena has to laugh.

‘You didn’t!’

Kara smiles at her, and there are no words from the band, and Kara starts to sing.

‘You’re in my arms and all the world is calm,’

(The song is ‘So close’ by John McLaughlin, though I am told that Lena Luthor-Danvers now owns the rights to it, a gift from her wife).

And I hadn’t realised my former assistant could sing, but sing she can, and dance. The two women twirl softly, lost in each other and I did shed a tear.

After their dance, another guest appears from the garden. Though initially greeted with suspicion, she and Lena have a talk and finally embrace, though Lillian Luthor does not stay. The relationship between mother and daughter has improved since Lena had first been diagnosed, and I am made aware that Lillian had pushed her daughter into confessing, apparently she had stumbled upon them both and decided that Kara was suitably smitten.

Quick to steal a dance is Samantha, who ends up having to share with her teenage daughter, and so it goes, though Kara and Lena seem to gravitate back to one another soon enough. There is no sign in Lena of the Disease that had almost claimed her life, and indeed, she has confessed that within a few weeks the growths on her lungs had started to fade, and she had managed to find a way to restore her lungs back to their former glory.

By dusk there are happy, tipsy guests, and laughter has been the staple of the night. When I make my way to the happy couple they are talking quietly, an envelope Lillian Luthor had left shared between them, and Kara tells me that Lillian had given her blessing, something that has seemed to shock them both. I am not alone in thinking that Lillian had given her seal of approval, and I know how much it meant to Lena.

As I take my leave I see the two embracing under the stars, the light of the moon casting a beam over the ocean beyond them, and Kara has placed a flower in Lena’s hair. Her words are lost to Lena’s laugh and replying kiss, and there are calls for the brides to ‘get a room already’ amid cheering and jeering. The two are holding hands as they re-join their family, eyes only for each other and for the happiness they have created.

As I leave earshot I am struck with a certainty; the world isn’t ready for what these two incredible women can accomplish together.

To Mrs and Mrs Kara and Lena Luthor-Danvers, I wish you the best and all the happiness in the world. Life is a journey made brighter by the people with us, and your love will light the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thats it for The Crimson Bloom :D
> 
> Thanks for reading! And I'll see you at the next one!


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